By Keitalina ‘Keiri’ Shinra & Rufus ‘Seiji’ Shinra
We don’t own Saint Seiya. Enough said.
Warning: If you just happen to have an image of your favorite Saints…forget it. In this universe…nothing is what you want it to be or how bad you want it to be (especially you Himiko-the-pink-menace-of-the-S-files!)!! This is the Universe I’d like to call as the ‘What If Universe’. I get a ‘What If’ scenario and I write about it. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa*laughs like Kanon/Saga* Anyways…before I go insane like all the other Geminis (and scare poor Camus-sama for he might know what will happen if I do ^^)…you have been warned. Maybe some bashing and crashing of bishie Saints here and there…mainly poor…poor, abused Geminis. >D Maybe. Not definite. I said maybe…what you don’t believe me? *flips you off, but is censored by Toei so nobody can see it*
It was quiet, just, nearly too
quiet. Scary, demon/children/Saints had finally went home after invading and almost
plundering all that was Sanctuary. Someone had good enough sense to get rid of
them somehow.
Milo and Camus groveled at scriptwriters of Saint Seiya’s feet, mumbling their grateful thanks. The authoress, although a slight bit punier and weaker than them comes in and drags them back into the fanfic with them kicking and screaming like little girls on their way to the barber’s to get their curls cut for the first time. Both were screaming for help, but since Toei Company had no power over a 14-year-old fanfic writer who disclaims everything, they couldn’t save their precious rate grabbing Saints. The authoress goes there grumbling about how cowardly Saints really are.
As
mentioned before, everything was peaceful and –
“Wait
a minute!!” shouted the authoress. She jumped directly into the fanfic herself
– as in self-insertion. Gasp! And also…cower in fear dear Saints! The authoress
is out to get you!
“Hey!”
she said poutily at the words. “Who in the world is typing this if I’m in the
land of all that is Saint Seiya…?” she questioned looking around. See spotted a
young man with long, blonde hair typing away at the computer. No one would ever
believe the words that would come out of her mouth. “Seiji! I will get you for
this!!”
Seiji
laughed, his voice amplified by the microphone that he set on the max so his
little twin sister could get the point. “Well, someone had to be writing,
Kei-chan...or is it Keily in this world?”
Keily
pouted in her usual, cute way, grumbling. “So, what now?” she asked her dear
older brother, taking a seat on a bunch of stones.
Seiji
shrugged from the screen, he had no idea.
Keily
sighed and lay on the hard rock. “So…can you get me out before Milo and Camus
find out that I’m here…for real…and not my anime version who is all powerful?!”
asked of her brother, making her ever so famous, makes you wanna smack Shun
upside the head, because she is even more kawaii than even Shun can handle
without the pink, face.
Seiji
sweat dropped and went into deep meditation after five minutes of thinking.
Keily
turned to look at you, the reader, a worried look on her face. “Whenever my
brother writes or says he’s ‘meditating’…he really means ‘I’m going to sleep
for about 9 hours straight’.” She sighed and got up from the stones.
“I
guess…I’ll have to get through this somehow…how do I get home?” she asked of
herself.
And
miraculously, something wonderful happens…Keily’s fairy godmother
appears…except it’s not the usual one. In fact…she didn’t know she had one in
the first place.
This
fairy look more of a butterfly than of a fairy. And it was a he, not a she. And
Keily immediately recognized who this person was immediately.
Keily
crossed her arms and sulked. “Okay…Myu what’s the big deal? Where’s my usual
fairy? (Even though I didn’t know I ever had one.) I specifically ask for a
female the last time I went to the office.” She scolded the butterfly Specter.
She suddenly noticed the flamboyant pink dress over his black Surplus and
couldn’t help, but begin to giggle madly.
All the while the fanfic is taking place, Mr. Kurumada is
drawing the scenes, and he smiles sheepishly at this spectacle that is
Papillion Myu. “Pretty.” He says out loud to the dismay of everyone else in the
room, who fell over in a comical anime way, sweat drops scattered on different
heads. Some of them questioning Mr. Kurumada’s current sanity.
