Title: Life, Loves, and Losses
Author: TC Amlin
Rating: PG
Spoilers: The action and events between the beginning of this start after WITHCES and the rest of the season didn't happen.
Disclaimers: JAG and it characters belong to CBS and DB.
Summary: Harm/Mac, Drama, when a sudden attack on American targets happens, many of the JAG staff, Harm and Bud included, are called to service overseas leaving friends and loved ones to deal with the pain of being left behind waiting for them to come home.
17:00 EST
June 2000
On a Friday
Over the Pacific Ocean
Mac leaned back into her seat and pondering her future and this getaway weekend in Hawaii with Mic. She remembered Harm's face as she asked for a few days of leave to meet with Mic after the Admiral congratulated them over their last case. He had been a bear the remaining time she was there and had stayed in his office brooding. I know that he feels something and only "If he would only say something", she thought aloud. Then realizing what she had done she looked around to see if the other passengers around her had heard her. Seeing that most were asleep or listening to the movie she sighed in relief. She then looked down to her right hand were the ring still rested on her finger.
DO you love Mic enough to forget Harm? Will Harm ever get over what ever is keeping him from making the leap of faith? What would you do if Harm did tell you that he loved you? I know Mic will push for a answer this weekend but I need more time, but whatever answer I give what will I lose in return.
Sarah finally dozed off with her heart and mind lost in battle over which man to wait for.
Same time
The Mediterranean Area
He crept down the hallway heading toward the bridge; his job was done in the squad room. Today was the day that his homeland would speak out on the proceedings of the trial. Today the US would feel what a real terrorist war would be like.
9:00 EST
Saturday
Falls Church, VA.
JAG Head Quarters
Harm sat staring at his computer trying to figure out how to get the words right this time. Having screwed up so many times in the past he wanted his final words to be what he meant from the heart. He reread the letter to Mac knowing that after this weekend he had lost to Mic, and this time he didn't want to leave her again without saying them. She would be upset that he had left JAG again to fly but a new threat to the US had demanded that his talents be used elsewhere.
That brought his gaze to his orders, delivered at 5 am from the SECNAV, the orders had him and any others with Carrier experience heading back out to sea. Harm also hated that his good bye to the Admiral was in a letter too since his CO was also out of town.
" About ready to go Sir?" Bud asked as he entered Harms office.
" I will be shortly Bud. How is Harriet taking all of this?"
" She pushed me out the door so I wouldn't see her cry. I hate leaving her with the baby on the way. " He said ending with eyes looking at the floor.
" I know Bud. It sucks. I though that my flying days were over but war grabs us from that place of safety and puts us on the front line." He said trying to cheer Bud up and failing miserably. " I will be there around 11 to pick you up. I have a few things to take care of and then I need to finish packing."
"I will see you then sir."
"Later Bud." He said as he watched the junior officer leave. Harm turned back to the screen and then hit print. After stuffing the letters into the correct envelopes, he placed them in a bag and left it on the admiral's desk. He then went back to his office, picked up the box full of his stuff and walked out of JAG for the sea the second time in his career, but this time he wasn't sure if he would make it to come back.
11:00 EST
The Roberts Residence
Harm was waiting outside for Bud to finish saying goodbye to Harriet and baby AJ. Bud was trying to be strong in front of her but was losing it as she started crying. Leaving her behind 3 months pregnant was killing them both since no one had any idea how long they would be gone.
"I will take good care of him for you Harriet, so don't worry and I will have your lawyer home soon."
" Thanks Commander, I know you will, and I will take care of the Colonel for you sir. Come back safe." Harriet said as she hugged him one last time.
Harm smiled but didn't reply. His and Mac's realtionship had been unraveling since Austraila and he knew that the closeness they had once shared as friends was now just a strained working relationship. He just hoped that she took what he had written in his letter goodbye well, and that no matter what, when he returned that they could start over.
Bud finally climbed into Harms SUV and they headed to Norfolk to catch their ride to the Seahawk.
07:00 Hawaii time
Saturday
The Hilton
Mac walked into the outdoor café after a long run on the beach. She had had a restless night being bothered by something she couldn't put a finger on. She ordered a glass of juice and went to sit out by the bar where she could catch the morning news.
"-----. Once again recaping the days events, a combined attacks from a Terrorist colliltion from Syria and Iraq against American targets has prompted a….."
Mac sat there for a few more minutes until she had heard enough and headed back to her room. Mic was just getting out of the shower when she came in.
