SERIES : CRUSH
PAIRING THIS PART: Angel/Darla
RATING : NC17
SPOILERS : Buffy season 5
episode “Crush” and Angel/Buffy season 2/5.
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these
characters. Nor do I own “Physical” (Nine Inch Nails).
NOTES & WARNINGS : bloodplay
and craziness
=====================================================================
I spring up and realize there’s
a storm outside. Lightning. Thunder. They both overload the senses so
completely. I could get lost just standing outside tonight. I stand up and go
upstairs, to the roof. It’s quiet up here, despite the crashing thunder. It’s
quiet and I’m able to feel nothing but the pain. This pain inside me. It feels
like something is breaking, like something inside me. Something is. It’s my
heart.
*~*~*~*~*
I open my eyes and he’s not with
me. My Darling Boy isn’t here. His clothes are here. His jacket it too, as are
his boots. But he’s missing. I hear the thunder outside. “Angelus?” I call softly.
I lay back for a while and just *feel* my body. It’s stretched and sated, used
and abused, wanted and loved. I’ll look for him in a little while.
*~*~*~*~*
I look out over the tops of
buildings. I wonder how many people are out there. How many hundreds of people
walk around ignorant to the threats of death? I wasted over a century feeling
sorry for them, four years *helping* them. And for what? For nothing. For the
realization that they like being angry and mean. They like being hateful. They
like yelling at each other and hurting each other. They like being evil and
destroying everything around them. I used to like that too.
“Angelus?” She asks as she steps
out of the door. “Why are you out here? It’s raining.”
“I used to like the rain.”
“I remember.” I whisper with a
smile. We used to kill in the rain. We used to do a lot in the rain. I look at
him standing there, arms crossed, naked as the day he was born. His hair is
matted to his head, as is mine now. It’s really pouring.
I’m trying to get a read on him.
Is it Angel? Is it Angelus? Or is it someone completely different?
“I used to feel compassion for
them. They walk around so oblivious to everything around them.” He says after a
few minutes. His voice is different. It’s not cold. It’s not caring. I don’t
know what it is. Indifferent?
“I know.” I say. Better not to
push. Best not to make a comment about the slaughters and murders that occur
because of their oblivion. I don’t think he needs that.
“I used to look down at the
street and feel some obligation, sworn duty, as a warrior of the good fight.”
He turns to me for the first time. “You know what I feel now?”
“What?”
“Nothing.” With that he
turns away and resumes looking at nothing. Did I do this? Did I finally ruin
him? I never wanted to do that, I just wanted him back. I still do.
I stand there, not touching him.
I’m not sure what I should do. I’m not sure there’s anything I can do. And this
mere fact hurts me. My boy is in pain, I can feel it. He says he feels nothing,
but that’s not true. It’s like his heart is breaking and there’s nothing I can
do. “Come inside.” I whisper and touch his shoulder. He pulls away from me.
“Angelus, come inside. It’s cold out here. You don’t need to get sick.”
“I don’t get sick. Vampires
don’t get sick.”
“Please? I’m cold.”
“I’m always cold, even in front
of a fire, it’s always so cold.” More silence. No motion.
*~*~*~*~*
“Dru?” I ask as she falls,
clutching her head. “Baby?”
“Angelus…” she whimpers. “Poor
Angelus, he tries but his heart won’t beat.”
“Dru, he doesn’t have a
heartbeat.”
“He can’t see beyond her.”
“Beyond who?”
“He tries, but he can’t see
anything but her.”
*~*~*~*~*
“What was it like?” He asks
after a long silence.
“What?”
“In the cellar.”
“It was bloody.”
“It smelled so rich.”
“Fear.” I reply. “All of them,
except for Lindsey.”
“Fifteen dead.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” I don’t
understand what he wants to know.
“Why not seventeen?”
“Humans need someone to take the
fall. And someone to replace Holland. I needed someone I could trust.”
“And
you trust Lindsey?”
“Completely.”
He turns to me. “He sold out his
own firm to me. Did you know that? He couldn’t handle the heat so he stepped
out of the flame. Then he went back to work the next day and got a promotion.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“So how can you trust him?”
“Because he’s a puppy. He wants
me. He’d lied to them to protect me. That’s not something you throw away.
Besides, I need him to keep an eye on things at Wolfram and Hart. I don’t walk
around blind. You know that.”
“You should have killed him.”
“Why?” I ask him. There’s
something different about him. He’s not hateful towards me. I thought he would
be.
“Because.” He says coldly.
“Why do you hate him so much?” I
ask. If he wants to ask questions, I will too. He turns away from me. Silence.
*~*~*~*~*
She licks her finger and holds
it up. “Tut, tut, it looks like rain.”
“It *is* raining, Dru.” I say
and she just giggles.
*~*~*~*~*
“Angel?” I ask. He’s too quiet.
“He’s ruthless.”
“Yes.”
“He doesn’t let anyone get in
the way of what he wants.”
“No one but you.”
He
turns back to me. “Me? I can’t stop them. I tried. I fight as hard as I can and
they come back at me ten times harder and stronger. So tell me, how am *I* in
the way of what he wants?”
“Because he wants *me* Angelus,
but I want *you*. From the first second I saw you in the bar, I’ve wanted you.”
“I hate him because he’s
everything I want to be. And I know that’s wrong, but I don’t care anymore, and
it hurts.”
He’s near tears and I put my
hand to his cheek. He leans into my touch. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt
you. I just wanted you back. I wanted *you*.”
“You’ve got me.” He slides his
arm around my waist and pulls me against him. “You’re the only thing that
matters.” He whispers as he pulls my back against his chest. He wraps his arms
around me and holds me as we look over the rooftops and the rain falls.
