"I made dinner."
"You did what?" I sat up, sniffing. Something smelled edible, and suddenly I was starving.
"I made dinner, like, cooked, y'know? We sorta have something we can celebrate tonight.." he said, pulling me up off the couch and into the kitchen.
"Something to celebrate?" I was still a little groggy, I couldn't think of anything we'd be celebrating.
"It'll be nine months ago that I moved in here in two weeks, so that means..." he said, trying to prompt some clue for me.
I shrugged, "Umm..." I tried to do some mental math, a difficult task for me in general, but eventually came up with something. "Wait.. so that means we've been dating like, whoa.. six months."
He smiled, "Yep. And doing very well." He pulled a chair out for me at the table and I sat down, then he brought over the food- nothing too fancy, but still he'd made it and that was major brownie points in my book.
After dinner, which was not bad at all, however shocking that may have been to me, we curled up on the couch, to watch some Discovery Channel special on sharks. Nick was totally into it, but I was more than a little creeped out, I could never stop thinking about stuff like that every time I went out into the water. I always KNEW there was a giant ugly fish with sharp teeth just waiting for me to be a mid-day snack.
In the middle of a very graphic shark attack I began to feel really nauseous. I jumped up off the couch, and practically sprinted to the bathroom, throwing up everything I'd just eaten. Nick heard me and came charging down the hall to ask if I was alright. I sat on the edge of the bathtub for a bit, to make sure it wasn't going to happen again, before answering him. "Yeah, I guess."
He helped me up and put toothpaste on my toothbrush for me, then handed it to me. "I didn't think my cooking was THAT bad."
~~~~~~~~
I pressed my face into the pillow, trying to stifle my shrieks and moans (with no success) as Nick thrust forcefully into me. His fingers tangled in my hair, tugging gently, pulling my head back slightly, making me squeal for him again as I thrust back at him.
His breathing was hard and loud, almost gasps for air. He made a sexy hissing noise and slid his hands to my hips, moving me in rhythm with him.
Just as I could feel the searing pleasure starting to jolt through my body- the light came on and completely freaked me out. Nick's grip on me tightened and we both turned around to see Jana in the doorway with her hand over her eyes.
Before Nick or I had a chance to say anything, Jana said, loudly, "For the love of god- shut the fuck up!! I have been listening to you two moan and scream for the past two hours and I am trying to sleep! Some of us have to get up and go to work tomorrow!" She slammed the door shut, stomped down the hall and then slammed her door shut.
I was in shock- I couldn't believe normally tolerant Jana had just done that- we must have been REALLY loud. But getting yelled at and/or sort of getting caught must have excited Nick to some degree- because he came then, which made me giggle- nothing would stop him from getting off.
I fell forward onto the pillows, laughing, and then groaned- my body was still wired from being so close to release and then not getting one.
Nick lay down beside me, his lips skimming over my shoulder, "What's wrong?"
"I need to geeettt ooooffffff!!" I whined.
He kissed me and smirked, "I think I can take care of that."
He disappeared under the covers and the next thing I felt was his fingertips on my thighs, pushing them apart. I grabbed a pillow and bit down on it, making my best effort to keep quiet as Nick's tongue worked it's magic on me.
~~~~
I heard Jana's alarm go off the next morning, and I slipped out of Nick's hold on me, and went downstairs to the kitchen when I heard the shower being turned on. I let the pugs out and then made coffee (I seem to work okay with most liquids) and toasted a bagel to take up to Jana. I set the tray on the end of her bed and carefully sat down next to it. She came padding back into her room, wearing her robe and a towel twisted around her head, and looked completely surprised to see me there waiting for her. "G'morning. I just wanted to say sorry about last night. I made some coffee and toasted a bagel for you.. I didn't burn anything.."
She laughed and picked up the bagel to inspect it, "Very impressive." She took off her towel-turban and said, "I'm sorry I, uh, interrupted you guys.. I think I'm just getting antsy about this weekend with Howie."
I giggled, "It's about time you get some! I'm sure it will be an amazing weekend- and you know I want DETAILS when you get back!"
"Yes, I know!" Jana took a sip of her coffee, "What are you and Nick doing this weekend? Re-christening every room in the house?"
I rolled my eyes, "I don't know. I actually have today, tomorrow, and Sunday off, since they have that gemologist in the store, so I have no clue what we'll be doing."
"Each other I'm sure."
~~~~~~
After Jana left for work (after checking and rechecking her suitcase for her lingerie), I went to wake up Nick. I sat beside him on the bed and leaned over to place butterfly kisses all over his face.
He scrunched up his face a little and yawned, then opened his eyes, "Hey hottie." he said, stretching.
