"She thinks I forgave you too fast." I said, folding my legs up on the chair. "And I agree with her..."
He looked at me curiously. "Then why did you?"
"How could I not?” I asked. "I can't live here.. see you every day feeling how I do... and wanting you that badly... and try to stay mad at you. I just have to move on... and plus just having you back there in bed with me last night, just holding me... I couldn't not forgive you..."
Nick shook his head, "I am never going to understand girls."
I had to laugh at that. I got up and went over to him, sitting in his lap and laid my head on his shoulder, "You don't have to understand me..."
"Then what am I supposed to do with you?" he asked, slipping his arms around my waist.
I opted to kiss him, rather than answer him. I still didn't know how "just love me" would go over at this point.
~~~~
Jana avoided us for pretty much the rest of the day- keeping busy in her room, and Nick and I had spent the day on the couch, doing absolutely nothing, and I thoroughly enjoyed it- just being wrapped up in his arms, cuddled up with him. I was happy like that, content. That happiness lasted through the night, sleeping curled up in his bed, pugs sleeping on our feet. But something about it seemed to almost dissolve when I had to leave for work the next morning.
I drove to work, feeling dazed, almost like I'd been sucked out of the Twilight Zone and dropped into another dimension- The Real World or something. I spent the day in the back room, working on jewelry repairs so I wouldn't have to deal with customers and could do some thinking. While I was working on replacing a stone in an engagement band, I wondered how right I'd been... how right Jana had been.
I probably had let him off the hook too easy, too soon.. but like I'd told him, I couldn't not do it. He knew exactly what he had to say/do to get my defenses down completely. Part of me felt sort of... stupid, almost. I'd fallen under that spell... that he seems to cast on every female he comes in contact with- the reason he has all those screaming, fainting fans... and I'd just become like them... only on a more personal level.
By the time I'd left work, I was almost pissed. I was actually mad at myself. Convinced that I'd totally made a mistake, I was dreading going home, because that meant I was going to have to see both of them- probably tell Jana she'd been right all along, and then tell Nick to either go to hell, go fuck himself, or both. But I didn't want to do either. And then I got out to my car.
There was a note- Nick's horrible scrawling penmanship and two red roses in my seat. God damn him. I deciphered the note- apparently an invitation to dinner tonight at a nice restaurant. I sighed and got in the car, grumbling my whole way home. Why can't I just be mad at him?!?
~~~~
I got home and asked Jana if she had any clue what was going on. She said no, but she'd seen Nick leaving the house awfully dressed up for his usual scrubby self. That was weird by itself, none of us, especially not Nick and I, were dress-up for dinner type people.
I went ahead and got dressed, slinking into a silver slip dress and fixing my hair. I pulled on some strappy sandals, told Jana to have a good night and headed back out the door to meet him.
~~~~
He was already there when I arrived, and I was taken back to his table, where I found a drink waiting for me- at least he paid enough attention to me to remember what I liked. He did look very nice... it was odd to see him dressed up, but I had to admit I liked the difference. I wasn't sure what to think about this, I still wanted to be mad at him, but he just wouldn't let me. All that fucking charm of his is just irresistible.
When I sat down he immediately leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. Part of me felt like he'd somehow read my thoughts during the day, knew I got pissed and was now trying to redeem himself. He was obviously up to something, redemption or what- I didn't know just yet.
"You look beautiful, Chelle... not to say that you normally don't, but.." he started to say, and I cut him off.
"Why are we here, Nick?"
"Okay.." he said, scowling a little at my impatience and abruptness. "Apparently we might as well get right to it. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I wanted to get away from the house.. just the two of us, and apologize.. I know I fucked up.. I know it's made things really weird at the house.. and it's really all my fault.. I .. initiated it or whatever... I really appreciate you trying to just move on.. but it's obvious that.. it's not quite going how any of us wants."
