"Cooking With Phoenix Ikki"
by: ita-chan
"Hello and welcome to Cooking with Andromeda Shun! As you may know, I am Andromeda Shun. Today I will be teaching you how to make-"
"Oh cool! Food! Heya Shun little bro..." Ikki walks in and leans in the counter with his elbow.
Shun glares at Ikki. "Get off the stage. Can't you see that I'm trying to put on a show here?"
"Really?"
Shun rolls his eyes and attempts to push Ikki off of the stage. Ikki, of course, went off the stage whining and complaining but immediately planted his feet firmly into the ground when Shun pushed him in front of a camera.
"Ikki, please get off the stage!! I'm on the air..."
"Really? Oh cool." Ikki turns to camera and waves. "Hi guys!"
"Security!"
Five minutes later…
"...and then you pour the butter into the frying pan and let it melt while the noodles are cooking on low to medium heat..." Shun said, moving from the stove to the oven, to the counter to the stove again. While his back was turned, Ikki tiptoed back on stage and waved to the crowd who tried to stifle their giggles. He held up a bottle that was apparently an alcoholic product and picked up the vegetable oil and set the bottle of alcohol in its place. Then, before Shun could turn back around, he ran off the stage.
"...Now, after the noodles have started to boil, add vegetable oil to the rice. About a half a cup will do..." Shun reached for the vegetable oil but instead grabbed the liquor bottle that Ikki had "accidentally" left there.
The audience laughed to themselves as Shun poured in the "vegetable oil" with the rice. Not noticing his mistake, he set it back down and turned back to something else on the stove, his mouth running all the while, thinking that his audience was actually still listening.
But, no, the audience had their eyes fixated on Ikki, who had snuck back on-stage again and this time he took the pot of boiling water and replaced it with a pot of boiling koolaid. He then backed offstage before Shun turned back around again.
Shun was so preoccupied that when he poured the "noodles" in with the rice he didn't notice that the noodles weren't even there or why the water was strangely red in color. "Now, after you have them mixed together, you place them in the refrigerator and let it chill… Then its time to make the biscuits..." he said, pulling out some dough that just so happened to be conveniently placed underneath the countertop on the shelf.
Rolling it into twelve neat balls of dough, he placed them on the cooking sheet and sprinkled them with butter and garlic salt. Then he turned and shoved them into the oven, expertly flipping the knob to the correct temperature without even having to look.
When Ikki poked his head back out from backstage, half the audience groaned and the other half just sat and laughed, wondering what was up him sleeve this time.
Meanwhile, back at the only place in Santuary with Tv or Gemini Temple(thanks to Kanon ^__^)…
Shiryu grabbed the bowl of chips and ran for a place on the couch as Seiya and Hyoga came in from the kitchen with a six pack of soda and salsa. Shiryu plopped down on the couch and reached for the remote, resting his feet on the coffee table while flipping to the channel.
"Hey guys look! It's on!"
"Hey cool!"
"Do we really wanna sit here and watch a show about cooking when Shun can just come here and cook for us himself?" Shiryu responded by whacking Hyoga on the head with the pillow.
"No, Hyoga. I just wanna watch it to make fun of him later. I don't know why he only brought Ikki with him though." Shiryu said, popping open a can of soda and digging into the bag of chips.
"Hey! Save some for me!" Seiya said, reaching over Hyoga on the couch and accidentally knocking over the salsa, causing it to spill all over Hyoga's shirt and The Twin's couch that she had just gotten cleaned the day before.
"Aww man! There goes the salsa..."
"We aren't really even watching Shun, are we?"
"Nope. Just having a fight over the chips. Hand 'em over Shiryu!"
"Aaa no! They're mine!"
Hyoga got shoved back into the couch as Seiya and Shiryu started fighting over the bag of chips ontop of him. "Hey guys get off! I can't breathe..." Hyoga pushed the two onto the floor where they continued to wrestle over the bag of chips. The last thing Hyoga heard before he walked into the room to change his shirt was a loud rii-ip! and Shiryu and Seiya groaning over their loss.
Seiya heard some voices in the hall. "They're ho-ome!" he said, running for the door and yanked it open. "Kanon! You didn't happen to grab some more chips n' salsa, did ya?"
Kanon laughed evily and handed him a bad of groceries. "Carry in the bags and see."
Oh! Is Shun's show on already?" Saga said.
"Yes," Seiya grunted, "But we're not really watching it… NO! Don't go into the-"
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY LIVING ROOM?" Saga shrieked from the living room. "My couch!! And how did chips and spilled soda get all over the floor?"
"Ehh..." Seiya backed into the kitchen behind Shiryu, while Hyoga walked back into the living room with a clean shirt on.
"Hey Saga. We're missing Shun's show."
"Hey look! There's Shu! What's he doing on there??"
The boysturned to look at the screen as two sock puppets popped up at the bottom of the screen. It was obviously Ikki, doing a very poor job of trying to disguise his voice.
