Sometimes it just takes one person, one moment, one decision - right or wrong - to change your life forever.

That all came when a seventeen year-old kid decided to take a stroll down Liberty.

I never really realized how much one boy could change my life so very much.

Of course I hated him. I loathed him. He was everything I couldn't be. Young, beautiful, brilliant, creative. He had his entire life in front of him and from where I stood I knew, just KNEW, that he would really go places in the world. He would be somebody.

How wrong can one person be?

That's right. Justin Taylor came into my life - all of our lives - like a whirlwind and destroyed all normalcy and left just as quickly, leaving a trail of heartbreak and tears.

Who would have known that a simple trick could end up effecting us all so much?

As I opened the door to the loft, one thing popped into my mind. I hadn't set the alarm. I looked around at everything making sure that nothing had been taken. Finally satisfied that everything was intact, I let my mind wander to the time that Justin had forgotten the alarm. Everything had been taken. Luckily it was all insured, but still. It was the principal of the matter.

As I poured Jim Beam into a small glass, I realized that it aggravated me that the boy still haunted my thoughts so much. If I thought about him so much then I could only imagine how bad it must be for all the people that were even closer to him.

Daphne called the loft every now and then to check on things. She still cried whenever she saw any of us. The few friends that Justin had acquired.

Jennifer couldn't bring herself to make contact with anyone from our sector. She had been spotted outside the Liberty Diner once or twice but she never went in. She started to but never actually made it to the door before turning and racing back to her car in tears.

Hell even all of our hang-outs are depressing now. We can't go in the diner without thinking about the bumbling bus boy who's apron still hangs on a peg in the back. No one has the heart to take it down.

Babylon has a picture of him at his coronation at the King of Babylon contest. Its hanging on the wall right as you walk in the door. They even closed the club down for the entire day of the funeral.

Everyone in attendance seemed rather shocked at the sight of a herd of drag queens with runny mascara. Even the regulars. But that's only because we had never seen a drag queen without flawless makeup.

I smiled at the thought even though I feel a touch of guilt as I find humor in a funeral. Especially Justin's funeral. But I think he would have thought it funny too. He probably would have pointed it out to us first.

I'll tell you the truth. I cried more than anyone at the funeral but it wasn't so much that I was grieving for him, but for what had happened to him. I cared about him. He was like family to me. But the thought of something like that happening just because he was gay. Some fucking punk bashed his brains in just because he was being real! Being himself! It shocked me. It could have been any of us.

I sink down in a chair and place the drink on the table in front of me. I stare off into space as I think about that night. The night of Justin's prom.

The tears I had cried that day at the hospital hadn't been for him either. They had been from shock. Later, when I was alone...I admitted that those tears - the tears I shed in seclusion - those were for the boy.

Finally I hear the door being pushed open and my lover walks in. Funny to say that now after all these years. My lover. I almost want to say it out loud so that I can feel the words working and rolling off my tongue. But I don't speak. He seems tired and I realize that he is about an hour late getting in. I know that talking is rather a waste of time with this man when he's like this. I should be used to that shouldn't I? I would simply be talking to myself. So I settle for comforting him physically.

As I pull him towards OUR bedroom, I realize that maybe I was right after all. Justin did succeed in being somebody. Okay, so his art wasn't hanging in a museum, but he had created the masterpiece that was my family.

So here I am. Saying that Justin made a difference. His 18 years on earth were worth much more than anyone could know. I could never forget him and I will never regret him coming into my life.

***

I look down at the grave. The dark grey marble is cold to the touch as my index finger traces the engraved lines of his name.

Eighteen fucking years old. He was eighteen fucking years old!

I wonder if someday, someone will come along and read this tombstone and wonder why a boy would be struck down so early in life. I figure they should just put GAY on there and get it over with. I suggested that for the cause of death in the obituary but it was voted down by the pain-filled eyes of the ‘moms'. I actually apologized to them. Me! The kid was amazing at getting me to do things like that.

I look up at the sky. Its getting dark and clouds are forming. It's going to rain tonight, I mused, procrastinating. I would love to avoid doing what I came here to do. I would only be breaking my own promise if I didn't and that's even worse than breaking a promise to someone else. If you break your own promises then you're the only one that has to actually live with it.

I inhale deeply, holding the cold air in my lungs until they burn and then let the air out slowly, wishing I had thought to bring a joint. Perhaps that would have loosened my tongue.

