Nabiki smiled and hugged Akane as if her life depended on it. Her sanity certainly did. Akane held her, a small smile on her face.
“Hey, Nabiki?”
“What?” The tears were there, just under the surface.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” Now, they were on her cheeks.
~~
Kasumi held onto her best friend in the world. She gazed at her little sister, memorizing her smile, her laugh, her eyes. She smiled with her. No joy would ever be this strong, no relief.
~~
Soun cried. His daughter, his little girl, his youngest, his heir. He loved her. He had been so scared. He had thought he had learned about fear with her mother’s sickness, his beloved wife, but this, this had been so much worse. There had been the never knowing, the never being sure. That didn’t matter any more. His little girl was home. He hugged her and wet her with his tears. She held him and returned the favor.
~~
Genma and Nadoka held hands. They had feared for Akane and they had feared for Ranma. They hadn’t realized just how deep the bond between them was. Not until this. Ranma was the only one Akane had recognized in her most lucid moments. He had been the only one she had talked to. He had been the only one she touched, would let touch her.
And Ranma. Ranma. Their son. He had been so close to insanity. If one of her attempts had succeeded, he would have followed.
But Akane was okay. She was getting better. And Ranma was there beside her. His eyes following her, his arms around her, his ears only on her words.
It would get better. They would heal. They were already healing.
~~
She was so warm, so secure. Ranma had not let her go since she’d regained consciousness. She hadn’t dared to push him away. She could see the insanity in his eyes. It was fading now, and rapidly, but she still feared for him. She feared for herself. Shampoo’s drugs had affected her badly. She was still feeling minor side effects. Akane sighed and sank into Ranma’s heat. He tightened his grip and she let her head loll against his chest. A yawn caught her off guard.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I’m tired. I think I’m going to go to bed.” Her family nodded. Ranma lifted her off her feet and carried her to bed. He hesitated when he reached her bed. She sighed and shifted slightly in his arms.
“You can’t leave me tonight, Ranma. I can’t be alone. Stay.”
“Is that a good idea, Akane?”
“I’m too tired to do anything. I need you here, Ranma. Please.” He slid into her bed with her with no further protest; both of them still fully dressed. She fell asleep before he did.
~~
Ranma held her, breathed in her scent, felt her heat, her curves, her breathe, listened to her breath, her heart beat. He marveled in the life that saturated her. That life had been gone for far too long. Her words had been his music, her smile his sunshine, her touch his salvation. His eyes drifted closed. Before the blackness became complete he wondered how he could get rid of the Soul of Ice without killing himself.
~~~~~~
Ranma smiled at Akane and reached out for her hand. She smiled back and inched closer to him. Ranma wondered if she could tell that he had been faking his emotions since she’d gotten better. It was getting harder to pretend that he cared. For so long, his emotions had been so strong that he’d felt them despite the Soul of Ice. Now, he felt nothing. If possible, he felt less than nothing. The Soul of Ice was leeching any sort of emotion or emotional possibility from him. He wondered how much longer he could fool her.
~~~~~~
Akane stripped and looked at herself in the mirror. She bit her lip as she observed her scars. One on her abdomen, long ones on her wrists, and the ones on her thighs. Eighteen and scarred. She sighed and traced the one on her abdomen. She wondered what Ranma would say when he saw her on display for the first time. At least her neck wasn’t scarred. She had tried to hang herself and for a week her neck had been red and burned. She was grateful that she could have children after her first attempt. That drug had screwed her up. Akane closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her stomach. She sobbed silently.
~~
Ranma lazily rolled his arm as he headed into the bath. He wondered idly if Akane was really okay. He knew he should be worried and so he attempted to appear worried. His shoulder twinged and he massaged it gently. He slid the door to the bathroom open with his foot and paused in the doorway. Akane stood there, naked, her arms around herself, and her shoulders heaving. Ranma stared at her, watching her. It took him a moment to figure out what was wrong. His mind began to work. How should he react? Normally, he would scramble away from her, pleading his innocence, but she was crying. Should he comfort her? Yes, that sounded right. He hoped it was right. He walked up to her, closing the door behind her. As an afterthought he grabbed her robe and wrapped it around her along with his arms. Akane never noticed. Ranma took a deep breath. He had to get this right.