Keily
stopped giggling and casted her way back to you. “I’m beginning to feel a
little frightened now…lets see…Camus and Milo are afraid of me…Papillion is in
a pink fairy dress…and Mr. Kurumada thinks it’s pretty…” she says to
you, a little attentive with what she says. She threw her arms in a gesture of
defeat. “The world is going to end, isn’t it?” she asked sarcastically.
Papillion
coughed, getting Keily’s attention back as he took out a highly decorated pink
wand. “Well…on danger of making this sound really stupid…you must finish this
fanfic…by going to see the Pope of Sanctuary.”
Keily
looked at the butterfly man as if he had grown wings, which was normally.
“Oh…is that all? So….what do you expect me to do…?” she asked.
Papillion
grinned and pointed to a box next to her.
Keily
eyed it wearily and soon got the idea, going a little pale. “Oh, no…you don’t
expect me to wear that and…go and try to kill Athena?”
Papillion
did a comical anime fall at the question. He bounced back onto his feet,
barking at the girl. “No! You just have to get to Saga! Since he’s Mr.
Hey-I-Can-Travel-Through-Different-Dimensions, I’m sure he can help you.”
Keily
blinked. “Ya know…this kind of sounds like the Wizard of Oz.” She said.
Papillion
nodded. “Your problem…anyways…if you’re wondering where that Cloth came
from...” butterfly boy said smoothly, gesturing towards the golden box. He
gestured to where Keily was standing…on top of a quite dead Aiolos.
Keily
noticed him and jumped off. “So that’s how it really happened! And all this
time people blame Shura, Saga and Milo!” She shuddered all of a sudden as she
looked at it wearily. “I ain’t wearing any Cloth a dead guy just put on; Seiya
can do that…but honestly - I can’t.”
Myu
sighed and shook his head. “Oh, fine. Honestly…you don’t know a good thing when
you see it.” He told the ungrateful fanfic writer. With a wave of his pink
wand, he whisked the Cloth to Sagittarius Temple.
Keily
pouted and proceeded to give the butterfly a good whack in the head, the
falling of a character in armor from the sky to her feet stopped her.
This
new person had blue hair that reached down his back and had eyes just to match.
He was covered in some bruises here and there and he was all soaking wet. How
he got wet from falling from the sky…well, it was the screwy author’s idea in
the first place. He was just wet.
And
according to the armor on his person…he was a type of dragon Saint…a sea dragon
Saint. It was Sea Dragon Kanon!
Keily
walked tentatively towards the wet man and poked him in the shoulder. “Are you
alive…?” she asked him.
No
response.
“Are
you alive?”
Still,
no response.
“Hello?”
Silence.
“Do
I have to do CPR or what?”
No
answer.
“Where’s
ol’ Saga when I need him…”
At
this, Kanon jumped back onto his feet, looking refreshed and dry, a kind of
angry look on his face. “Saga?!”
Keily
did an equivalent of a sweat drop and sighed. That definitely got Kanon
aroused. She looked at Myu who only smiled back at her. She could only guess
what he was thinking. “Let me guess…my Toto?” she asked with sarcasm ringing in
every letter.
Myuu’s
smile widened. “Oh! How did you guess!”
With
a waved of the overly exaggerated and decorated pink wand, Myu turned Kanon
into a little chibi dragon with Kanon’s hair color as the color of the scales.
And his little lizard eyes still had its human arrogant look so anyone could
realize it’s Kanon…at a very close view.
Keily
stared gaped mouthed at Myu and at the chibi dragon Kanon at her feet. One
thing on her mind. “You’ve got to be kidding me…”
Myu
only smiled. Suddenly, various SD Saints came skipping in singing wearing
ridiculously colorful and shiny costumes.
“Follow
the marble stairs! Follow the marble stairs!” they all chanted together,
dancing the hoe down with each other.
One
of them came up to Keily and literally danced circles around her. This one,
needn’t be an SD since he was short enough to be one. He was Pegasus Seiya. And
he was wearing a blue tutu and ballerina tights spinning a lollipop in his
hands (I bet you can’t guess which color it is). “Follow the marble stairs!
Follow the marble stairs! Follow, follow, follow, follow – follow the marble
stairs!” he sang, then rejoined the various other Saints that were still
singing and dancing the hoe down.