I ruffled his hair, "Morning. Jana's gone already, so we're all alone until Sunday evening."
"And just what do you plan to do with me this weekend?" he asked, a hopeful smile lighting up his face.
"Well, actually I had an idea.."
"And that would be?"
"I say we have a no-sex weekend. Just be cute and romantic and sappy and enjoy each other fully clothed." I said, kissing his forehead.
He rearranged himself, laying his head on my leg, "I can go for that. But y'know.. being romantic does occasionally lead to other things... does no sex mean we can't make love either?"
I looked at him, a goofy smile on my face. I'd never actually heard him say "make love" before, but I had to admit, I really liked the way it sounded coming from him. I caressed the side of his face, "We'll just have to see what you can tempt me into."
~~~~~
I knew I probably didn’t have much chance of having any of her attention, because she’d be so wound up about her weekend with Howie, but I decided to take a chance. I’d left Jana a few notes in her bedroom and called her voicemail to leave messages- because I could never seem to catch her at home- saying that I had to talk to her. I finally just decided to go to her office and try to talk to her there. I’d always been curious about where she worked, but had never really had an excuse to go see her.
I knocked on the door to her office, and laughed at the shocked expression on her face when she saw me standing there and waved me in. "Hey.. remember me?"
She sighed, "Yeah.. I know.. I never see you anymore. Are you still wanting to talk? I can go to lunch here in about five minutes- we can go somewhere if you want."
"That's why I came up here.. I needed to talk to you... and I can't seem to catch you any other way." I said, sitting down in the chair in front of her desk.
"Sorry. Let me go tell someone I'm leaving, I'll be right back."
Twenty minutes later we were being seated at a booth in the far corner of the dining room at Red Lobster, the closest restaurant to Jana's office that wasn't fast food. I didn't care where we went, I wasn't hungry- I hadn't really been in the mood to eat for a few weeks.
After we ordered, Jana took a sip of her margarita and asked, "So what are you wanting to talk about? I know I still owe you Howie stories..."
I shook my head, "No.. I'm not after details."
She cocked her head, "Are you alright? You sound.. I don't know.. but like something's wrong."
I looked down at the place mat in front of me and took a deep breath, then looked back up at her, "I'm pregnant."
"Ohmygod", she gasped.
I didn't say anything, but just waited on her, I knew she'd have more to say.
"Does he know?"
I shook my head.
"Like, how far are you?"
"A little over two months."
"How long have you known?"
"A few weeks… I kinda suspected it last month, but decided to ignore it… and then I was late again… so I finally went to find out…"
She started to say something, but changed her mind. She took another sip of her drink, like she was thinking about what she was going to say before actually letting it out. "I thought you were on the Pill.."
"I stopped taking it when we moved down here.. I wasn't expecting to get involved with anyone.. and I forgot to take it half the time anyway.. I know.. I'm stupid..."
"Irresponsible, at least." she said. Her voice dropped, "You are going to keep it, right?"
"Of course. I couldn't.. not.. keep it." I said.
She leaned against the back of the seat, "When are you going to tell him?"
"When I work up the courage? I know he's not going to want to hear this."
I knew Jana was right when she launched into her little speech of there would be no “right time” and I was also more than slightly relieved when she assured me that she would be there for me- no matter what. I needed to her that, to know someone was on my side… she was my best friend- I could count on her.
~~~~~
Later that evening, I was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, french braiding my hair, when I saw Nick out of the corner of my eye, walking down the hall, holding a mug of something.
He stood in the doorway for a few seconds, watching me work on my hair, and then asked, "Could you show me how to do that?"
"What?"
"Could you show me how to do that.. braiding or whatever.. that you're doing to your hair?"
I swear my heart melted. I'd always thought it would be about the cutest thing if a guy would learn how to do little things for me- like braiding my hair, just to be sweet. I went to give him a hug, and about knocked whatever he was holding all over both of us. I kissed his cheek instead, "Sure I can."
"Cool." He held the mug out to me, "I tried to make some of your tea..with milk and sugar, right? I hope it tastes okay."
My jaw dropped. Now he's trying to make my tea for me? I knew there was some reason I was in love with him. I took the mug, and sipped a little bit. It wasn't exactly right, but it was still perfect. I set the tea down on the counter and threw my arms around him, thanking him.
He looked so proud of himself, "You said this was our romantic weekend...just showin' you I know how to take care of my girl."
"Yes, you do." I got my tea again and went into my bedroom, to dig around in the bottom of my closet in the bag that held some of my stuffed animals and things that I couldn't stand to leave at home, and in light of my recent discovery, was now glad I’d kept with me. I managed to find two Cabbage Patch Kids with just enough hair for a lesson in french braiding.
