quotes:

"If you laugh loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk."

"I say that this show resembles 'Hee Haw' at times...a cow just knocked something over"

"Daddy's a jackass! Yes...Run along now, junior."

"Early, crap. Late, good. That's our motto here at Late Night."

"No, no, we're the good crap now!"

"Ok, Max. You play one of those songs that you play while I go over here and adjust my underwear."

"I have this innocent look, the show should look innocent. The show should have all the trappings of a Tonight Show from 1965 and we're even going to have an orchestra that plays big band, and Max has this very traditional bandleader look, and I'll wear a tie and a suit, we'll have a desk and we'll have a microphone and we'll talk to people. But then we'll have a masturbating bear"

"Have you ever had Fruity Pebbles? Once that stuff hits milk, it turns into a narcotic!"

"Jay says, 'Stay tuned for Conan' and then Conan comes crashing through you TV set like a freight train bringing the funny!"

"You see, you're in for a lifetime of "And you went to Harvard?" Accidentally give the wrong amount of change in a transaction and it's "And you went to Harvard?" Ask the guy at the hardware store how these jumper cables work and hear, "And you went to Harvard?" Forget just once that your underwear goes inside your pants and it's "and you went to Harvard." Get your head stuck in your niece's dollhouse because you wanted to see what it was like to be a giant and it's "Uncle Conan, you went to Harvard!?'"

"When someone in the band is 'Ha Ha Ha', you know they want a raise."

"My ass is going to be fried...with 7 herbs and spices"

"I love a crowd that pretends something's funny."

Conan trademarks: Everyone knows these!
the "rrrowl!" (sound clip coming soon)
any cat noises, hisses, or jumps at the screen with cat-like claws
the hair!
"Keep Cool mah babies!"
the string dance!
"alright everybody we've got a great show tonight...."