Title: Fools
Author: TC Amlin
Disclaimers: Not mine, except for those my mind came up with, the cast and CBS and DB own show of JAG.
Classification: Harm/Renee, Mac/Mic, Mic/Renee and Harm/Mac
Spoilers: Everything up to FS
Summary: This is a response to a Challenge; Secrets cause heartaches among our favorite foursome. I have blended some of them together for this. Enjoy.
The Challenge: starting from the engagement acceptance, dealing with how Harm deals with it, what Mac feels about it and leading to the wedding (don't hit me yet), where at the wedding the following scenarios could happen when the priest says - "Is there anyone who objects to this union speak now or forever hold your peace."
1) Mic and Renee had been secretly seeing each other, and Mic says " sorry Sarah I can't live this lie - I love Renee"
2) Renee is carrying Mic's baby (Harm thinks it is his) and she speaks up and says "Mic don't do it I'm carrying your child"
3)Mac turns and looks at Harm and they stare intently at each other with tears coming down and she then turns to Mic and says "sorry I can't do this"
4)perhaps some angst - Palmer turns up and shoots Harm (injured not killed) which stops the wedding and Mac then realizes who she really loves (Renee has to be out of the picture by then)
5)Harm stands up, says don't do it and walks out and then Mac has second thoughts (or something like that)
6)Mic is killed on the way to the church which Harm gets her through it (although this may not work because it would scare Mac away from a relationship for life!)
7) On the way to the church Harm finally reacts to the Boomerang chat and says eternity is up - don't marry Mic, she still goes ahead and then it goes to number 3 on this list.
Then the story picks up with Mac and Harm talking - him comforting her, and then the story jumps 6 months (depending on which scenario is picked) with Harm asking her out on a date - or they had rebuilt their friendship and he finally kisses her, which then begins their long awaited romance!
Just North of Union Station
Harm’s Apartment
2230 EST
December 14, 2000
Harm stood frozen in place as he stared at Renee. “You are what?”
“Pregnant is the word Harm. I am pregnant.”
Not now, the worst timing in the world was all Harm could think. Mac announced her engagement to Bugme at the Christmas party just hours ago and now here was Renee telling him he was about to become a father. A father to a child he really didn’t want right now. “When did you find out?”
“Well I was late this month and finally took one of those home pregnancy things this morning after you left for work. I know this isn’t what we had planned but I know we can do this together.”
Still speechless Harm finally embraced her as she came forward to him. Part of him wondering how planned this child was, she had been hinting for months now about it and now she had it. He was silently kicking himself for letting this go on for so long and now, for better or worse, he was in thick.
Renee held Harm close so that he wouldn’t see her tears of shame, all she wanted to do today was see Mic, and tell him that their few nights of pleasure had resulted in more than either of them had intended. Then tonight just before she could get him off by himself, she listened as Mac and Mic announced their engagement, she could still see Harms face as his mask went up when Mac showed her ring on the left hand. Of course, Renee still couldn’t believe that in just a few short months and side meetings with Mic that she had fallen in love with him. Well one could get even all the way around. She would just have to settle for Harm, he was good but Mic was always there with the words she wanted to hear and his job didn’t require all of the traveling that Harm’s did.
Mic’s Apartment
Same time
Mic looked over to where Sarah lay asleep. It had been a great evening until he watched Renee’s face fall as they had announced their engagement. Seeing her hang all over Harm also hit below the belt too. He knew that the woman beside him now cared for him but she would never love him like she loved Rabb. What was it with that man anyway? He had women all over him and dying to be part of his life and he carried on like he didn’t notice.
He went over in his mind the few times he and Renee had met. Talk about your explosions, she ignited him like no other had; he smiled, including the woman next to him. Of course he knew that Renee wasn’t one to hold back in bed where Mac did.
Mic got up and headed over to the window and watched the snowfall. Well he got the prize no matter what, the woman sleeping in his bed was the one Rabb wanted and he had her. The thought that as much as he loved Sarah, he didn’t love her as should came down on him. Now that he had won, it started to seem empty as the hurt came across Renee’s face.
“Get over it mate.” He said silently to himself.
Mac rolled over and watched as Mic stood there staring out, herself going over the night’s events and Harm’s face. It hurt to see him look at her with eyes asking why. All she could think was you had your chance Flyboy you just waited to long. It also hurt to watch the video princess ooze up by his side and hang all over him as he made his attempt to act like nothing about her engagement bothered him. But did it? Did it really bother him or did she misread him.
McLean VA
Beltway
December 31st 2000
Harms SUV
Harm looked over to Renee as she sat staring out the window of the SUV. He had finally started talking marriage with her and had agreed that they would announce that she was pregnant. He had been surprised that after she had found out she was pregnant that she had backed down on getting married. He still wasn’t a fan of it but he wanted the best for his child.
Renee looked over the snow-covered landscape as they headed out to the Admirals for New Years. Seems that the old man had some big plans and wanted his staff there for the big event. She knew that Harm wanted to go and she wanted to see Mic’s face when she mentioned the baby. It was all far in love and war and this was a war.