"Morning Love, Whats wrong?" He asked as she started throwing her clothes back into her suticase.
In full marine mood now, " the US has declared war on Iraq and Syria after they bombed several US sites and they even managed to place some of their bombs on our ships. They will be recalling all service personell. I got to get back."
"Mac, I don't think that you need to rush. As good as you are as a lawyer, lawyers arent a priorty." He said coming over and trying to take her in his arms.
Mac broke away from him and shot him a go to hell look and headed to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Mic thought about going and joining her and apologizing but stopped when he heard the lock click. " Great."
08:30 EST
Monday
Falls Church, VA
Mac walked into the bullpen heading for her office when she glanced over at Harm's, she stopped short when she noticed his nameplate gone. She then looked over to the status board; the names Rabb, Roberts, Mattoni, Aldridge and Singer were gone.
" They were recalled to active fleet duty." AJ said as he walked up behind her. " I missed saying goodbye to them too. They all got notified Saturday morning and had 8 hours to get ready and be in Norfolk to ship out." He held out his hand with a letter addressed to her. " Harm wanted to talk to you before he left."
" He got orders." She said shocked that he was gone.
" The Seahawk lost ¾'s of its pilots when a bomb went of in the squad room and since he is still on active list for aviators, BUPERS booted him there. Bud being reassigned shocked me, as did the others. We will just have to put in extra time till they come home Colonel."
"Where was Bud was reassigned to?"
" Rabb, Mattoni and Roberts are together on the Seahawk, Aldridge to the Patrick Henry and I don't know where the sent Singer. She didn't leave a note like the others did. Bud's is on your desk."
" Thank you sir." Mac said in a daze and headed off to her office. AJ caught the glint from her ring, still on the right hand he sighed with relief.
Mac sat down in her chair and picked up Bud's letter first. He went on about how he had liked working with her and looked forward to it again. He asked her to watch Harriet, like he even needed too, and he last told her that he would take care of the Commander for her.
Mac wiped the tear from her eye and opened Harm's letter. The first thing that fell out was a copy of his orders recalling him to flight duty. At the bottom was a note, not my idea this time Mac, sorry Harm. She placed it down on her desk and pulled out the letter.
Dear Sarah,
I know that my leaving is a big surprise to you and I will let you know that getting orders to report back to the Seahawk at 5am shocked me too. But I will let you know that going back to flight status and flying into battle is easier than writing this letter to you. I don't know what to say to you since I know that you belong to Mic now, So I will let everything go on the chance that I might change your mind.
I love you Sarah always have and always will. It just took you leaving and a war to make me realize that my fears were petty. I have held back afraid that if I let you in totally that we would lose our friendship, well after seeing what not being together has brought us, I now realize that I was wrong. So for what it is worth, I leave you with the words you wanted to hear in Australia … I LOVE YOU.
Take care Ninja Girl, you do what you need to do and should it mean anything, I am sorry that you had to wait so long for me to say it. I will carry your picture with me and in my new Sarah on the Seahawk.
Simper Fi
Love Harm
Mac started to cry as she read the letter and the words she had wanted to hear from him for so long. She reread it and then placed it down on her desk. She picked up the envelope and shook out the last of its contents, his academy ring, a picture of them with his BI-plane and a set of his gold wings. She picked up the ring and read the note attached to it.
" Should you change your mind and wait for this sailor to return, wear this as a sign of my love, Harm."
" He finally told you, didn't he ma'am?" Harriet asked as she walked in and closed the door to Mac's office.
Mac just shook her head yes.
" When he called Bud that morning to say he got orders and was leaving with Bud, I told him to think through his feelings before he left and not to leave loose ends here. His only remark about that was > I am an Idiot Harriet and now it is to late < was he right?"
Mac finally smiled, he had admitted his mistakes and said that he loved her and had even admitted it to someone else.
" Here is his address, and ma'am, what have you decided?" Harriet said as she read the expression of happiness from Mac.
It was Harriet's turn to smile as Mac slid off Mic's ring and in its place put on Harm's.
July 2000
Seahawk
Harm wasn't sure what to expect when he finally received a letter from Mac. Because of leaks and other priorities, the email system had been shut down. The last thing the Navy needed was a virus transmitted that would bring down the ship's computers. So here, 2 weeks after shipping out, he was getting a reply.
