I've woken up three or four times already this morning. It must be mid-morning by now and I absolutely hate the idea of just lying here. I know we're on an island. It's not as if I have some pressing engagements. Still, I can think of a million and one things that I could be doing besides getting bed sores. Alas...every time I turn my head I see that my fair-haired lover is still asleep, his mouth hanging open, drool glistening in the corner or his sleep-swollen pink lips, lightly snoring. I just can't bring myself to wake him. Not even the fact that my arm, which is trapped beneath his neck, went to sleep half an hour ago and is now doing that horrible tingly thing can bring me to make him move.

I can hear the others moving around outside now. Not sure what they're doing. Cynthia and Neil tend to sleep in more than not, so they're probably just stumbling outside. Rory on the other hand has been up for hours, proven by the singing I've been hearing in strains all morning. She is the most chipper morning person I think I've ever met. I don't know how Justin ever put up with her at the office.

As a few minutes pass and Rory gets bolder in her vocals, I can now hear her clearly. She's singing some slow, mellow song that I'm not entirely familiar with but it's apparent she still knows every word. Her voice is actually nice. I mean, she wouldn't win any awards but...it's helping to pass the time anyway.

This song comes to an end and Rory immediately picks up with lyrics to an entirely new song.

Unfortunately for her, she seems to be the only one in the mood for music. "Shut UP!" and "Knock it off!" can be heard from the other two.

Hmmm. I was waiting for that.

I never thought I would say this but...I am too old for this shit! Lately I feel like I'm babysitting. So we find Rory and Neil fucking their brains out? Does that necessarily mean that the social structure of the group must fall so completely to shit?

Rory and Neil are barely speaking. Neil is being his usual dick self while Rory is trying to make us all believe that nothing is wrong. That somehow what we all saw was merely a dream. Or maybe...her nightmare. I can tell that she feels slighted over something, but I can't sympathize with that at all. I can understand fucking Neil - the woman has to get it somewhere - but I'm wondering if she didn't actually expect more. Is it possible that Rory had actually developed feelings for Neil?

Jesus. Listen to me! I sound like I actually care about this little soap opera.

Actually, at this point I feel like we are all in a revival of the invasion of the reality tv shows. I'm waiting for the camera crew to jump out and start making us do stupid stunts and vote one another off the island.

"Please let me be the first to be tossed off," I whisper into the silence.

"Wha?" Justin finally stirs.

I kiss his forehead and pull back to see him staring at me, his soft blue eyes staring at me blankly, as if they are still holding onto the haze of sleep. "Morning, Sunshine."

He smiles, a simple lifting of the corners of his mouth, and I can't help but kiss him. He giggles at our tight-lipped peck. Sure, we overlook plenty here, but neither of us are big fans of morning breath. "Morning," he replies when I'm back at a respectable distance.

"Want to go to the falls today? Maybe get a shower?" He lifts an arm and sniffs his armpit without hesitation. A wrinkled nose gives me my answer far before he can nod his answer. "Good. I have a surprise for you."

***

"How's the water," Neil asks me, innocently enough. Although he has never bothered with idle chit-chat before. Why start now?

"Fine."

"Nice day," he tries again, only making his attempt seem even more awkward.

"Uh-huh."

"Okay. Well...guess I'm gonna swim."

I widen my eyes and give him a tight smile as if to say ‘so what are you waiting for?' and he turns to head for the water.

I hate him.

I don't think I've ever hated anyone in my life. I've disliked people. I've been really annoyed by people. But he demands a much more powerful reaction. And I see no reason not to oblige him.

It seems like the most rational thing in the world that I would hate him. I mean...no matter what everyone else saw, I KNOW what happened. I was there. And it doesn't matter that, in his minute little insect-sized brain, he believes what we did was nothing. He can pass it off as ‘in the moment' guy bullshit if he wants but...I'm not stupid.

Yes. Okay. So I was a little stupid. Stupid enough to be blinded by my own wants and needs. By what I imagined feeling for the guy. That's what got me into this mess.