The assistants sweat dropped once more. “Now that is disturbing.” They all said at the same time. Mr. Kurumada smiled gleefully as he sung along with his creations. Once he stopped and grabbed the nearest person and began dancing the hoe down with. Unfortunately, it was a man, but Kurumada didn’t care! He just danced around as more sweat drops appeared on the assistants and the man dancing with Kurumada screamed for help….of any kind.
Keily
sweat dropped. She turns to you. “I have to agree with them…this is
disturbing.”
Also
frightened by the scene, Kanon jumped into Keily’s arms. Unfortunately, being
not used to being a slimy and creepy thing (like he wasn’t before?), he slipped
and landed in Keily’s blouse.
Keily
screamed and jumped around, trying to get Kanon out of her dress. “Get out! Get
out! Get out!!!” she yelled. She ran up
the first steps as the SD Saints continued to sing their annoying song.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!”
Myu
watched with an amused look. He nodded before heading back to his trailer –
er…domain in the Hell. “What a tiring day!” he said tiredly.
All
the while at the Pope’s Spa, Saga was having a nice bath….and plotting world
domination! Dun dun dun!!! Actually….he was just taking bath. I just wanted to make you guys sweat.
Maniacal laugh.
Uh-oh.
I’m not supposed to do that….Not again! Holy crap! I have to stop that! No!
Stop it! Stop that!! Argh…
As
the author struggles, Saga is having a nice calming, relaxing, soothing,
consoling, comforting, cheering….
And
so, after many synonyms for the word calming, the author finally pulled
herself…er…himself…er…whatever, together and continued to write about Saga’s bath
and what is going on in his mind.
“I
want some apple pie” Saga said to the author.
The
author shook his/her head.
“I
want some pie.” Saga repeated.
Again,
the author shook his/her head.
“I
want some pie goddamit and I want some now!!!” Saga yelled, his hair turning
gray and his eyes entirely red.
The
author wrote into existence an eyedropper with liquid and Saga gratefully put
it into his eyes, making them their regular color again. He ran a hand through
his hair as blue hair dye was all over it. He sighed. “Now look what you made
me do! Now I’ll have to re-dye it again!” he said in a prissy little girl
manner.
The
author took immediate offense and wrote into existence an anvil and of course
it landed on Saga’s head. The author laughed evilly in satisfaction.
More sweat drops appeared on the assistants’ heads. “Twisted kid.” They all managed to say.
Saga
rubbed the spot on his head and cried like a little baby. “Wah! That hurt!!” he
whined. He didn’t have enough time to whine anymore when someone else ran into
the spa. It was Aera.
“Ack!
How did I get here?!” she cried out in utter confusion and horror.
Saga
shrieked like a little girl and covered his lower part with his hands and legs.
“Eek!!! Voyeur!!”
Aera
blinked, then looked around. “Where? Where? Where is the voyeur!!” She asked
frantically. Still looking around.
Saga
sunk low enough so that his head was the only thing to be seen. “Get out!!! Get
out!!” he screamed, pointing to the door.
Aera
quickly got the idea and ran out the door.
Saga
pouted. “Twisted author.” He grumbled. He went to having peace again.
“I
want apple pie.” He began again.
The
author sighed in dismay.
“I
want pie.” He said again, swimming on his back around the pool.
The
author covered his/her eyes. “My eyes!! My eyes!! My virgin eyes!!! My virgin
eyes!!!”
“I
want pie….” He sang to no one in particular.
Back
to Keily who continued to run up to the Cancer Temple after trampling over poor
Mu and Aldebaran in her flight, she bumped into someone who was strung onto a
type of cross. This person was dressed entirely in straw and farmer’s clothing.
But his long golden blonde and perfect complexion told her that he ain’t no
scare crow. He was actually…
“Shaka!!!”
Keily exclaimed, getting a closer look.
Indeed.
It was Shaka. In the flesh! Or as fleshy as one can tell anyways…
“Whoa…what
could have done this to him?” Keily wondered. She poked Shaka and saw that he
didn’t move. “I wonder…is this Sanctuary Chapter…or Hades Chapter….or what?”
“Or
is this one of many reasons the Gold Saints didn’t help the Bronzies….?”
“Or
maybe this is one of their kinky ideas of having fun….?”
