"THIS TIME AROUND"
By: gb
Chapter 8
WRyan stared at his ex-wife and the sight of her made him so tongue-tied that for a few moments, he couldn't speak. Comon, he told himself. Say something to the lady while you the chance!
"You look...pretty," he said approvingly.
Pretty?! he thought. Devastating was more like it! She was a goddess! GOD, GILLIAN THAT DRESS MAKES YOU ILLEGAL IN ABOUT 27 STATES AND CANADA, I THINK!
"Thank you. I just saw it a store and couldn't resist. " She answered cheerfully.
I SAW IT IN A STORE AND REALLY HOPED YOU COULDN'T RESIST, RYAN!
Ryan laughed quietly. Gillian's shopping sprees were the stuff legends were made of and he remembered with surprised fondness how she literally took the phrase 'Shop 'till you drop' to heart!
"You're laughing at me?" she smiled into his eyes.
"No." He shook his head, his heart threatening to explode out of his chest at the silky sound of her voice.
REMEMBER, GILLI, HOW YOU USED TO TALK TO ME IN THAT VOICE OF YOURS IN BED WHILE WE MADE LOVE? HOU YOU DROVE ME CRAZY?!
"Let me get you a drink- what'll you have?" Ryan's voice was thick with desire and it sounded breathless even to him.
YOU. I WANT TO HAVE YOU IN THE WORST, DESPERATE WAY. WELL, I GUESS WE CAN SAFELY SAY MY PRIDE IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN!
"I think maybe I should skip the margaritas since I have to work tomorrow. How about a club soda?"
"Sounds like a good idea," Ryan agreed. "Margaritas were never easy on you."
REMEMBER I HAD TO HELP YOU HOME THE FIRST TIME WHEN WE OPENED THIS PLACE AND YOU HAD WAY TOO MUCH AND I WAS SO AFRAID TO TOUCH YOU 'CAUSE I KNEW THAT IF I DID, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO KEEP MY HANDS TO MYSELF AND I'D WANT THEM ALL OVER YOU... AND I WAS RIGHT- JANIE WAS PROOF OF THAT, FOR AWHILE.
"Hey, Ryan." a passing customer called out to him. Ryan had been with the place since it opened and he handled all the publicity and was happy to do time behind the bar for Hayley and Mateo. Well liked by the patrons, he was usually friendly and enjoyed talking to them. But tonight, he only had eyes for his princess. He didn't even look away from her as he quietly returned the man's greeting in a distracted-by-someone-else way.
"Who was that?" Gillian asked.
WHO CARES?
"Just some customer, I guess. I'll get your club soda."
When he returned, he led her to a table.
"Are you comfortable here?" he asked.
ARE YOU KIDDING?!
"Yes. Can you stay awhile?"
LIKE FOREVER?!
"I gotta work. But, I'll check on you every now and then and maybe save me a slow dance later?" Hope was in his eyes.
"Ok, great." she agreed and after an uncomfortable few moments when they stared transfixed on each other, Ryan very slowly and reluctantly made himself start to leave.
"I'll be back, later." he said delaying his leaving.
"Ok, sure." she replied, looking back.
"I'll be at the bar if you need anything."
A nod this time.
When he couldn't stall anymore,he turned around and headed for the bar. Once there, he quickly began arranging glasses and bottles- anything to keep his hands busy so he wouldn't go back over to Gillian and take her in his arms. The waiters were starting to look at him worriedly and he pretended that he didn't notice. He couldn't explain this anyway. God, the urge to touch her was even more powerful than he imagined! Her smooth,soft skin, which he had told her was like the finest silk to him was what he ached for now! Keep your hands in your pockets, Buddy, he thought to himself. Where's your dignity?! I haven't seen it since the second I met Gilli, he answered himself back.
Gillian stared after him as he walked away.
He looked great as always. Soft, dark trousers paired with her favorite blue shirt mixed well with the club's seductive lighting. She loved his sense of style but had to admit it wasn't really the clothes- it was him. All him, every inch the man that she loved.
Gillian looked away in shame. Was she doomed to spend the rest of her life loving someone who didn't want that love and didn't know what to do with it? She couldn't keep doing that to herself- she'd just end up miserable and alone. Eventually, it would destroy her!
