Stark White Christmas
"Usa?"
A brunette peered cautiously into a seemingly empty apartment. There were no signs of the occupant. Worry crept in.
"Usagi? Are you here?"
The bedroom door was closed. Perhaps she was still asleep. The woman quietly approached, knocking softly.
"Are you decent sweetie? Can I come in?"
There was no reply, with a shrug she carefully pushed the door open. Empty. The covers hadn’t even been turned. Maybe she spent the night with her family, although why would Usagi have driven an hour for an unannounced stay. Makoto knew Usagi didn’t enjoy the manor all that much.
She heard a groan, from the couch. With a roll of her eyes, Makoto closed the bedroom door and strode over. Silly Usa had probably fallen asleep watching television again. At least she was relaxing. She could have phoned Makoto back after that escapade in the bath. For all Mako knew, Usagi could have been raped.
"You better hope you have the day off Usagi."
Another groan. Makoto sighed. She had obviously been drinking last night. Mako saw several empty alcohol bottles on the coffee table.
Usagi’s eyes opened slowly, the light streaming through her balcony door was making her squint. Her fuzzy head was pounding, what had she done last night? Why was she on the couch? She couldn’t remember a thing. All she could hear was Mako’s voice. Something about work. Usagi groaned.
She was lying on something hard. It was pleasantly comfortable though, and warm. She felt safe. She also felt two strong arms holding her tight in her place. Did she sleep with a man last night?!?!
Usagi blinked away the sleep in her eyes and stared down at the naked chest of a very toned man. Her eyes, hesitantly moved upwards to rest on his strong jaw, proud nose, sleeping eyes. Ebony hair.
"JESUS CHRIST!"
Mamoru’s eyes slid open in pain. His head was aching, one of the several effects from his drinking binge with Usagi last night, he guessed hazily. She was staring down at him in shock. Did she remember the events of the night before? He swallowed, she was beautiful, even with her mussed hair, tired eyes and cracked lips. Where was his shirt? Mamoru looked cautiously into her eyes. He could feel her drool smeared on his bare chest, this made him smile.
"Don’t tell me we…"
Her voice was husky, thick with tiredness.
"Usagi? What the hell is going on? Who are you…Sweet Jesus, what the hell happened with you two?"
Usagi scampered off his chest, her eyes fixed to the shirtless torso. Did she…she couldn’t have. Squeezing her eyes shut, her hand flew to her forehead, squeezing the bridge of her nose. Stress. Anxiety. How could she let herself get drunk with Mamoru Chiba. Desperately trying to remember, her eyes opened cautiously, moving from Makoto to Mamoru.
"Mamoru, tell her we didn’t do anything. Please god tell her."
Mamoru was in too much pain to object, he nodded, his cool blue eyes turning to Makoto. He remembered talking long into the night. Secrets being shared. A pang of guilt filled his stomach. She’d been abused. He closed his eyes.
"We talked. About childhood."
He laughed at this. Besides himself, Usagi was the most mature associate. Fancy the two of them getting drunk like teens and reminiscing about past lives.
Makoto stared at the two of them skeptically.
"I thought you couldn’t stand…"
"Mako, don’t you have a job to go to?" Usagi shot daggers at her shocked friend.
"I could say the same for you Usa. Let me make you a coffee. Neph won’t mind if I’m late. He can…"
Usagi shook her head, shooing Mako away with her hand, her legs curled under her body. She couldn’t deal with Mako on her case during a hangover. Let alone Mamoru.
"I’m fine Mako, today’s my off day. I’ll be fine."
Makoto couldn’t help but stare disapprovingly at the blonde. She was in a bad state. Her independence would kill her one day.
"Okay. But Usa, please, don’t go overboard next time you drink."
Usagi rolled her eyes.
"Why does everyone care so much?"
Mamoru chuckled, he too sporting a husky voice.
"Because you’re so damn cute."
She shot him a glare, watching with a raised eyebrow as he wiped the drool from his chest. She’d slobbered on him. Just great. Could this day get any worse.
Usagi waved Makoto goodbye, staring off into space as thoughts floated in and out of her mind. She needed aspirin. And coffee. And a massage, her neck was killing her.
The phone screaming into life snapped her thoughts back into reality. He was still sitting there, with his eyes closed, massaging his temples, Makoto had gone and Usagi was in a bad state.
"Jesus…what time is it?", she croaked, reaching for her watch. It read 10.48am. Screw the phone, her machine would get it.