Here's how it happened: Neil came onto me, but I totally resisted. Even if I did kiss him back. I didn't go and drag him off to have sex or anything. I just used that kiss to fuel a few harmless fantasies.

After that, Neil actually started to TALK to me. Of course...no one else wais around to witness this but... And he actually seemed nice. And smart. The man knows his stuff. I mean, he became a pilot on a lark after he finished Harvard. And he can be funny too, when he wants to be. Point is...he was actually starting to charm me. Sort of.

Still...I resisted any further advances, knowing what a mistake it would inevitably be. Even though I was getting really horny and my fantasies were getting more and more frequent and elaborate.

Then one day Justin, Brian and Cynthia go off to check for more supplies and... I just don't know what came over me. I was swimming and once again Neil joined me. Only this time I launched myself at him and kissed him first. And then... Well...things happened... Sex things.

Yes, we had sex. Only it wasn't just sex. I know, I know... Maybe I've romanticized it in my mind or something. I don't know. But I do know damn well the difference between sex and making love and the man was walking a pretty narrow line between the two.

I mean, he looked me in the eyes just before he penetrated me and bit his lip as if he were an unsure boy of fourteen. I remember thinking that it was a terribly cute gesture at the time. Then... "Love you" he said. Very clear. Very direct. And then he buried his face in my hair and the rest is, as they say, history.

Afterwards...well he became the same old jackass and I realized just how foolish I really had been. The whole thing makes me flush with embarrassment over my gullibility. I can only imagine what the others have been thinking about me. They've probably been fighting with the idea that I went off the deep end. I just wonder how long it will take for everyone to just put it behind us and move on.

I know Neil already has.

Fucker.

Well, at least things have gone back to some state of normality.

That's the other thing - Cynthia being mad at me. It was driving me nuts. I can't really say that I understand her reasoning for it, but at least she's talking to me now. Sort of. When we went to get water the other day, she told me how stupid I was. I agreed. And then she shrugged and we made small-talk. It was nice to hear her voice again, when it wasn't in anger or disgust.

As if she can hear my thoughts she emerges from the water and comes to sprawl out on the sand beside me. We really have to make good use of our time when it comes to the sun now. The mornings are safe, but by noon, if we aren't in the shade, we're gonna fry. The hot July sun has really started to take it's toll. We get tired faster. By the end of the day we all look like zombies from the heat. We go through water faster.

Speaking of...It's my turn to find food. I need to remember to do that before sundown.

"Good swim?" I ask her when I hear her sigh in contentment.

"Mmm. Not as good as a cup of coffee, but it'll do."

Ohhhh...coffee... "No kidding. I think I would probably sell one of my internal organs for a iced latte right now."

She nods and there's a long pause as we both enjoy the sound of mid-morning waves crashing a few feet away.

"Which one?" Cynth eventually asks, looking very serious.

"‘Which one' what?"

She cracks a smile. "Which internal organ?"

I laugh and shrug my shoulders. "Spleen?"

"Hmmm," she replies thoughtfully. "Yeah. At least the spleen. At most a lung." She's quiet for a moment and then, "How much do you think a lung would go for on the Black Market?"

And on the meaningless conversations go. It really is nice to have her back. You just can't appreciate things like conversations on selling internal organs until they're no longer there.

It's almost noon and we're moving ourselves back into the shade of the trees when Brian and Justin finally make it out of the house. Wonder what they've been doing all morning, as if I have to ask. They look oh-so-happy. Like a couple of teenagers, sneaking off to have a tryst. Justin smiles brightly at Cynth and I and waves, though he doesn't bother to speak since Brian has his other hand in his and is pulling him pretty quickly away from the rest of us. I really can't blame him for that. I wouldn't mind getting away for the day myself.

I see how happy they are together though. Brian and Justin. With all the drama going on around here lately, I've noticed that they try to tone their love-jones down around us. But I still see it. I think we all do. And I hope they get to stay as happy as they are now. I hope we can all one day be as happy as they are now.

Well, except Neil.