Nick looked at me quizzically, "Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls? Especially when you could be playing with me?"
I laughed, "Sit down, goofball.. I'm going to teach you how to braid." He flopped down on my bed, and I handed him one of the Cabbage Patch Kids. "Nick, meet Annabelle."
He shook his head, "No one better ever find out about this."
I was impressed with how quickly he caught on to how to do it, and then he wanted to try it on me. I took the braid out that I had done and let him go to town, at which point I was complete putty in his hands. He could have asked for anything.. another go 'round with Jana, even.. and I'm sure I would have said yes.
I couldn’t help but let my mind wonder as I watched him working on my hair, or with the Cabbage Patch Kid… he would be adorable with a little girl- braiding her hair or just playing with her. Or if we had a boy.. I could already see basketball lessons and inscturctions on how to find all the secret bonus points on video games. I knew he’d make a good dad… but… what would he think?
~~~~~~
I made a run for wings and alcohol (for him), for us to have a picnic on the beach, and I stopped and bought two red roses on the way home. When I walked in the door, I heard Bond's cd playing, which sort of surprised me, definitely not Nick's usual groove. I looked around for him and found him in the kitchen, working on something at the counter, his hips moving to the music. I snuck up behind him, lightly trailing one of the roses over the back of his neck, making him jump.
He turned around to kiss me and then I handed him the roses. He smiled, "Wow.. I've never gotten flowers before that like, weren't from a fan... that's cool."
I laughed, "So I haven't insulted your macho side or anything?"
"Naaah." he grabbed one of the roses and stuck it between his teeth, pulled me to him and spun me around the kitchen a few times. "I love you."
~~~~~
It was Saturday night when I finally told Nick. It wasn't so much even that I was ready to tell him, it was more a matter of I wasn't going to be able to hide it much longer and I was getting tired of acting like everything was fine when I was with him, when really about all I wanted to do was cry.
I asked him to go for a walk on the beach after the game he was watching was over. He'd said that'd be great (obviously because he had no clue what was coming at him), and that gave me time to talk to myself in the mirror- trying to figure out how the hell I was supposed to tell him this.
When the game was over, he came upstairs, and knocked on my door, asking if I was ready. I nodded and turned the light out, taking his hand as he held it out to me and walked out into the breezy night. It was beautiful outside- sky was full of stars, the air swirling around us was warm and pleasant, the water was calm. A perfect setting for a potential disaster, right?
We walked in silence for a while, he was watching the waves crash against the sand and I was trying to figure out how to start the conversation.
He stopped walking, and pulled me into a hug, kissing my temple. "I love you, Chelle."
Might as well start now. I looked up at him, "How do you love me?"
He looked a little confused, "What?"
"How do you love me? Like "she's cool for now" kind of love, or "maybe marry her, have kids one day" kind of love?" I asked. I knew it was alot to ask, trying to prompt him to figure out possibly the rest of his life in ten seconds, but it wasn't like I hadn't had to figure mine out in about the same length of time a few months ago.
He thought for a few moments, "Whoa.. deep question. I can see us together for.. a long time... I can't say I've never thought about us, like, that... kids and all.. but y'know, I like what we've got now.. no need to rush things, I don't think. Why do you ask?"
Okay, well that was my cue. I swallowed hard, "Because I'm pregnant."
The look on his face told me everything. He didn't have to say a word, his expression said it all. His eyes moved from mine, down to my stomach, and back up to my eyes again. He just sort of crumbled into the sand, still speechless.
I sat down beside him, but not too close. I started to apologize, but stopped myself. Why should I be sorry? This was partly his fault, too.
After what seemed like an eternity he finally spoke. His voice was soft, and quivered a little. "Chelle- we are not ready for this. We can't do this... It's.. a bad time. I'm gonna be gone.. and.. and... we just..." He stopped talking and was silent again for a few minutes. He turned to look at me and said, "I don't think we... we're just not ready for this."
My heart broke as I watched him get up and go inside. He obviously didn't want to talk anymore about it right now, so I just stayed outside, trying to decide out what to do now. Did I try to convince him we could handle this or what? I knew this wasn't great timing... I hadn't exactly been planning this, either! I finally went in when it started to drizzle a little, I didn't need to be anymore miserable than I already was.
I went inside hoping to just crawl into bed with him, have him hold me, tell me that we'd figure something out. I went to open his bedroom door, and found it locked. We didn't even lock the doors when we had sex. Close them, yes. Lock them, no. I shuffled to my own bedroom, and closed the door behind me. I changed into my pajamas and curled up into a little ball on my bed, tears immediately springing to my eyes and slipping down my cheeks. I hadn't slept by myself in months, and I couldn't believe how lonely it felt.