Deserted Isle

Welcome, weary traveller to The Deserted Isle! I hope you've not come all the way to this hidden corner of the Cafe expecting porn, but because you're not going to get it. Instead, we treat you to an exclusive insight into the favourite Computer Games of Superstar Celebrities! I can tell you're excited already! Sail on, Pylon lovers, sail on!

"Hello viewers, I'm Louise Nurding. Or Redknapp, whatever. My favourite computer game was 'Emlyn Hughes International Soccer' on the Commodore 64 because it reminds me of my footballing husband. GOAL!!!!!! Ha! Ha! Ha! I was rubbish at it."

Hi everyone, I'm Kate Winslett. It is a deep honour and privilege to be able to come in here and tell you that my favourite game ever is that Amiga classic 'Secret Of Monkey Island' because I like anything do with water and monkeys. My heart will go ooooooon! I saw Celine Dion the other week and kicked her right in her stupid fucking teeth.

Hello! Heather Graham here! I only like text adventures because I'm really intelligent and can't be doing with all those other silly games with guns and miners and things. My favourite one is 'Lords Of Time' but I also like anything by Infocom.

Morning, Sara Cox here!  I like 'Monty On The Run' on the Spectrum, even though I can't say it properly because I'm a spaz. My best mate Zoe Ball enjoys 'Fun With Numbers' which she used to play all the time with her dad.

Hiya, I'm Wendy James from Transvision Vamp. My favourite game is 'Green Beret' because you get a gun and you can shoot people with it. I once get to Level 4, none of my mates ever got that far.

Hello, we're the popular Russian duo Tatu. Shit, there's three of us in this picture, do you think anyone will notice? Anyway, none of us have time to play computer games because we're too busy feeling each other up and being all lezzy. Thanks for asking, though.

Hello, I'm, erm, Susan. I'm not really famous but I won a competition to be able to come in here and rub shoulders with famous celebs. My favourite game was 'Paperboy'. No, hang on, that was wank, I meant to say 'Benny Hill's Madcap Chase'. Sorry.