Words
Meldrick is a man of many great lines,
and Clark has delivered them with great style. Fans are invited to contribute
favourite quotes. I'd especially be interested to read any from Clark.
Quotes from other performances are also very welcome
The following quotes werre transcribed
from "Homicide: Life On The Streets" please report any misquotes you notice
to me
Season One
Gone For Goode
* * * *
Crosetti: That's the problem with
this job; ain't got nothin' to do with life.
* * * *
Meldrick: You're a salami brain.
Crosetti: You're gonna regret that.
* * * *
Meldrick: You know, you live in
your own little world cause don't nobody wanna live there with you.
* * * *
Son of A Gun
* * * *
Meldrick: Refresh my memory. Was
the name Abraham Lincoln up on the board today?
* * * *
Meldrick: Murderers lie cuz they
got to, witnesses lie because they think they got to, and everybody else
lies for the sheer joy of it.
* * * *
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
* * * *
Meldrick: I know this probably doesn't
say much for me; but you're probably the closest thing I have to a best
friend. So without further ado, I want you to see my baby.
Crosetti: Ohh, Meldrick.
Meldrick: She's a beauty, huh?
Crosetti: I think she looks like
an engine.
Meldrick: Not just an engine, Crosetti.
It's a high-riser, 427- overhead V-8 with dual Holley carbs. 600 horses
of power, baby, she flies like the wicked witch of the West. I'm gonna
hafta move to Nevada.
Crosetti: Hold on, let me see it
again. Where are the doors and the tires?
Meldrick: See, this is the petty-minded
details. What you have in your hand is the heart and soul of the Cobra
that I am building.
Crosetti: Let me tell ya. That doesn't
play with me, see when you buy a house, you don't buy a pile of dirt with
a toilet on top of it. You get 4 walls which constitutes a dwelling. You
- if you look very closely - have squatt here.
Meldrick: See, you're makin' fun
of me and I appreciate that; but what I have there is the foundation of
a classic sportscar. What you have on your tie there is ink. (phone rings)
Homicide, Detective Goodwrench.
* * * *
See No Evil
* * * *
Meldrick: You go when you're supposed
to go, and everything else is homicide.
* * * *
A Many Splendored Thing
* * * *
Meldrick: Baltimore, home of the
misdmeanor homicide.
* * * *
Season Three
Fits Like a Glove
* * * *
Meldrick: Don't open your mouth.
Munch: Me? Open my mouth?
Meldrick: No, no. Promise me. I
gotta hear it from you. Say, I'll be good.
Munch: I promise I'll be good.
Meldrick: Oh, and there's one other
thing. Don't wear that tie with the little buddas on it. It's ugly.
Munch: And what's wrong with that
tie?
Meldrick: I wouldn't give directions
to a guy wearing a tie like that.
Munch: Well, guess what? That just
happens to be my lucky tie. I love that tie. Felicia gave me that tie.
Meldrick: Well, there you go. I
rest my case.
* * * *
A Model Citizen
* * * *
Bolander: How was it?
Bayliss: How was--how--how--was
what?
Bolander: Your date with Emma. I
heard you took her to an art gallery.
Meldrick: Date?! You had a date
with Emma?! You went behind my back with Emma?!
Bayliss: Me? Meldrick, look at--
No, no, I would not do that.
Kay: Hey Bayliss, Beau says you
slept with Emma Zoole in a cuffoon or something?
Meldrick: What is she-- You went
to bed with Emma?
Tim: No, Meldrick, no. We did not
go to a bed together.
Meldrick: You slept with MY Emma?!
Gee: I thought I smelled sex around
here.
Bolander: What is a cuffoon?
Kay: I don't know. Beau was laughing
so hard when he said it, he had to sit down.
Meldrick: You are a disloyal son
of a bitch and I don't want anyhing to do with you.
Crosetti
* * * *
Meldrick: I watched them slice up
my partner in the morgue. Scheiner took the electric saw; sliced off the
top of his head, took his heart, weighed it, and tossed it into a steel
container like the kind you find in a restaurant kitchen. How many times
I been to the M.E.? How many times I've seen him slice the top of somebody's
head off? Couple hundred times maybe, maybe more. But I never really noticed,
I never really watched. Till I saw Steve.
* * * *
Every Mother's Son
* * * *
Meldrick: You're a writer and you
had to ask me for a pen?