Mac’s corvette
Mac looked over to her silent fiancé, they had had yet another fight over dates and what they wanted. She only wanted a simple service with a few friends there and he wanted a big ceremony with everyone and God there. She didn’t see the need to go all out and Mic just didn’t understand. Then there was Harm. He hadn’t spoken more than one or two words to her since the Christmas party and those had been in court. She was getting tired of Yes ma’am and no ma’am. The rank thing rattled her the most. Yes she was his superior by 4 months but he refused to call her anything but Colonel and ma’am.
Mic looked straight ahead, he had wanted to stay in alone but no, we just have to go the JAG party. JAG this and JAG that. He was getting tired of it and now understood the complaining that Renee did when they were seeing each other. He knew if Harm or Sarah ever found out about that pain would be his new friend.
Chegwidden Residence
MacLean, Va.
2100 EST
Everyone was gathering around the fireplace after dinner was cleaned up and enjoying him or herself. Renee squeezed Harm’s and let him know that she was ready to tell everyone. He wasn’t but knew that she wasn’t going to wait for him.
“Everyone, can I have your attention.” Harm asked as he drew Renee close.
“What is it Commander?” Singer asked as she came over to stand near them.
“Harm and I have an announcement to make.” Renee said as she glanced over to where Mac and Mic were standing. She noticed that there was distance between them, not much but enough for her to see. She then looked up to Harm and prodded him to tell everyone.
Taking a deep breath, “Renee and I are expecting.”
As most of the room erupted in congratulations and when is the wedding as they approach Harm and Renee, Mac just stood stunned, a baby. A baby, she remembered the baby pact as she looked at Harm.
Mic kept his shock to himself. A baby! Trying to decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing he nudged Mac and lead them over to Harm and Renee.
The two couple stood there with fake smiles on and well wishes that were as false as the lashes that Renee wore.
February 5th 2001
Georgetown Clinic
Harm rushed in the door, running late after a court session with Mac. They had fought each other into a corner and pissed off the judge. He almost charged them both with contempt but decided to dismiss for the day after dressing down both officers. The fighting was nothing new as the office was concerned; the tension between Harm and Mac was so thick that a chain saw would have been needed to cut through it. Most learned to quickly vacate the area if the two former friends were about to tangle.
AJ had considered sending them off on an investigation together on a sub but with Renee having problems with her pregnancy and Mac getting married on the 17th, his hands were tied as to sending the bickering attorneys anywhere.
Harm spotted Renee’s doctor as he was coming out of an exam room. “Dr. Miller?”
“Yes.”
“I am Commander Rabb, I was looking for my girlfriend Renee Patterson. She is here for a check up.”
“Just finished, she is getting dressed.”
“How is she?”
“Fine, the bleeding has stopped and I don’t see any problems between now and when she is due in July.” The doctor smiled.
Harm sighed in relief and then took in what the doctor said, “July, she told me the baby was due in August?”
“Well when a child is conceived in October it is usually due in July.”
Harm was just about ask another question when Renee came out, “Harm, what are you doing here?”
Both looked at each other in surprise, Harm recovered first, “I just wanted to be in on the appointment but court ran late.” The doctor catching something was amiss just nodded his goodbye and headed over to his office.
Renee knew that meant that Mac was giving him problems. “ Well I wish you could have been here, but I just finished. So what about taking me out for dinner?”
Since she missed the conversation with the doctor, Harm decided to just let it go for now not wanted to jeopardize the good news of her bleeding episodes being over, “Sure, where does the lady want to go?” He said with his best courtroom fake smile.
“I hear that the wings are the best at the Applebee’s near here.”
“Lead on then.” His said gesturing for her to lead the way out. As he followed her out to his car, the past few weeks of her distancing herself from him came clear. It was more than some minor bleeding; it was guilt for cheating on him. His problem now was what to do, raise her child as his or should he push for the answered of who the father was?
Mac’s Apartment
Same time
Mac entered the apartment and threw her cover across the room. The outward show of anger had Jingo running for cover, and him staying there after the she cussed out one Harmon Rabb Jr. as she changed clothes. She couldn’t get over how he kept pushing her buttons, and then got away from the Admirals tirade at them because Renee had an appointment. She stopped and looked at herself in the mirror. Her mind wondered what she would look like pregnant, something that Mic didn’t like to think about. The shock of Harm and Renee’s announcement still stunned her every now and then as she thought over the promise they had made almost two years ago. Part of her screamed that it should have been her by Harm’s side that night instead of the video witch.
Who knows, maybe she would get her chance after she married Mic. But he was so damn careful. Since the first time he had always used a condom and as much as she appreciated the extra protection, she hoped that after they were married he would stop. Last nights conversation over children had dashed those hopes tremendously. Mic let her know that he wasn’t in the mood to become a father any time soon and wasn’t sure he really wanted kids.
She let out another frustrated sigh and called for Jingo.
The dog was reluctant to leave his safe place but saw that his master needed some TLC and wagging his tail headed over to her.
