NOTHING APART
4 - Matters of the heart
He could hear someone standing next to him but he didn't move. Suddenly his hood was pushed back and someone lifted his face up. He knew who it was. The person he couldn't see was surrounded by a scent he'd recognize anywhere.
"Gourry," he heard her whisper.
"Just turn around and walk away Lina," he told her. "Forget you ever saw me and walk away." He pushed her backwards and lowered his head again. His tears were being soaked up by the cloth covering his eyes.
"I can't leave you here Gourry," she said with concern in her voice.
"Yes you can and you will. Go away!" he yelled as loud as his hoarse voice allowed him. Inside of him his heart was breaking. He couldn't let her take care of him now. It would be wrong.
"No!" she replied. "If you don't come with me I'll stay right here until you change your mind." Gourry felt her sitting down next to him and he knew that she was looking at him. He couldn't let her sit there in the filth.
"Why can't you just leave?" he moaned. "Can't you just let me…"
"No Gourry," she answered with tears in her voice. "I won't let you be and I won't leave. I just can't do that and you know that." Yes he knew. It wasn't her style to leave her friends in the gutter.
Lina looked at the man who she cared for so deeply. He wanted her to go away, to leave him there. She cried in silence sitting there on the filthy street and promised herself that she would never leave him again, never ever. His face had felt like it was on fire. Gourry was sick, she knew that. She looked at him and saw him staggering to his feet. Quickly she got up and reached out her hands to help him.
"Don't touch me," he growled at her. "I'm only going with you cause you give me no other choice." It was killing him to hurt her like this but he had to get her away from this place.
"You can't walk that far," she slowly said puting her hand over his that was clinging to a cane.
"I told you…" his words were lost when his knees refused to support his weight. Lina managed to steady him enough so that he didn't fall. I have to get him away from here, she thought to herself and put her arms around Gourry.
"LEVITATION," she said out loud and felt herself and Gourry being lifted up into the air.
He could feel her arms around him and it felt so good. His right arm clinged on to her for dear life as they levitated over the roofs. He didn't know where she was taking him and he didn't care. It's too late Lina, he thought to himself, it's too late to save me. He just wished that he could have spared her all this. Suddenly he could feel solid ground under his feet again. Gourry had no choice but to lean on Lina as she lead him through a door and into a warm room. Carefully she led him pass talking people and the smell of food. His stomach screamed from hunger but he didn't say anything. After a while she stopped and he could hear her opening a door and then she led him in through the doorway and gently sat him down on a bed. Gourry could tell this was her room for it was filled with her scent.
"What happened to you?" she asked and moved away from him. He could hear her pouring up water.
"I lost a fight," Gourry answered flatly and felt her hands on him again. She was wiping his face with a wet towel and put a cup in his hands. He drank the water she'd brought him in silence. "I'll do what I can to heal you," she said as she took the cup from him and refilled it. "Just lie back." He let Lina help him lie down and felt her hands remove the piece of cloth that had been covering his eyes.
"I'm blind," he whispered as she stroked him over the hair.
Lina looked at Gourrys eyes. The kindness, trust and will to live was gone in them. She held back her tears as she saw what had replaced all that. It was fear, despair and hopelessness. Her hands were shaking as she started to take off his shirt. It was covered in blood and torn to shreds. Carefully she put her small hands over his left shoulder and began to heal him. She didn't know how well she could heal him but it was all she could do for now. As soon as she could she'd have to find a Shrine-maiden to do a better job but at the moment all she could do was to try to keep him from dying infront of her. His fever was so high and his body in such bad shape. It felt like it took her forever to fix all the wounds and bruises he had.
"How does that feel?" she asked after a while. Gourry moved his limbs.
"Better, thanks." Lina sighed sadly. Even his voice had change, not just cause he was hoarse but because he wasn't the same person as before. She wondered if he'd ever be his old self again.
"If you have the strenght I'll help you take a bath," she said slowly. Gourry supposed he should be embarrassed or something but he didn't care anymore. He'd take as much time with her as he could, while he could.
