"This Time Around"
By: gb
Chapter 35
Gillian saw Becca to the front door at Wildwind. The two had spent a nice afternoon shopping and Becca had stayed for idle girlchat on the patio. She and Gillian had eagerly gone over purchases.
"Thanks for coming with me today to buy my dress." Becca said.
"I've been kinda lonely without Ryan around," Gillian replied. "I was actually glad for the distraction."
Becca looked doubtfully at Gillian, then continued. "I was kinda worried that you wouldn't to be friends anymore because I helped Ryan spy on you and Mateo."
"Becca, that was Ryan, not you. Besides, I think he got what he deserved and Mateo and I are still going to meetings and spending time together. No harm done."
They both laughed as they recalled what had happened at the Valley Inn.
When Becca left, Gillian washed up and sat down to dinner with Edmund and Eugenia. Alex had other plans that evening.
"When is Ryan coming back?" Eugenia asked.
"Late this evening and I hope he won't have to leave again anytime soon! Gillian exclaimed.
Edmund noticed that his cousin was mearly pushing her food around her plate and only taking the occasional small bites and a few sips of water.
"Aren't you hungry, Honey?" he asked.
"Edmund is right," Eugenia added, looking at Gillian's small frame. "Your appetite has been gone lately. I hope you're not on some silly diet. Absolutely unneccessary."
"I just havent't been very hungry lately." Gillian shrugged. "I can't understand it."
Still, she forced herself to eat a little and had some milk, also.
Eugenia asked about how Gillian's hospital work and classes were going and she jumped at the chance to tell them how much she was enjoying her chosen career and talked excitedly about her progress. Edmund and Eugenia, for their parts, were thrilled that she was focused so much on this aspect of her life, finally!
After dinner, she decided on a shower and some TV while she waited for sleep or better yet, Ryan to come to her. She stepped inside the glass walled shower with its golden faucets and let the warm water massage her to an easy, restful state. Coming back to her room, she put on a short,silky, white camisole and shorts and sat down on the middle of the bed with her legs tucked under her and brushed her hair while a textbook lay open in front of her. She looked up as she heard the door to the room open and saw Ryan enter and drop his bag just inside the door.
Seeing her, he smiled and said, "Hey, Princess, look what the cat dragged in."
Gillian smiled as her heart leaped in ther throat! "Hey stranger...it's been a long time..."
Ryan looked around the room in wonder.
"Wow, I guess so. Did we just move to the jungle or something?"
"What do you think?" she asked him, happily.
"I think we could have some wild times in here!" he looked at her slyly and winked and then moved his eyesbrows up and down at her suggestively. "Didn't they have swinging vine?"
"It's supposed to be dramatic and romantic, Ryan." Gillian informed him.
"Yeah...we could do that,too...afterwards."
Then, he laughed and said, "I like it if you do. It's interesting. You have a talent here, Princess."
She thanked him.
"Other than this, been keeping busy?" he asked.
"Oh, you know, things came up." she replied quietly.
He nodded towards her book. "Working hard?"
"More like hardly working." she told him, remembering this phrase that she'd learned.
He looked at her now, just wanting to enjoy the moment now that it was here. There had been times over this trip when he thought this would never happen!
"Guess, I'll take a bath, then." he said now.
"Want some help?" she bit her lip, but stayed where she was on the bed.
"Maybe..." he answered slyly. He loved how the mosquito net framing the whole bed floated all filmy like around her.
When she still didn't get up, he asked, "Are you going to kiss me hello, Princess?"
"I'll think about it..."
Now it was her turn to be slick.
They were never more charming than when they played their little lovers' game of oneupsmanship.
"Guess I'll just have to wait, then," he ventured.
Gillian just raised her eyebrows.
"Got used to being without me awfully fast..." he pretended to be hurt.
Her move. "Things happen."
"Like what?" Ryan came over to the bed and fingered the mosquito net approvingly, it's point d'sprit material soft to his touch as it billowed ever so slowly in the air.
He reached out for her then, but she now taunted him by moving out of his reach and instead asked, "So, how did the trip turn out? Did you get the band you wanted?"
He decided to play her little game for now. Anyway, he was having too much fun.
"Sure. I got the contracts. I'll take 'em over to the club tomorrow."
"How do you get them to sign anyway? she asked, curiously.
"Do you really want to know."
Again, he reached out his hand and again, he missed. She was really getting too sure of herself!
"Don't you want me to know about your job?" she asked, staying just one step out of his fingers' grasp.
"Ok," he conceded. "You talk to them, flatter them, make the club sound like the place they want to play, negotiate a fair price and when they agree, bring out the paperwork."
"Don't you ever miss?"
"Not with work." he told her as he almost fell over onto the bed in another attempt to hold her. Gillian almost squealed with laughter at the sight!
Ryan decided he needed another strategy. She had had enough of her fun- it was time for some of his! Seeing her now, she was obviously waiting for him to strike again- waiting to jump to another part of their bed. She looked absolutely regal with her legs folded to her side, her hands on either side of her, her face calm, but her eyes and her whole body ready for Ryan's next move- or so she thought.
Ryan backed away a little as he mentioned his bath again, acting like he was losing interest in their little game. Gillian bit the inside of her lower lip again as she watched him carefully, trying to figure him out.