* * * *
The City That Bleeds (also in
Fallen Heroes Part One)
* * * *
Meldrick: So the bear says to the
guy, "You didn't come here to hunt, did you?"
* * * *
Law and Disorder
* * * *
Meldrick: I gotta hand it to you,
baby. You got some nerve on you. Do me a favor, would ya? Would you autograph
this for me?
Munch: What are you talking about?
Meldrick: And put the date and something
personal. Never know; could be valuable in the future.
Munch: What is going on around here?
Meldrick: You don't know?
Munch: No, I don't.
Meldrick: You ain't been across
the street?
Munch: No, I haven't. Is there something
across the street I should know about?
Meldrick: Yeah, you need to take
a look at the photo exhibit at the gallery over there.
Munch: I do?
Meldrick: Yeah. Absolutely. Go way
in the back, up againest the wall, you'll... you'll know what I'm talking
about. You know, I would've never had the nerve to done something like
that. And I thought you were all talk, ya big fella. Ohhh, Munchkin. Whoops,
guess we can't call him that anymore, huh?
Dead End
* * * *
Beau: Kay might die. I'm not
gonna close my eyes and pretend that nothing bad's gonna happen.
Because you know what? It already did. So you gotta tell me, what're
you supposed to do when your partner dies on you?
Meldrick: What you do is...
You keep going.
Beau: What do you mean, you keep
going?
Meldrick: You get up, you do your
job, you make it through every day... And you hope that one day you're
gonna wake up and it won't hurt so much. Then the next day it will
hurt a little less, and the next day, even less than that. It's
not like you forget them, you know? Your life is changed forever.
It's not ever gonna go back to the way it was... But you get through it...
You just keep going on.
Beau: That's it? Keep going?
Meldrick: That's it.
(Beau looks at giraffe in his lap,
then Meldrick)
Beau: Meldrick, that's the stupidest
thing I ever heard.
Meldrick: You're spitting on my
advice. You call me down here, I open my heart to you, and now you're spiting
on what I got to say.
Beau: Basically, yeah.
Meldrick: Then gimme back the giraffe.
Beau: What? Forget it.
Meldrick: You don't like my advice,
you ain't getting the giraffe. (Felton keeps the giraffe)
* * * *
End Game
* * * *
Meldrick: I feel real good. I feel
good that any f---ing asshole can go down to the corner store and buy himself
a semiautomatic weapon and start blasting. You know what else I feel good
about? I feel good about you people; you media motherf--ers. Gonna take
this sh-- and put it on the evening news. Your ratings are gonna be good.
You vultures oughta be ashamed of your goddamned selves.
* * * *
In Search of Crimes Past
* * * *
Meldrick: I'll come with you Stan.
Besides, I kinda like working with you Big Man. You're like a father figure
to me.
Stan: A father figure?
Meldrick: Yeah, a father figure.
Stan: You ever repeat that, I'll
gut ya.
* * * *
Season Four
Autofocus
* * * *
Meldrick: Lemme tell you one thing
alright? You gotta do everything I say.
Mike: Well, there's nothing I won't
do; but some things are gonna cost you extra.
* * * *
Mike: You know, he shouldn't leave
a department vehicle running like that.
Meldrick: Yeah, could get stolen.
Mike: Lieutanant said take the first
car in.
Meldrick: We shouldn't.
Mike: You're right.
Meldrick: Grand theft auto, baby.
Frank: You sons of bitches!
A Doll's Eyes
* * * *
Meldrick: Iced tea keeps me in a
summertime frame of mind.
* * * *
Hate Crimes
* * * *
Meldrick: See, the thing is, we
the Murder Poh-leece and we have but one given and that is that everybody
is a liar. Me? See, I rely on (taps heart) the most sensitive machine there
is. See, it knows when somebody is lumpy and when somebody is tellin' the
truth. And this (taps head). This is smart enough to trust what this can
detect. And I would much rather take you out to dinner than this machine
here.
* * * *
Stakeout
* * * *
Megan: Y'know why, why is it, that
people bare their souls to total strangers? I mean I, I was on the strain
the other day and the main sitting next to me told me his entire life story,
every thing ever infidelity every lie.
Meldrick: I guess you just got that
kind of face huh?
Megan: What you've never had someone
completely unknown to you tell you a secret about themselves?
Meldrick: No, only in the box.