Mac started going over in her mind the conversations about kids that they had had, it wasn’t till Harm and Renee told everyone did he get touchy on the subject. She wanted to chalk it up to him being upset that it wasn’t them being first since Mic always seemed to be competing against Harm.
“That’s enough Marine, just pre wedding jitters is all this is. He wants you and that’s what counts, not his drive to beat Harm.” Now if I can just keep reminding myself that.
February 15th 2001
Harm’s Apartment
1900 EST
Harm stood in the middle of his kitchen, he had debated himself into two weeks of no sleep since he had found out about the baby. He knew that it was going to hurt both of them and that no matter what he would help her out but the baby deserved to know his or her own father. His decision to force the issue came after a young Petty Office came in to challenge an ex girl friend for the rights to his son. Harm knew that he couldn’t put his full heart into raising the child unless the real father knew, if he didn’t want the child then Harm was willing to accept the rights and role as a father.
Now dealing with the mother was another issue. It was hard but no matter what happened after the child was born, their relationship was over. He couldn’t live with the fact the she had been cheating on him while he was in Russia.
“Harm, are you about ready to go?” She asked as she slide up to him and put her arms around him.
Harm pushed her hands away and walked from her, “Renee we need to talk first.”
She knew in an instant, the distance that he placed between them since her last OB appointment became clear. “ When did you figure it out?”
“Your doctor told me and I have done some reading on what to expect when you are expecting. I have also been trying to figure out when it happened. We were practicing safe sex and then bam; a baby was on the way. I could only figure out that once or twice where we threw caution to the wind.”
She turned and went to sit on the couch, “I am so sorry Harm. I really am. He and I only met a few times while you were gone to Russia. I think only once or twice since then.”
“It only takes once Renee. Does he know?”
This was the hard part to decide, tell him and let him and Mac win or will he not say a thing. Hell Mic hadn’t even spoken to her since the New Years Eve party; it was like she burned him.
“Renee, tell me. If he doesn’t want it I still want to be the father, part time one but still be a father. But he needs to be told so he can decide whether or not he wants to play a part in the child life.”
“He knows Harm, he knows. He just doesn’t know that it is his and I am sure once told he will run. You see he is engaged and after the time it took to get her to accept his proposal and beat her other suitor. I’m sure that he won’t have anything to do with the baby. Whether or not he will let you have the rights is another thing. Are you sure Harm that you want to help raise another mans child?”
“I have done nothing but ponder that since I chatted with your doctor. Now who is the father?”
“Mic is.” She whispered.
Harm felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. That was the last name he had expected to hear. As bad as he hurt at the moment he thought of Mac and how she would take this. It would kill her to find out that her future husband had been sleeping around while she was running around Russia trying to find him.
“Harm, I don’t know what to do.”
“He has a right to know, whether or not he tells Mac is another thing. He just needs to be told before the wedding in case he wants to change brides. Do you care for him?”
Before she could stop herself, “Yes. I do.”
“Then why did you stay with me? What have we been doing all these months Renee?”
“You both wanted Mac and you both wanted me. I knew he would go after Mac since you two have been fighting over her for a couple years. I had my hooks into you and everyone knows that the honorable Harmon Rabb would never step across the line and do something wrong and date anyone he works with. It’s against the regs. Everyone knows you care for her Harm. Hell the stuff that Bobbie has told me. I just hoped I could change your mind and make you see me the same way.”
Harm looked away from her, everything she had said was true. Bobbie told him once that no one could ever beat the marine in his heart and that it was a shame that he was letting his rules keep him from being happy. His rules now were causing heartache for everyone.
The worst part was that the most innocent person in all of this was the one who through it’s being was forcing everyone one of them to recheck their thinking.
February 16th
Beltway
Do to the lateness of the planning, there was another wedding planned the same day as Mac’s so the wedding was set for 7pm, late enough for the other wedding to be over with and long gone.
Harm didn’t want anything to do with the wedding at all and had done his best to avoid it at all costs till AJ ordered him to be at the rehearsal dinner that night.
Renee was even less thrilled now as they drove in silence. She knew that tonight was going to change a lot of lives and that Harm would tell Mic if she didn’t. The soon to be ex couple kept their thoughts to themselves after the long discussion before they left the apartment, the baby it was decided came first and it was Mic’s name that would officially go on the birth certificate. After that if he didn’t want anything to do with the child then and only then would Renee consider Harms proposal to take over the role of father. She knew that he would make an excellent father but if things didn’t go well she really wanted to put this chapter of her life behind her and forget that she ever knew anyone in the military.
For his part, Harm was reconsidering his part in all of this. He was mainly concerned with how it was all going to affect Mac, how would she handle finding out Mic cheated on her? If she stayed with him, how would she handle having a stepchild? He knew that more than anything she wanted to be a mother as he mulled over a promise made on the steps of JAG. He shook his head, it was all in Mic’s court, he wouldn’t be the one to tell her, and he couldn’t. It would be like he was gloating that he was right about Mic. Of course being suckered by Renee would sting, but he had been the noble one to claim another mans child as his and would take responsibility for that child if Mic didn’t.
Local Restaurant and club
2000 EST
Mac was grateful to AJ and Harriet for planning the dinner and making reservations at a place with a dance floor.