He went up on deck and opened the letter
Dear Harm,
I don't know where to start so I will begin with the usual. JAG has been busier since you and the others got shipped out, so you all owe us big time in completing paperwork. Let Bud know that Harriet is doing fine and that his newest arrival is more active than AJ ever thought about being, that from Harriet, whom I now spent my free time with. She doesn't want him to know but I have to tell someone, it is another boy, she has picked out Patrick, so when the news comes be ready for the Bud to smile like an idiot for a few days.
Now on to us, I don't know where to begin since your letter shocked me about as much as you were being reassigned. But I will let you know that
I have had you class ring resized so it doesn't fall off while I am in court.
I love you too flyboy, come home to me and to the future with out any fears.
Mac
PS do what you want with the contents of this letter.
Bud found there several hours later as Harm leaned over the railing. " Commander? You missed dinner and your RIO is looking for you." Bud stood there for a second till he realized that Harm hadn't heard him come up, " Harm? Are you okay?"
Harm finally stood up and turned to Bud smiling, he then put on the dogtags that Sarah had sent with the letter and showed Bud the other item.
Bud smiled and took the ring as Harm headed off to the squad room. Harriet had written that Mac had changed rings and the hand that they were on. He looked over the water and watched the sun finish setting. " Oh Harriet, I wish that I were home right now. What a conversation we would be having over this." He laughed and headed back to his bunk so that he could mail the ring back to her along with Harm's reaction.
2 weeks later
Roberts Residence
Mac and Harriet say watching AJ playing on the floor as they chatted about what had been going on with the war and what had being going on at the office.
Mac finally let loose with the information she had know for 2 days when she had gotten Bud's letter. " I finally got a letter back."
" Oh that's great Sarah. Where is it? What did he say?"
" I am too afraid to read it. I left it on the kitchen table. I was wondering if Bud said anything about Harm in his letters?"
" Just a minute an I'll read it to you." Harriet got up and grabbed Bud's letter off the kitchen table. A few minutes later Harriet was smiling as she read Buds letter aloud and watched Mac's face. " See I knew it would be okay so now you need to go home and open that letter and see what he had to say."
Mac hugged Harriet and told her that she would call her later and headed home in a fog. She envied Bud in that he got to see what she had been waiting for, Harm to come to his senses and they openly admit that they cared for each other. She then got the letter off the table and walked over to the bay window, sat down and read it.
Dearest Sarah,
I was nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs when I received your letter. Now I don't go anywhere with out it. The picture you sent is firmly placed in my plane as you are in my heart. I just wish I hadn't been such a fool a couple of months ago and that we had been able to spend the time together. I am so sorry for all of that and the pain that I caused. I promise to never do that again. With that being said, I will let it go and I hope that you can too.
I can't wait for this thing to end so I can come home to you and start the rest of our lives together. I look forward to the day we finally get married, build our home and fill it full of kids. With your looks and my brains they will all be perfect.
I am due on the flight line so I leave you with the hopes and dreams of our future.
Love
Harm.
Mac folded the letter and placed against her heart. " Soon Harm, come home to me soon."
August
A month later
The Gulf
Harm flopped down into his bunk and started to release the pent up emotions that were running though him. Bud's chopper had gone down with all hands lost. Bud had joined a rescue team while onboard because of the lack of personnel and the training the Lt. had gotten during his time a JAG. Harm had lost several members of his squadron since coming on board but Bud was the 1st real friend he had lost in along time. He lay there and imagined the pain that Harriet was about to go through, losing a husband with a child on the way and a 15 month-old little boy who would never understand. His thoughts were disrupted by a knock. " Commander, that land line you wanted is ready."
Harm got up and wiped the tears from his face and headed to the radio room. He was calling Mac to give her a heads up and to be there when Harriet got the news. He and Mac had exchanged letters off and on since he had left JAG; His heart had soared when one contained the ring that Mic had given her. One message that he had gotten was " You better be ready to deal with this Marine when you get home. Love Mac." He had opened a door and let her know with every letter since that one how he felt and that he couldn't wait to get home and deal with the woman inside the Marine.
After arriving in the radio room, he stood there waiting for Mac to pick up; it was 4 am in Washington, so he knew she would be home.
" Hello!" came the sleep riddled voice.
" Mac, its Harm."
" Harm!" She repeated back, " Is it really you, where are you? Are you okay?"
"Yes its me, I am still at sea, I am fine, and I only have a few minutes, I need 2 things from you Mac."