She stood on weak legs, stumbling into the kitchen. She turned to him, what had they talked about last night? She couldn’t remember a damn thing.
"Coffee?"
"Sounds great. If you wouldn’t mind, can you dissolve a couple of aspirin for me?"
She nodded, waiting for the message to begin. Sure enough it bleeped into action.
"Usa darling, it’s mother. Rei said Mamoru was planning to drop by your house last night? You two didn’t get up to mischief did you?" Usagi cringed as her mothers twinkling laughter filled the room. "Anyway sweetie, today’s your day off. I was expecting you to be at home. Why don’t you give me a call whenever you get in. We can discuss this new love interest of yours. I hope Rei isn’t too upset. Although she did say it was only sex. Oh well darling, love you!"
Nothing could compare to her embarassment. Her face, bright pink, was depicting her shock clearly.
"You told Rei you were coming here? And why the hell does my mother think we’re an item?"
He stood, striding over to the kitchen, leaning against the opposite bench, still shirtless. Why did he have to have such a stunning physique?
"Rei wanted me to come to dinner and meet her new boy. I had to come up with some excuse so I just mentioned I had some paperwork to pick up, which was my first intentions when I arrived here. God, my head aches. What did you give me last night?"
She raised an eyebrow, picking at imaginary lint from her underwear. Where had her robe gotten to? She looked up, his eyes fixed to her scantily clad body. Usagi suddenly felt very naked.
"You say that as if these hangovers are all my fault. If my memory serves me correctly, you were the one that went fishing around in my alcohol cupboard for some scotch."
He laughed, handing her two large coffee mugs. She couldn’t stop staring at his chest. He was so handsome.
"Well the whisky was so good, when you finished it off I was craving for some more fine alcohol. I thought you couldn’t remember anything."
She rubbed her forehead, trying again to remember their conversation. Nothing.
"I don’t, I don’t remember anything after the first scotch. God you could have told me we went and performed ludicrous sex positions in my bedroom and I’d probably believe you."
She saw the coy look form in his eyes.
"Well actually…"
"Nice try Mamoru, I’d be feeling it today if we had. So we talked about our childhood’s? Did we…"
Her eyes formed the look of surprise. He watched as realisation dawned. The flash of emotions was enough to break his heart. She was aware now.
"I told you didn’t I?"
He nodded slowly. Hating himself for knowing. For hurting for her. For being able to see the hurt in her.
"Oh god…I’m so sorry…oh…"
She turned her back to him, pouring out the coffee. How could she have been so stupid. How could she have…Her back straightened. Fuzzy images of her stroking his face, looking into his eyes, lowering her mouth…
"Oh god…I didn’t. I didn’t. Oh god damnit."
He smiled a little. She remembered the kiss.
"If it makes any difference, I enjoyed it immensely."
He could see the reflection of her rolling eyes in the glass cupboard. He laughed at this. His laughing made her clench.
"Mamoru, how could you let me get myself in such a state?"
An eyebrow rose. Chuckling. He saw her displeasure.
"I was under the impression you were quite capable of taking care of yourself, besides. Admit it Usa, you loved the feel of my tongue against yours."
Usagi glowered, storming past him and reaching up for the aspirin in her cupboard. She tossed the box to him and stormed into her bedroom.
"Where are you going?"
"I’m having a shower. You better be gone by the time I’m done."
He smiled, carrying the two coffees over to the dining table.
She emerged from her bathroom fresh and much more awake now than earlier. Her tears spilled in the shower as she remembered pouring out her story of abuse to Mamoru. How could she have been so careless. And how could he have been so unchanging towards her. Why didn’t he disgust her like other men? And why had she kissed him? This just made hating him so much harder now. With a sigh, she slipped on her sweat pants and a bra. He would hopefully be gone, as requested so she could mope around her apartment all day and kick herself for her stupidity.
Usagi yanked her hair into a ponytail and swung the door open, not bothering to slip a shirt of any description on. Why would she bother? He was gone. She could relax now.
She strode to the front door, scooping up her mail from the floor. Funny, where was her newspaper? Her landlady always slipped the newspaper through her mail slot every morning. Maybe she forgot this morning. Unlikely.
Usagi didn’t even look up as she walked into the kitchen, flipping through her mail. It was all bills. And one promotional pamphlet. She hated mail. Especially around Christmas time. Usagi stopped dead in her tracks as she heard a low wolf whistle come from the general direction of her dining table.