“Or
they were just playing a trick on Shaka….?”
“Is
Shaka even awake at all…?”
“Are
you awake Shaka?”
“Hello…?”
“Will
you please open your eyes?”
“Not
even one?”
“Hi?”
“Mushi
mushi?”
“Can
you wake-up?”
“Can
you please speak to me?”
“Can
you react at all?”
“Are
you even alive?”
“Must
I do CPR?”
“Do
you need medical attention?”
“Can
I get you down?”
“Can
you at least answer one of my questions?”
“Are
you going to say anything at all?”
“Can
you respond please?”
“Please?”
“Pretty
please with sugar on top?”
“Can
you say something before I go buggy?”
“Could
you try to mumble….?”
“Not
even a peep?”
“How
about a peek from those beautiful blues that you keep closed?”
Kanon
finally popped out of Keily’s shirt and hopped onto the stone ground, hissing.
“I must get a better agent.” He grumbled in lizard.
Keily
glared at him. “Hey…There’s subtitles you know.”
Kanon
cursed in lizard.
Keily
rolled her eyes in response. She picked up the Kanon, who squirmed as she did,
and put him in a basket that she just happened to be carrying around with her.
“Now behave.” She poked Shaka legs. “Hello? Are you alive or what…?”
A
light shone around Shaka, but nothing much happened.
Keily
and Kanon-lizard watched the light show with sunglasses on. “Ooh…look at all
the pretty, pretty colors!” They said in heavy sarcasm.
Shaka
frowned at them. “How dare you disturb my meditation!”
Keily
poked him again. “You call this meditation, Shaka-sama? I call this being
crucified ‘Farmer Joe’ style. What in Athena’s name are you doing getting
crucified? Trying to be like Jesus? Aren’t you supposed to be the reincarnation
of Buddha, not Jesus? I don’t think it’ll up your popularity much if you do
this, Gold Saint dono…” Kanon sniggered in the basket and smiled a lizard
smile.
Shaka
frowned and dismounted himself, though falling flat on his face doing so.
“Ow….” He tried getting back up, but fell down again on his face. He tried
again and again and again and again. The last time he did it, he fell on his
butt instead. He tried on for many more times before Keily helped him to stay
upright on his legs. Obviously, he had Ten Bu Hou Rinned himself by mistake
when he looked in the mirror.
“I
still think you did this to yourself.” Keily said. Then she added, “Never knew
you were a masochist.” Kanon snickered again. “Ever think about not destroying
things that you look at? Say…I don’t know…your lunch?”
“I
don’t eat much actually.” The man closest to god replied.
The
girl poked the Saint’s stomach. “Is that why you’re so thin? And I thought the
Bronze Boys had an eating disorder…if only I could…” Unbeknownst to her, Myuu
had placed spells on certain Saints that ended up singing when they hear
certain words that are to be spoken. In this case, it was ‘if only I…’.
Shaka
let go of Keily and started dancing around as he whistled the song from the
Wizard of Oz where the main characters would sing their image song sort of.
Kurumada is once again dancing around with some random person as he sings random editions of the Wizard of Oz image theme. “If I only had sanity…!” He sang as he danced randomly, going from river stomping on a drawing board to break dancing on the floor. “If I only had some Ritalin!”
“If
I only…had a brain!!” He danced for Keily, though being the signified
‘scarecrow’ he had problems standing and dancing at all, it seemed more like
wobbled walking mixed with music and terrible choreography. Shaka was never one
to dance. “If I only had a brain!” he sang off key and off tune no doubt. He
wasn’t one for singing either.
The
poor girl closed her ears and finally shut him up when she gave him a good kick
in the you know where which made the blonde Saint double over. Keily grinned
anime style. “Works every time.” She looked around herself and realized where
she was. “Cancer Temple?”
She
checked inside and to her surprise, there was no floor, but a very long and
large pit of lava that spread to the other side. Very odd. The last time she
was there, she remembered that there were a lot of heads lying around, but
definitely not lava. Shaka dragged himself in and looked around.
“Death
Mask must have redecorated.” He commented.
“Who
goes there?!” said a British sounding voice.
Keily
blinked in confusion. She never remembered Saints having British accents.