Megan: All right go on get up I'll
watch again.
Meldrick: Yeah. Megan?
Megan: Yeah
Meldrick: Bayliss ever mention to
you that he was thinking about maybe leaving homicide?
Megan: No
Meldrick: No? Hmm, me neither. I
guess he only confides in Kay.
Megan: So that's what's bothering
you.
Meldrick: What?
Megan: The fact that Bayliss told
Kay something he didn't tell you.
Meldrick: No guys don't like to
bare their souls to other guys, it it's just easier to talk to a woman
that's all.
Megan: Oh yeah, why, because we
don't pass judgment? Because we tend to be more open? Because we come at
a problem from an entirely fresh perspective?
Meldrick: Hmm. Okay I so I admit
that it grated at me the way Bayliss confided in Kay but not because it
was Kay, just because he didn't come to me, what am I? Y’know I'm open
I'm caring I'm honest I'm friendly. Aren't I?
Megan: Yeah very
Meldrick: So why don't people tell
me their life stories on trains? why didn't Bayliss pen up to me ? And
Crosetti , I mean I had no idea that Crosetti was going to kill himself.
My own partner, and I had no idea that he's in that kind of pain. Why didn't
he come to me?
* * * *
Scene of The Crime
* * * *
Muslim: How can you work with him?
Meldrick: What? Who, him?
Muslim: He hates us; why do his
bidding?
Meldrick: Nah, he hates you. And
most of the time, he does my bidding.
* * * *
The Damage Done
* * * *
Meldrick: I don't kiss and tell,
babe.
* * * *
Meldrick: I'm a man of many splendors.
* * * *
Meldrick: You know what I'm thinkin'?
Mike: No.
Meldrick: Mikey, we got our own
little drug war in our own little streets.
* * * *
Meldrick: Things be's that way sometimes.
Mike: Any advice?
Meldrick: Yeah, he tends to spit
when he yells. Just step back.
* * * *
Meldrick: You're a dog.
Mike: What?
Meldrick: D-o-g. Dog.
* * * *
Meldrick: I walked out the project
in my shoes, my brother.
Drac: Then you should walk back,
my brother.
* * * *
Luther: Guys, I don't know what
you're talking about.
Meldrick: Sure you do Luther. Dig
deep.
* * * *
Work Related
* * * *
Mike: C'mon Meldrick. Stay on the
boat tonight.
Meldrick: I love you man, but I'm
not in love with you.
* * * *
Season Five
Hostage Part One
* * * *
Meldrick: Hey, if y'all think you
can do better; be my guest. I ain't on this planet to make life a la carte
for you.
* * * *
Mike: What about me? I'm sitting
in a dead man's spot.
Meldrick: Now, why you gotta go
say that? You're evil.
* * * *
Bad Medicine
* * * *
Meldrick: Here in Baltimore City
we don't have the money to change people's names and ship their thin butts
off to Omaha.
* * * *
Meldrick: I'm looking for Stivers.
I'm gonna smack him.
Stivers: Take your best shot, pal.
Meldrick: Terry Stivers? You a woman.
Stivers: You homicide guys, always
pickin' up on small details.
* * * *
Mike: Someone's in the jackpot.
Meldrick: Yeah, well, it ain't me.
I ain't done nothing. Lately.
* * * *
Vernon Troy: You gonna put my name
on a warrant for Luther Mahoney?
Meldrick: Right now, you're all
we've got.
Vernon: Then you ain't got jack;
I'm outta here.
Meldrick: Hold on now, hold on.
Listen, I got an idea here.
Vernon: Be quick, man. I'm ill.
Meldrick: Yeah, you ill. You smell
funky too.
* * * *
Stivers: What about you? I heard
you were married.
Meldrick: Married with lawn chairs.
* * * *
Control
* * * *
Meldrick: Not a single murder this
week. That's not the Baltimore I know and love.
* * * *
Meldrick: That's four murders in
two minutes. People started remembering what town they come from.
* * * *
Meldrick: Okay. Who here saw what
happened and wants to cooperate fully with the detectives on this investigation?
Yep, our work here is done.