Mac sat at their table watching Mic dance with Harriet. The rehearsal had taken less time than planned to the couples involved decided to go ahead and head to the restaurant. She was dreading seeing Harm and Renee, AJ had ordered them there since most of JAG would be present. She couldn’t decided how Harm took the order since his courtroom face was in place, when wasn’t it on? The past few months, since his announcement that he may be resigning, they were anything but friends, the last decent conversation was at the wall when Renee called her worried about her sailor. It made Mac want to puke when Renee called him that, but since she was the future Mrs. Harmon Rabb, Mac knew she had to deal with it.
It was then as she caught Harm entering the room that it hit her, is this how Harm has felt the past year since I took the ring? Was Mic just a means to an end, she went over and over all of the times Harm had hurt her and she had ran to Mic. She went over the past year, starting with the conversation on the ferry. Harm never said that he loved her and then again he never said he didn’t. Was Mic just a replacement for Harm since he wasn’t ready? Did she react to his obsessions and insecurities and accept a ring from a man who was offering everything that Harm wasn’t ready for. Harm promised her a child one day, almost three years from now, is that what he was asking for on the ferry, the time to put his fears in order? Then when he heading back to Russia and Mic threatened to leave, was it love or was it fear of being alone again? Damn you Harm, why do you make me question myself.
“Ma’am?”
“Harriet?”
“I’m sorry, you look like someone who is contemplating the world.”
“Just going over the past year, wondering if I am making the right move.”
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“I really don’t know that’s what I am thinking about. All of the sudden it doesn’t feel right.”
Harriet stared at her friend wondering what to say to that revelation. She and Bud liked Mic but they had always felt that there was something missing, the spark that made a marriage. “Sarah, if it doesn’t feel right then call it off.”
Mac smiled, “its just pre-wedding jitters Harriet. And memories of what could have been, I’ll be fine.”
Harriet nodded and knew that this weekend would be a challenge to get through. She then followed Mac’s gaze as Mic, Renee and Harm headed for the patio behind the dance floor.
Outside
“Just what do you want Mate?”
Harm prodded Renee forward; he could feel her trembling as she took his hand for support. “Renee needs to talk to you and then we all need to evaluate our options.”
“Talk about what?”
“The week we spent at the Watergate.”
Mic was speechless as he stared at the woman in front of him, he couldn’t believe that she had told Harm about it. Trying to save some face, “what about it.”
“The child that is a direct result of it Mic, you need to decide how much of a role you want to play as father to your child.” Harm spat out, Renee jumped. It was the first time she had seen his anger since their discussion that started yesterday.
“How do you know its mine?”
Renee lowered her head, “Harm and I always used protection, and he wasn’t home in October when the baby was conceived. The only man I was with that month was you Mic. Remember we got drunk and only realized after we had made love several times that we forgot to use precaution.”
“But you said that you were on the pill.”
“I was but I was also sick that week and was on antibiotics and they negated the pill.”
Mic turned away and banged his fist against the railing.
“Mic you have two options since I know that Renee is having the child. The first has you being a father to your child and helping Renee raise it, the other is after the child is born you sign over all rights to me and I adopt it.”
Mic turned back and glared at Harm. He was in a catch 22, either he acknowledged his child and Sarah finds out he cheated on her or he signs the rights over to Rabb and he raises his child. Either way Rabb wins, he either gets Mac or he gets my child.
“Do you know what it is?” Mic asked.
“I got the results of the amnio today, I was going to surprise you Harm with the news yesterday but oh well.” She said as she caught Harms look of surprise. “It’s a girl. She is healthy. Her name will be Taylor Marie something or the other depending on you Mic.” She watched as he pondered the choices.
“So are you planning to run to Sarah and tell her Harm?”
“You are the one who cheated on the woman you are supposed to love, not me. You have to decide that Mic. She deserves to know and you know that. Tell her and let her decide were you two are going from there. I am going to leave you two to talk now,” He said as he headed back inside. He stopped and turned back around one last time, “I will promise you this Mate, you hurt Mac in anyway, after this, you will deal with me. After all of this is settled and Mac knows, I won’t be holding back.”
Renee and Mic watched as Harm left them alone. “Do you really love her Mic? Or has she been the prize between you and Harm?”
“What do you want Renee?”
“Why are you asking me now Mic? I told you when we were seeing each other on the side that I would leave Harm for you. Now I see that I was just a pawn in your game.” She said as she started crying.
Mic pulled her to him and held her tight. He couldn’t explain what he felt for Renee but it was totally different from his feeling for Sarah. And now she was expecting his child. His! “You were never a pawn Renee. You were just the one who stepped into lives of people whose paths crossed and collided.” Just like I was, if I had never accepted a position to JAG, I wouldn’t be caught up in the middle of hell.
From across the deck, Mac watched as the trio exchanged words, unable to hear them she knew that something was up and she wasn’t invited. She knew that Harm was angry, his shields were down and then after he left when Mic and Renee embraced each other she knew her jaw had hit the floor.