“What’s wrong, Akane?” He couldn’t tell, but his voice sounded dead. Akane cried harder, her sobs becoming audible. She turned in his arms and leaned into him. ‘How do I tell him? He wouldn’t understand. He can’t. Oh, what’s wrong with him? When will this be over? Will we never be able to just be?’ Ranma held her, hoping to find some clue as to what to do now. He received none.
It wasn’t until Akane calmed that he was given some direction. She pulled away from him and held her robe as closed as she could. She wasn’t too worried. Privately, deep inside herself, she wondered if he could even be aroused.
“You can leave now, Ranma. Thank you.” He furrowed his brow in the hopes that he looked concerned.
“Are you going to be all right?” Real worry trickled into him. “Are you...suicidal again?” he asked hesitantly. Akane smiled at the worry in his voice and in his eyes.
“No, no. I’m fine. I promise.” Ranma nodded, the worry disappearing into the coldness again.
“Okay. Will you let me know when you’re done?”
“Sure.” Her smile disappeared as Ranma walked away from her. It had been almost a month since she’d returned home. She was getting better, but he wasn’t. There was something off about him. Akane sighed to herself. She needed help. She needed someone who could help Ranma even if he didn’t want help. The only person she knew who could have a chance of bullying Ranma into doing something he didn’t want to was Cologne. Not only that, but if something was wrong with him other than him not being able to deal with this, then she would be the best person to go to for help. Akane went to shower, and to prepare herself.
~~~~~~
Cologne looked up as the front door chimed. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of Akane standing in the doorway nervously. The girl fingered the scars on her wrist unconsciously as she bit her lip. From the corner of her eye, Cologne watched as Shampoo started to leave the back room, only to pull back into it when her eyes landed on Ranma’s fiancée. The Amazon had had a hard time dealing with the pain she had caused Akane. She had spent a lot of time crying in her room. Mousse had helped her a lot and Cologne was surprised to see the beginning of a romantic relationship forming. Shampoo was oblivious to it.
“Cologne, I need to talk to you.” Akane’s voice was soft and hesitant. The ancient woman could detect no hostility toward her or Shampoo.
“Of course, Akane, please, come into the back room.” Akane nodded and followed her. Shampoo kept her head down as Akane passed her. Akane kept her face blank. She didn’t know how to deal with the Amazon. In Ranma’s very rare moments of sharing about that time, she had gleaned that there had been some sort of drug in her system that had twisted into a drug that triggered depression and suicidal tendencies. It had twisted with Akane’s attempt to fight the drug, something she shouldn’t have been able to do. How it had twisted she hadn’t figured out. She wasn’t sure if she blamed the Amazons or not. The original drug had been fairly harmless. Akane sighed and stared at Cologne.
“What is it that you need, Akane?” Cologne was careful to not seem condescending.
“I’m worried about Ranma.” With the words came the tears. Akane twisted her skirt in her hands and forced the words out. “He hasn’t been the same since I came home. He’s different. I don’t know how, but it-its scary. Sometimes, I look into his eyes and it’s not him. There’s this void. I don’t know what to make of it.” She bit her lip and waited for a reply. Cologne studied her for a bit.
“Why did you come to me?”
“You’re the only one who can help Ranma.”
“What about that doctor of yours?”
“I think this is something beyond his expertise. He knows a lot, but I think this is something age would be better suited to handle.”
“Oh. Why did you not bring him here?” Akane laughed humorlessly.
“Do you really think he’d trust anything you do or say after what happened? I’ve tried to get him to come eat here and he refuses.”
