Lindsay gripped the handkerchief tightly, strangling it as she restrained herself. As it was, Lynette was ‘working' the room. She had made sure to turn their mother's funeral into her own personal singles bar. Lynette, after all, was looking for the lucky man that would be her fourth husband.

She knew that her sister was upset but it wouldn't be proper to show it. That's what they had been taught. Lindsay was obviously a rebel through and through because she had been a blubbering mess all day long.

Her father wasn't even there. She couldn't be sure but she felt that he was probably at home. Remembering. Even though he and their mom had been separated for over a year, her death had hit him hard. She had never told anyone about having cancer. It had been a shock to say the least when her best friend had called the family to tell them that she had been sick and had passed away in her sleep.

God! Why? Why hadn't she simply gone to her? Talked to her? Years of trying to prove to herself that she really didn't need her parent's approval had divided them. Her father could see her point. Her mother however, had finally let her anger and disdain for the way that Lindsay chose to live her life, build up and had stopped speaking to her completely. Lindsay had always thought that one day...one day she would be able to make up with the woman. Now it was too late. Always too late.

"Lindz? Gus is down for his nap. Why don't you go get something to eat?" Melanie sat down on the couch, beside her wife and rubbed Lindsay's back soothingly. Lindsay, a fresh wave of emotion hitting her, turned to Melanie, burying her face in the crook of Mel's neck. "Shhh," she whispered. "It's okay. Let it out baby."

And Lindsay did just that, as she held tight to the one person that she knew accepted her completely, with all of her heart and soul. Her real family.

*****

"Think she'll be okay?" Justin asked as he watched Lindsay and Melanie exit the room, Lindsay in tears.

Michael shrugged helplessly and toyed with the clip on his tie. "Well her mom died. How would you feel?"

Brian slid his arm around Justin's shoulders and stared after the couple as they slowly ascended the stairs. He wanted badly to go and comfort Lindsay, to make her laugh again like only he could, but Melanie had that covered.

She would be fine in time. Always was. Even in college, she had bounced back like a rubber ball. One day she was wailing that they had cut her off the next day she was taking Rebecca Tucci to the family barbeque. It was the Peterson way.

"She'll be fine," he said aloud, leaning back against the kitchen counter. Justin snuggled into his side, his forehead resting under the taller man's chest, and Brian took his own comfort from the close proximity.

He knew that funerals upset Justin. Brian wasn't completely immune to them himself. But at that moment, he would bet his life that Justin was thinking about his own mother. Thankful that she was still alive and well. Grateful that she accepted him and he wouldn't have to bear that particular burden if something should happen to one of them.

Brian's thoughts were taking a somewhat different direction. It could be either one of them. Justin or himself. And it would be one day. One day, one of them would have to do without the other. He wasn't sure how either of them could function any longer without the other and he damn well didn't want to have to find out. But that was life and Brian had made peace long ago with the fact that if he was going to risk loving Justin, he would also be risking that he would eventually have to lose him. One way or another.

"Do you want to go?" Justin turned his head to stare up at Brian.

Brian nodded and pushed away from the counter. "Yeah." He turned to Michael. "Need a lift?"

"Um...actually I'll just catch a ride with Ted." Michael hitched his thumb towards the living room. "As soon as his fan club finishes with him."

Brian glanced over to see Ted cornered by a dozen of Lindsay's single female relatives. Emmett was busy trying to fish him out of the mob. Brian chuckled, thoroughly amused by the scene. "Yeah. Good luck with that."

Michael nodded and hugged Brian and Justin before walking them to the door.

As soon as both of them had slid into the jeep and shut the doors, the lovers collapsed against one another in a fierce hug. Brian's hand cupped the back of Justin's head, his thumb caressing the patch of skin behind his ear. After a moment, Justin sighed and pushed away. His fingers splayed across Brian's cheeks, he drew the man towards him for a quick kiss.

"I love you," Brian said quietly, as they parted. It was only a whisper but in the silence of the Jeep it resounded deeply, surrounding Justin warmly in the words.

***

"Oh god! Ohhhhh! Uhhhh!" Brian moaned loudly as Justin moved over him, taking him deeper and deeper with every movement.