A few minutes of watching her almost husband with the video witch was too much and headed back in. She scanned the room as she walked in and found Harm sitting at the bar. What she saw shocked her, he had several shots lined up and was downing them fairly rapidly.
“Harm what are you doing?” She asked as she finally made her way over to him.
“Getting drunk Colonel.”
“Why?”
“I would like to be alone now Colonel, if you don’t mind.” He said spitefully, he wanted her to hate him as much as he hated himself.
“Harm you don’t have to be so formal outside of the office and with my history you should know that drinking isn’t the answer.”
He kept his eyes forward; he knew that after she found out about Mic that they would be loaded with pain. Pain he caused because he was a coward. “Pain control Ma’am, you should be familiar with that.” Was what he finally said as the Bourbon finally took control of his brain.
Mac couldn’t believe what he had just said and how he had said it.
“Fine then COMMANDER, drink yourself into oblivion but I can tell you that you won’t find the answers you are looking for in that glass and that tomorrow everything will be the same as it is right now.”
‘Oh how I wish that were true’, was all he could think when he finally turned to see Mac heading over to Mic who had just come inside with Renee.
Renee saw him and the bar and acknowledged him with a nod. She slowly made her way over to him and put her hand on his shoulder in a simple show of affection. “Later.” Was all she said.
Nether one of them noticed the two sets of eyes that watched from across the room.
Saturday Afternoon
Harm’s Apartment
530 EST
Renee packed the last of her stuff into the box and carried it over to the stack that Harm was carrying down to his SUV. After a lengthy talk the night before, it was agreed that she would move her stuff to storage and head on out to LA to live with her sister. Harm hadn’t been to keen on the idea until she told him that she needed space from him and the mistakes she made with him and Mic.
“That’s the last one Harm so when you get done I’ll be ready to go.”
“Fine, we’ll head over to the locker if there is time, which reminds me, what time is your flight?”
“It’s at 9:45 tonight.” She then took a deep breath and looked into his face, “Harm I want to go to the wedding. I want to see Mic one last time before I go.”
“I can’t believe you still want to go after last night. He pretty much rejected you and you want to still see him?”
“Come on now Harm, you know you want to see Mac one last time. I saw the request you typed up for a transfer. You can’t stand her with him anymore now than I can stand seeing him with her. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or that I just denied it these past few months but I really care for him.”
Harm sighed; last night had been hell as he watched Mac with Mic. AJ may have ordered him to the dinner but there was no way in hell he was going to the wedding. It would be like watching part of you die as she said I do. “Are you sure Renee?”
Seeing the pain in his face and in his eyes, she knew she was asking a lot of him. It surprised her when she watched Harm with Mac last night. There was a face that was made of stone only she was privy to the real Harmon Rabb. She felt sorry for Mac all of the sudden. The woman Harm wanted to love and live with forever didn’t stand a chance with shields he wore protecting his heart. “Come with me Harm. There is still time for us to change both of their minds. I know Mic didn’t tell her and she deserves to know the truth. If he won’t do what’s right for his child, then we can at least save her from the biggest mistake of her life.”
“You mean you are willing stand up and admit to everyone that the baby is Mic’s?”
“I may not love you Harm like I should, I know you care for me but will never love me. And the way our relationship is ending isn’t normal. We should be kicking and screaming not leaving like this.”
Harm smiled and laughed, “I guess you’re right about that. I remember how mad you were after that case when I tore you apart in court. We have never been the normal couple.”
“How could we be Harm, you aren’t the normal kind of guy. You have many qualities that are so endearing and then you are one of the most infuriating men I know. So will you go with me?”
“I will go to the church but I won’t watch the ceremony.” He said as he headed to the bedroom to change out of his sweaty clothes, “ As for my transfer stuff. I have a friend out in Hawaii that needs a JAG partner while hers is out on maternity leave. So the transfer will be temporary for a while and the admiral told me it was approved after I discussed it with him this morning. I guess he understands more than he ever lets on. So I leave Monday myself for 5 months but I also have arranged my leave for when the baby gets here if you need me.”
“Thanks, now get changed and we will discuss the later subject in a month or two.”
1830 EST
The church
Outside
Mic stood on the steps and watched as the clouds let loose with the snow that was predicted to fall the rest of the evening. He couldn’t shake the news out of his head. He was going to be a father of a little girl, a daughter. It was something he never put much thought into besides trying to pacify Sarah. He didn’t want kids; they were a cramp in the lifestyle he planned for himself and Sarah when he finally got her put of the marines so they could travel. Children got in the way of but now with the reality of it in his face, the more the news sunk in the more he wanted to be a part in the child’s life.
What to do about Sarah, could he be a part of both, have the woman he wanted on his arm and a child to see whenever? I could have both that way.
Mic turned to reenter the church as the battle inside him waged on.
Inside
Mac stared at her reflection in the mirror she didn’t like the person that was looking back. The woman looking back was not the Marine she knew but a woman who had lost her way.
“It’s almost time so you better finish up.” Harriet stood still by the door as she watched her friend debate the right thing to do.
Mac smiled back at Harriet, “Just a minute Harriet, I am just getting mentally ready.”
