This web page is dedicated to helping submissives become strong and proud submissives; to help them deal with issues stemming from abusive or dysfunctional backgrounds which may effect their choices as submissives; to help them build self- esteem; to educate submissives on safety issues, both on-line and real-life; to learn to love themselves so they can become the best submissives they can be to the best Master for them.
I put my hand in yours...
and together we can do what
we could never do alone.
Why did I start this web page? Well, there are tons and tons of web pages and web rings dedicated to providing information and discussions on the different types of abuse, recovery and healing, some that even provide chat rooms or message threads, but how many of us are going to join in on these and tell them not only were we abused... but guess what... we also like being tied up and having our asses whipped. You know what their reaction would be.

This is a web page just for us... submissives... and Dominants too. A place to learn and openly discuss these issues without people judging us or trying to cure us of our rather unique desires. It's a place where we don't have to give up what we enjoy... just come to understand it and further embrace it and feel good about it and ourselves. A safe place where we can discard all the shame about who we have been and love who we are now. A web page with all the usual abuse resources available found on most pages but also articles, discussions, links and resources that are D/s specific... specific to our unique issues. If you come across any D/s-abuse type articles or links on the web sites, please email me and let me know what the url is for them so I can check them out and possibly add them.

Also feel free to check out my BDSM Resource section with hundreds of links to wonderful web pages with a myriad of subjects related to D/s and BDSM in general, BDSM Organizations and Munches, D/s Safety Links, BDSM How-To's, The Little BDSM Store. You name it.
vixen's Playhouse
http://come.to/vixens
If you have come to this page through another link and don't see the menu of pages listed on the left hand side of the page, please go to:
The D/s Abuse Page
http://come.to/dsabuse
Don't compare your insides with
someone else's outsides.

D/s or Abuse?
D/s is about the building of a trusting relationship between two consenting adult partners. Abuse is about the breach of trust between an authority figure and the person in their care.
D/s is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened people.  Abuse is about the lack of respect that one person demonstrates to another person.
D/s is about the shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and punishment and/or humiliation for mutual pleasure. Abuse is about a form of out-of-control physical violence and/or personal or emotional degredation of the submissive.
D/s is about loving each other completely and without reservation in an alternate way. Abuse is hurtful. It is also very damaging emotionally and spiritually to the submissive.
D/s frees a submissive from the restraints of years of vanilla conditioning to explore a buried part of herself. Abuse binds a submissive to a lonely and solitary life of shame, fear and secrecy... imprisoning her very soul.
.
D/s builds self-esteem as a person discovers and embraces their long hidden sexuality. Abuse shatters and destroys a person's self-esteem and leaves self-hatred in it's place.
And the list of differences between D/s and abuse goes on. The abuse can be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual in nature, but whatever the form, it will destroy a submissive's self respect and without that...... 
the submissive has nothing.
Abuse destroys!

D/s builds and nutures!
There can quite often be a very fine line between D/s and abuse. It all depends on how two personalities interact with one another, but when you have a Dominant with a somewhat abusive personality and a submissive with a low self-esteem, that fine line can become even finer. And the many activities of BDSM can some times trigger and reinforce these problems.
How can you tell if you are being abused?
If you find that you are not liking yourself for the things you are doing with or for your Dominant, chances are you are being abused in some way. And... you are letting it happen. 

Only you can stop it... because they won't. You need to get educated. You need to learn the difference between loving D/s and downright abuse. You need to learn that you do have rights as a submissive. You need to learn that you have the right to say "no" and have that respected. You need to discover what your limits are and expect them to be observed. You need to get to know yourself as a submissive.
The symptom profile of adults who were abused as children may include:
  • recurrent depression
  • anxiety, panic and phobias
  • anger and rage
  • low self-esteem, and feeling damaged and/or worthless
  • shame
  • somatic pain syndromes
  • self-destructive thoughts and/or behavior
  • substance abuse
  • eating disorders: bulimia, anorexia and compulsive overeating
  • relationship and intimacy difficulties
  • sexual dysfunction, including addictions and avoidance
  • time loss, memory gaps and a sense of unreality
  • flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and images of trauma
  • hypervigilance
  • sleep disturbances: nightmares, insomnia and sleepwalking
  • alternative states of consciousness or personalities
    • by Joan A. Turkus, M.D.
    The Spectrum of Dissociative Disorders
    .
    It doesn't matter how many 
    times you fall down,
    what counts is how many 
    times you pick yourself up.

    Paul Dunn
    I've Learned
    A very inspiring poem
    .
    To All the Beautiful
    Women I Know
    (Yes, that's you!)
    .
    Autobiography in
    Five Short Chapters
    .
    .

    Visitors
    Since October 1997
    Click here to join The D/s Abuse Webring.
    Other D/s-BDSM / Abuse
    Specific Webrings
    .
    .
    .
    Click here to report child pornography
    Report Child Pornography
    .
    .
    Help to keep
    this site online.
    1