And
out of the shadows of the temple, is a Black Saint. Which one, she couldn’t
remember, but was definitely a Black Saint. And for obvious purposes soon to be
realized, we’ll just call him the Black Saint.
“Who
in god’s holy name are you supposed to be? Scratch that. We gotta cross.” Keily
said, pushing forward. The Black Saint stood in her way still and kept standing
in front of her whenever she moved to take another route. Finally, she got mad
at him. “For goodness’ sake! What is your problem?!”
“You
can’t pass.” He said.
“Why
not?”
“This
is Sanctuary…y’ave ta fight ta be able ta get through, mate.”
“You’ve
got to be kidding me, right?”
“Nope.”
Keily
sighed and called out to the heavens. “Where’s the emergency plot device when
you need one?!” she screamed.
“In
your basket!” said a very holy sounding voice.
“Why
my basket?”
“I’m
a holy disembodied voice…you don’t question the voice.”
“But
I’m a real person, so therefore I question the disembodied voice. Why my
basket?”
“Look…just
open your basket.”
“Why
should I?”
“Cuz
I’ll hurt you.”
“You’re
just a voice.”
“I’m
holy!”
“Shaka’s
’holy’ and he hasn’t attacked me yet.”
“Just
open the bloody basket you bloody little bugger!” And then a click was heard in
the background signifying that the disembodied voice had left.
Keily
finally opened the basket and pulled out the sword that was used by the actor
that played King Arthur in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. She stared at it
dubiously. “You’ve seriously got to be kidding me…” She hefted the sword for a
little bit and walked to the Black Saint. “Okay…at least I know why you’re
talking with an accent.”
“Ey!
You ready to fight you bloody little bugger?” the Black Saint taunted, getting
into a fighting stance.
Keily
rolled her eyes. “Why does everyone call me a bugger? I am not a bugger!
Well…at least Mama says I’m not a bugger…Oh, well!” Keily didn’t want to fight,
but since she was insulted, she chopped off the Black Saint’s right arm.
“Aaaah!!!”
the Black Saint screamed in pain, holding the bleeding stump that was his right
arm. “I move for no man!!” he yelled, unknown to him that he had insulted Keily
in the most worst possible way.
An
anime vein was popping out of her head as she heard this and took it the wrong
way. She lifted the sword into the air and even managed to scare Kanon and
Shaka who were watching her. She cut off the other arm, but the Black Saint was
still ready to fight her still.
“Ha!
You weasely little wimp! Tis only a scratch you given me!!” the Saint taunted
sticking his tongue out at her.
Keily
stared at him as if her were crazy, of which he probably was. “What the hell!
Your arms have been cut off!”
“No
they haven’t.” the Black Saint in denial.
“Then
what the hell do you call those things on the stone floor?” Keily asked,
indicating said arms on the ground with the sword in her hand.
“I’ve
had worse!” the Saint shot back.
“No
you haven’t you moron, now stand aside before I really cut you down!”
Keily yelled at him. Having enough, she began walking towards the bridge again,
but the dismembered Black Saint kicked her away. “What the!!”
“Come
on you!” the Black Saint shouted, continuously kicking the girl.
“Ooh…you’re
asking for it you stupid haughty little ruffian sonuva bard!” Keily scolded,
trying to go for the bridge. “Surrender! The fight is mine!”
“Had
enough, huh?! Coward?!”
“You
stupid moron! You’ve got no arms left!! Look! Look!!! LOOK!!!!!”
“Yes,
I have!”
“No,
you don’t!”
“Tis
only a flesh wound!!” the Black Saint said in denial again, resumed kicking
Keily in the shins.
“Okay…that’s
it! I’m chopping off your right leg!!” Keily said, more anime veins popping out
of her head. She promptly chopped off the Black Knight’s right leg and began
going for the bridge when he got in her way again. This time, he was hopping
about on his left leg.
Kurumada, as the insanity that is the Black Saint scene
is going on, is currently running around the studio with scissors yelling out
random Japanese obscenities. ”Beware the sharpness of my scissors!!! Mwa ha ha
ha ha haaaa! I am Silver Scissors Saint Kurumada!!”
“Ha!
I’ll do you for that one! Come here!!” the Black Saint yelled at Keily also
yelling several German insults that Keily had no idea what they meant, but
understood that he was cursing her and intended to yell back at him.