The more he spoke, the harder I bit my lip, and I was about to draw blood. I stood up and grabbed his wrist. "C'mon.. this isn't the place to have this discussion."
He slapped down some money on the table and followed me towards the door. "Where do you want to go?"
"The only other place we talk better than in my bedroom." I said, getting in my car, and heading down to the beach by the marina, his Durango right behind me the whole way. I was so frustrated with this situation and more than that- I was just tired of it. The entire ordeal hadn't even spanned a full week- but it felt like so much had happened that it could have been a month.
I parked under a streetlight, and took my sandals off in the car while he parked beside me. I got out of the car, gathered my dress up a little and walked down into the water by the docks. The air was nippy and had chilled the water swirling around my feet. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Nick tossing his shoes in the truck and rolling up the legs of his pants then coming to join me.
I knew he was right behind me, but I didn't say anything. I was waiting on him. Again.
A few moments passed and then I heard, "I haven't been fair to you.."
I turned around to look at him, cocking my head a little, showing him I was at least listening to him.
"I haven't been... not in the beginning even. I guess it's not even just not fair, I haven't really been completely honest."
I stopped kicking around the water and folded my arms across my chest, almost daring him to finish that thought.
He looked sort of apprehensive, but continued. "I think I was just trying to protect myself. I didn't want to get hurt- so I just... played along with you.. not like I wasn't into you, I mean.. just like, feeling more than I'd tell you.. or let on.."
I must have looked completely shocked. I know I felt it. But I was going to let him finish before I even attempted to respond to that.
"I knew it wasn't... and couldn't be... just sex. But I wanted your attention, so I just let it be that at first, because I thought that was just what you wanted, and obviously it isn't for you either, and now I know that.. so I guess... well, I told you a little the other day.." he said, without even taking a breath, and then looked down at his feet.
I was now even more confused than I started out. I walked away from the water and plopped down in the sand. "What are you saying, Nick? That there's more to this for you? Or what?"
"I keep coming back, don't I? I let you make the first move, and said that the call was yours on what happened now, but you know, I haven't really let you.. because I'm always right there... still sneaking into your room or whatever.."
I motioned for him to come over to me. He sat beside me and I leaned against him, "You know you're killing me, right?"
"Sorry.. I just.. I wanted to like, get things out in the open, finally. Like the whole Jana thing, was so wrong.. and besides just being curious... I know I was just testing myself.. how I felt about her.. how I really feel about you.. but I came back to you."
~~~~
"So does this mean you're officially on the market?" I asked, hopefully.
"If you insist on phrasing it that way, yes." Jana replied.
I jumped off my perch on the counter squealing. "We are gonna find you a man!!"
I was only more than happy to help find Jana a man.. someone who would get her out of the house occasionally for some non-number-crunching fun and occupy her time (among other things).
It'd been three weeks since "The Week of Infamy".. and things had approached normal, or as normal as we get, again.
I'd noticed that Jana had hit the clubs a few times- leaving Nick and I to deal with ourselves- which had probably really been what we needed- time to smooth everything over, and we'd been successful. This weekend, though, she asked me to join her in clubbing, since I was moping about Nick having to go out of town.
I said I'd go with her- only after asking why. When she told me she'd decided it was time to find herself a man, I was more than willing to offer my assistance.
~~~~
Nick was leaving on Friday and wouldn't be back 'til Tuesday... and Jana had to go out to dinner and entertain a client on Thursday night. I decided to take the opportunity to make sure Nick was thinking of me while he was gone.
We had yet to have sex since we'd gotten back together, although I don't know that the actual "separation" had lasted long enough to count... or that we'd really been "together" enough before for us to be "back".
I didn't know whether or not it was the wisest choice, but I wanted it. I wanted him, wanted sex, and really really wanted sex with him. Call me a nympho, but after being able to have that, a month without was about to kill me.