"Yes please," he nodded and sat up. Just as carefull as before she helped him up and led him into the bathroom. The tub was already filled with warm water. She knew that she probably should have called in Xellos' to do this but she didn't want to leave Gourry. He stood infront of her in his pants when she gave him a towel to cover himself with. With trembling hands he wrapped the towel around his waist and removed the rest of his clothes. Gently Lina helped him sit down in the water and began washing the filth off him. She could feel how the warm water relaxed him. But his face was still tense and she could see the despair in his eyes.
"Do you want to lie there?" she asked. Gourry closed his eyes.
"Yeah I'll stay here a while," he said slowly.
"I'll be outside if you need me," she nodded to him and left the bathroom. When she had closed the door she sat down on the floor with her back against it. The tears she had kept inside while she was with him started to run down her face. As much as it was tears of compassion it was tears of guilt. All the times she had been so mean to him and for what reason? Just to prove to herself that she didn't need him. She had wasted so much time and now Gourry was paying for it. He could have been dead when I found him, she thought to herself. If she'd been too late, she would never have forgiven herself. Lina shivered and hugged herself. Why had she hit him all those times? It wasn't his fault he never could pay attention nor that he wasn't all that clever. Most of the time he's not stupid, she thought to herself, he just choose to not understand what he doesn't think ia important. But it didn't matter now. Feeling sorry wouldn't erase all the hard words and hard punches. Still crying she got up and stood in the middle of the room shaking.
Gourry sank deeper in the tub. He'd never thought he'd be warm ever again. With a frown he turned his head towards the door. What was that sound he could hear. Since his eyes didn't work he had learnt to rely more and more on his hearing. It was Lina and she was crying. He bit his lip and pressed his hands over his ears. It tore him aprt inside to hear her crying like that. Quietly he got up and out of the tub, felt around for a moment before he found the towels, wrapped one of them around himself and made his way to the door. He opened it without a sound and walked towards the sound of Lina crying. Her scent told him she was only a few feet away from him. So he reached out and felt his way to her. With both hands on her shoulders he pulled her closer to him. With a small scream she threw herself in his arms, clinging on to him. Gourry felt his own tears on his face and held her as hard as he could without hurting her.
"I'm so sorry," she cried against his chest. "If I could I'd take it all back, every single thing." He didn't understand what she was refering to but slowly stroked her over her back.
"It's not important Lina. Just calm down, please," he replied and ran his fingers through her hair.
"No," she said, "it is important. I had no right to treat you the way I have been. That's why you left me isn't it?" she asked backing away from him. "And you think I don't care that you did, don't you?" Gourry lowered his head and wiped away his tears.
"I left because I made you uncomfortble," he answered. "Ever since the incident with that Hellmaster-kid you been treating me different. Like you didn't want me around, so I left," he sighed and turned around.
"Gourry why do you think I've stayed with you these four years?" He faced her again.
"Cause you couldn't get rid of me, you've said so yourself." Lina closed her eyes and damned herself. Why did she always say things like that and why didn't she realize that she hurt him by doing so?
"I know I've said that but I didn't mean it. I've stayed with you cause I can't stand being without you," she explained with a voice trembeling with tears. "After Phibrizzo kidnapt you I was afraid. Even if we got through that in one piece I got scared that someone else would try to use you to blackmail me. So I pushed you away instead," she finished and sat down on the bed.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" he asked with a sad tone in his voice. "Don't answer, it doesn't matter anymore," he added and again turned his back at her. He knew he had to stop this right away or it would be too hard for him to leave her.
"Why doesn't it matter?"
"Look at me Lina. I'm blind, weak and helpless," he answered quietly. "I'm never going to travel with you again. It's better this way I guess... Just leave me here and move on, there's nothing you can do for me now," he said and put more distance between them. Lina looked at him and didn't know what to say. He was telling her he wanted her to leave him behind. How could she do that? Why would she do that?