I’m holding her tight against me
and she feels so nice, so soft, and warm. Yes, she’s warm to me because I’ve
been so cold. I matter to her. I can look into her eyes and know I matter. I
need that right now. I need to matter. I need something to hold onto so I don’t
sink. The water is so deep and I’m drowning.
I hold her
tighter and she leans against me. I start kissing her wet hair and bury my nose
in it. I slowly kiss her ears and move down to her neck.
*~*~*~*~*
“Angelus is coming home, Spike.”
I say. I can feel it in my bones. I can see the stars, hear the moon, howling with
the rain. He’s coming home to us.
“What about the soul?” He asks.
“Souls jump down rabbit holes
and get lost in wonderland.”
*~*~*~*~*
He’s been softly kissing my neck
for what seems like forever. His hands have not moved from my around my stomach,
and it feels so nice to know he’s choosing to be with me.
I can feel him growing harder by
the second; and I’m sure that he can smell my desire, even in the rain. I reach
up and pull my hair out of the way for him and he sucks on my neck a little
harder. He’s a little harder. I undulate my hips a little and he moans softly
into my ear. “You taste so good, Darla. You smell so sweet. You smell like
rain.”
“Because we’re standing in the
rain.”
“Yesss…” he hisses into my ear
and sends a shiver down my spine. Suddenly, he spins me around and kisses me
slowly. “Remember Paris, My Love? We danced all night in the rain.”
“We killed that couple that were
making out in the park. Remember?” I ask. I’ve gotta push it. I *have* to know
who and what I’m dealing with. I have to know if I should be expecting a stake
in the heart the next time I fall asleep.
“I remember.” He kisses me hard,
licking my neck and collarbone. He runs his tongue over the scar in my neck
from Drusilla. “You walked right over to him and snapped his neck while his
tongue was still in her mouth.”
“Yesss… his hands were caught
inside her jacket, tangled in the ties of her dress.” His hands get greedy and
start pinching my nipples that have been hard since I first walked out in the
rain.
“I remember. She was so sweet.”
I can feel him gently thrusting his hips against mine, rubbing his cock against
my cunt. He’s always been such a tease.
“You were such a bad boy that
night.” I say as I wrap my hands around him and pull him close to me.
“You watched.”
“I got so wet watching you,
Lover.”
I feel his finger dancing near
my hardening clit. “You always did.”
“Even with William.” I add. I
have to know. He seems to be responding.
“Will.” He whispers before
sliding two digits inside me. “Will has been here, inside you, making love to
you. I can smell him all over you.”
“Dru and I went to Sunnydale.”
I’m expecting him to throw me over the edge of the building, but he doesn’t.
Instead, he thrusts his fingers in deeper. He works them in and out of me harder
and kisses me deeper. “We… I need a man. And you didn’t want me.”
“I want you now.” He says as he
pulls me down with him. “I want you on you back, spread open for me. Will you
do that for me, Darla?”
“I’ll do anything for you. You *know*
that.” I say and waste no time in doing that for him. He’s on his knees between
my legs. He licks his lips and looks down at me. I feel his fingers walking up
my thighs towards my sex. The rain falls upon us lightly. The storm must be
passing. I’m not sure exactly when the storm subsided. I’m not sure it ended,
it just passed.
“You’re so beautiful.” He
whispers. “You were always so beautiful. My perfect, willing slave.”
“Always.” I moan as he licks my
labia. “Oh God, please…”
She arches off the ground and
moans softly. The rain hits my back and washes over us both. The storm is over.
Choices have been made and there’s no going back. I don’t want to.
I kiss the soft folds that hide
the object of my desire. I’ve been too long denied these pleasures. The simple
taste of a woman. Fingers on my back. Muscles around my cock. Too long. I won’t
be denied. No more. I’m taking what I want. Want. Take. Have.
He straightens his tongue and
delves into my channel. The rain washes my tears away as I weep. He’s making
love to me. He sees me and he wants me. I hold his head to my cunt while he
slowly moves his tongue inside me.
Fingers in my hair, holding my
head. Too long. God I want this. I’ve been unselfish far too long.
“Angelussss…” I hiss as I come.
He laps at my juices as they flow freely from body. The rain washes it away. It
washes all of it away. The pain. The betrayal. The lies. It washes away
everything and we can just be us. Two people making love.
He slides up my body and kisses
me softly, nips at my lips and I open my mouth to his wandering tongue. He rubs
his entire body against mine and I’m on fire. I’ve never felt this before. I’ve
never felt so much heat coming from him. His entrance is slow and tantalizing.
He pushes little by little into my tightness until he is completely sheathed
inside.
She arches towards me and draws
me in deeper. “Yesss…” I whisper as she kisses me. Our tongues mingle, dancing
and teasing as she squeezes my cock. “Darla, sweet, Darla…” I chant as I start
to move inside her. I slowly stroke her. I’m making love to her. I have a
purpose. To make her happy. My sole purpose is to make her happy. I have
meaning. I matter. That’s all I want. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I want to
matter.
In the bars, with the ladies,
with my father, in the alley, and every moment since then. I’m weak. It’s all
I’ve ever been. I *need* to be needed. Otherwise what’s the point?
I moan and writhe, whimper and
kiss as he fills me more than he ever did. I grab his shoulder blades and rake
my nails up the sides of his rib cage all the while chanting his name. “Please
make me come.”
“You’re the only thing that
matters.” He whispers as he buries his fangs in my neck and drinks languidly. I
do likewise as we come together. I feel his essence seeping into my body as
mine leaks out.
He doesn’t drink too long before
standing up. He holds his hand out to me. “Come inside with me.”
I take his hand and he leads me
to where it’s warm. He lights a fire and holds me as the sun comes up. It feels
nice to finally feel the heat.
~El Fin~
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