"Hello Mr. Potato head! How are you doing today? Well Mrs. Potato head, I am doing just fine. I am just about bored out of my skin… er.. shock from this show though..." Ikki said, trying to get his thumb over the potato puppet's mouth to make it look like she was yawning. He was apparently having a hard time, because the top part of his head popped up as Mr. Potato head disappeared and then reappeared with Mrs. Potato head yawning.
"What is he doing?" Saga laughed. "We are taping this, right?"
"Yeah, Shun only reminded us fifty million times." Hyoga said as he seated himself back on the clean part of the couch.
"Yeah! I found the chips an' salsa!" said Shiryu's triumphant voice rang out from the kitchen as he appeared in the doorway with the chips in one hand and the salsa in the other.
"Yeaaah!" Seiya said, tackling him once again. "Yaaaaaa! This time gimme some!"
"Kanon! Help!" Shiryu pleaded in a sarcastically desperate voice as Seiya brought them both tumbling to the floor.
"Seiya, there's another bag of chips n' salsa in there! Get your own!"
"Really Kanon?!" Seiya said, jumping up and heading into the kitchen and coming back with a bag of chips and jar of salsa and he plopped back onto the couch, his legs dangling over the armrest as he grabbed the remote control from where Shiryu had dropped it on the floor.
"Is there anything else on?" Hyoga said in a mono tone of voice. "I don't care HOW Shun cooks, I just care about how it tastes."
"Yeah I'm hearin' ya there!"
"But we have to tape it for Shun later!" Saga objected.
"Besides, I think Ikki is the real star of this anyway." Kanon grinned slightly as Ikki had obviously made friends with the cameraman for the simple fact that Ikki had dropped his sock puppet act and was now doing a reenactment of scream with a volunteer from the audience.
"Man, I don't know how Shun doesn't notice him down there doing that!" Seiya laughed, shaking his hand at the television and showering Hyoga with Pepsi.
"Should I just not change clothes today? It seems that I'm your bib today or something, Seiya." Hyoga sighed.
"Oops..." Seiya said and swung his feet around to the front of the couch, sitting up and accidentally knocking over Shiryu's open soda sitting on the floor next to Kanon.
"SEIYA!"
Saga just groaned and walked into his bedroom where he could watch the show in peace.
And back at the show…
Ikki smiled and waved into the camera. "Hi Saga! Hel-lo Kanon!" Then Ikki leaned in closer to the camera and whispered in a menacing voice, "It's 3:30… and do you know where your vegetables are? Muahahahahaha!!"
Ikki grinned at the camera-lady. "Ya like my act?" he said when he noticed her camera was off.
She gave him a thumbs-up. "You're doin' great! It's nice to have a break from all those boring cooking shows once in awhile. But, if anyone asks, you had me at gun point or something, I had no part in this." Ikki laughed.
"Aha you wish… and who says that cooking shows are boring? I find them fascinating..." Ikki said and then turned to face the stage, the smell of the cooking food now wafting out across the audience and making them all drool with hunger. "Man, I just now noticed that I'm hungry. I'm gonna go make a phone call."
"What are ya gonna do? Call and order pizza on a cooking show?"
Ikki just grinned and said "See ya in a bit!" and then walked behind stage to the pay phone.
Fifteen minutes later, a car pulled up to the studio with the label of a chinese restaurant .The man walked up into the studio. "Uh… Phoenix Ikki? Is there a Phoenix Ikki here?"
Upon hearing his name, Ikki ran, and I mean literally ran, up to the delivery boy and nearly scared the poor boy to death. "FOOD!" he cried, tossing some yen at him to cover the cost of the food and grabbed the food, running back to Michelle, his camera lady friend.
"Lookie here! I've got food!" Ikki bellowed and unpacked his goodies. "Hey, I've got an idea!" Ikki said, turning his back to Michelle and doing something with his food. Then, sushi on chopsticks appeared in the screen as Michelle flicked her camera on.
Ikki grinned at her and started moving the sushi around to make it look like they were "swimming" .Then he started talking in a feminine voice. "Hey, Flounder, what do you say that we go look in that cavern over there?" "Sure Ariel!" he said in a more 'fishy' voice. "I've got a song!! Let's sing, Flounder!" "OK Ariel!" "I wanna be where the people are… I wanna see, wanna see them dancing..."
Back on-stage, where the REAL show was going on, Shun was just about finished with his thirty-minute slot. "Then, to top off the masterpiece that I cooked," Shun grinned, "add some chopped chicken marinated in "Vegetable Oil" and white wine..."
Back in front of the camera, Ikki was finishing off his food with a 'The Little Mermaid' touch to it: "Noo !A shark! Ariel!! Noo!" Ikki said in his fishy voice as he popped the "mermaid" into his mouth and chewed on it. Then he made the other piece of sushi turn to him and say: "AAAA! No!! Don't eat meeee...."
"Uh, Ikki?" Michelle laughed, flipping her camera off. "The show is just about over!"