* * * *
Meldrick: I remember when I was
workin' as a beat cop. Our job was to clear the corner. No big deal. Just
tell people to move along and most of the time, the police tell you to
move along, that's what you're gonna do, you're gonna move along. But every
once in a while, there's gonna be some knucklehead fool, wanna keep standing
on your corner talking trash. And he told me, don't you ever, ever, let
some knucklehead stand on your corner and shame you. Cause once you've
done that, you're done as a beat cop. So what he suggested I do, was that
I take out my billy club and smack him upside the head so hard, that everybody
who heard it knows who had the last word. Luther, you're on my corner.
* * * *
Blood Wedding
* * * *
Meldrick: Did you hear that? Danvers
and I are just friends. That's baloney. Did you see her face?
Mike: Why do you push her buttons
every chance you get?
Meldrick: Because it is soooo easy.
* * * *
The Documentary
* * * *
Gee: You and Detective Stivers.
Meldrick: Gee, me and Detective
Stivers were having a meeting, discussing how to get Luther Mahoney off
the street.
Frank: It doesn't look like a business
meeting.
Meldrick: There's business meetings
and there's business meetings.
* * * *
Meldrick: "We're talking about sacred
freedoms here. Notably your Fifth Amendment protection against self-incrimination.
Hey, if it was good enough for Ollie North and Mark Fuhrman, who the hell
are you to incriminate yourself at the first opportunity?"
* * * *
Betrayal
[directed by Clark Johnson]
* * * *
Meldrick: That's your new roommate?
Brodie: Yup.
Meldrick: You're kidding me.
Brodie: Nope.
Meldrick: She got a sister?
* * * *
Have a Conscience
* * * *
Kay: I'll go have a conversation
with the illustrious Luther Mahoney.
Meldrick: I'm goin' to put a bullet
in his brain.
Kay: Hey, that's a thought.
* * * *
Mahoney: Anyone will tell you what
you want to hear. I'm telling you what is.
* * * *
Meldrick: Luther, Luther. Look both
ways when you cross the street my brother.
* * * *
Diener
* * * *
Meldrick: Nothin's missing, so I
guess we can rule out a robbery, huh?
Frank: We don't guess, Meldrick,
we hypothesize. We infer. We extrapolate from the evidence. We do not guess.
Meldrick: Go easy on me, would you
Frank? It's early in the morning, I haven't had my first donut yet.
* * * *
Jeff: Who do you guys think did
this?
Meldrick: In my best extrapolation?
Professor Plum, in the library, with the candlestick.
* * * *
Meldrick: LOVE spelled backwards
is E-VOL.
Frank: What?
Meldrick: Yeah, E-V-O-L, evil.
Frank: That's that's not that's
note LOVE spelled backwards, that's LIVE spelled backwards.
Meldrick: Cut me some poetic slack,
would you Frank?
Deception
* * * *
Meldrick: I'm a good cop, Luther.
I'm an honest cop. That means I got standards.
Luther: I'm not armed.
Meldrick: Never beat on a man half
your size. People won't think it's a fair fight.
Luther: I'm surrendering.
Meldrick: Never put an ass-whooping
on a man unless you're damn sure he got it coming to him. I'm going to
be beating on you for a little while.
Luther: You're crazy Lewis.
Meldrick: I've been a cop for a
long time. And drugs out there, we're never gonna win that. There's 100
open-aired drug markets in this city and 50,000 drug fiends out there.
And we are taking on human desires with lawyers and jailhouses and lockups
and you and I both know human desire is kicking us in the ass. So what
I need to know, Luther, is why you couldn't be happy with just the package.
If you were just slinging drugs maybe you and I wouldn't be here. But the
bodies. What about the bodies?
* * * *
Partners and Other Strangers
* * * *
Meldrick: So, Kellerman & Cox,
Mikey & Julianna, Bones and the Badge.
* * * *
Strangers and Other Partners
* * * *
Meldrick: I can't believe it. You
lost a witness. How tall are you Mike?
Mike: How tall am I?
Meldrick: Yeah, what, about 6'1,
6'2?
Mike: 6'1. Why are you asking how
tall I am?
Meldrick: I didn't know they could
pile crap that high.
* * * *
Blood Ties Part Two
* * * *
Meldrick: Look at the stems on that
tomato, huh? Oh, uh, thanks a lot for letting me look at your magazine
there, Mac. I appreciate it, but quite frankly, I'm not comfortable with
that sorta thing, objectifying women and all.....
Stivers: Right.
Meldrick: Quite frankly, I prefer
to curl up with a good copy of New Yorker Magazine. Stimulate the intellect.
* * * *
All Is Bright
* * * *
Ballard: So, let's go, honey.
Falsone: You hear that? She called
him "honey."
Meldrick: Uh-huh.
Falsone: You never call me that.
Meldrick: In my dreams, I do, Falsone.
* * * *
Sins of the Father
* * * *
Lewis: "New Rule. If we have a suspect
in custody, it’s murder. And if the suspect is unknown, it’s the worst
case of suicide I’ve ever
seen. Huh? That’s my new rule. I
think it’s going to make us all very happy."
* * * *
Full Court Press
[directed by Clark Johnson]
* * * *
Meldrick: Falsone, you got to relax,
brother. C'mon, man.
Falsone: Meldrick, are you whackin'
these guys?
Meldrick: I'm a cop, Falsone.
Falsone: I have to ask.
Meldrick: No, no. You ain't got-to-ask.
You think I'm like them? You think I play by those rules?
* * * *
Meldrick: It done folded just like
you said it would, Gee.
Gee: Well, my words are my bond.
Meldrick: Yeah. Exactly how many
favors you hafta call in on this one?
Gee: More than you'd ever want to
know.
Gaffney: Detective Lewis.
Meldrick: Captain.
Gaffney: You look good in uniform,
Lewis.
Meldrick: Why, thank you, sir.
Gaffney: If it was up to me, you'd
be back in a squad car for that stunt you pulled.
Meldrick: Yes sir.
Gaffney: Course, your lieutenant
here, he thinks otherwise, but I've always said Al's problem's a lack of
discipline. If I was running his shift, I'd be offering you a transfer.
Meldrick: Respectfully speaking
sir, if you were running his shift, I'd be taking it.
* * * *
Season Seven
The Why Chromosome
* * * *
Meldrick, to Falsone: Stupid-ass,
baby-faced, confused little meatball.
* * * *
Forgive Us Our Trespasses
* * * *
Meldrick: Yeah. You know I gotta
tell you, I'm kinda glad old Munchkin didn't invite the rest of us to his
matrimonial shindig, you know? Don't get me wrong, you know, I wish him
and Billie Lou truckloads of happiness. But, uh well you know, you been
married, you know what I'm talking about. You know, you get up in that
church, and the rabbi or the preacher, whatever. They start talkin' about
how these two people should be together, and how swell it is that they're
gonna be sharin' their lives, and how men and women oughta be two by two?
And I'm thinkin' we had a shot at it - whatcha call it - wedded bliss?
And we blew it. I blew it, you blew it, most people we know blew it. And
I look at that couple walking up the aisle, and I think to myself, man
you know that they got as much chance of surviving a nuclear holocast as
they do staying happily married.
* * * *
Meldrick: No, no. Let me just tell
you the difference here. Sheppard almost got me killed. Now that's an ugly
fact, plain and clean, and I got a right to my feelings about that. But
you, on the other hand, you been around this dump for seven years and you
still ain't learned the key to good murder police, which is this: whatever
you see, whoever's around you, you keep them away. You keep them at a distance.
But not you. You come up on a crime scene, the first thing you wanna do
is put a chalk outline around yourself.
* * * *
Meldrick: Hey Sheppard. You busy?
Rene: No, why?
Meldrick: Got a murder over on Fourth
Avenue.
Rene: And what, you want applause?
Meldrick: Nah, I'm just wondering
if maybe you wanna join me. On the case. Be my partner.
Rene: That's not funny, Lewis.
Meldrick: I'm bein' serious. Why
is it that nobody ever can tell the difference between when I'm being serious,
and when I'm jokin' around?
Rene: You really want me to come?
Meldrick: Not if it's gonna take
any more beggin'.
Rene: I'm there. Let's go.
Meldrick: Let's go.
* * * *
Meldrick: No witnesses, no fingerprints,
no shell casings, no clues of any kind, no leads of any sort.
Rene: Whoever killed Ryland sure
knew what he was doin'.
Meldrick: He or she.
Rene: Yeah?
Meldrick: If I could only just find
this thing I could go home.
Rene: You won't find what you're
looking for.
Meldrick: What? Why not?
Rene: It's a mystery.
Meldrick: Huh?
Rene: Life is a mystery. Just accept
it.
Meldrick: Yeah, well that's what's
wrong with this job. It ain't got nothin' to do with life.
* * * *