He'd gone into Orlando for the day, something about finalizing for the weekends trip. He said he'd be home around dinner time- I knew he would be- anytime there was food- he was there. But I was hoping he'd be more interested in having me, than having dinner. I wasn't going to get myself all worked up though, just in case he wasn't interested in sex again yet.
I made myself a bubble bath in the jacuzzi in his bathroom, brought in candles and my cd player. I slipped into the warm water, bubbles up to my chin and hummed along with the words. Pretty soon I was so dazed, I didn't even realize Nick was in the room with me until he was gently moving me in the jacuzzi to slide behind me. I was a little startled with the sudden touch, but immediately snuggled back against him. I hadn't even had to ask him to join me.
"Just us tonight?" he murmured, his arms slipping around in front of me, and he clasped his hands together in my lap.
"Mmm hmmm" I sighed, contentedly. I couldn't help the way I felt about him.. just being with him, around him.. does things to me I can't explain.. and I love every second of it.
"Good" he mumbled, his lips skimming over the back of my neck, sending little shivers through my body.
I turned my head to kiss him, playfully teasing his lips with my teeth, before kissing him deeply. I wanted to touch him, and turned around, sitting on his lap, facing him. I trailed my kisses along his jawline, down his neck, and paused to suck lightly just above his collarbone. I could feel his cock getting hard, pressing against my thigh, and knew he'd be more than willing to give me what I was wanting.
He moaned softly, and tilted his head to the side a little, as his hands roamed across my back. "Chelle.." he said so quietly I barely heard him.
I stopped kissing on him and brought my face up to look him in the eyes. "Yes?"
He put his hand on the back of my neck and very gently brought my ear to his lips. "I think...no, I know I am... I'm in love with you." he whispered.
I felt my breath catch in my throat as what he said registered. Even though it hadn't been that long since I'd told him, it had seemed like an eternity, that'd I'd been waiting to hear it back. Four and half very long and somewhat tumultuous weeks.. and there I had it. I didn't even know what to do.. part of me wanted to cry, another part wanted to giggle.. but all of me wanted to hear him say it again. I moved back to look at him, the shock must have been showing on my face.
"You need to hear it again?" he asked.
All I could do was nod.
"I love you, Chelle." he said, smiling.
My heart was pounding as I leaned in to kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck.
~~~~~~
I woke up the next morning in his bed with the goofiest smile on my face- I was so deliriously happy. I was in love, he loved me, too.. I'd had undoubtedly the best sex of my life last night.. it didn't get any better. Then I remembered he was leaving in a few hours.
I rolled over to face him, still blissfully asleep and unaware he was being watched. I just looked at him for a few moments- thinking how cute he looked, bed head and all. I started nibbling on his earlobe, "Wake up.."
He mumbled something and reached to grab me, pulling me on top of him. "Mornin'."
"Do you really have to leave today?" I asked, kissing the tip of his nose.
"After last night, I don't know that I'm going to be able to leave." he laughed.
I smirked, "That was my intention."
"I'll be back in, like, four days... feel free to be waiting in bed for me." he said, running his fingertips up and down my arms.
"I will be.. supposing I survive the weekend of clubbing with Jana."
"You don't sound too excited.. I thought you liked the idea."
"Of finding her a man, yes.. of having to go clubbing to do it, not so much... I'd much rather stay home with you."
"I'm not going to be here.. so just go with her.. try to have fun.." He kissed my forehead, "Just don't pick up any guys for yourself."
"Believe me, you have nothing to worry about." I replied, "I have what I want right here." And I'd gone through damn near enough for him, I should have every right to keep him, I figured.
~~~~~~
Nine o'clock Friday night found Jana and I in the bathroom- trying to get ready for our night out. She was dressed already and looked good- baby blue shirt, short black skirt and heels that made her taller than me (which I did not appreciate)- and I was sure she'd no doubt have guys falling all over her all night.
As usual Jana and I were doing things in the exact opposite ways of each other- she got dressed first, and then did her hair and make-up, while I got ready first, while still trying to figure out what the hell to wear.