Justin was too far gone to get out more than a grunt in response. But he moved back into position and Brian's cock slid deeper into his hole, until Justin's balls were resting comfortably against Brian's taut stomach. Justin's eyes slid closed with the amazing feel of it. He was on fire, stretched, accommodating the pulsing flesh. His legs, which were straddling Brian's hips, relaxed slowly, allowing him to move even further down, embedding, impaling himself on the sweet cock.

Brian's head thrashed and fell back upon his pillow, unable to withstand the slow proceedings. For the last hour they had been riding one another hard and fast. Justin had finally decided to take it down a notch. The leisurely pace was proving to be too much for both of them.

Quickly, Justin moved up until Brian had almost slipped out of him, before slowly, sensually inching his way back down.

"Mmmnnn! Juuuuustin!" Brian groaned, pleading with him to pick up the pace.

Justin bit his lip, once again relaxing against the man. He felt full. As if Brian had filled up the empty spaces within him - mind and body. He sighed and just before he could repeat his slow rhythm, Brian rolled them both over and pinned his shoulders to the bed with his hands. Quickly, with no hesitation, he reentered Justin with one smooth thrust, swiftly pumping in and out of his tight hole.

Justin smiled and strained upwards, kissing Brian hotly on the neck, chin and finally his mouth. Their tongues dueled for a moment before Justin pushed his tongue deep into Brian's mouth, wanting to thrust into him with the same vehemence as the dick that was penetrating and piercing his ass.

Brian moaned into his mouth hungrily, pulling Justin's forehead against his so that he might look into his love's blue eyes which were almost smokey grey with his arousal. "I fucking love you!" He gasped and came.

With a satisfied moan, Justin jerked and spasmed as well, spilling his own seed over his stomach.

Brian stretched out behind Justin and pulled him back against him so that he was spooning the young man. Although Justin knew he would never actually use the term spooning. Brian preferred to call it ‘holding him all wet and sticky'.

Though it was only around five in the afternoon and still light outside, Justin knew that they would be out for at least a couple of hours. He pulled away only long enough to spread the duvet over them before moving back into Brian's arms.

Nancy Peterson's funeral had taken a great deal of his energy. The idea of death, the thought of someone he knew and loved leaving him...it was all too scary. Too painful to even consider. Yet there was no way around thinking about it. Like an accident on the highway, no matter what you did, you couldn't look away from the scene. He had been agonizing over the idea of his own mother leaving him all day. Now, in Brian's arms, he wondered what life would be like without Brian. What would he do? How would he live? For all of the years that they had been together, he had always feared that Brian would leave him for someone else. Or for the sake of freedom. Never had he considered that something might happen to him.

He turned his head to gaze at Brian. His lover was already snoring softly, no worse for wear. Justin relaxed back into position, sighed tiredly and tried to force the thoughts from his head so that he might sleep. His last thought before drifting off was that he hated funerals.

***

The dust was overwhelming. She had been sneezing and her eyes had been watering all morning. To be such a ‘clean' family, the Peterson's attic was as filthy as any other. Lindsay had been up there for hours, sorting through papers and possessions for her father. They sat in stacks around her like a wall and nearly as high.

Only two weeks after her death and he was already preparing to sell the house. It didn't seem right but who was she to object? Perhaps this was the only way for him to move on. To free himself from his own burdens, she thought sadly.

"Hon? Up here?"

"Here!" She called out, waving her hand over the stacks so that she might be seen.

John shook his head in amazement and whistled. "Wow! I never knew what pack rats we had become."

"Tell me about it. These," she indicated the papers in her hands, "are copies of your tax returns from the seventies."

Her father laughed lightly. "I guess it would be safe to toss those."

"Yeah." Lindsay giggled in agreement.

"Well, I only wanted to tell you that there's a box of old photos on the kitchen table. I'm going for a jog. Just look through them and take what you want. And lock up if you leave before I get back." He started to leave but quickly turned back. "Oh! And the realtor is coming around noon, so if you could, just look over the house and make sure everything looks alright. Ya know, from a woman's perspective."

She nodded and smiled as he leaned over the papers to kiss her forehead. "Bye daddy."

"Bye sweetheart. And thanks!"

Half an hour later, she had finally finished up with the papers, throwing away most of it. She looked over the house, deeming it perfect, and settled in at the kitchen table to sort through the old pictures.

