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Minister: Dearly beloved, we gather here together in the sight of god and the company of friends to witness the joining of this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Dixie and Tad are about to make promises that will create and sustain their marriage and deepen the love they've found. As they move through life together, they'll test the strength of that love many times. In those moments, may they remember the joy and certainty that's in their hearts today. May the love and faith you feel at this moment continue to grow for as long as you both may live. Minister: Dixie and Tad have written their own vows. And they will exchange them now. [Laughter] Minister: Tad? Vows? Tad: Oh, is it time? I'm sorry. You're up. Dixie: Oh, I'm first. Ok. Well -- I thank you all so much for coming. You-all look so wonderful, you really do, and we're just both of us so very happy that you could all be here today because, you know, without all of you, none of us would know anything about love at all. Tad: The vows, the vows. Dixie: The vows. Tad: The vows. Dixie: Ok. Calm down. Tad: Vows, vows -- Dixie: Ahem. All right, ok. A friend of mine once read to me a lovely poem by John Donne, and it began, "no man is an island." Now, I think that -- I choose to think that he meant no man, no woman, or child, either. Help me. [Laughter] Tad: What she's trying to say is that we're all connected, all of us. Really. And that what we're doing here today doesn't just affect me and Dixie. It affects all of the people that we love -- our friends and family alike, namely, you-all. Dixie: Right. We're like so many families, you know, these days -- you know, relationships that overlap. Our children inherit new siblings and we get new in-laws, cousins, ex-husbands, ex-wives. Tad: And we all have to live together. Dixie: For better or for worse. So that's why we have decided to include all of you in our vows. [Cheers] Tad: Speaking for myself, I can honestly say that I've made every mistake that a man can make. [Laughter] Dixie: You? No. Tad: By the way, I will fix the lawn, dad. I promise. You always wanted lakefront. We all know that I have a tendency to do what I think and feel is right, even when wiser men and women tell me I'm off base.
Tad: It's a good idea to promise that I'll be sensible if we ever have a problem. Dixie: If we have a problem? Tad: When we have a problem -- [Laughter] Tad: I will be sensible. I won't try to solve it all by myself. I will ask you, many of you -- except for you, Jackson -- for advice. Dixie: And that goes for me, too. I've had a lot of big ideas in my day. Many of them have been real doozies. So, will you help us and stand by us? Congregation: We will. We will. Tad: Even when we're totally wrong about almost everything? Congregation: We will! Dixie: Thank you. Tad: Ok, good. Dixie: Thank you so much. All right, you. Dixie: Well, it's -- it's easy for me to promise to always love and cherish you. I have always loved you and I always will. But we have to remember to agree that in good times and bad, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, that we will always remember to make our decisions with the best interests of our kids in mind. Tad: We will. Dixie: We will. Tad: I promise. Dixie: Good. Tad: Give me a hug. Dixie: Give your mama a hug. She's falling apart. Thank you. Ok. Tad: We've been here before. Dixie: Yeah. Tad: Knowing we were as right for each other as two people possibly can be. You're already a part of me, and you always will be. All this does is make it official. But there is a difference because this time, I promise you -- I won't be perfect. [Dixie laughs] Tad: But I will be honest. I promise you that I'm in it for the long haul, no matter what. And I promise you that nothing will ever separate us again. Dixie: That's good, because I couldn't bear to lose you again. Tad: You won't. Dixie: Oh, good, because I love you, Tad. I always have, even when I hated you. Even when I wanted to kill you because I couldn't understand your stupid reasons for trying to do the right thing. I just -- I always knew that you were the man for me. So, I mean, I remember that time that you put on that chicken suit, and I knew it then and I know it now. I know even better now. So I promise you that I will always stand by you, that I will be your best friend. And I will promise you that no matter what, I will never do anything to hurt you or that beautiful heart of yours and all the love that it holds. Minister: Who gives this couple in marriage? Congregation: We do! [Laughter] Minister: May we have the rings, please? Tad: [whisper] Let me have it, sport. There we go. Minister: Tad, take the ring, place it on Dixie's finger, and repeat after -- Tad: I think I can take it from here. I, Thaddeus martin, take you, Dixie Cooney, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to be my lawful wedded wife until death do us part. Your turn. Dixie: Oh. Ok. Give me that. What are you doing? Snap out of it. Ok. I, Dixie Cooney, take thee, Thaddeus martin, to be my -- for better or for worse -- I should know this -- for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to be my lawful wedded husband, so long as we both shall live. Minister: Let these rings be a symbol of your unending faithfulness and love. Tad: Amen. Dixie: Amen. Congregation: Amen! [Cheers and whistles] Minister: And now, by the authority vested in me by the commonwealth of Pennsylvania, I pronounce you husband and wife. And you may seal it with a kiss. Congregation: Whoo!
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