“If you were sure about this you wouldn’t be going over those thoughts right now. Do you really love Mic or are you settling because the man you really want is taken?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Come on now Mac, I may be dense sometimes but I am not blind. I know that you and Commander Rabb have feelings for each other. I saw them the first time I met you two on the Seahawk, but knowing how you two are about regulations I figured it would just take some time before you two got together. I remember the stuff that Bud typed out while his jaw was wired about what happened in Sydney. He told me that Harm was beside himself over your behavior with Mic. He was so jealous and it caught Bud off guard. He told me the fight in front of the courthouse that day wasn’t over the case it was over you. What happened after it that made you pick Mic?”
“He gave me what Harm wouldn’t, he gave me hope. At least then I thought so, now I am not so sure. Harm is just so stiff around me and Mic was free, he treated me the way I thought I wanted to be treated. Looking back now I am beginning to question myself, am I just settling or is what I feel really love for Mic.”
“If you don’t know the answer, then stop the wedding.”
“But.”
“No buts Mac, do what is right for right now, if you and Mic work things out afterwards and you still want him then we can easily throw a wedding together. It is easier than filing for a divorce when and if you decide you made a mistake.”
Mac walked over to Harriet and Harriet took her into a hug. “Thanks Harriet.”
“What are friends for? It will be okay. Do you want me to tell the minister?”
“If you don’t mind, I need to find Mic.” She said as she grabbed her clothes and quickly put them on.
The church Foyer
18:45
Harm assisted Renee up the stairs and into the church but stopped short of entering the chapel. “I’ll be right here.”
She was about to say something when she saw Mic coming down the hallway. She stopped and in one moment decided that she was going to give Harm his chance with Mac. “Mic.”
Mic stopped as he heard his name from two different directions. He turned to Mac first. At the same time they spoke, “ I need to speak to you.”
“You go first Sarah.”
Mac didn’t see Harm in the background as Renee came up behind her. “ I want to postpone the wedding. I feel that we have some unresolved issues and before we can pledge our lives to each other, we need to find out if that’s what we want.”
He gave a sad smile and before he could even agree with her, Renee who didn’t see Mac standing in the shadows blurted out, “Mic, I am leaving for California tonight. I will call you with all of the information about the baby. Harm is still interested in adopting her if you don’t want to claim her. I know you still intend to marry Mac, but if you want to be part of our daughters life you can.”
“What?” Mac stuttered as she gained Harms and Renee’s attention.
Harm decided to venture over and give Renee, probably for the last time some emotional support, he too missed seeing Mac. But no one could miss the pain and anger that now crossed her face.
“I was coming to tell you Sarah. I can’t marry you. You see I was unfaithful to you while you were in Russia with Harm. I guess a small part of me wanted to do what I figured you were doing to me.”
“Mic is my baby’s father Mac, she was conceived while you two were out saving the world. We both needed someone and found each other.”
Mac looked at Harm, for the first time in a long time the shield was gone and she saw the truth written all over his face. She took a step back to recompose herself. “Well I guess the jokes on me huh?” She took the ring off her left hand and gave it to Renee, “Here, daddy can marry you. The church is all set up and I am sure that the dress you have on will do.”
“Sarah, I am so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen, you have got to believe me but he always seemed to be between us. So when you took off after him, what was I supposed to think?”
“That the woman you said you loved was doing you right instead of cheating on you. Have a great life with your little family here Mic. I never want to see you again.” Mac finished as she walked away from them.
“Go after her sir.” Harriet said as she prodded Harm.
He jumped as she did since he didn’t hear her come up on the group discussion. “ She is too angry and hurt right now, she wont listen to anyone. Especially me.”
“You have at least to give it a try Harm. The worst that could happen is she tones you out.”
“Go on mate. Renee and I need to talk and I will take care of her from now on.”
“Are you sure Mic?” Renee asked as he took her hand in his.
“We have a lot to go over and there is no time like the present since my evening is now free.”
Harm looked from one to the other. He knew that Renee would be taken care of. He drug the keys to her storage out and handed them to her. “Take care Renee, you know my number should you ever need anything.”
“Thanks for everything Harm and I am sorry, but go on now before it is too late. You lucked out this time.”
Harm shook Mic’s out reached hand and kissed Renee on the cheek. Then he took off after Mac.
The Church
Mac ran down the steps with tears flowing down her face, she couldn’t believe that in two minutes her world had come crashing down around her. Everything that she feared in from a relationship had come true and now she was hurting worse than she thought she ever could. Mic and Renee, how could he have cheated on her after he pledged his love for her and then think that she would have cheated on him like that? Didn’t he know her, he said he did and he goes and does something like that. Then the lies from all of them along with the secrets that she missed damn them.
Then there was Harm, keeping her in the dark like that. Didn’t he know how it would have hurt her?
Harm was right on her six, he caught up with her about a block down the street. “Mac, wait.”
He finally caught her arm and spun her around. “Stop Marine, we need to talk.”