"Sexy!"
With a glare she turned, slamming her mail on the kitchen bench.
"Why don’t you ever leave when I tell you to?"
He was reading her paper, sipping her coffee and sitting at her table. She was furious. So much so that she didn’t even hear the knock on the front door.
"What is it with you and seeing me naked?"
"What is it with you and being able to cover up your body just enough?"
She rolled her eyes and took a long sip of her coffee.
"Aren’t you going to get that?"
The knock resounded through her apartment, louder this time. With a curse, she turned on her heel and stormed to the front door.
"Alright!"
The door wasn’t even locked, no wonder Mamoru slipped in so easy last night, and Makoto this morning. Usagi mentally reprimanded herself, she’d have to be a lot more careful now. With a grunt she swung the door open to see her very own sister smiling at her.
"Sweetie how are you?"
Usagi forced a smile. It was all she could do to stop herself from falling to her knees in anguish.
"Great, hung over but great. What are you doing here?"
They embraced, warmth emanated from Rei. Usagi once again felt safe. Rei hooked her arm in Usagi’s and began walking into her home. It was than that Usagi realised that Rei’s own lover sat at Usagi’s dinging table shirtless, sipping coffee and reading the morning newspaper, while Usagi herself was dressed in her bra and sweat pants. This would not look good.
"I came to see if Mamoru dropped by last night. Or if you know where he is. I’ve been trying to get hold of him all morning. Have you seen him?"
Usagi took Rei’s arm and pulled them both to a stop in the hallway.
"No I haven’t, must you come in. It’s a pigsty. I’d hate for you to see it."
Rei laughed slapping Usagi’s hand away.
"Don’t be silly Usa, it’s me. I’ve seen your own bedroom filthier than this place. Let me stay and have some coffee."
Usagi hung her head in defeat. Rei would automatically assume the worst. Of course, she wouldn’t be far from the truth. Usagi had kissed Mamoru. What had overcome her to do such a thing?
"Of course Rei, you can stay for coffee."
Rei stopped suddenly in her tracks.
"Wait, you have a man here. You’re glowing. You’ve been sleeping with a man haven’t you? I know you’re apartment isn’t messy. It never is. There’s a man here isn’t there?"
Usagi laughed nervously.
"You could say that. Come on, he’s in the dining room. I suppose we might as well get this over with."
Rei strode quickly into the opened space of the lounge room and dinging room. A huge grin plastered on her face. It fell as soon as her eyes found Mamoru’s.
"Him!?!?"
Mamoru looked up from his coffee, smiling.
"Good morning Rei."
Rei fell with weak legs onto the couch. Fanning her face desperately. Her sister was sleeping with Mamoru? Her own lover?
"Rei, please don’t be mad, it’s not what it looks like, honestly. Mamoru just came around last night for some paper work and I asked him for a drink and well one thing led to another and…"
Rei’s eyes flew wide open.
"You slept with Mamoru?!?!?! You slept with my lover! Usagi, how could you even fathom such an action. He was my lover!"
Mamoru had stood by this stage, his naked chest not making this situation easier. His eyes however, fell directly to Usagi’s breasts. She realised the moment her neck prickled eerily. Reaching for a couch cushion Usagi covered her chest.
"Oh come now Usagi, why be modest now? I’m sure he saw a lot worse. I can’t believe the gall of my own sister, sleeping with a man who was my lover."
Usagi frowned, shifting uncomfortably, the smirk on Mamoru’s face was not helping her embarassment.
"Well to be honest Rei, I was under the impression that you two were still lovers."
Mamoru chuckled at this, taking his place at the table, nonchalantly sipping at his coffee.
"Usagi!"
"Rei!"
Her fiery sister glared at her. Usagi sighed. Rubbing her forehead wincing in pain at the throb.
"We didn’t sleep together Rei. Tell her Mamoru. We simply got drunk and fell asleep after talking about childhood memories. It was innocent. My god, stop looking at me like I’m a whore."
"Usagi’s right Rei, besides what does it matter to you, you have your new man from college coming to sweep you off your feet."
Rei stood, storming to Mamoru, digging her fingers deep into his shoulders.
"You’re right Mamoru, he is sweeping me off my feet, that’s more than you ever did!"
Mamoru sighed, wrapping his own hands around her wrist and yanking her hands off his shoulders. Furiously, Rei slipped her hands away from him.
"You never asked for anything more than sex. You made it clear that was all you wanted. Don’t go pulling that romance shit on me and don’t you blame Usagi for your sexual needs. She has nothing to do with our relationship."
