Harm held on tight to his briefcase and other files as he juggled the load in his arms as he attempted to open his apartment door. His head was killing him and all he wanted was some aspirin and some sleep. He hoped that Renee was busy tonight and would just stay away. He knew that some where down the road he had better get used to having her around fulltime since Mac was now forever out of his reach. Setting the date would place the final nail in the coffin in his hopes that she would leave the arrogant aussie. He was sure that she would leave JAG after Mic pushed enough that he wanted to go home and knowing Mac since she wanted to make him happy she would.
"Damn it." he cussed as the contents fell out of his arms and onto the floor. With ease now he opened the apartment door and bent over to gather up the files. His hand flying to his head as the pain increased with the action.
"Need some help sailor?"
It was all Harm could do not to jerk up and look at Renee. Great was all he could think of, "Yes I could use some my head is still killing me. You don't know how many times Bud has mentioned taking me for a CAT scan today." He grinned.
Renee didn't laugh at Harm's attempt of humor. Her head still trying to comprehend the things that she had learned at lunch and then later as Mic caught up with her at her office.
"Harm we need to talk."
"Sure come on in." He motioned as she rushed by him avoiding contact with him as she carried his stuff to his desk.
She took off her coat and took a good look around the place and saw the other small evidence around his place. Stuff she really never paid attention to before but now it stuck out like little beacons. The few pictures stationed around the apartment were of Mac and him they were here and there. She also took note that the only other pictures around were of Bud, Harriet, little and Big AJ and Harm's family. There was only one of her and him, only one, the one taken at the Surface Warfare Ball.
Not knowing where to start she just blurted her question, "Are you in love with Mac, and be honest this time Harm?"
Harm stood shocked where he stood, hoping that this was just another little misunderstanding, "I thought I answered that the other night, Mac is just someone I argue with all the time."
"She is much more than that Harm and we both know that." She started to pace as she mulled over what to say next, oh the hell with it, "Harm I met some old friends of yours at lunch today."
Oh boy, "And who did you meet?" What a loaded question.
"Bobbie Latham, Kate Pike, Jordan Parker and Annie Pendry."
Harm stared for a second and knew exactly where this was going. He also knew who and what was the subject of conversation. "How are they?" He asked as he took off his coat and started on his tie.
"They are all fine, I am sure that Jordan has a good buzz working by now. You seem to have quite a following Harm, a little Harmon Rabb fan club as it were. I mean everything about you they love and even after everything you put them through they don't hate you. You see they all understand why didn't you love them, they mentioned that you have other women on your mind." She stopped pacing, "Why haven't you gotten over Diane? Is she that hard to beat or is she still imbedded that much in your heart? Is that why everyone else isn't good enough for you?" She didn't add am I not good enough?
Harm was shocked, only Mac knew about Diane, hold on Annie would know about her too. Did Meg tell Kate about her? "What did they say about her?"
By his whispered tone she knew instantly that the women were right, he hadn't gotten over her. "Only that you were in love with her and that she could be Mac's twin."
Harm walked over to his bookcase and pulled out of her picture for Renee, it was the only one he kept out that was of him and her at his grandmothers during their academy days. In it also were Luke and Jack, the only friends he could totally depend on when he in trouble, then and even now, he knew that Jack would lay down his life for him. "The guys are Luke Pendry and Jack Keeter."
"Annie's husband?"
"Yes, we met Annie at a fair. Diane was out of town and we all fawned over Annie at the time. We were all young hot shot Academy men but she only had eyes for Luke and soon enough we were all in their wedding. Diane and I dated some and were a couple by the by the end of school, afterwards it was whenever we could get together. She wanted her career and I wanted mine, we both understood that and was willing to wait. We just waited too long."
"They told me she was murdered, does Mac know she looks like her?"
"Mac knows."
"I should let you know Mac overheard the same conversation this afternoon and more according to Mic. I left before they went on over about your attributes and weaknesses, please tell me, did you," Did you reject her was what she was hoping, "what did you say to her in Sydney?"
"They talked a lot didn't they?" Harm tried to side step the topic but seeing her standing there nearly in tears, he turned and walked to look out the window.
"Tell me Harm. I deserve to know why the man I am falling in love will never be mine."