"Aaah !I've gotta go! Thanks for giving me my close-up!" Ikki said as he jumped up and grabbed his food, rushing backstage in time for him to hear: "And that's it for Cooking with Andromeda Shun! The last, and best, part of making this delicious meal would be the easiest step of all!" Shun grinned to the crowd. "Eating it! And for that part I'd like to call out my dear brother Ikki, who has stayed backstage the whole time and has been a very good audience along with all you. Come out here, Ikki!"
Ikki ran out onto stage with a silly grin on his face and his chinese takeout still in his hands. Ikki looked down at his hands as he noticed Shun staring at his hands, his face a little green. Ikki sheepishly hid it behind his back as Shin weakly asked, "Is that… sushi?"
"Ehh..."
"How many times have I asked you NOT to…order takeouts… when I'm cooking?"
"Sorry Shun… Oh! Yummy! It looks like you've cooked up a feast! Let's try it, shall we?" Ikki said, walking over to the delicious looking food and sniffing it, immediately forgetting about the foods he had switched earlier. "Mmm… let's dig in, shall we?"
Shun forgot about the sushi incident and smiled at his brother. "Sure, why not?" he said and handed Ikki a fork as they both dug in.
And, once again, back at the Gemini Temple…
"Hey!" Seiya said, jumping up from the couch, chips falling off of him. "The show is over. We have to go up to the studio and pick them up now!"
"Let's all go together and 'congratulate' Shun on his show!" Saga suggested.
"Yeah!" the boys cheered as they quickly cleaned up their mess in the living room and headed outside. They piled into the car(when they reach down stairs)and Kanon pulled out of the driveway, heading in the direction of the studio.
"I wonder if Shun even noticed that Ikki sabotaged his entire show!" Shiryu laughed as they pulled into the parking lot of the studio.
"Yeah !Do ya think we should say something?" Hyoga asked.
"Nah .Let's just wait until we show 'em the tape. I wanna see what his reaction is." Kanon laughed. "I REALLY wanna see how that food turned out!"
The others laughed as they walked in through the backstage door, flashing their passes at the guards and wove their way through the crowd until they finally spotted Shun and Ikki, Ikki was having a conversation with the camera lady whom he had become acquainted with, Michelle. Shun was just standing there with a silly grin on his face.
"Hey Shun! Ikki!" Saga called. Ikki painfully tore his eyes from Michelle and saw his friends. Shun started to wave his arms in the air at them crazily. Hyoga noticed Shun's behavior and raised an eyebrow.
"Eh… Shun?"
"HIIIII Circus Hee-o-ga!" Shun slurred to the group.
"See Drawer Cannon!! I looooove youuuuu!" Ikki drawled as he walked up to Shiryu and hugged him. Shiryu looked at the other guys with a look on his face that clearly read, 'what is UP?'
"And Potato Salsa!! I miiiiiseeeeed yoou!"
"Heeyy Hee-ki… levem alonnee..." Shun said to Ikki and stumbled over to him, pulling him away from Shiryu.
Ikki spun around and pointed his finger at Shun. "And who are youuu to tall meeee what to do, Shoot?"
"Essscuse meee?"
"Youu haard meee."
"Oh, I did?"
The boys all looked at each other. "I think that we're gonna have to drag these two outta here."
"I guess they tried the food?"
"I didn't think that Shun put THAT much - ahem - vegetable oil in the food!" Seiya exclaimed, half-laughing. Shun heard his name and turned to Seiya.
"Whaaaaat about myy vedigetable oiwl, Seeya?"
"Uh, nothing Shoot I mean, Shun. I think we'd better go now," Seiya said, taking Shun's arm and leading him out of the Studio.
"You have to come too, Ikki." Shiryu said, grabbing his arm.
"But She-shoe...… I wanna tay wit da nice camera lady..." Ikkiprotested.
"Uh, Ikki? She's gone. She left awhile ago..."
"Noooo!!! She is wight HERE!" Ikki exclaimed, picking up the female sock puppet, Mrs. Potato head. "She's right heeeeeeeere..."
"OK, let's go, bring the camera lady with you..." Shiryu sighed as he led Ikki out of the studio.
"Yaaaaaaay!" Ikki said, hugging the sock as they got into the car.
"I can not WAIT to tell them about this tomorrow..." Kanon whispered to Saga, Hyoga, Seiya and Shiryu as they drove back to Santuary.
OK, well that was something interesting to write about. *laughs* I don't know if you get what was happening, but Shun was doing a cooking show (ehhe) and brought Ikki with him to the studio. Ikki was so bore that he make a mess. The reason why they're acting so dumb at the end is because of all the alcohol in the food that they ate, thanks to Ikki. And the food that Shun was cooking?? It was just a crazy make up idea as I went along. Although the biscuits DID sound pretty good… And the next day? Let's just put it this way; well lets just say Shun didn't notice until later.
So readers can't confuse here a little dictionary of the misspelled word/names: