SERIES : CRUSH
PAIRING THIS PART: mainly Angel
POV aka angst
RATING : R
SPOILERS : Buffy season 5
episode “Crush” and Angel/Buffy season 2/5.
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters. Nor do I own “Physical” (Nine Inch Nails).
NOTES & WARNINGS : bloodplay
and craziness
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I slowly wake; and realize it’s
almost dusk and I’m starving. A morning filled with passionate lovemaking can
really make you tired and hungry. We slept the afternoon away, so the hunger is
all that’s left. I can feel him begin to stir and I wonder if the honeymoon is
over. I wonder if he will stake me before I feed, because I won’t change. I
kill. If he can’t accept that, he can either turn a blind eye or one of us will
die. And I can’t kill my Darling Boy, so I guess it will be me.
She’s awake. I know it. She’s
curled up in my arms and I don’t think I’ve ever felt as good as I do right
now. I slowly move my fingers back and forth, rubbing her back. She moans
softly and I feel her lips on my chest. “Morning.” I whisper.
“It’s not morning anymore.”
I open my eyes and she looks up.
“I guess not.” I lean down and our lips touch softly. I bury my nose in her
hair; she still smells like the rain.
He inhales deeply from my hair
and then begins to sit up. I unwrap myself from him, expecting a stake from
under the bed, or a knife through my neck. “Where are they?” He asks.
“Who?”
“My insolent childe and your
crazy sire.”
“Safe. Elsewhere.”
“Away from me.” He seems upset
as he stands up and grabs his pants.
“I couldn’t take any chances. I
wasn’t sure what you’d do after… after everything that happened.”
“Call them. Get them here.”
He hands me his cell phone and I
dial the number to Dru’s cell phone. Amazing things they are. “Hello?”
“Spike? It’s Darla.”
“How’d it go?”
“Can you meet us at the hotel?”
“Sure. What happened?”
“I’m not sure. Just bring Dru.”
*~*~*~*~*
I hang up the phone and look at
my beautiful Goddess. “What did Grandmummy want?”
“We’re to meet her and Peaches
at the hotel. Do you know where that is?”
“No. But the moon does. Is
Angelus mean? I don’t wish to be on fire again, it was quite unpleasant.” She’s
scared. She has every right to be. Angelus was never the nicest person to her.
She was born out of obsession; and when he had had his fill of her, he tossed
her aside. And she stayed on the side until she asked for a playmate. That’s
when I was born. That’s my purpose. I was made to love her.
“I won’t let him be mean to you,
Luv. Not without a fight.”
“Do you think Daddy will be
home?”
“I don’t know, Pet. I just don’t
know.”
I look at my William. He’s so
handsome, like a white carrot, all new and shiny. “I shall prepare Miss.
Edith.” I stand up and walk towards where she is sitting. She’s scared. “It’s
alright,” I pick her up. “You’ll need a new dress to see Daddy. Daddy never
liked me to be dirty.”
I feel Spike’s arms around me
and he kisses my neck. “Shall we feed on the way?”
“Yes,” I nod. “My tummy’s
grumbling.”
*~*~*~*~*
I sat on the bed and watched as
he swept up the glass that broke. Then he put a silk shirt on. He’s sitting in
the chair tying his boots on right now, and he’s looking at me.
“What?” I ask him.
“You’re so beautiful.” I smile.
“And there’s nothing I’d like more than to stare at you laying naked in my bed,
but you should get dressed. They’ll be here soon.”
I stand up and find my dress and
shoes that he placed at the end of the bed when he cleaned up. I stare at the
door for a minute. “You’ll need a new door.”
“I don’t know. It opens the room
up a little more.”
“So would knocking out the wall,
but that doesn’t mean you should leave it.”
He stands up and walks towards
me and I half expect him to shove me through the window behind me. Instead, he
wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. He buries his face in my
neck and places tiny kisses along my collarbone. “I forgot that you were always
such a neat freak.”
“Not a neat freak. Just because
I don’t like when bodies pile up, doesn’t mean I’m a neat freak.” He laughs and
I continue. “*You* were the neat freak. Always so meticulous so as not to mess
up a shirt.”
“Well, can you blame me?
Bloodstains are such a bitch to wash out. Even with bleach.”
I laugh and pull away from him.
I slip my dress on and he growls softly to himself. “What’s gonna happen?” I
ask him.
An excellent question, My Love.
One I don’t have an answer to.
Chapter 10 :
the Burn
I grab my duster and look back
at her. She’s simply breathtaking in that red dress, or she would be if I had a
breath. “I’ll meet you downstairs when they get here.”
“Where are you going?” She asks
as I walk towards the door. “ANGELUS! Where are you going?”
But I’m out the door and gone
before she even opens the bedroom door to follow me. I open the door to the
roof and walk out. I can smell the exact spot where I took her. The rain can
wash away a lot, but it can’t wash away the scent of a woman. It can’t erase
the essence of a creature.
Neither can a soul.
*~*~*~*~*
“What do you feel like, Luv?”
She looks up at the stars and
grabs her head. “Falling. Falling. Down. Down. Down. Souls come falling,
crashing down. Burning. Fire! GET OUT! You’re not Daddy!” She starts crying and
I hold her. “You’re not Daddy! Daddy doesn’t hurt! Daddy doesn’t hurt little
girls!”
“Shh,” I take her in my arms and
hold her close. I rub her hair our her face and kiss her forehead. “Shh, He’s
not gonna hurt you, Dru. I won’t let him do that again, Luv. Not ever.” And I
hope and pray to gods I don’t believe in, that it’s true.
I suppose that
if she’s in this state of mind, she will *not* be up for a hunt. Best to get to
the hotel and meet our maker. Or whatever version of him we’ll have this time.
I can’t say that I’m looking forward to this but I don’t think Darla would lead
Dru and I to our deaths. Well, maybe she would me, but surely not her own sire.
Would she?
*~*~*~*~*
I’m waiting downstairs, like he
asked. I don’t know what will happen. Spike and Drusilla will be here soon
enough; and then we’ll know. I sit on the counter leafing through a few old
files and receipts. So many cases with Wolfram and Hart. He’s got too many of
them. I didn’t realize how much the lawyers had interfered with him. They deserved
what they got. And my boy knows it.
The door opens and Spike comes
in with his arms carrying a crying Drusilla. “What happened?” I ask.
“The stars. The moon. Who knows?
Something about Daddy and fire.”
“She hasn’t healed from the
fire.”
“She hasn’t healed from her
turning.” He snaps back. He’s always carried a secret hatred of me because I
let Angelus hurt Drusilla. As if I ever *let* Angelus do anything. When it
comes to killing, and most everything else, Angelus has a mind of his own.
“Grandmother!” She sees me and
stumbles. She clutches me as if I’m a life raft and she’s drowning. “He’s not
Daddy! Daddy doesn’t hurt. I’ve seen it! Burning, all over.” She’s desperate
about something. Sometimes I wish I knew what was going on in her mind.
The fire is coming. Can you hear
it? It’s screaming in my head and I can’t make it stop. It never stops. This
constant screaming and fighting inside. It makes me shake from the inside. I
can see him. He’s standing behind Grandmother with a match. “NOOOO!” I scream.
I try to make him stop. I try to will him to stop. But he won’t. “DADDY! YOU’RE
NOT DADDY!”
He looks so much like Daddy. But
Daddy never set me on fire.
*~*~*~*~*
I look out across the city. The
night has barely begun for half the creatures living here, yet most of the
humans are in bed by now. Eleven o’clock. Those that sleep, are in their beds.
They need sleep so they can wake up tomorrow and be human.
It’s funny. In my two hundred
and seventy-five years on this planet, I never really understood what being
human was. Maybe I just never took the time to contemplate what it meant to be
human. I was never much of one, anyway.
As a human, before I met Darla,
I wanted to be something more than human, anyway. I wanted to be someone who
was feared and respected.
Evil.
Even if I never was able to put
it into words, back then, it’s what I’d always wanted to be. I saw it
everywhere and I wanted the power that it had. As a child, I’d go home and get
beaten by my father and I’d listen to him beat my mother. I heard him rape my
sister one might. I’d like to say that I learned evil from him, but I can’t.
Even before him, I was hurting others, using others. Evil isn’t learned. It’s
inherent.
Once I was older, I took as many
lovers as I did drinks. I’d seduce her, fuck her, and leave her before dawn.
She’d see me the next day; and I’d kiss her and grabs her tits and have a great
time making her believe that it meant something. Then I’d toss her to a friend
of mine so I could seduce the next.
See, I was already evil, even
before the demon. I don’t know why that surprises me. All humanity is based on
evil. Society is. From the Romans to the Aztecs to modern society. Humanity
thrives on hate and anger.
Evil.
Because of evil, at least
because of the demonic form of it, there is a slayer. She exists to fight that
evil, whether it’s vampires or zombie-raising teenagers. There would be no need
for the slayer if there were no evil in the world. She’s connected to it.
But what is the slayer, really,
when you get right down to it? She’s another killer. The strength she has to
kill evil, it’s rooted *in* evil. So maybe she was originally created *by*
evil. Perhaps the original slayer was a demon hired to kill off a few offending
minions. But regardless of where she comes from, she is a hunter, brought here
to kill. She has no other purpose. Therefore, she is a part of the very thing
she was created to prevent.
Evil.
Evil will always win. Only one
slayer, chosen about every fifteen years, to fight that evil. In the meantime,
new vampires are made by the dozens every night. Mass production. There’s no
way to fight that. No way to fight the factory short of burning it down. But
the factory owners hold the water, so it goes on.
Even if somehow there was a way
to kill all the demons, evil would still exist. There is evil inside every
creature, whether it be demon, human or animal. That is why it’s so pointless
to fight it. I can’t escape its fingers. I can’t run from it any long.
I won’t. And I’m not sure I want
to.
I feel it. The
burn. Deep inside my being, screaming at me from within. It’s a call I haven’t
listened to for three years. I’ve heard it. I’ve even tried to scream back. But
it’s hopeless. Eventually, we’ve all got the burn.
~El Fin~
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