“Well,
what’re you gonna do you crazy bugger?! Bleed on me?!”
“Come
on! I’ll get you!! I’m invincible!”
“Ikki’s
practically invincible. You sir, are a loony.”
“The
Black Saints always triumph!!! Have at you, you stupid little bugger!”
“Okay…that’s
it!” Keily chopped off the Black Saint’s last leg, oddly enough he didn’t
topple over the edge or fall over. He just…was there.
“We’ll…call
it a draw!” the Black Saint declared.
Keily
only sighed and grumbled something about ‘insane writers’ and ‘poor plotlines’.
She turned to Shaka and Kanon who had somehow gotten loungers into the temple
and popcorn. They both looked very amused. “Wipe those smirks off your faces or
you’ll be next for dismemberment. Lets go.” She put the sword away and began to
cross the bridge with Kanon and Shaka behind her.
The
Black Saint saw this and couldn’t help, but start yelling at her again. “Oh!
Running away are we, huh? Come back here! Come back here I say! I’ll bite your
legs off!!!”
“Do
Black Saints have cosmo?” Keily whispered to Shaka.
“Of
course.” Was his answer. “They are saints, too.”
With
that single incentive, Keily grabbed Shaka and Kanon and ran for their lives.
A
little whiles later on when they all reached Libra temple, because the previous
temples had either a musical going on or some really weird guy talking in some
really dumb accent, Someone was standing quite frozen in the middle of it all.
Actually…two people. There was a big ice cube with Hyoga in it, while Camus was
standing next to it…dressed in the Tin Man’s costume?! What the hell?!
Keily
poked him and he didn’t respond. Obviously, if Shaka needed a brain (and a
personality! Hohohoho…I’m evil!), Camus would surely need a heart. And why not?
He was the coldest ice saint to ever grace Sanctuary probably. She opened up
the emergency plot device and poured in hot oil where his joints might be stuck
in.
The
oil did wonders for him. Immediately he began moving, slowly and ungracefully,
but as more time passed by he move more fluently. He stretched and cracked his
neck out of kinks. “Does that hurt…too stiff…need massage….” He then noticed
that Keily was standing in front of him and became as white as snow so to
speak. “Ah!!! The crazy tenshi!!! Ruuuuuuuuun!!!”
Keily
looked at him annoyingly and whacked him once over the head thanks to the
emergency plot device supplying her with a mallet. “The Lion needs courage! Not
you! So get used to it already!!!”
Camus
sulked and rubbed the spot on his head where it hurt. He didn’t like this one
bit. How in the world did My convince him into doing this?!
A
couple of days before….
“You
want me to do what?!” Camus asked in obvious surprise.
The
butterfly specter only smiled. “That’s what you have to do. All you have to do
is meet up with one of your fans, kiss her and then, you never have to see
another groupie ever again.”
“But
what if I refuse or loose this bet?”
“You’ll
see. So will you do it or not?”
Camus
sighed and shook his head. “Well…I don’t have too much to loose….so why not? Send her in.”
Myu
smiled and opened a door where a redhead stood behind it. Hearts appeared in
her eyes and she saw Camus in front of her with only one objective in mind:
GLOMP. “Camus!!!” she squealed dreamily and jumped on him to glomp him.
Camus,
not liking this and recognizing the redhead, struggle with all of his might.
“Get off of me Derrewyn!!!”
“But
I looove you!!! ^_^”
“Off!”
“No!”
“Off!”
“But
I want to stay on Camus!!”
“I
said get off Derrewyn!!”
“What’s
going on?” asked a Scorpio Saint who happened to come at the wrong time for
himself when he saw Derrewyn on top of Camus. “Eep! Derrewyn! No more abuse!!
Nooo!!” He ran away, leaving a cartoonish trail of dust behind him as he ran.
Derrewyn
forgot about her lust for Camus and proceeded to chase Milo instead.
“Miloooooooooo!!!!!!”
Kurumada sat himself down in front of a phone and began dialing other manga artists’ numbers. The first to call was Naoko Takeuchi that draws for Sailor Moon. “So what’s up Naoko?”
“Watching SM, having a drink.”
“True, true…”
Rumiko Takashi, who draws Ranma ½, was there with Naoko, picked up another line and yelled into it. “Whazzzuuuuuuuuup?”
Kurumada joined in. “Whaaaaazzzzuuuuuuuuup!!!”
“Anyone else there?” Naoko asked.
Kurumada called another person upstairs, one of the CLAMP girls, Mokona, and she picked up the phone. “Hello?”
Naoko smiled and said, “Whaazuuuuup?!”
“Whazzzuuuup!!” Mokona yelled back.
“Whazzuupp…” Kurumada chimed in.
“Yo! Where’s Akira?” Mokona asked.
Kurumada called out again for Akira (insert last name) who drew the Dragon Balls manga series. “Yo, Akira!!!”
Akira, who was drawing some Dr. Slump art, got off his butt and picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Whaaazzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!” Mokona shouted into the receiver.
“Whaazuup.” Akira answered a little lamely.
Everyone else began doing it too.
“Whazuupp…”
“Zuup!!”
“Zuuup ha ha ha ha…”
“Hahahaha…Hold on…got another call.” Mokona said and dding another person into the conversation. “Hello?”
“Whaaaazup!!!” said Tsukasa Hojo of City Hunter manga.
Once again, the nonsensical ‘whazzups’.
“Uuuuuup!!!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!”
And then they all hung up except for Kurumada and Naoko. “So…what’s up Naoko.”
“Watching SM and having a drink.”
Kurumada nodded. “True…true…”
“Okay…that…was
just plain uncalled for…” Camus said, shaking his head, so dishonored to be
created by Masami Kurumada.
“Yes,
since I did it first.” Mumbled the Inquisitor.
“What
are you doing here, Torque?”
“Just
making my author’s cameo appearance. I’m going to go now.” She walked off.
“Anyways…before
we were so rudely interrupted. You’ll have to do something for me, Camus…” Myu
said mischievously, rubbing his chin.
Present
day….
Camus
sighed and began to dance as his image song came up. He danced the robot and a
simulation of the aurora was behind him as his image song played which was
practically the same as everyone else’s.
“When
a man’s an empty kettle…he shouldn’t sit on his mettle, and yet I’m torn
apart.” He did a little jig, then continued. “Just because I’m presumin’ that I
could be kind-a-human if I only had a heart…” He danced and swayed, for the
costume was not light and stretchable as his cloth was and Keily and Shaka had
to take turns catching him and sometimes they’d just let him fall.
“I’d
be tender – I’d be gentle and awful sentimental regarding love and art.” For
good measure, he did a bow to Keily and kissed her hand in a very gentlemanly
way. Then started on his merry dancing way again. “I’d be friends with the
sparrows….and the boy who shoots arrows….” He stopped and pondered that for a
second. “Do I really want to be friends with Pegasus…?”
“Get
to the point. I never got to even finish my song!” yelled an impatient Shaka.
“I
agree. Do hurry up.” Kanon-lizard said in….lizard.
Camus
sighed indignantly and started to wrap it up. “If I only had a heart…Picture me
– a balcony. Above a voice sings low. Where for art thou Romeo? I hear a
beat…how sweet!” He poked the gigantic ice cube holding a snuggly Hyoga and
sang in a very mournful voice, “Just to register emotion…jealous – devotion…and
really feel the part. I could stay young and chipper…and I’d lock it in a
zipper…if I only had a heart.”
Keily
clapped, while Kanon and Shaka, well mostly Kanon, rolled their eyes.
“Can
we go now?” Kanon whined, wanting to get everything over with.
“Are
you thinking what I’m thinking.” Asked Shaka.
“If
you’re thinking about flying pink elephants, but what are you thinking, Shaka?”
“Obviously
not what you’re thinking. We need the plot device.”
Shaka
lunged for the plot device and made it speed everything up to the point where
they were now in front of a forest right in front of Pisces Temple. Keily
blinked and wondered how and why they were there so fast. She realized that
Shaka had used the emergency plot device.
“Too
fast…” said a dizzy Kanon-lizard.
“Hey…we’re
here now aren’t we? At least we won’t have to deal with all the other musical
acts…I certainly don’t want to hear Camus sing again.”