“Talk?” She shouted at him, “Talk? That’s funny Harm, I have wanted to talk to you for months, I have wanted to talk to you for over a year about different things but you let my hang out there in the dark. Kept me at arms length letting me know that I was the last person you ever wanted to talk to and after everything that has happened tonight you want to talk?” She let lose with an evil laugh.
He hung his head down, “Mac,” then taking a deep breath, “I didn’t know what to say and I still don’t. I just know that I am sorry for the way I have hurt you.”
Mac stared at him and she saw that his mask was gone. All that was left was open and raw from the emotions that he was finally letting himself feel. But the anger in her was winning the war with her heart. “Well Commander, it’s a little late for apologies. How long have you known about Renee and Mic?”
“Two weeks.”
“And you never thought to come to me and let me know that the man I was about to marry was cheating on me?”
Harm bristled a little bit at her tone, “Excuse me but how would you have taken it if I just walked into your office and said ‘ Excuse me Colonel, your fiancé has been sleeping with my girlfriend and the child she is expecting is his. Just what would you have done Mac? It took me two weeks before I could even get a grip on it. That a baby I had come to think of as mine wasn’t. It belonged to another man. I had enough on my own plate to deal with along with all of the repercussions that this was going to have.”
Mac started to rub her arms as she realized that she had run out without a coat. Seeing her distress Harm took off his coat and wrapped it around her.
They stood there like that, just glaring at each other, lost in their own thoughts of the mistakes that they had both made the past few years.
Harm finally realized that she needed time to cool down but spoke his from his heart anyway. “Sarah, I am sorry, sorrier that you can ever imagine over all of the pain I have caused you, from my leaving to fly, to denying that I love you that night on the ferry. I am sorry that I kept from telling you how I feel and letting my fears rule my life. I can’t take back the past year; I wish I could because then there would never have been a Renee and Mic to complicate our lives. I hope that someday you are able to forgive me for being afraid. For not being a little more open that night on the ferry, I just wasn’t ready for what you wanted that night. I just needed some time, that was all I was asking for.”
Mac stood there speechless, he had wanted her that night, he loved her and now after all of the words and mixed up feelings could they find their way back?
Harm watched as she processed what he had said and seeing that she wasn’t going to respond he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and walked off.
Unable to get over the pain of the moment, she let him go.
20 minutes later
Mac walked back into the church, after finally composing herself she wanted to find Harm and talk. AJ met her at the doors to the chapel.
“Just a minute Mac.”
“What sir?”
He stood back enough so she could see down the aisle, at the end stood Mic and Renee exchanging vows.
“Well they deserve each other. They are expecting a baby together. I just hope they don’t expect a gift from me.” Mac said as she tried to find some humor in the situation.
AJ smiled a little bit. He knew that she had blown up and was starting to put things in perspective. “I wouldn’t think so, but knowing Miss. Peterson, she might.”
Giving he best attempt at a smile, “Well Mrs. Brumby won’t be getting one from this Marine. If you will excuse me sir, I need to get my stuff and clear out of here.”
“Sure,” looking at her coat for the first time, “changing branches Colonel?”
“What?” She asked as she realized she had on Harm’s coat, “Oh Harm gave it to me. Do you know where he is?”
“ I saw him climb into his car and head home. He didn’t look like he was in a mood to talk. I suppose the two of you need some space from everything that has transpired?”
“Yes sir, I will just catch him later. If it is okay, I would like to take the few days I was supposed to be on my honeymoon off and think about where I am going from here.”
“Don’t make any drastic changes Mac. Right now isn’t the time for that. You need to find your way back to yourself first. Then plan on from there. Take your week but be ready to play catch up when you get back.”
“Thank you sir.”
After gathering all of her stuff, she headed home to exchange the stuff she had packed for what she would need for the next week and headed off to find herself in the only place she knew.
February 26th 2001
JAG HQ
0845 EST
Mac walked into the bullpen with a renewed spirit and energy. It had been great to spend a week alone hiking the trails that she and her uncle Matt had been down many times. She went over in her mind the words that Harm had spoken after the announcement at the church and felt bad over how she attacked him. Not giving a thought to how the whole thing had affected him.
“Morning Colonel, how was your vacation?”
“Fine Bud. It was great to get away from here and be alone. Helped me put some things in perspective.”
“That’s great ma’am. Um, I was wondering if you would have some time this afternoon to go over the Billings Court marshall.”
“Sure how about 1400, that way I can spend the morning catching up. Just let commander Rabb know.”
“Uh, Ma’am Commander Rabb is out on TDY till June.”
“Where did he go?” She asked as she kept the hurt in her voice at bay.
Great, now I am in trouble, “ Harm is on TDY in Hawaii for a few months, one of their lawyers is on maternity leave and they are short handed. The Captain there is an old academy friend of his.”
Mac thought over who was stationed out there that Harm knew. Kate Pike was one of them, “Then I will see you at 1400 Lieutenant.”
“Aye aye Ma’am.”
End of June
Pearl
Harm stood outside of the JAG office waiting for his ride to the airport with just a carry on bag, having sent his stuff the day before.
He was nervous, it was now almost five months since he last saw Mac and left Washington to find himself and put his life back together. Not since Diane’s death had he felt so out of control.
