In the two weeks she'd been guarding him she'd barely strayed from his side, afraid she may miss something- a breath, a sigh, a smile.
She was especially wary of missing his smiles- they happened so rarely. But when he did smile she was just as taken under the spell of a flash of the Carter grin as his legions of fans.
She watched as he got out of the pool and dried off, then shook his head, droplets of water from his hair flying everywhere.
Nick went back into his house, dropping his wet towel on top the pile of towels from previous days by the door. He walked into his bedroom and put on the same basketball shorts and Nike t-shirt he'd been wearing for at least a week and a half. He never left the house and saw no reason to do laundry if he wasn't going to be seeing anyone anyway.
Practically everyone he knew had called in the past few weeks- leaving messages on the answering machine since he wouldn't answer the phone- asking how he was doing and if they could help somehow, since he'd seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth- not having seen anyone since the funeral.
Avalon trailed a few steps behind him as he went from his bedroom to the kitchen, mumbling to himself about the damn house being too fucking big.
She wished she'd have known him before now- to have experienced what he was really like, not just watching what was left of him.
She'd looked over his shoulder as he'd flipped through photo albums of him and Jamie, and those of him and the other Boys. He was always smiling and laughing, and usually up to mischief of some sort. Avalon wondered if he missed himself, the way he used to be.
As Nick settled in front of the PS2 for another long day of animated gore, Avalon began thinking, pondering the situation she found herself in.
All day she watched him, everyday withdrawing further into himself, as distanced from the world as possible. The music that Sophie had told Avalon he loved and thrived on no longer filled the house. The PS2 was continually on mute- the only sounds were the ringing phone that wen unanswered, Nick's occassionally mumbling or his heartbroken cries at night.
As much as Avalon was pained by Nick's daily self-torture of wallowing in his misery, nights were even worse. She'd watch as he tossed and turned in his sleep, fighting the demons that plagued his dreams. She'd look into them, watching his dreams as they unfolded in his mind, desparately wishing she could do something to stop them. The only comfort she could offer was barely a touch, the gentlest carress like a faint whisper of a breeze on his skin, but sometimes he'd be calmed, his soul tranquilized by the unfamiliar peace.
Another week passed and Avalon was shocked to one morning to see Nick showering and putting on clothes that suggested he was actually leaving the house.
Avalon was right behind him as he left the house and went to a florist's shop- ordering and purchasing a dozen long stem red roses without even looking the clerk in the eyes. She watched silently, invisibly, from the passengers side of Nick's truck as he drove to the cemetary, tears immediately springing to his eyes upon entering through the huge wrought iron gates.
He drove slowly back to where Jamie was buried, quietly telling himself he could do this. He parked and gathered the roses, Avalon beside him as he crept over to her grave.
She watched as he knelt in front of her headstone, laying the roses down, kissing his fingers and touching them to the black marble-like stone. She saw him open his mouth to say something, but become overwhelmed before he could say it, and crumble, shaking and weeping.
Avalon realized why he was here now, why today- this would have been their wedding day. When they should have been being joined as one for eternity, he was having to learn what it was like to spend the rest of his life without her.
Nick's tears slowed after a long while of weeping, enough to where he could take a few shaky breaths and begin to say what he'd come to say. His wavered from his first words, "Jamie.. I miss you.. so much. My heart hurts.. everything hurts- my whole life hurts. Everything fell apart when you... left me.. and I don't know what to do anymore.. I don't even want to breathe most of the time. I'd do anything to have you back.. maybe it'd have been easier to let you go.. if I could just see you smile one more time.. feel your arms around me.." he paused, tears cascading over his cheeks again.
Avalon waited for him to finish speaking, glad for once she couldn't relate to human emotions, sure that her heart would be breaking.
Nick wiped his eyes and continued, "We would have been married today, J. You'd have been my wife... You said I could keep you forever.. but I'm alone now..." he choked up again, "I.. I need you, Jamie".
~~~
After watching Nick at the cemetary, Avalon thought it was time to visit Michael.
When Nick had fallen asleep watching a movie, she made a quick trip to see Michael, who was already expecting her.
"How are you doing, Avalon?" Michael asked, looking up from his notes from the last guardian's report he'd been reviewing.
"I'm doing well.. I can't say the same for Nickolas, though." she replied.
"Still no improvement?"
"He won't see anyone.. talk to anyone.. he can't get any better when all he does is spend time alone." Avalon said.
Michael nodded, "So what do you suggest?"
"Can we send someone to talk to him? He'd be so much better off if he'd just let someone share his pain." she said.
"No, we can't." Michael told her. "We can't control people.. to make them go to him... or for him to listen to them, even if we could send someone."
"So what CAN we do?" Avalon asked.
"If you think it's human contact he needs.. the only ones who can become human are guardians."
"So, what does that mean?"
Michael looked at her, "Either someone he knows has to reach him.. but that doesn't seem to be working... or.. you have to."
Avalon's eyes widened, "Me?!?"