You use words like *They* because its *Them* you're drinking against.
It feels like empowerment.
It feels like your little piece of personal strength.
It feels GOOD.
Only trouble is........its a quiet riot.
It happens in the privacy of a little room, that is you
You're consoling yourself, because they cant.
They dont care. They dont have to live your life. They arent feeling these feelings of worthlessness and frustration.
But , so many of us have these rebellions, and we miss the point.
The point is, we want some control.
We want to have the right to make this decision and not let anyone tell us what to do. Its our little power trip. And its ALL OURS .
Whats missing from this recurring 5 minute war for one, is the enjoyment of it.
We dont enjoy our rebellion.
It makes us feel bad. It bolsters the feelings of worthlessness, because it gives credence to the judgements that They make. You're a Pisshead. You're a Bum.
No goodnik. Neglectful. Loser. Drunk.
Untill you start drinking because you WANT to.. ..you're only drinking because They dont want you to.
So REBEL, by all means.
But ENJOY it !
As soon as you take charge of Wanting to drink...you can then take just as much charge of NOT wanting to.
Its your friggen buissiness anyway !
The reason so many people fail at Cold Turkey, is that we are ultimately doing what They want us to do. When we should be doing what WE want us to do.
How can you maintain any concreteness in your life, if you make decisions about yourself, based on opinions given you by people other than YOU.
Of COURSE you're going to want another drink... and when you have it..you'll feel like a loser.
But if you have it when you choose to, and because you Want to, the whole politic shifts, and you begin experiencing a wholeness, that you didnt feel before.
.
We started drinking in the first place, because we felt like losers.
Why go about quitting, under exactly the same shadow of judgement and approval seeking that lead you there? Its doomed to fail, because you'll make it fail. You wont be able to help yourself anymore with drinking, than you did with being rejected or used. You WILL repeat the cycle, just like before, only with a new reason to feel useless.
I quit smoking in 1992, and never went back.
But this time, it was different.
This time I did it AS a rebellion. I did it precisely because I knew I shouldnt.
And fuck it was nice *L*
But because I Chose to do it..it had no power over me, and I Chose not to.
I took back my power. ME. Nobody gave it to me, just like no-one can take it away.
You are your own country. ....And the hurts from the past, and the opinions of other governments have nothing to do with the way you run YOU.