Even she deserved to have better- have someone who wanted her equally and would put her first. Only then could she be happy and Ryan wasn't ready for that now and though she could not believe it, she was getting tired of waiting sometimes and her pride and self respect were taking a hell of a beating!
IT'S JUST THAT I'VE LOVED YOU FOR SO LONG!
Gillian had been trying to forget Hayley and their conversation this afternoon, but seeing the other girl across the dancefloor with Mateo just brought it all back in a rush!
She hadn't known what was going on with Ryan during these last long months since she had decided to set him free by divorcing him. In all her life, aside from losing her daughter, that was the hardest thing she had gone through and it never ended. She had cried like a baby the whole time that she had signed the papers and tossed his ring back at him and when it was done, had put that decree at the bottom of a drawer where she kept things she never used so she would never have to see it.
But Ryan hadn't really said anything. He hadn't fought the divorce, refused to stop it when she begged him to, and his face had been unreadable when it had been finalized.
Her only hope had been the morning they had made love together, though even then he hadn't spoken at all about anything. After aher miscarriage, they had just been apart and didn't know each other anymore.
Now Ryan was back and she didn't think her heart could take another one of his beatings. The blows left too many scars and they didn't heal as quick anymore. Somewhere, she had thrown away her self respect and she realized she wanted it back.
DID I GIVE HIM TOO MUCH AND MAKE IT TOO EASY? DID I SMOTHER HIM AND HE JUST TOOK IT FOR GRANTED THAT I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE WAITING? HOW CAN ANYBODY HAVE TOO MUCH LOVE?! I ALWAYS STOOD BY HIM, BELIEVED EVERY WORD HE SAID, NEVER LOST FAITH FOR EVEN A SECOND, WAS RIGHT THERE TO PICK HIM UP WHEN HE FELL. I KNOW I LOVE HIM, BUT WHEN DID I STOP LOVING ME?
Tears glassed over Gillian's eyes as she made for the ladies' room. She returned a few moments later and had decided to leave since she had succeeded in depressing herself.
She was still standing up at her table when Ryan came over to her.
"Perfect timing. How about our dance now?" he asked.
WELL, I DID PROMISE YOU THAT ALREADY.
"Ok," she let him lead her out to the floor and seconds later, they were moving together in time with the slow, thin, soothing latin music.
Ryan and Gillian were almost never better than when they were dancing. They were perfectly suited for each other out on the floor. Their bodies had minds of their own and recognized the other instinctively and moved seductively against each other in ways as old as time.
Instead of rushing, they seemed to take their time to prolong each thrill and each second became a moment to savor with its own memory, unique from another one.
The music became almost secondary to their own heartbeats now. Thundering wildly in their chests, each straining against the sound of the other, like they were calling out to each other in greeting and trying to rip out of the body to join together. Even though the music was slow, their hearts were racing along with breathing so hard, oxygen didn't seem to come to them fast enough.
Ryan refused to let their bodies lose contact even for a second, so if nothing else, their hands would still be joined. He thought it was symbolic that no matter what, they would always be connected in some way.
Gillian leaned her back gently against Ryan's chest as they swayed from side to side. Her right arm reached up to his forearm and her other hand was placed over his which he had encircled around her waist.
He was confident enough with their movements that he let his free arm remain at his side every now and then.
"It's ok, Baby. You can lean your head back against me." he whistpered gently and though she tried to fight the urge with all her might, found that it was a losing battle and surrendered.
Every few moments, he would turn her around and then return her to the same position. They never noticed the admiring glances from the others in the club.
Lost in their own world, they were exactly how they looked. A couple joined in a celabration of their love...
Mateo and Hayley had seen them from across the room.. He had grinned knowingly and she looked away, almost embarrassed.
"Why don't they just get a room?" she asked in a catty tone, quietly. "He can't keep his hands off of her!"
"Like he ever could- even back when it was supposed to be a 'marriage of convenience'. Some marriage of convenience- it was convenient for both of them! Remember back at Wildwind? They may have had seperate bedrooms, but they sure weren't seperated."
"Ryan and Gillian weren't together back when they were married and we all lived at Wildwind together." Hayley insisted.
"Oh, comon,Hayley. You're not that naive, sweetheart." Mateo said easily. "You mean you never saw how they looked at each other? We're lucky we didn't get burned! I mean they were making love even when they weren't touching each other!"
Hayley averted her eyes towards them again.