“I
resent that Shaka.”
“Oh,
do be quiet you bucket of bolts!”
“Knock
it off you stupid bards! You’re giving me a headache worse than that bugger,
Black Saint!” Keily yelled at them all. And so they resumed their journey, but
the author has gotten lazy and will refuse to do the Lion bit, but she’ll say
that the Lion is Aiolia and is looking for courage. Happy?! Good. Onward to the
evil villains! They’ve been sorely neglected.
“Are
they here, yet?” whined Ares/Saga. His hair had gone gray and now he was Ares,
the resident wicked witch of the west of Sanctuary.
Ikki
and Millerna, who were there for some reason, shook their heads. “No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they here yet?”
“No.”
“Are
they…”
“For
goodness’ sake! NO!!!!”
Ares/Saga
pouted. “You didn’t have to yell at me! Now I’m sad and have the urge to wreak
havoc.”
“Aren’t
you like…supposed to?” Ikki asked.
“You
are Ares incarnated in Saga’s body.” Millerna pointed out.
Ares
glared at them, then started whinning. “You guys are sooooooooooooooo mean!!
Wait until my mommy comes here!! She’ll give it to you!!”
Ikki
and Millerna were snickering. “Mommy?”
“Shut-up.”
Ikki
shook his head and walked to a window. “Screw this…I’m going to follow the
script now…” He jumped out with Ares cackling from the room.
“Hahahaha!!
Fly my pretty! Fly!! Ahahahahahahaaaa!!!” Ares yelled.
All
of that was in odd vain because most Saints don’t fly, they levitate and in
Ikki’s case, it was still too early in the series, so he plummeted to the
ground. “Aiyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!”
And
back to our heroes who had started walking in the um….field of poisonous roses.
“And
why are we walking through this field knowing that we could die in it….?”
Aiolia asked, trying to hold his breath, but failing otherwise.
Keily
opened the emergency plot device and pulled out a book marked ‘SCRIPT’. “It
says in here we have to walk through here in order for me to be captured…?!”
Keily stared bug eyed at the script, then ripped in half in her rage. She waved
a fist in the air. “Screw da frickin’ script!! I’m going to give whoever is
keeping me here a piece of my mind!!” She pulled out the sword from before. “Have
at him!!” She bolted ahead, leaving the gold saints behind. They shrugged.
“Anyone
want any coffee?”
“Sure…”
When
she had reached the last temple (and with lots of hacking and slashing of roses
and the like), Keily finally made it to the top without too much incident. It
was when she had gotten into the last temple things got weird. The whole throne
room was filled with pink draperies, carpets, ribbons and…dresses? The girl
watched in awe and horror as Saga danced around with a pink dress on and it was
horridly bright!! She was scared out of her wits, for the second time today,
she witnessed a grown man dressed in bright, gauche pink!!
“I
feel pretty!! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and GAY!!!” Saga sang and
danced, obviously in his ‘right mind’ because his hair was blue, but somehow…we
doubt that it really is…
“I
feel charming! Oh, so charming! It’s alarming how charming I feeeeeeeeeeeeeel!!”
he sang two octives too high and broke some vases and glass, then his hair
turned gray and he sang differently, but did not notice the bright pink dress
on him. “I feel evil! Oh, so evil! I feel evil and wicked and insaaaaane! For I’m
love by a pretty lovely goddess!!”
Keily
screamed for all of this to stop. “Noooooooooooooooooooooo!! I want out!! I
want out nooooooooooooow!!” She ran around screaming for it all to stop until
she got so dizzy, she smashed right into a pillar and fainted. All turned black…
* * *
Keily
jerked away in a bed, she gasped for air. She sighed in relief. “Thank goodness…that
was only a dream…”
“Hello,
dear…awake already?” said a kind voice.
The
black haired girl turned and saw Cygny standing there. She blinked. Cygny? She
lived in Belgium, not Canada. She looked out the window. Odd, there was never a
window next to her bed. She yelled surprise. It was nowing outside with pine
trees and rocks and mountains. “What the..?1 That’s not Montreal!!”
Cygny
smiled. “Of course not silly! That’s Asgard!!”
Keily’s
jaw dropped. “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!”
THE
END……….
Or
is it….?