"Why?" she whispered and walked up to him grabbing his arm. "Why are you asking me to leave? Doesn't all the time we've spent together mean anything to you?" She was angry now and her voice reflected it. Gourry closed his eyes and pushed the tears back. If he wasn't carefull Lina would get even more fixed on the idea of staying with him. And as much as he wanted to have her by his side he couldn't let that happen.
"Because I don't want you here," he answered harshly. Gourry knew he had to get her away from him as fast as possible. This was too hard to do. He could hear her sulking behind him.
"I don't know who you are!" Lina screamed at him. "I just know that you're not Gourry, not the Gourry I know." With those words she ran out the door. Carefully he made his way to the bed and sank down on it. His eyes were open and his lips pressed tightly together. For a while he just sat there staring infront of him althought he couldn't see anything.
Xellos' had his ear pressed against the door. He didn't understand anything of what was going on in the other room. First Lina had been crying and Gourry had comforted her and now he was telling her he didn't want her around. The Priest frowned and closed his eyes. But Lina had told the blonde man she was sorry for everything she had done. Why hadn't he forgiven her? Human emotions are too difficult, he thought to himself. Suddenly he heard footsteps so he hurried away from the door. Just moments after the door flung open, Lina ran out. He could see she was crying as she ran through the corridor and down the stairs. For some reason it made him angry. And his anger was directed at the blonde swordsman. With a frown he marshed through the open door and stood before Gourry.
"What do you think you're doing?" Xellos' asked him with anger. Gourry turned around to face him but didn't answer right away.
"Xellos' is that you?" It hadn't occured to the Priest that Lina wouldn't have told the tall man that he was there.
"Yes it's me," he answered. The tall blonde man seemed different from before.
"And what do you want?" Gourry asked and sighed. Xellos' raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. He understood what Lina had meant when she'd said that she didn't know who this man was. The look in Gourrys eyes had changed and so had his voice. Infront of the Priest sat a man who had very little incommon with the Gourry Gabriev he had traveled with. This man wasn't cheerful, kind and dense, instead he seemed beaten, sad and filled with despair.
"I wanna know what you're trying to do to Lina-san," Xellos' said after shaking away his thoughts. The blonde man lowered his head.
"I'm trying to save her." That answer left the Roguish Priest puzzled.
"Save her from what? All she have been thinking about these last weeks have been you. She's been pushing herself to the limits to find you and now you want her to leave you behind?" Xellos' frowned as his questions made Gourry lower his head more and more.
"You know Lina, Xellos'. She'd do anything to help her friends and right now she wants to take care of me," Gourry answered. "And I can't let her do that…"
"Why not? I don't understand," the violet eyed man sighed. Gourry got off the bed.
"Look at me. I'm blind and I'm sick, too sick for Lina to heal me," he said as he felt his way across the room.
"Ah and you can't stand the fact that she feels pity for you?"
"It's not that," Gourry answered and shook his head. "Both you and I know how she much her friends mean to her. I'm dying, Xellos'. I can feel it," he continued with his eyes closed.
"Nonsense! Lina-san would never let you die on her like that," the Priest objected.
"Exactly! And when I die even though she tried her best to save me she'll be devastated. I will do anything to keep that from happening," Gourry said and faced Xellos' with tears in his eyes.
"But you're making her devastated right now!" the Priest yelled.
"She'll get over it. It's easier to lose someone you hate than someone you like."
"Oh my, you really are stupid, aren't you?" Xellos' muttered to Gourry. "Do you seriously think that Lina-san will hate you?"
"I don't know. I only know that I love her too much to let her stay around me and watch me die."
"Oh dear," Xellos' sighed and sat down on the bed. "Gourry, don't you know that she loves you too?" The tall man turned around with a confused look in his face.
"What are you talking about?" The Trickster Priest rolled his eyes and sighed again.
"Let's leave that for the moment. I doubt Lina has any clothes for you to wear so perhaps we should focus on getting you dressed first."
Chapter5