There weren't as many as she thought there might be. But then again, Nancy Peterson had never been a very sentimental person. Most of them were of Lynette and herself. Pictures of the family at Lynette's weddings. All three of them. Several of her mother and father's wedding.

She picked out the old pictures of her parents, intending to keep only those for her own memories. As she placed them to the side, one of the pictures fluttered to the floor.

Picking it up, she read the writing on the back. "Hmmmm...‘Neighborhood brunch 1982'," was written in her mother's spidery handwriting. She turned it over and stared, wide-eyed at the people in the picture before her.

***

Two weeks. Justin had been depressed for two weeks and Brian was more than tired of it. It was affecting Justin's eating habits, his sleeping patterns and worst of all...their sex life.

At the moment, the younger man was wrapped up in a black chenille throw on the sofa, watching "Moulin Rouge" for what had to be the nine hundredth time.

Brian looked up from where he was working at his desk as Justin began whispering the lines along with Satine.

"I'll always be with you...."

He shook his head in disgust before rounding the desk and grabbing the dvd remote from the coffee table. He hit power and glared down at the blonde.

"What?"

"What?" Brian mocked. "What? I'll tell you ‘what'! You've been moping around here lately like a fuckin zombie!"

Justin collapsed back onto the sofa and sighed. "Sorry," he whispered contritely.

Brian crossed his arms angrily. "You're not getting off the hook that easily!"

"I don't mean to be a downer Brian. Really. I just..." He looked away, slightly flustered.

"You just what?" Brian's voice softened as he sat on the edge of the couch. "Justin, we've had this conversation. I can't read your mind."

"I know." He turned back and smiled a feeble smile. "I don't really know what's wrong either. I'm just...I feel all...annoyed with everything," he said for lack of a better explanation.

"Are you..." Justin looked up at him expectantly, "PMSing?"

"Fucker." Justin laughed in spite of himself and pushed Brian off of the sofa.

Brian giggled, glad to have succeeded in at least getting Justin to brighten a bit. He pushed himself up onto his knees and rested his head beside Justin's. They stared into one another's eyes for a long while before Justin looked away.

"It's just the idea of..." He met the man's gaze once again and held it as he tried to make Brian understand. "I can't stand the thought of losing you, Brian."

"Why do you think you're going to lose me?"

Justin shrugged. "It's just that...with Lindsay's mom dying and..."'

"Ahh. So that's what this is about? Had a little taste of your own mortality." It was all becoming clear to him now. The thoughts that he had chosen to push aside and move past, were haunting his young lover. He let his fingers sift through the blond spikes lazily. "Well...you can't spend your life worrying that something might happen. It's not worth it. You just enjoy the time you have."

"I know that. And that's exactly the problem."

Brian's hand stilled and lowered. He raised an eyebrow as his mouth gaped open slightly in confusion. "Okay...now you've lost me."

Justin sat up and pulled Brian up onto the sofa beside him. "Brian...we don't even live together anymore. We split our time between your loft and my dorm room. It's pointless and uneconomical."

"Uh-huh," Brian said slowly, already seeing where the conversation was heading.

"So...I think...I think we should-"

"Move back in together." Brian finished for him. Justin gave no indication of what he was thinking. Simply stared at Brian, unblinking, waiting for a response. Any response. "I thought we were going to wait until you graduated to even think about having a real relationship."

"I know. But...I still have another four months. Maybe we shouldn't wait that long."

"Yeah. Uh-huh. Four months before we even consider anything. Not four months until we plan the wedding! What if I have other plans now? You just assume that I'll go along with whatever you want." Brian was getting angry again. Angry and a little confused. It was all a bit of a surprise.

Justin had been the one to move out in the first place in favor of the dorms. He had been the one to ‘cool things off', leaving Brian completely hurt and disjointed. So now...this complete 180 had Brian's mind spinning with possibilities.

This new realization that every moment counted could last as long as a New York minute. Could he trust that Justin was serious about this? Or would he once again see that there was more to life? Once again leave Brian behind. Once again hurt him?

Without even so much as a glance in the other man's direction, Brian stood and grabbed his jacket and keys. "Don't wait up," he called out before drawing the heavy metal door closed with an ominous bang.

TO BE CONTINUED...