***

As I stand on a small sand bar in the middle of the lagoon, I glance back towards our make-shift home. I can see Rory and Cynthia laughing at some moronic conversation I'm sure. I know I've overheard a million of them.

I'm just happy they're finally talking again. Maybe now they'll stop glaring at me like I'm the anti-Christ that pulled the head off their favorite hamster.

I see Rory throw her head back in laughter and I can almost imagine that I hear it above the swoosh of the waves around me. The sound in my head sends a tense chill through my body.

Do I love Rory?

Christ! Why does that keep back up? It's a question that's been on my mind since it slipped out of my mouth during...okay slightly before we had sex.

Do I even care about her?

No. Of course not. No! She's just some chick. And...we're on an island. And the only other rational option for a target of seduction is the bitchy one.

I don't even KNOW Rory. I mean...I do know her. Now. But... I guess maybe I think she's hot. And she's a really nice person. But I don't do nice. I've never done nice. Just look at Laura - aka bitchy ex-wife number one.

It's not like it matters anyway. As soon as the others came back I was right back to being good old asshole Neil and she was right back to despising me. Nothing had changed. I don't want anything to change. I'm perfectly happy being on the outside of this pathetic rabble.

And it's for the better anyway. I can only imagine what would happen if I were to actually like Rory - which I don't - and then she found out why she's here. Why we're all here. Yeah. It's a really good thing that I don't care about her. About any of them.

***

This is perfect. Brian is a genius.

I lay back into his arms and float just on top of the water. Considering that it's July and hot as fucking hell around here, the fall water is surprisingly chilly. My muscles contract with their need for warmth, but I say nothing. Because the cold water is nothing when I have Brian's hands gliding hotly over my back and legs.

Quite suddenly those wonderful hands are gone and I fall beneath the water. I come up sputtering and wiping at my eyes so I can see clearly when I glare at my lover. I look all around me but see no one. Then I'm jerked back under again.

Despite the fact that I barely had a chance to take a good breath before being resubmerged, I submit to my attacker's advances and kiss Brian just as fervently as he kisses me, until we both push ourselves to the surface, coughing and gasping for precious oxygen.

Brian sounds like he's gonna cough up a lung when he pulls in a little too much air. "Mmm. Yeah. THAT was sexy," I say as sarcastically as possible. He narrows his eyes at me but I laugh which annoys him even more.

Just another reminder that we aren't on television or in a movie. This is real life and you have to expect a few minor flaws in romantic little gestures like that. If this WERE a movie, we would have been able to slide out of the water together, lips still joined and made love at the edge of the pool. But in our reality we choke when we're out of air, we kick one another in our rush to reach the surface and well...the water's too fucking cold even for our eager dicks.

Brian settles himself on a rock and I continue to tread in front of him. "Ready for the surprise now?" he asks, running his fingers back through my hair. I absently return the gesture, rubbing the side of his scruffy face with the back of my hand.

I think we've finally run out of blades for Brian's razor, which means we're gonna have to suck it up and start letting the beards grow. I think it will suit Brian more than me but...what can ya do?

"I thought this was the surprise," I finally think to reply.

He shakes his head and stands, reaching down to give me a hand out of the water. My shorts drip and I find it a little annoying how the water continues to stream down my legs, even though it does help keep cool. The water on my feet means that I'm picking up leaves and grass with every step. I find it funny as I stare down at my new green sox. Brian eventually looks back to see what I'm laughing at. I point at my feet and he shakes his head continuing to pull me along behind him.

After half an hour I start to get testy. "How much further?"

"Not too much. I can hear the water."

"We going to another fall?"

"Nope." I sigh, knowing he's not going to say any more than that, lest he give the surprise away.

A few minutes later I begin to catch glimpses of beach through the quickly thinning line of trees. I see a smaller version of our own lagoon. The beach is flatter than ours though. It actually seems to be level with the ocean as if it's all one large, flat plane. The waves are actually a bit calmer here. It seems more like a lake than the ocean. Brian looks to see my reaction and I give him a grin so big that my cheeks ache.

But he shakes his head. "Wait," he says secretively.

We walk a little further down the beach and then I see it. "Oh. My. God."