"Diane was supposed to be the one, the one I wanted forever to be with. Or at least that is what I thought so back then and then she was taken from me without warning. It was still a fresh wound when I met Mac. Mac is so different than Diane; Mac is feisty, smart and stood up to me. Diane was more laid back and let me take the lead." Renee heard a pain in his voice she never heard before as Harm finally opened up some.
"And needed someone to look after her, someone who needed a strong man in her life when things got rough. Unlike Mac who is a gung ho marine and takes charge of things, who doesn't need you."
"You are wrong there. Mac needs someone, someone to help her deal with her demons from her past, she needs someone to accept her without reservation and she needs someone she trusts to always be there standing beside her. I didn't do that. I left to go fly, I left her without consulting her on it, I left her out and ever since then I have been on the outside of her world looking in."
"That not the impression I get from Kate," she said as her voice started getting louder.
"Well if you know so much then you tell me." Harm responded back as he was starting to get angry. Angry at the women he knew for bring up his past with Renee and angry with Renee for forcing him to face things he was finally getting under control. Like letting Mac go.
"The impression I got and now looking back I can see it, Mac challenged you and you whimpered out. And now hearing you didn't feel like you were inside the little circle you balked and told her that you weren't ready. More than likely in that famous Rabb double talk that you put out to confuse people, all smoke and mirrors because you can't face the truth yourself but Mac didn't even understand that night and she reads and understands you better than the rest of us. So she ran right into Mic's arms looking for what you wouldn't give her. Sounds like you messed up sailor."
Harm didn't say anything as Renee stood beside him looking for an answer to her challenge. He finally turned and looked her in the eye, "She asked if I was that way only with her and I said yes, she asked me if I couldn't let go and I said not yet. I thought that she understood me because even then I didn't. I just knew that I felt something and I wasn't sure what it was, I wanted to make sure it was her and not Diane. I needed the time to put everything behind me. I needed to put Diane, leaving JAG, coming back to JAG and putting my flying career behind me for good. It wasn't easy to walk away from it, it was easier than being pushed out but it was hard."
"And she was still mad at you and didn't help you when you came back."
"No, she was going out with Mic, and after Sydney I just,"
"Assumed that you made the right choice in not telling her how you really felt after she showed up with Mic's ring. I can see that in your mind that just showed you that you made the right choice. By her accepting Mic's ring she must have been in love with Mic and not you. I mean I can see your view and that scares me." Renee turned to walk away and laughed as she did. It was easier than crying even though it was still hallow. She crossed over to the couch were she collected her purse and coat. " I feel for you Harm."
Turning back to Harm who was watching her intently, "Harmon Rabb, " she sighed, "I am about to do you one of the biggest favors of your life. I am leaving you or dumping you it's all the same because I won't be second or third in your life behind your navy career and a woman you love more than me. If you can ever find your way out of this mess and can at least put the navy in second and Mac laughs in your face and you get over it. Call me. I promise to not laugh in your face or to ignore your calls."
"Renee wait."
"No Harm, if I guess right, across town this same conversation is happening between Mac and Mic. And after chatting with Mic, I expect him take his ring back and head home. He got the same drift I did especially after Mac walked out of the restaurant crying. Then about an hour or so later after they talk, I expect a very angry marine is going to be at your door wanting answers to why you messed up her life." And laughing a little again, "I also am sure that you are going to get a mouthful about how your ex's talked about you and her."
"I'm sorry Renee. I do care for you."
"I know do and that you are sorry Harm, and like them I can't be mad at you and," with a pretty smug grin across her face, "you are great in bed."
"They didn't?"
"Oh yes they did, and Mac heard every word. You are quite the legend flyboy." With her head held high, "Take care Harm. See you around."
"Take care Renee."
Before completely walking out the door, "Just box what ever I have over here. I'll send a runner for it or you can leave it at my office."
"Sure."
He watched, as she left, not a single tear fell as she challenged him but he knew that she knew that this was coming. She had been hinting at it for days, weeks even. Wanting to find out more about his relationship with Mac and now she knew.
Harm started cleaning his apartment and mentally went over what he had to cook in his freezer. If Renee was truthful in what his ex's said, she was right about an angry marine showing sooner or later. Dinner wouldn't be a fix all but at least it would be a start in calming Mac down so they could talk. Just like old times with a new start. A wry smile crossed his face, that is if she doesn't kill me first.
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