“Akane, do you blame us?” Akane sighed.
“I don’t know. I don’t remember much of what was going on outside of my own head, but from what I’ve gathered, you didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident.” Cologne nodded.
“It was. I am sorry to have caused you and Ranma such pain; it was unintentional.” Akane nodded.
“Can you help him?”
“I can see what’s wrong with him. I don’t know if I’ll be able to help.”
“That’s all I ask. I just-I just need to know, to be sure.” Cologne nodded. She understood that need. Once long ago, she’d felt that need.
~~~~~~
Ranma sat eating his dinner calmly. His father had moved back in with his wife while Ranma had remained living with the Tendos. His mother had suggested it, but everyone knew that if it had come down to it, Ranma would have chosen Akane over his mother. He every so often glanced at Akane, but did not catch her eyes. She seemed to be unaware of his attention. A knock on the door sounded and Ranma noticed Akane tense. Kasumi rose smoothly and went to answer it. The second Cologne entered the house Ranma knew. He looked down at Akane. She was looking at him.
“Talk to her, Ranma.” He wanted to refuse but she had that look in her eyes. The look that told him if he said no or walked from the room, she would be lost. He nodded.
~~
She knew instantly. She headed immediately to him.
“Ranma, why did you not come to me? You know how dangerous this is.” Ranma looked away from her. Akane looked between Cologne and Ranma, her gaze settling finally on Cologne.
“What could be dangerous?”
“Nothing,” Ranma answered shortly. Akane rounded on him.
“Nothing? You really want me to believe that? Tell me, Ranma.” Ranma refused to look at her much less answer her. Fire in her eyes, she turned to Cologne.
“What, Cologne?” Ranma looked at Cologne. She did not look at him.
“He used the Soul of Ice to control his emotions while you-when you.... He’s still using it. It seems that the strength of the emotions he’s suppressing could kill him if he just released it as he normally would.” Akane paled and swayed slightly. Cologne thought for a moment that she was going to faint, but she pulled herself together and turned to glare at Ranma.
“How could you? You know I need you. You should have gone to Cologne immediately and had her help you.”
“I-I-”
“Damn it, Ranma! You don’t get it! I need you more than I have ever needed anything. I can’t even breathe if you aren’t here with me. Your having to pretend to be worried is of no help. Why do you think I didn’t talk to you earlier? You won’t understand. You *can’t* understand! How can I rely on you when you’re nothing but a void? Let her help you. Please, Ranma. For me.” She looked up at him, her eyes begging. She gripped the part of his pant leg that covered his thigh tightly. He held her gaze for a long moment. She could see the thoughts swirling. He released a sigh finally.
“Okay. Okay.” He turned to Cologne. “Can you help me?”
“Yes. It’s a very painful process, one that will take a week. You won’t be able to move at all. Most body functions will be cut off. I think Akane will be the only one you respond to. She will be as important to this process as you will be.” She turned to face Akane. “Can you handle it? For the entire week both of you will be sequestered alone in a room. You’ll have to face many problems that will not be pleasant.” Akane looked at Cologne, her head cocked to the side, her face oddly amused. When she spoke, her voice was soft and questioning.
“After three weeks of wanting to be dead, of nearly being dead, you think I can’t handle it? Do you think that I would let myself fail? He spent every second of those three weeks with me and you think I’m going to say no to one week? I will die before he will.” Ranma looked at her. He could hear the emotion in her words, but he couldn’t appreciate it. He wished he could. Suddenly, he wanted very badly to be rid of the Soul of Ice.
“Let’s start today,” he said to Cologne still looking at Akane.
~~~~~~
Ranma lay on his futon, his hands by his side, his eyes closed. He was stripped naked, a sheet draped over his waist. Akane sat beside him, her own futon spread out behind her. She had one hand on his arm, caressing it softly. Cologne sat by Ranma’s head, her hands on his temples, her aura flaring intermittently. Akane watched worriedly as Cologne worked to begin the spell that would allow him to deal with all of his suppressed emotions. She bit her lip worriedly as Ranma’s breathing slowed, almost stopping completely. Cologne’s aura flared one last, brilliant time and then she released her grip on Ranma. She sighed and opened her eyes.