"Like it?"

"How did you find this?"

"I took a long hike one day. Ended up here."

I want so badly to walk closer but I don't even dare. There are three large palm trees that cross into one large mass at the top. Flying all around are huge, colorful birds. I can't tell what kind but they have the brightest reds, blues and yellows I think I've ever seen.

Around the base of the trees there's a rock formation that looks so picturesque... I damn myself for not bringing my journal. I would love to capture the scene on paper.

"You find the most beautiful things," I tell him. First the field, now this. Brian has such an eye for beauty. I took for granted that it was only in the civilized world. But, no. In nature, Brian's gift is just as strong. He sees beauty in things that I don't know that I would ever look up long enough to see sometimes. And it surprises me just how at home he seems here sometimes. As if he were born for the soil and not the sidewalks.

His hand cups the back of my neck and massages it as I continue to stare up at the birds, preening at the tops of the palms.

The sound of my stomach breaks through the sounds of nature with a rumble of hunger. It's then that Brian and I realize we haven't eaten yet today. We both try to ignore it. We circle the rocks and trees and stand in the shallow surf for a little while, watching a few seagulls dive for fish.

Another rumble is eventually heard, this time from Brian. "Ready to head back?" He asks regretfully.

I look longingly back up at the colorful birds. I want to stay a while longer, but my own hunger finally wins out. I nod reluctantly and take his hand. I'll just have to come back one day when I can stay longer.

***

I sit in the shade and stare at the horizon seeing nothing. It seems like hours have passed but it's only been minutes. A person could go crazy here. Wonder if we will.

Maybe in fifteen or twenty years someone will happen upon the island and they'll find one of us left. Probably Neil, that fucking jackal. And he'll be completely out of his mind, having killed and eaten us all one by one. He'll have forgotten how to speak and will merely grunt and squeal. Much like he does now.

And they'll find our bones in a pile beside the house. They'll put two and two together and commit Neil, who they will eventually nickname Ape-Man. They'll figure out who we are and our story will be in every newspaper and magazine across the world. Posthumously famous. We'll be heros and Neil will just be a crazy committed cannibal.

Yeah. A person could definitely go nuts here.

"Cynth?" Rory calls out to me. "Want something to eat?"

I look back towards the house. In the time that I've been staring off into space, Rory has built a nice fire and gathered food. I know it's her day to do this, but it amazes me that she always seems to do it with so much ease and without a word of complaint. When it's up to the rest of us, we always tend to grumble just a little. But not her. She's too amazing for words.

Taking a seat beside her, she hands me a wedge of melon, which I nibble on so as to make it last. Melon, Banana, and fish. That's the spread tonight. Who am I kidding. That's the spread every night. Not that I'm complaining. Believe me. I appreciate every bite.

"Thank you," I tell her as she splits a fish between me and Neil. She nods and gives me a smile. Neil, I notice, says nothing.

About halfway through the meal, Brian and Justin wander up. "Anymore left?"

"Plenty," Rory says, pointing towards another fish that's keeping warm on a rock beside the fire.

"Thanks," Justin kisses her cheek and Brian plants one on the top of her head causing Rory her to giggle at the attention. I shiver at the sound, realizing just how little I've heard her laugh lately. And just how much I've missed it. I put my arm around her and she leans into me, putting her head on my shoulder. I kiss her head myself and sigh into her silky black hair.

For hours on end we stare into the fire silently. I look around the circle and see Justin drawing something in the sand. Brian, who is sitting next to him, looks like he's ready to doze off. Rory, I know, fell asleep against my shoulder about half an hour ago but I don't have the heart to move her. And Neal has been stealing glances at her since we sat down.

Something is really starting to bother me about him. Even more than I was bothered before. Like, for instance, the fact that I feel like poking his eyes out right now to make him stop staring at Rory.

After a minute, he notices that I've caught him in mid-gaze and gives me a dirty look before turning his head away. Whatever. Fuck him. I hope, when he becomes the crazy cannibal...that he fucking chokes on me!

To Be Continued in Journal #8