I got out of her way at the mirror and went to stand in front of my closet, hoping something was going to scream "WEAR ME!" After a few minutes of hearing nothing, I decided to try Nick's method of reaching in and putting on whatever I pulled out. I was impressed with the results, I'd grabbed a red halter-top, which suited me fine. I yanked my black low-rider pants out of my drawer and tugged them on. I looked sufficiently hoochie for a night out, I thought, slipping on my chunky black sandals and going to check on Jana's progress.
I could hear her cursing from out in the hall and stuck my head in to make sure nothing was going to come flying at me. I had to laugh when I saw Jana attempting to work my curling iron, without much luck.
She saw me watching her in the mirror, "How the HELL do you use this damn thing??"
I shook my head, "You look fine.. don't worry about it."
She tossed the thing down and mumbled something under her breath, then asked if I was ready to go.
I unplugged the curling iron and said, "Ready to hit the meat market, captain."
~~~~~
We'd no sooner walked in the door of the club and brushed past the massive bouncers, than Jana had been swept away by some guy asking her to dance, and I felt a hand on my ass that did not belong there.
I whirled around and looked at the person to whom the hand was attached, "Excuse me, have I had sex you?"
The guy smiled, "Not yet.."
"Then don't fucking touch me!" I said and walked over to the bar. I ordered vodka with cranberry juice and sat on the barstool,scanning the crowd trying to find Jana. I hadn't minded this scene when I was in college- getting groped by random guys, bad music remixes, and all that.. but this just wasn't me now- I'd have been perfectly content to stay at home, playing Final Fantasy and pug sitting.
When I started to get tempted to do shots because I was bored, and I didn't want to get a bit carried away and give everyone a striptease (yes.. it's happened... don't ask)... I decided to ask the fairly harmless looking guy that was sitting a few chairs down from me if he'd want to dance. He did. So we danced and tried to talk above all the noise. His name was Kyle, he had a girlfriend, but was here with his friend Brad, who'd just gotten dumped. Brad had disappeared with some chic, and he was bored. I told him I could sympathize. Kyle and I talked the rest of the night, until Jana reappeared, announcing she was ready to go whenever I was. I told Kyle good night, and he thanked me for rescuing him.. I said it was my pleasure- he'd kept all the other guys away from me.
On the ride home I asked Jana how she'd done tonight.
"I found plenty of horny bastards, that's for sure... but not what I wanted. I want someone who's smart and kind of sensitive and enjoys the same things I do..."
I cut her off, "You want a gay guy?"
She rolled her eyes and groaned, "You know what I mean, doofbutt."
~~~~~
"So how was the weekend with Jana?" Nick asked, twirling his fingers in my hair as I lay on his chest, catching my breath. We'd hadn't had time to talk before- we'd been all over each other as soon as he walked in the door.
"Some guy grabbed my ass as soon as we'd gotten into the club.. I found some guy with a girlfriend to talk to... Jana didn't have much luck.. she says she's looking for someone smart and sensitive and enjoys the same kinds of things she does. Are there any guys like that?"
Nick tried to look offended, but then started laughing. "I can only think of one guy that I know who could be called, smart and sensitive and enjoys numbers and all that business shit like she does."
"He's married and the president of a major corporation, right?" I asked.
"No.. he's single.. it's Howie.. I've talked about him before.."
I got an evil little grin, "Want to play matchmaker?"
Nick laughed, "Yeah.. I owe him a few favors.." He rolled over and reached for the phone, dialing Howie's number.
~~~~~
"You're setting me up?!?" Jana shrieked.
"Oh c'mon... he's a friend of Nick's.. you never know.. this could be your dream guy."
"A friend of Nick's being my dream guy? Not likely!" she said, turning her attention back to the laptop.
"Just give it a try, you're meeting him at six on Friday night." I smiled, and walked out the door as I watched Jana's jaw drop.