“Well Harm we are going to hate to see you leave.” Captain Messer said as she came out to join him.
“Thanks Captain, I have enjoyed my stint here, but Washington is home.” He said trying to smile back at that woman who had been a long time friend.
“I understand.”
“And thanks for letting me moonlight on the Seahawk.”
“Harm, I have known you for a long time and I understand that your heart has two loves, the law and the air. If you ever want to return out here permanently I can see what I can do about it.”
“Will I ever get out of owing you favors?”
“No, you still haven’t made up for that prank you pulled in the gym that I helped cover up. I still pull favors from Keeter and Taylor when I can.”
Both chuckled at the academy memory. “Well ma’am I better be off before I miss my flight home.”
“One last thing Harm, as your friend and the person who knew what you lost when Diane died, don’t let the woman who holds you heart go.”
Harm looked over at his friend, “You knew?”
“Harm, I may have been a senior your first year there but I watched you two together and I saw how you grieved at the funeral. The four of you were like my own little brothers and sister. So yes I knew how you felt about Diane and I know that you feel the same for whoever this person is that you are holding back from right now.”
“I can’t keep anything from you can I?” Harm said as he went over the conversations with Angela since he reported to Pearl. He had gone out of the way to leave DC behind and just regroup from everything. He knew that Mac’s name was never mentioned.
“Nope, even though you and I haven’t talked much, I know that a woman is the reason you asked to come out here. So get home and tell her how you feel Commander and let me know when I need to fly out there for the wedding.”
“Aye aye Ma’am.” As he came to attention, she returned his salute and then unceremonially grabbed him into a hug.
July 4th 2001
The Wall
2100 EST
Harm stood there alone, the crowds were finally leaving after the long 4th of July weekend. After one day of the DC heat he was silently wishing he were back in Hawaii. He soon became wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t see her approach.
Mac stood off a ways just watching him; he has a great tan and looks a little thinner was all she could think of and was that a mustache he let grow out? She knew that he was due back the following week and that she missed him. Would his return this time be the same as the last?
“Harm?”
So lost in thought that he jumped when she called his name, he turned to face her, “Hello Mac. How have you been?”
“Fine, and you?”
“Good.”
“How was Hawaii?”
“Great. How were things here?”
“Okay.”
Harm turned his head and looked back at the wall.
Both felt the distance between them and it hurt. The few word sentences told more than anything else about their pain.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” He finally said.
“I know, I never meant to hurt you either but I was tired of waiting.”
He turned back to face her, seeing the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes. “I know you were. I know you were tired of waiting the day I left to return to the air, but I was just to afraid to let you know that I was too. Too scared to let you know that I wanted everything you did.”
She was taking aback by his admission. Finding her voice, “then didn’t you say anything?”
“Because every time I let a person in, let them know how I feel they are taken from me.” He took his hand as he took a deep breath. “I knew that I would never survive losing you too.”
“You almost did Harm, if Mic hadn’t cheated on me I would be married to him right now.”
“But you would be alive, I would still get to see you everyday. Your marriage would have killed me a little each day but you would still be around.”
“Diane.” She said as she realized that he wasn’t over her yet. “You still love her.”
“I will always love her Mac, she is a part of my past as is my flying, and my dad and all of the other things I cant let go of. I don’t know how to say goodbye.”
She was about to speak when he finally added, “And I don’t know how to tell you everything you want to hear.”
“Like what?” She asked, trying to draw out of him what was trapped deep inside.
He smiled as he caught on to her courtroom style interrogation.
“What?” She asked.
“I really missed you,” he said trying to change the subject.
“I missed you too.” Mac replied wondering why he was evading her now, “But you didn’t answer my question, what could you not say to me that I wanted to hear?”
“That I think of you more than a sister and I’ll leave it at that for awhile. I don’t want any red lights thrown my way.”
“Great, later. Why is it always later with you? Why can’t you just say what you feel at the moment when it is happening? Huh Harm.”
“Because right now we need to work at getting our friendship back before we see what can be on the other side of our friendship, okay? I want what is on the other side too Sarah, it is just that I don’t think that we are ready at the moment.”
“I guess your right.” She answered back trying to hide her disappointment.
He caught on and knew that they were at the fork in the road. He then stood back from her and offered his hand to her, “Hello, my name is Harmon Rabb.”
“What?”
“But everyone calls me Harm, I was wondering if a beautiful woman like you would be interested in dinner with me. I know this great Chinese place near here.”
She caught on, “Sure, that sounds nice. My name is Sarah.”
“Have you ever taken the road less traveled Sarah? He asked as he offered her his arm.
“No I can’t say that I have.”
“Neither have I but seeing you here makes me want to take that road.” He said leading her to his car.
“Are you sure?”
“Why not, but I should let you know I screwed up the last time with this marine and I am kind of slow at letting the women in my life know I love them.”
She gripped his arm tighter and let out a small laugh. “Really, you dated a marine?”
“I wanted to but she scared me. You ever dated a pilot?”
“No but I hear dress whites and gold wings are over rated.”