"Aren't you going to stop them?" she asked. "They're making a spectacle of themselves. What are our other customers going to think? It's like being in an x-rated version of
DIRTY DANCING!"
"Why are you getting so excited?" he asked. "Ok, so they're a little over stimulated. They're in love, Hayley. Ryan's had it bad for her forever even when they first got married. He fought it like hell- just like us- but that was a fight he wasn't gonna win. I knew their divorce was a mistake and they knew it too, in their hearts. Let's just let them alone to enjoy each other." he finished, wrapping his around his wife.
Hayley knew Mateo was right, but she couldn't help feeling unnerved by watching the couple. She and Matt were finally putting their marriage back together. He had had a hard time working things out with Ryan after Hayley had admitted to their kiss. Even now, the two weren't exactly close friends, but Mateo was much better about it than before because Ryan had clearly shown his preference for Gillian rather than Hayley and he had seen for himself that kissing Hayley had been a mistake and everyone had realized it.
She now had to admit the truth: watching her friends, she saw that the reason Ryan hadn't started anything with Hayley was not because of some loyalty to Matt or Hayley's marriage. The truth of it was that he hadn't wanted to really be unfaithful to Gillian. Even though they had already divorced, Ryan had still seen his wife as his wife and he couldn't go through with it because he was then and now still in love with her. Hayley wasn't exactly jealous- she loved Mateo- but she had in fact liked the attention Ryan had given her- attention that was now being totally directed at Gillian- and she had to admit, she missed it and it was making her petty.
Ryan and Gillian, meanwhile, were still totally into their dance and ignored all else.
Gillian's body was pressed completely against Ryan's as they had moved off by themselves into a corner of the dancefloor. She could feel his warmth against her back and also the backs of her legs, the soft material of his trousers brushing ever so seductively against her skin.
"Do you want to keep dancing?" he whispered into her ears and lightly brushed his lips against her hair. "Would you like to sit down?"
Her breathing was as ragged as his own as she answered, "No, we don't have to stop."
Spinning her carefully around and bringing her back against his chest, he couldn't help noticing how her body moved so gracefully with his and how it moved against the fabric of her dress- God that dress was driving him crazy! Where did she ever get it- guaranteed to bring a man to his knees!
"Gilli, you gotta take off that dress!" he pleaded quietly.
"What?!" she asked, startled as his hands began to caress her waist.
"No woman should look that good! Do a dying man a favor and start wearing trash bags!"
Gillian blushed,though he couldn't see it. "You want me out of this dress? You want to see me here in my underthings?"
Ryan swallowed hard!
GOD,YES! PLEASE!!
He knew that she was being serious; didn't realize the innuendo of what she was asking, but how much was a man supposed to take?!!
"Baby, stop it! I'm not made of stone. There's a flesh and blood mortal behind you!!"
His hands trembled against her now and his heart was beating wildly against her back!
Gillian tingled from head to toe even while feeling her temperature go up. God, Ryan's hands should be illegal- the things they were doing to her!!
I WANT YOUR HANDS ALL OVER ME, RYAN! YOU MAKE ME QUIVER WITH A FEVER I NEVER FELT WITH ANYONE, BABY! GOD, I'M SO ASHAMED, BUT PLEASE DON'T TAKE THOSE HANDS AWAY! I'LL DIE IF YOU DO!!!
"Ryan, people are going to look over here," Gillian reminded him. She had to fight to catch her breath and he could hear her sharp intakes of air.
"Do you really care, Princess?" he asked, both arms around her again.
NO OF COURSE I DON'T CARE! I WANT THIS TO GO ON FOREVER!!
"We've got to care a little..."
Her voice trailed off as she felt his lips against her temple and she closed her eyes to let it sink in. So overcome with emotion, she felt tears prick her eyes. God, if they had been alone right now...
"Beautiful, sweet Princess... sweet Baby..." he said into her hair.
Ryan moved one hand down gently stroking from Gillian's waist, past her hips, to her thigh and back, her ever so slightly shaking hands causing her skin beneath her dress to sear in excitement!
She was dangerously close to going over the edge, she knew. She should be outraged, ask him to leave her alone, and stop making a shameless display of themselves in this club. She should be angry at him, push him away, slap his face, and coldly suggest he take a cold shower!! But sweet life, she couldn't make herself do it. Craving him like a starving man salivates at the sight of food, she almost whimpered to him.