" What are they? What's wrong Harm? I can tell that something is bothering you."
" Bud." Was all he said and she knew the rest immediately. " Harriet will need you."
" I will go over there 1st thing in the morning. I will call the Admiral as soon as I get off with you. What else?" She asked as tears started down her face. She wanted to know what happened to Bud but knew that she wouldn't get an answer till he came home.
" The Captain is letting me come home for the funeral since Bud listed me as family, and that there is a Tomcat they want me to fly back out here. Running short on planes. So, I need a ride when I land since my car is still in Norfolk."
" Give me when and where and I'll be there."
" Thanks Mac, I love you." And the line was cut.
Mac sat there in the dark think about all of the cases she had worked with Bud, after awhile she called up the Admiral.
"Colonel, you had better have a good reason to call me this early?" He said with his usual bite that lost everything as Mac recited most of her call with Harm. " I will meet you at the Roberts after I put in a few calls. Thank you Mac."
19:00 EST
Next Day
Andrews Airbase
Mac stood there counting the minutes that Harm's flight was overdue. So many things had changed since the war had been going on. Neither side making any headway, the US had taken some heavy losses. Also her relationship with Harm had become everything she had wanted. The letters were brief but the meaning in each one was all that mattered.
After awhile she finally saw whom she had been waiting for. She saw him coming down the concourse and waved to him. They met and stared at each other a moment, taking in the fact that they were together and then found each other in an embrace that neither wanted to end.
Harm finally broke free first and wrapped his arm around her as the headed to where she had parked. " How is Harriet?"
" How do you think? The baby could come at anytime with the stress and ….." Mac stopped and started crying. " It is unfair Harm. They deserved the best and had everything going for them."
Pulling her tighter against him. " I know Mac, the last thing I told her was that I would take care of him. I failed. I tried to talk him out of joining that team but he was tired of being on the sidelines."
" He was a grown man Harm, it isn't your fault that he joined the rescue squad anymore than that the chopped got shot down."
They said nothing as they drove over to Harm's so he could change and unpack. He was surprised to see that his fridge had been stocked and that the place was cleaner than when he left. " Thanks Mac, I assume that you did all of this?"
" Yes I did and I will admit it now. I come and stay here from time to time just so I can be near you." She said as she watched him change shirts and caught the bandage on shoulder. " What happened to you?"
" I was flying support for that chopper Bud was on when the Migs attacked. I caught some flack when I was watching Bud go down. Needless to say it woke me up and saved my 6. I turned and answered the enemy's fire. I took down 3 planes before we got called back. The last thing I saw was the smoke coming from where the chopper had gone down." Harm sat down on the edge of the bed and placed his head in his hands. " Now I know what Tom Boone went through watching my father."
Mac came and joined him, she had tears in her eyes again. " I know this sounds selfish, but I am so glad that you made it back."
He looked into her face and then after gently wiping away the tears kissed her. After they came up for air, He pulled her to his chest and hugged her tightly as they both wept for their lost friend.
Mac woke up to the sun coming in the window; she suddenly realized that she was not alone and it took her a brief second to realize that she was in bed with Harm, his arms holding her close to him. They had ended up in bed together, both needing to feel alive and feel loved by someone. She laid there contemplating what kind of future they might have as she listened to his heartbeat. Harm awoke with a temporary loss of bearings and found Sarah staring at him, he smiled at her. "Morning Marine, did we sleep well?"
"The best nights rest I have gotten since you left sailor." She said as she slowly snuggled in closer to him.
" Where do we go from here Mac? These past few months have been heaven and hell. Knowing how we feel but not being able to touch and talk face to face. I love you, and I am not afraid of that anymore, and I am not afraid of what I want with you anymore either."
" Just where would you like to go Harm. I've enjoyed the last month of you being honest and I have read each letters over and over, but I need to know what you really want. I have read it so many times but you haven't said aloud to me yet."
" For us to be man and wife. To be together forever, to have everything we ever dreamed about. A home, a family and someone to grow old with."
She sat up and looked into his face seeing that he really meant what he said. " Are you sure Harm?"
" Yes, more than ever. The thought of losing you to Mic should have been a wake up call along time ago but I was afraid to lose our friendship, and after the mess I made of our friendship after Mic proposed I was afraid that you didn't feel the same anymore. You flying off to see him killed me but I couldn't get past it and then the war came. I realized that I had been an idiot for letting you go and I just wanted the chance to at least let you know how I felt. Now I want to spend every minute I can with you because it could be me next time that doesn't…." She stopped him with by putting a finger to his lips
" I don't want to think about that right now. " she said lowering her head back down to his chest. He wasn't sure what she was thinking until she spoke again. " If you are 100% sure about getting married, then I know a JP that will marry us tomorrow before I take you back to Norfolk."