"Why are you defending her?!?! She does have something to do with our relationship if she sluts her way into your life, gets you drunk and sleeps with you. I can blame her for being a whore. For always being a whore. Every man I’ve ever dreamed of has fallen for my sister. Every man Mamoru. How do you think that makes me feel? Just because she’s the blonde haired blue eyed angel. They love her. I can’t have a decent relationship without having her slut her way into it and destroy it all."
The words stung Usagi, she had opened her wounds last night for Mamoru and now Rei was pouring salt deep into them. Mamoru saw the tears filling her eyes. He could practically hear her heart breaking. Usagi fell to the couch, holding the cushion close to her body, sobs spilling from her mouth.
Rei turned to her, rolling her eyes. Why was she crying? She knew it was the truth.
"Every man has always been attracted to her, I can’t even…"
She was cut off by Mamoru’s hand over her mouth. He had a strong hold on her as he pushed her to the front door.
"Get out of here Rei! Get the hell out and stay away from Usagi."
Rei shrieked in anger as he pushed her out the front door and slammed it close.
Usagi was standing on the balcony when he returned, her arms encircling herself. Shaking from the sobs. Her bare skin prickling with goosebumps. Rage consumed Mamoru. How could her sister have been so thoughtless? How could he feel so deeply for the blonde woman crying on the balcony? He slid the door open, joining her. Both of them feeling the crisp wind on their bare skin. He stood beside her, resting his hands on the railing. They watched Rei enter her car and drive away. Silent tears streaking Usagi’s face.
"She doesn’t know does she?"
A small shake of her head, more tears. Mamoru’s heart was breaking for her. He pulled Usagi into his arms, holding her close, her golden hair tickling his skin. She was so small. So hurt. Her arms wound around his body, she was pushing herself closer against him. She was so cold.
"She hates me…"
Usagi uttered between sobs. He frowned, stroking her soft locks. Holding her close.
"No, Usagi, no one could hate you. She’s just confused."
Usagi looked up at him, tears pouring from her eyes. They weren’t sparkling their normal blue instead a dull grey. She looked so defeated. He rested his forehead against her own.
"I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have…"
He pulled away, silencing her with his fingers, just as he had done the previous night.
"I’ll never let you live this pain alone. Usagi, never."
She began to cry harder, sobbing, wailing. Her emotions pouring from her eyes, her mouth. Cries of anguish. She buried her head into his muscled chest, trying to escape from the pain. Her attachment to Mamoru was growing strong. It was scaring her. More than the pain her sister had caused. More than the pain of her childhood memories. This was a new fear. This was a fear of love.
She was staring at the banquet of food before her. Mamoru had gone to her favourite bakery and her bought her breakfast. He was being so nice. He didn’t scorn her for breaking. He didn’t laugh at the streaky eye make up on her face. All he did was be there for her. It was all she needed yet her mind was screaming at him to leave, to stop making her think she was falling for him.
"I don’t even feel like eating."
Her upturned mouth made him laugh from his post in the kitchen. He wanted to keep her mind off the events of the morning.
A knock on the door sent both their heads turning. Mamoru ushered Usagi back onto the couch while he answered the door.
"I came as quickly as I could. How is she?"
Mamoru stood aside for Motoki.
"She’s alright, the fight was pretty big. I thought she could use as many friends as possible."
Motoki frowned, unwrapping his scarf.
"Could you tell what the fight was about?"
Mamoru shook his head, knowing well Usagi would not want her secret known to him. He led Motoki into the lounge room where Usagi was now curled up under a blanket. She smiled up at him, she had heard the conversation between the two men. She smiled in thanks at Mamoru.
"Sisters, who needs ‘em eh?"
Usagi smiled weakly, tears threatening to spill. Motoki launched himself onto the couch, opening his arms in offering. With a meek smile, she crawled into his embrace and sighed. Jealousy swept through Mamoru, he couldn’t help it.
"Well we hired out a movie, got some chips, beer and chocolate so you just make yourself comfortable while Mamoru slaves in the kitchen and I’ll help you devour all these treats."
She smiled, settling into Motoki’s warm embrace. How did Mamoru know she needed to keep her mind off this? How could she feel as if he were inside her. With a small smile, Usagi focused on the movie blaring from her television.
~*MUAH*~
When everything is gone there should be nothing to fear this world cannot bring me down because I’m already here.