“Is his breathing normal?” Akane asked immediately. Cologne chuckled.
“Yes. There is something I need to tell you before I go. Something I did not mention to Ranma.” Akane looked at her with narrowed eyes. Cologne chuckled again.
“The only reason I did not tell him, child, is because he would have refused to do this out of embarrassment, or rather the knowledge of embarrassment. While he is doing this, he will more than likely have erotic dreams. As embarrassed as he would be to know you cleaned up after him, I think he would be hurt if you didn’t.” Akane swallowed hard, her cheeks a deep red. She fidgeted uncomfortably.
“Ah, thank you for telling me. I will do what...is necessary.”
“One other thing. When he wakes, he may not have control over certain bodily functions. He will be embarrassed, but you need to make sure he-” Akane rolled her eyes at Cologne.
“I get what you’re saying, Cologne. I think that I understand how temperamental he is about issues like that.” Cologne smiled.
“Ah, yes. Well, I’ll let you be then. If you think something is not normal, call me immediately. If he moves, call me immediately. I will check on you in a few days.” Akane smiled and nodded.
“Thank you, Cologne.”
“I am glad to do it, Akane. It is the least we could do.” She bowed and left Akane to her job.
~~~~~~
Nabiki winced as another shrill scream rose from Ranma. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take. She shifted on the towel beneath her. Her body was covered only by a small bathing suit. She was trying to relax, to let sleep take her over. For two nights now, Ranma had spent most of his time screaming. They were horrible screams most of the time, screams that made your blood run cold, but sometimes the scream was filled with passion. It had taken her a long moment to figure out what type of scream that had been, but when Akane called out for fresh sheets, Nabiki’s cheeks had flushed with understanding. Once during one of those dreams, Nabiki had been walking past Ranma’s room. His low voice had come clearly through the door. His deep, husky tone had sent shivers down her spine. She had retreated quickly, wondering how Akane could stand being in there when he was saying her name like that.
Another scream broke through the air and Nabiki switched CDs to a heavy metal band and turned the volume up. Only then did sleep come to her.
~~~~~~
Cologne knocked on Ranma’s door softly. No call came to answer her and she quietly pushed open the door. She entered the room with a dry chuckle. Akane had pulled her futon up next to Ranma’s and lay curled up against his side, deep asleep. Quickly, the ancient woman went about her business checking on Ranma’s vitals. He was doing fine. She smiled and pulled the blankets up around Akane’s shoulders. The girl murmured in her sleep and snuggled closer to Ranma. Cologne could have sworn that the young man let out a pleased sigh.
~~~~~~
Akane sat with Ranma’s head in her lap. She had sat like that almost all day long for the past five days. She talked softly to Ranma, her voice telling him stories she knew from her childhood, describing movies and plays and books she had watched and read, singing her favorite songs, his favorite songs. Her hands were busy smoothing a damp cloth over his forehead. Her fingers stroked his hair and his cheek. She had discovered that her voice kept him from screaming as he had those first two days. He would whimper and give the occasional shout, but the damned screaming had stopped. It had nearly driven her crazy till she’d begged him to stop and discovered that her voice soothed him. His erotic dreams however only responded more to her touch and her voice. She had been so embarrassed when he’d had his first one and had turned away from him, unable to look at him till he had calmed. Then, she had cleaned him with shaking hands and unsteady breath. Now, she was used to it. She had to admit she was flattered by the number of dreams he’d had about her. It put something inside her at ease. Right now, he was having a nightmare, his face twisted in pain. Her heart pounded painfully as he screamed. She bit her lip to stop the tears. She had gathered from some of his muttered words that the times her voice didn’t help were the times he was dealing with his fear of her dying. He had more of those than she knew was good for him. Finally, Ranma sighed and drifted into a dream that was less painful for him. Akane gave her own sigh and shifted herself out from under him and laying down next to him. She sighed again and drifted to sleep.