"Ryan,..." she swallowed in a small, pleading voice that she hardly recognized as her own.
"What, Baby?" he asked in his soothing, velvet way. "Tell me what you want..."
Dangling off the precipice of complete abandon to his will, she found just enough sound to say, "Please...please just...just don't..."
"Please what, Baby?" Ryan asked, lightly tracing his previous path on her body. "Please don't stop?"
At his words, Gillian shuddered slightly as she comprehended their meaning. The lower half of her body felt strange and her legs felt like they might crumble beneath her!
Feeling as if she would faint at any moment, she was just about to ask Ryan to sit down for a brief second, when her passion glazed-over eyes saw Jake across the room as he was making his way over to them.
Jake was angry, she knew by the look on his face, but for the moment, she stayed in Ryan's hold even though he had now stopped dancing. Ryan had been just about to ask Gillian to come home with him this evening and he had been overcome with desire and looked forward to a romantic time, when Jake's presense was like a wet blanket over all his plans!
Still, he stubbornly held onto the princess with a confident glee on his face as Jake approached them.
"Having fun?" he asked through clenched teeth. "I know everyone else here was watching you two."
"Well, we were until you showed up, Jake." Ryan responded.
"Well, if you'd like to go back to your public display of inappropriate conduct..." Jake asked Gillian, completely ignoring Ryan.
"Would you mind?" Ryan cut in.
"No, wait- Jake- you're right." Gillian stammered. She was limp with exhaustion after steaming up the dancefloor with Ryan, even though they had not exactly been dancing. She felt like they'd just made love instead and she felt frustrated because they'd been interrupted. But she couldn't hurt Jake- he'd always been very gracious about her feelings for Ryan.
"We did make plans to be here tonight and I'd still like to spend time with you. Could we still do that? Ryan and I were just dancing."
"Oh, is that what you call it- dancing? There are certain places where you might've been arrested."
"It's a salsa club, Jake." Ryan tried to hold onto his temper. "Maybe you could just lighten up."
Ryan was angry and hurt that Gillian wanted to be be here with Jake instead of him.
Mateo had seen the confrontation from where he was and leaving Hayley, came over to them to stop a disaster. The look in Ryan's eyes told all- he was spoiling for a fight with Jake!
"Anything wrong here, gentlemen?" Mateo asked with forced easiness.
"No, not at all." Gillian said quickly. "Jake and I were about to leave, weren't we?" She looked at him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE LEAVING, GILLI?! STAY HERE WITH ME!!
Jake was glaring at Ryan, but then smiled coldly at him and said to Gillian. "Absolutely."
"I'm pleased to hear it." Mateo remarked.
Gillian breathed a sigh of relief, as did Mateo.
"Great," she said. "I just need a few minutes with Ryan and we'll go."
"You're not leaving now?" Ryan asked quickly.
Gillian had moved reluctantly out of his grasp and the two were facing each other.
"Yeah, Ryan, we're leaving." Jake supplied for her quickly, putting his arm around her.
Mateo looked darkly at Ryan's face and knew Jake had made a HUGE mistake!
"Hey, Jake, buddy. Let's get a drink. Comon, on the house." he said quickly, pulling Jake away as Ryan made a threatening move towards him.
Once Mateo and Jake had moved away, Ryan and Gillian stood staring at each other.
DON'T GO, GILLIAN. I LOVE YOU!!! PLEASE STAY! I REALLY MISS YOU!
"Guess the dance is over, Princess." he said quietly looking down at her with a small uncertain smile.
"Yes. In every sense of the word, Ryan."
Ryan looked uncertainly at her.
Taking a deep breath, she said, "I think tonight was a mistake."
"What do you mean?" Ryan asked in alarm. "We're fantastic together, Baby. You saw that when we were dancing."
YES, I SAW THAT AND I WISH THAT WERE ENOUGH.
"Yes, we have great chemistry. We always do." she began.
"It's not just that, Gillian." he said. "I'm still falling in love with you, every day, more and more since we met. I thought you felt the same way."
"I don't know, Ryan. But I do know that we shouldn't see each other while we're confused like this- it's not right."
"I'm not confused."
"Well, I am. And you have to admit, things just aren't settled between us."
Ryan nodded sadly. The evening was definitely taking a down turn.
"Let's talk for a few minutes?" she asked and he led her out to the back of the club and into the back workroom...