Harm sat up and leaned over to his bedside table and took out a small box from the bottom drawer. He opened it and took Mac's left hand in his. " This was my grandmothers wedding ring. I had it resized for you." He then took out the other band and gave it to her for her to place it on his left hand.
" Was this one your grandfathers?"
" Yes it was, it was with his things that were shipped home from the Hornet. We can wear them today as sign of our love and just trade them again tomorrow. To wear them forever." He ended with a kiss, that lead them back under the covers.
14:00 EST
Arlington Nation Cemetery
Harm and Mac stood behind Harriet as she sat between her parents and the Admiral. There was no body to intern but the symbolism was all there. Mac wondered how many tears she had left after the past few days of crying for Bud with Harriet and then with Harm. She noticed that he too had some falling, along with the Admiral. The Admiral then stood up and took the flag from the Honor Guard and gave it to Harriet. " From a proud and grateful nation." He then stood up and saluted.
Harm took Mac's hand in his as they listened to the bugler play Taps.
After the funeral they found themselves at the Roberts home along with many others. Mac went looking for Harm and found him playing on the floor with baby AJ. She leaned up against the doorway and smiled for the first time in days. " Got you a new friend there AJ?"
" Ya, unca Harm play with me." He said laughing as Harm attacked him with a stuffed bear.
Mac joined them for a while until the boy tired out and they put him to bed. Mac leaned over and stroked a lock of hair out if his face and felt Harm put his arm around her.
" When do you want one like that?" He whispered.
She turned to face him, shocked by him again with freedom of his feelings and thoughts. She let out a sigh and answered, " as soon as possible sailor."
" Well we have only tonite to work on that till I get back, which I have no idea how long that will be if things don't start going our way."
" Well as much as I would like to leave right now, Harriet needs both of us and we need to be there for her."
Harm stood up and went to look out the window. " How can I Mac. I let her down."
" Bud's death is not you fault Harm. He needs you right now to take care of his family and be there for his wife. That is how you can take care of Bud."
" You are right as always. Let's go and join the others." He said holding out his hand for hers and led her to the living room.
01:00 EST
2 months later
October 1st 2000
Betseda Hospital
Mac never thought that she and the Admiral would be there for both of the Roberts children's births, but they had been asked by Harriet to be her coaches since Bud couldn't. How could they refuse such a request? This one had been born at 00:16, little Patrick Roberts had come early but no one was shocked after every thing that Harriet been through.
" So Colonel, you going to sleep on the couch or are you going home?" AJ asked as he walked up to her.
" I think I will go home and write Harm and let him know that everything went well." She said getting up.
She had told only the Admiral and Harriet about her and Harms quickie marriage as she took him back to the base. The Admiral wasn't surprised because Harm had told him in his letter goodbye that if the only way he could have Mac were to ruin his career as a lawyer and be a pilot then he would do so. AJ had even helped Mac move into Harms apartment and he was ready to fight to get the aviator back into his command when the war was over. " How is our favorite pilot doing these days?"
" Well since he took over as CAG on the Coral Sea, he has been doing fine, likes the new command. I just got his mail and change of address, it will be weeks before he gets the other letters I sent so I will just have to make adjustments to the new ones. Other wise he is tired and can't wait to come home."
" Well I am happy for him, I know that a dream of his when he started flying was to become the CAG of a carrier. Give me his addy and I'll send him a note or two."
" Sure sir, how about tomorrow, after I have gotten some rest. I know that Harriet did all of the work but I am exhausted."
" Now I know I need to write him, the Marine just admitted she is tired."
They both laughed and said their good byes as the walked to their respective cars.
20:00 local
Over Syria
" Hey Hammer, I mean CAG, how much longer till we reach the target?" Boomer asked from the back seat giving his old academy mate a hard time. Boomer was filling in for Skates who had the flu and off flight status for a week.
"Not long Boomer."
" Your mail caught up with you yet?"
" No, and if I know the navy, my wife is just getting mine, I will be weeks behind by the time the get mine straight."
Harm looked over his instrument panel and that is when Boomer started yelling, " Incoming eight o'clock."