~~~~~~
“Akane.... Akane.... Don’t leave me. Please, Akane.” His voice was soft and childlike. Akane started from where she had fallen asleep against the wall to see him searching for her with his hands. She gasped and crawled over to him, taking his hand in hers.
“Shh. Shh. It’s all right, Ranma. I’m here. I’m here. I won’t leave. I promise.” Ranma calmed down immediately and settled back into the deep sleep he’d been in. She rose and called out the door.
“Kasumi, call Cologne! Ranma moved!” Within seconds, Akane heard Kasumi talking to Cologne. She closed the door and sat down beside him and took up his hand again. A short while later, Cologne entered the room. She knelt by Ranma’s head. She placed her fingers on his temples as she had almost seven days ago. She focused on Ranma’s mind. A low groan rose from Ranma and then he cried out again.
“Akane? Where are you? Akane?”
“I’m here, Ranma. I’m here,” she answered immediately. His breathing began to speed up and became normal once more. His hand tightened around hers and his eyes fluttered open. They closed immediately, Ranma squeezing them shut against the light his eyes had not seen for a week.
“Ranma? Are you all right?” Akane asked worriedly, scooting up to kneel by his head. Ranma’s eyes shot open and he gazed at her without saying anything. She watched emotion flood his features and tears filled her eyes.
“Oh, Ranma,” she whispered as she leaned down and kissed him. He returned the kiss, bringing his hand up and burying it in her hair. Suddenly, he broke the kiss and stared down at himself in shame. Akane blinked and looked where he was looking to see a yellow stain spreading across the sheet that covered him. Cologne had left sometime during the kiss. Neither of them noticed as Akane handed Ranma a wet washcloth that she had kept ready in case he needed it. He silently cleaned himself. He paused for a second and then in another second he shot down the hall to the bathroom. When he returned to his room later, Akane was waiting with a tray of food and clothes. She smiled up at him. He had traded the dirty sheet in for a towel. Akane couldn’t help but admire the way his muscles rippled beneath his skin. A great desire to touch him rose in her and she walked over to him. He looked down at her, embarrassment at his lack of control obvious, but she didn’t notice. His breath caught in his chest as she reached out and touched his chest. She leaned against him. He wrapped his arms around her. She leaned up and kissed him deeply. He responded, pulling her tight against him, his embarrassment forgotten. He marveled in the pleasure he felt, in the contentment, the hunger, the joy, the anticipation of what would follow...of what would follow.... Ranma gently broke the kiss and stood panting. Akane looked up at him with eyes dark with tears.
“I missed you,” she whispered and then buried her head in his chest and wept.
When she gained control of herself, Ranma self-consciously picked up the sheet he had dropped.
“What do I do with this?” he asked. Akane took it from him and dropped it on top of another sheet in the corner of the room. She pointed at his food.
“Eat. You haven’t eaten in a week.” He nodded and sat down. She joined him, watching him eagerly. Finally, his curiosity got the better of him.
“What was wrong with the other sheet?” He feared she would say that he had wet himself. He wasn’t expecting the blush that stained her cheeks.
“Well, while you were...whatever you were doing...you, um, had erotic dreams.” Ranma blinked at her and then blushed deeply. Okay, that had been worse than he thought. He looked up at her through his bangs.
“Did you, ah, clean me up?” She nodded as she picked at her rice. His blush deepened and then deepened yet again at the thought of Akane touching his.... He pushed the thought back and focused on his rice. Oddly enough, he was rather touched by the thought that Akane had been willing to clean him up. He was touched by the fact that she had lived with him in his room for a week, caring for him.
“Man,” he said to Akane, “it feels good to feel again.”
Chapter5