Turning back to the stone, I stand up and take my coat off. I spread the leather out on the ground and stretch out on it on my side. Closing my eyes, I run my fingers through the dry blades of grass, lightened to brown by the winter weather, and actually imagine it being his hair.

"Sorry I didn't come by earlier in the week like I said I would. I've had a lot of work to do. I told you about the promotion didn't I?" I can almost see him nodding and rolling his eyes, thinking to himself that I had only talked about it non-stop during our last visit. "Yeah, well...I never realized how much crap Ryder had to put up with. I almost feel bad for giving him hell all those years. Almost mind you."

My Justin laughs and tilts his head as if to say ‘of course'.

"Well...I - I've been meaning to have this talk with you for a while. You see, Justin..." I sigh and lie back on my back trying to calm my heart as it races in my chest. "Justin...I'm with someone else now."

The Justin in my head looks at me as if I'm insane. I can tell he's thinking ‘When were you with me?'

"Yes Justin! You might as well say we were together. I mean...I certainly wouldn't go to the prom with just anyone!"

Justin smiles dreamily as if seeing the memories of our last dance in his head. I know that if I wasn't thinking about him and what I have to say, I would be picturing the two of us spinning our way around the small group of on-lookers. But I have to get this over with so I press on.

"I-I love him. I'll admit that a lot of the reason that I'm with him is because he was there. He was a willing body after all the shit that happened that night. I had to turn to someone."

Justin looked at me, the brilliant blue of his eyes darkening with his disappointment. "Now don't look at me like that Justin. I hate when you look at me like that. It makes me feel like shit."

Focus! I need to focus!

"Justin." He looks at me quizzically, a soft smile on his lips, waiting for what I will say. "Justin..." Tears begin to well up in my eyes. I feel one of them slide down my cheek and slip even further down my neck causing me to get chills. Justin reaches out as though he wants to touch me. Perhaps stroke my cheek. I put my hand up towards the sky. It almost feels like I would have some sort of connection to him by the action. I feel the breeze blow against my palm and it warms me, giving me the strength to finish what I came here to do.

"Justin. I-I have to move on with my life. I have actually been happy these last few months. I wish so much that I had been more open with you. I wish I could have let you in enough so that I could experience the feeling of being part of a couple with you."

Justin hangs his head, looking at me under a lowered brow. His heartbreak only reflects my own. The longing I see in his eyes is my longing as well.

"I loved you." I whisper on a breath. The tears were coming again and I sniffed as my nose began to run. "I loved you!" I sobbed, beating my fists against the ground at my sides. "I loved you!"

Once I was calm enough to reign in on my emotions, I noticed that Justin was smiling that shit-eating grin of his and I laughed. "I just made you very happy didn't I! You're somewhere laughing your ass off now that you know the truth."

Justin shook his head and smiled that familiar smile at me. The smile that held all understanding and unconditional love. It was the trademark Sunshine smile.

"No." I whispered. "You knew the truth didn't you? Knew it all along." The boy nodded slowly - solemnly. "You always saw through me." Again he nodded. "So...do you know why I'm here today?"

Pain crossed Justin's face and a small tear graced his cheek as, once again, he nodded.

I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, hoping the localized pain would take the pain away from my heart. It did nothing to lessen the pain and only left me with the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. "I have to do it."

"I miss you ya know." I say, hoping that it will ease his pain in some way. I know that I have to vocalize the words or it will never truly be over. My fingers comb through the grass and I lean over putting my lips to the earth that now covers my first love. The young boy of eighteen.

"Justin, I have to let you go."

His smile was a small one but I knew he understood as he turned to go. I opened my eyes slowly and let another wave of tears rush from my eyes - this time from relief. It was over.

After laying there for ten more minutes, I know I should get home. Michael will be there by now. I have put him through too much to make him worry anymore.

When I get home he is sitting in a chair, a glass of Jim Beam on the table waiting for me.

He looks at me for a moment before pulling me towards the bedroom. There will be no sex tonight. I have given all I can give today to a boy that left me only six months ago. Michael seems to know instinctively and is content to hold me as he has done so many nights before.

At first I had felt as if I was betraying Justin. Then I realized...Justin was the cause of this. It was his influence in my life that got me here. Here to this point of loving. Of openness. I know now that I can love. I can be loved. All without reason and without apologies.

Yes. All it takes is one person. One moment. One decision. To change your life forever. And for me...that person, that moment, that decision came when I took a frightened but determined seventeen year-old home.

I will never forget him and I could never regret him coming into my life.