Present
Renee just stared at her computer screen and the flashing screen savers as they popped from one island dreamscape to another. She wished that she had stayed and learned more from the four women who seemed to know her boy friend better than she did. It isn't often that that many women who have slept with one man become friends and chat, it seemed to shock them too a little she gathered as they went on and on about Harm and Mac how much they didn't know. The blonde commander, Jordan, seemed to take Harm's leaving very badly, but how would you handle him if he left for carrier duty for 6 to 8 months at a time. Hell who are you kidding, with the way he travels at least you would know when he would be home. Of course cornering the woman you know your man really loves can also cause some hard feelings.
Did Harm and Mac really love each other like they were hinting and how long have they been in denial? Did Harm and Mac have that conversation in Sydney? When they got together after he got home he was a bit out of sorts and he and Mac were at odds. It was after that trip that Harm started to put a lot of time into getting you. Damn you Harm, am I just what Mic is to her. The pick up the pieces woman?
Renee came back to the present when she heard a knock on her door.
"Hello there Renee, can you talk?"
Picking her jaw up off the floor, she motioned for him to come in and sit. He closed the door and took the offered chair. "What can I do for you Mic? I mean this is a total surprise to see you here. You aren't here on a case are you? If you are then I will have to ask you to leave and talk to my lawyer." Renee halted her rambling as Mic took the chair across from her.
"No I'm not here on a case, I wish I was but I'm not." Mic lowered his head searching for someway to soften the blow of his next words, "I need to have a few things answered and let you know I few things that I finished overhearing after you left the restaurant today."
She couldn't have been more surprised by that if he had come in and slapped her. Finally catching herself, "What conversation?"
"Don't play the dumb blonde Renee, we both know that you aren't that and you know what conversation too." He responded as he looked up and into her eyes, seeing that she knew where this was heading and hoping it wasn't. "Mac and I were sitting on the other side in another booth. We were there," he took a breath, "we were there because I wanted to push Sarah for a wedding date. I took her there to celebrate my beating Harm in a case and get her to settle on a date."
Renee felt so sorry for him as she saw his heart bleeding. He really did love Mac and now what? Did he and Mac discuss what was being said or was here to see if she thought the same, that Harm and Mac were using them as band aides for their broken hearts. "So you heard what was told to me about Harm?"
"Yes and more after you left. You missed the best part as they guessed at whether or not Harm and Mac have slept together, why Harm won't open up to her and his vision of what he wants his children to look like." The last few words coming out strained and then a sneer, "They even went over how he was in bed. I guess the bloke does one thing right."
Oh yes he does, "What did they say?" She then caught his glare, "About why he and Mac haven't connected?"
"That Harm is looking for a woman that needs his protection and that he doesn't want to lose another love like Diane, whoever the hell she was."
"His first love Mic. That is all I know because until today I didn't even know she existed. You may have listened in but you didn't see the feelings that showed across the faces of those who knew about her. If Mac is her splitting image and Harm fears that she'll die on him I can see why they think like that."
"And that doesn't hurt you at all?"
"It hurts like hell, but then sitting down at a table with four other women who have been with Harm and could have easily had Harm like you want to have him is disconcerting. Then to discover his reason for not committing to anything but the navy hurts too."
"So are you staying with him or are you going to cut your loses and move on?"
"I don't know Mic, I love Harm. I'll be honest and say that I want the whole dream with him, marriage, children and the home to live happily ever after in. But that isn't Harm, he is married to the navy and only someone willing to be second to that and then third behind his feelings for Mac, " she stopped as she realized that she had made her decision about her and Harm.
"So you are going to leave him. Bloody great. After you left and we finished eavesdropping Mac left me without any other word than sorry. I guess I was lucky that she didn't leave the ring on the table."
"Mic you need to know this, since Harm bumped his head he has been really thinking about her. In at least two dreams one night he called out her name and then one time when I came out of the shower he called me Mac. I have been starting to have doubts ever since Kate Pike whizzed into town and I heard about the way she and Harm used to be. I called Harm on it and let it go but looking back now he never answered me about him and Mac."
"Why do you thing I went by the don't ask, don't tell rule. Your questions have been weighing heavily on my mind too ever since. I guess that's why I wanted to push Sarah into a wedding date."
"Until today I couldn't wait for that either. I even told harm that the other night and mentioned to him that then I might get my dream." She stopped and feeling strong for the first time that day, "Mic, I plan to tell Harm that we are over until he confronts his feeling on Mac, till then he is to stay away from me. I want him but Jordan was right about me needing to escape before I get too much deeper and lose myself. I want to leave with some self-respect and this is the only way I see that I can. What are you going to do?"
"Honestly?" he asked, "I don't know. Up till today I thought that Sarah was over him and that what they said as true, the only feelings were like a brother to a sister. Now after seeing her react to what was said, I know that I was only fooling myself and forcing her into decisions that she wasn't ready to make. I think that maybe over time she would have come to me on her own if I hadn't forced issues."
"What did you do? I mean to force her into decisions and when did you do it?
"I told her at Christmas that I was going home and back into the service if she didn't make a choice and move the ring over. Well not quite that blunt but that is what I asked. Why?"
"That was when Harm found out about Sergie being a POW and you should know that I called Mac to find Harm. I didn't see the signs as clearly as I do now and I don't think that their conversation went well because he came home mad at her and me. If that was around the same time, then she turned to you again after being rebuffed by Harm."
"Just like in Sydney," he finished. "I didn't need to know that."
"Mic, you need to reconsider everything that you have done with her and when she got close to you. Was it because the feeling was mutual or because of Harm."
Mic didn't want to think back but the few times that came to mind were after her trial when Harm went out with Bobbie, when Harm left to fly, when Harm started seeing Renee and when Harm said the wrong thing on the ferry.
"I can tell that the times are popping into your head Mic. I can't say that confronting her will get you anywhere because of her history with you and Harm."
"Thanks Renee. I will let you know how things go. If they go the way I think they will, are you free for dinner later this week?"
"Yes Mic I am and I would love to have dinner with you. For old times sake," she smiled trying to help his mood.
Mic smiled back as he felt the load on his back get heavier.
Renee watched as he left, she felt sorry for him. She was just losing a, no that wasn't right, she wasn't just losing a boy friend, she was losing the man she loved. She knew deep down that Harm had feelings for her and would probably even married her one-day but knowing that she was second wasn't the dream. Picking up the phone, "Marcy? Cancel my afternoon and tell Kyle that I won't be back till Monday. Oh and one more thing, should the man who just left my office call, transfer him to my cell please."
"Sure Renee."
Outside of the office building
Mic leaned against his car. Not knowing whether he should go and confront Harm or Mac first. Leave Harm to Renee and get it over with Sarah. As he got into his car he tried to recall every detail of the past few months. All they told him was that he had been blind, no that wasn't right, he just looked away because he didn't want to face the truth.
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