Harm began barking orders and soon the sky was ablaze in a firefight.
Harm and Boomer finally located the SAM site that had been giving the US planes hell. " CAG to wildcards, cover as we take out that annoyance. Ready Boomer?"
" Go for it Hammer."
07:00 EST
OCT 3rd
Rabb Residence
Mac walked in and turned on the TV, it had become a morning ritual to come and see what new developments the US had made to end the war.
" …..tonite the pentagon has announced that 4 American aircraft were downed in a air battle over Syria, All four were Navy Tomcats, 1 from the Seahawk and 3 from the Coral Sea. The crews names have yet to be released as notification of next kin is still pending……."
Mac sat still for the longest time, not hearing another word said on the TV. Then quietly she got up and got ready for work. The knock she knew was coming came, as she was about to head out the door. She told the young Lt. thank you, took the yellow envelope and walked on past him to her car.
After arriving at JAG she walked straight into the Admirals office, He looked up at her in confusion of why she just barged in and then recognition set in as she placed the unopened letter on his desk. " Please?" She quietly asked not really wanting to know what was in it.
He put on his glasses and came around his desk; he ripped it open than took in a small sigh of relief for what it was worth. " Dear Mrs. Rabb, in performance of his duty your husband Captain Harmon Rabb was shot down over Syria. He is listed as Missing in Action."
Mac just stared at the letter. " Well at least he has a chance Mac, he promised you that he would come home and that man has never broken one yet. I'll see what they know and we will find out what happened to him."
Mac started to cry and AJ just took her in his arms.
1900 EST
Rabb Residence
Mac came in and hung her coat up and took a long look around the empty apartment she had called home since she married Harm. The place she had made her home and home for Harm to come home to when the battling was over. The place she had spent just 2 nights with the man she loved before he was taken from her just 2 short months later.
" Damn you Harm." She finally cried as she sunk to the floor.
Jingo crept over and lay down besides her setting his head down on her leg as she cried.
It took some knocking on her door before she got up. Mac was surprised to see Harriet standing there.
" You should be at home resting with the boys Harriet."
" Patrick won't be coming home for a couple of weeks till his weight is up and AJ is with my mom. You need a friend and I promised Harm that I would look after you. I know he did his best with Bud so I plan on doing the same."
Mac was about to say something when Harriet took her in arms, which got both women to crying again.
" Have faith Mac, he is just listed MIA, he could be alive and if I know him he'll be back."
" I know Harriet, it is just so hard this time because I'm not with him and I can't go after him."
" He'll be back I just know it."
Mac tried to smile at Harriet and saw her reflection returned as they stood, both lost in thoughts over their missing husbands.
Two Weeks later
Oct 16th
14:00 EST
Falls Church, VA.
Mac was busy preparing her notes for an upcoming trial when looked up and saw Mic standing in her door. " Hello Sarah. How are you? I finally got clearance to come and see you since you won't return my calls or send me you new address."
" Well Mic I have been a little busy since we last spoke, it seems that lawyers are essential personnel after all." She said throwing a look. She was not in the mood to deal with him today.
" What Harm and Bud slacking?"
" Bud was killed in action and Harm is MIA. They were called back to sea duty. And I would appreciate that you use another tone when speaking about them or you will never get clearance to enter the US again Commander."
"I'm sorry Sarah, I had no idea. I wish that you would have written me or called me, I could have helped you through pain. I don't mean intrude but since I haven't heard from you I hoped we could work past what I said in Hawaii." Mic said as he came and sat down in front of her. " I know that this is bad timing but I love you and was wondering when you were going to make a decision."
Mac wanted to laugh but she hadn't done that in days since she had gotten word that Harm had been shot down. She leaned back and then brought her arms across her chest. Mic instantly saw the wedding ring, and she answered his questioning hurt look. " I married Harm the day after Bud's funeral."
" What? Why? I thought that you two had settled anything between you before you came to Hawaii. You could have at least written me one of those Dear John letters Mac instead of leaving me in the dark. I deserved at least that. I kinda got the picture when I started getting my letters back from your change of address."
" I am so sorry Mic, you have to realize that things were all out of sorts and the past few months have flown by. Since I came home from our little get together, Harm and Bud had shipped out, Bud was killed, Harriet gave birth to her and Buds second son prematurely, Harm was shot down and I am doing everything I can to keep from cracking up. When did I have time to sit and write a merry little letter to you? Hmm? I want to know, besides writing me, what have you done and lost as much in these last few months?"
