This is a poem that explains myself and how I feel inside many times. Although it may sound very depressing, don't get the wrong idea. I am a hopeless romantic and I guess I may express what I didn't want to. I am happy but do have deep feelings about love :)
It is a dear poem of my intimate thoughts that I want to share with you :)
 
 

"I Bet"

05-08-2000

I bet you’ve been in love,
I bet you kissed her lips,
not “the ones” lips…but someone’s; anyone’s,
and felt the love that comes between,
but that’s not me.

I bet you’ve held her in your arms,
At night or during the day,
I bet you could feel the static of love between,
But that’s not me.

I bet you’ve looked into her eyes,
I bet you could see your life pass you by,
Like nothing before has mattered until that moment,
I bet love gleamed in between,
But that’s not me.

I bet you’ve talked to her and were never at a loss for words,
Except for when time stopped,
Time stopped for your prize,
The prize was the feeling of being wanted…needed,
For even though the conversation paused,
You knew even time couldn’t come in between,
But that’s not me.

I bet you’ve given her a rose,
For all the right reasons,
She didn’t turn her cheek, but rather accepted it with a smile,
She smiled and you knew she loved you for the thought,
For the person you try to be,
But once I tried,
and that wasn’t me.

I bet you’ve sat on a bench, or watched a movie,
With a hand on her knee, and her hand gently on top of that hand,
Your thumbs stroked each other’s skin, intimately,
And your other arm was around her shoulder;
Maybe the movie became frightening or the fire cracked,
But even then, you both felt comfortable and not swayed,
In each other’s arms, even death couldn’t come between,
Something I’ve always wanted,
But that’s not me.

I bet you have a friend,
A friend that doesn’t put you down or pretend your friendship,
I bet you can count on them to always be there and love you for who you are,
You have no fear of rejection because you have never encountered it like I have,
The gut wrenching pain that I endure,
that only love by one, just one, can forever release,
for that day, my heart and soul shall become clean,
I want that to be me.

I bet you’re revered,
I bet you don’t have to defend yourself or your love for all things, people, or love itself,
The defense is the hardest part when it is constantly yours,
and I bet you don’t know the headaches and heartaches each day brings
When you have no one to look at or look back at you,
Or when you are so hidden or excluded that it is even hard to raise your head,
These thoughts are those that have worried me everyday since I knew love,
Love has always been too far and in between,
For a guy like me.

I bet, at least once, you’ve known love as eternal,
Love found you and you found love many times,
And you have been blessed,
Though, I have yet to even find even a glimpse of love,
I have tried but to no avail,
Eyes wide shut to what love is between two people,
Be it between friends, or true love,
A wound that I have prayed for God to heal,
A wound that is salted over and over everyday.

“God’s answers come in his time”
Is my time not relevant?
Is suffering what God intends for the price of my patience?
No person deserves lack of love,
Not for as long as I have been denied,
But that is the deck I have been dealt and want no pity,
What I do want is a love that has no end,
Because I love “Love”,
And I desire the feelings that love bestows.

I bet you haven’t experienced love like I,
Your dream of life’s success is my dream of endless love,
I have been denied love for so long that I can only dream of it,
It has been like throwing me into a cell and swallowing the key,
A prisoner of pain, praying for the mythical princess to allow a magical and freeing kiss,
Then I shall release the pain that has built up for so long within my soul and my heart,
That is all I want and all I will ever ask for in my life,
Contentment in life that comes from love,
With love, I can forget my past, cherish the present, and look forward to the future,
She will be what I live for,
Her heart mine and my heart hers,
Her smell, companionship, touch, warmth, passion, friendship, and love for who I am,
Those are the eternal essences that money cannot supply, nor that anyone can take away,
and I don’t bet on that, it is the truth,
and here I am betting…no, praying that someday,
God will release me from the bondage of loveless restraints,
Set me free,
and finally, LET LOVE FIND ME.

- Aaron J. Comstock

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