Mic was about to say something when AJ walked in. " Mr. Brumby, I would like to know why you have my chief of staff so upset?"
Mic jumped to attention, " well sir, I was getting worried when I hadn't heard from my…. from the Colonel. Our last meeting ended badly and I wanted to make sure she was okay."
" Well she is stressed out but other wise she is fine, so now I suggest that you leave her alone and get back on you plane and head for home. Your CO called me asking if I had seen you, so far I haven't, and if you want to keep it that way, I suggest that you let Tiner escort you to the airport."
" Uh, thanks you sir. I really do appreciate that." He said as the Admiral as he left the office. " Mac, I am really sorry, for everything. If you ever need a shoulder or an old love to talk to call me. I'll be there anytime day or night. I also hope that Harm makes it back. Tell him no hard feelings."
Mac got up and gave him a hug. " Thanks Mic. I am really sorry that I hurt you, but it was Harm all along that I really wanted, it was him who I really loved. We would have never worked out."
He kissed her on the cheek and left with Tiner and a SP. She smiled at AJ and for the first time in weeks felt good.
Thanksgiving
The Highway to Bealsville
1100 am EST
Mac was lost in thought as she drove towards the Rabb farm, Trish and grandma Sarah had insisted that she join them there for Thanksgiving and she was so glad too. The thought of spending the holidays alone in their apartment was too depressing. { There had been little news about Harm since his plane went down except that he took a SAM site out so his squadron could break free from the ambush they had ended up in and then he took missile that had shot down so a crippled plane could make it home. }
It had taken AJ some time to also discover that the young pilot Harm had saved had just found out he was an expectant father.
Mac had become very close to Harm's family since she had gotten the letter about his being shot down. The hardest thing she had had to do was call Trish and telling her about Harm. The two women sat and wept together on the phone as they grieved together over their loss. Mac knew that Harm had told his mother about her but until she called she hadn't known that Harm had told he had finally married the girl of his dreams.
Since that night she and Trish talked at 3 or 4 times a week, discussing the range of emotions that Trish knew she was going through. Trish wanted to fly out and be with Mac, but her daughter-in-law insisted that she stay home and when the time was right that they would get together. It had taken Trish awhile but she had finally gotten Mac to call her mom, a bond that both knew they needed to heal and deal with the hard stuff that was to come.
" I am so glad that you decided to come out here, darling." Trish said as she met Mac as she got out of her car.
" Me too, Mom. Me too." Mac said as Trish enveloped her in a hug as Mac started crying. " I just wish Harm was here."
Trish hugged her daughter-in-law tighter as she knew what the young woman was going though, remembering how Sarah Rabb had been there for her, she was determined to do the same. " Come on inside and we'll talk after we get you settled.
" Thanks, Trish."
Before they could get to the door they were met by Frank and Sarah, after introductions and tears dried, Mac was lead to Harm's old bedroom so she could change and settle down.
She smiled as she looked over the room, it was so Harm, with posters of the Navy and Tomcats and models of airplanes hanging. She was surprised to find a few pictures of her on the bookcase.
" He left those here the last time he visited me in March. I asked him why and all he said was ' Grandma, I screwed up and it hurts too much to keep all of them around my place.' He told me all about what a fool he had been with you and what he had said. We talked about it for some time before I was able to get it through his head that he should at least give you one more shot before it was too late. I am so glad he listened. You give him a reason to come home."
" I hope he comes home, Sarah." She said as she remembered her trip to Russia with Harm and the fate of his father.
" Well, why don't we go downstairs and join Trish and Frank. Dinner was just about ready when you drove up and it should be ready to serve now." The older Sarah said as she patted Mac on the arm.
All through dinner they laughed and joked as they traded stories about Harm and his exploits. It was then, as they were all feeling good, that Mac decided to share her news.
" Mom, Frank, Grandma. I have something I need to tell you," she started out, " I found out a week before he was shot down, he didn't know because I got those letters back unopened. I'm pregnant."
" Oh Mac, that's wonderful." Trish said as she got up and came over to hug Mac.
" I just don't know how I'm going to do it without him." She said crying again as she was swept up in the hug.
" We will be there everyday, right beside you. For Harm and you. Remember Mac, you are not alone anymore, especially now." Sarah said as she patted Mac's stomach.
All three women laughed and cried with that.
Continued in Remorse Reunions and Regret
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