Their relationship was like a chess game of moves and countermoves and each was going for checkmate. Somehow, it came from their lifelong need to always be in control. The whole thing was harder now because falling in love had taken that control that they were both so scared to live without and replaced it with a fear of not knowing what was ahead- of being alone with no way to battle the enormous hurt should they lose the other one.
Then there was the hurt that they had both suffered at each other's hands in this union that was, for the moment, crushed under all the love that was trying desperately to heal them a little more each day.
They never ceased to be amazed at how much the love that they each had for each other gave them a joy they had never known before also brought with it the power to break each other's heart and crush the other's soul and spirit with nothing more than a careless word spoken or a wrong look or ultimately, a faithless act done in a crazy moment of confusion.
This first love had brought them both to their knees with uncontrolable tears in a misery that was so deep, it threatened to strangle them with its strength even as they could not stop craving its sweetness which had made them deleriously exstatic- a pleasure so complete and intoxicating, that they both willingly continued to surrender to its unforgiving demands to keep it forever!
Love was a madness! But unlike other forms of mental breakdown, its insanity was something people always searched for and were devastated when didn't have it. Ryan and Gillian were no different despite what they each believed- quite the opposite!
The thing was that for Ryan, Gillian was the only one who could give this to him and for Gillian, love was spelled, R-y-a-n! No one else was ever going to matter like this!
Gillian had spent her whole life trying to find someone to take away the lonely, loveless family life that was so much a part of her that even now, a little of remained. With each failure, her self value took another blow with Ryan, ironically dealing the latest hit!
Ryan, meanwhile, had spent his time running away from any form of honest affection since his parents had only shown him the cruel kind that slowly killed a person and when Gillian had turned to another man, she seemed, to him, to only be continuing where his mom and dad had left off, not realizing at the time that his own inadequecies and failures as her husband had led her there.
Love eventually destroys was the only thing he understood and the fact that he believed that he really deserved no better had eaten away at his own self esteem.
So there they were, these two broken souls who found each other along the way and so wanted the other's love and with it had, for a few stolen moments, found a peace within themselves and a surprisingly overwhelming desire to give each other their own love in return.
"Ryan?" she called him slowly as she carefully inched forward when he seemed to turning away from her.
"I think I wanna watch TV later." he shrugged.
"I'll go with you." she offered pushing herself more forward.
"Suit yourself..."
The game had definitely turned.
Gillian scrunched her face, determined to get his attention and when Ryan saw that she had come too far to be able to get out of his grasp fast enough, he turned like a cat and his hand snaked out and took hold of one of her ankles!
"Going somewhere?" he asked and caressed her ankle with his thumb.
"Hey, that's not fair!" Gillian complained. "You knew I was gonna come after you!"
"You always come after me." he told her and began tugging on her leg. "Wanna know why?"
His hands were making her crazy as she responded, "I already know why."
He gave only the gentlest pull as Gillian slid against the sheets over to him, giggling the whole way!
"Gotcha!" he told her,laughing as she was lifted off the bed and against him and she curled her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck as he spun her around.
"Ryan, don't drop me!" she pleaded, still laughing.
"So, you have to THINK about kissing me, huh?" he wanted to know.
"I thought about it, I thought about it!" she exclaimed as he dipped her dangerously low to the ground and her hold on him tightened.
Soberly, he slowly rose up again and gently placed her back on the bed. Her chest heaved up and down as she smiled up at him, her back against the bed below.
"I'll never drop you, Baby. Not again." he said quietly.
She pulled him down to her and their lips meshed together in a searing kiss!
Ryan pushed her camisole straps off her shoulders and began to kiss the skin underneath! Her warm flesh tasted sweet to him and he breathed in the scent of his favorite body lotion. His lips trailed to her chest as fabric continued to slide down and her legs wrapped tighter around him! Gillian pushed him a little off of her as she now began her favorite hobby of unbuttoning his shirt.
"I'm going to have to get velcro shirts for you." he teased softly.
"This is more fun," she sighed. "For you, too, I think."
When she had undone the last button, he took her hands and placed them on his chest. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about her hands and how they teased him the whole time he had been away.
She herself had decided to kiss him where his heartbeat now danced erratically!
With tremendous effort, he finally pulled away, saying, "Not yet, Baby...later."
"Why can't it be later now?" she asked, guiding him back to her again.
He felt himself weakening until she moved away from him as a wave of nausea came over her!
Stiffening in his arms, her legs released themselves from him.
"Baby, what is it? What's wrong?!" he asked.
"I just feel sick!" she said.
"Where?! Tell me!"
Sitting up, she waited and the awful feeling passed as quickly as it came.
"Gillian?" Ryan called out.
"I'm fine now, I think." she said, taking a deep breath.
"Are you sure? What happened?"
She nodded. "I think when you spun me around, I just got dizzy."
"I'm sorry," Ryan sat down next to her and rubbed her back. "Why don't you lie down?"
"I'm ok. And I want to go down and watch TV with you."
Ryan was reluctant, but finally agreed at her urging.
Ryan came out of the shower in his pajama pants carrying his shirt and sat down on the bed as Gillian massaged his shoulders.
"I've missed you, Baby." he let her soothing fingers take over.
She planted kisses on his back and then wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his skin.
For a long while, they said nothing then she took his shirt and helped him into it and reluctantly did up the buttons. She clung to his back again as he rose from the bed and she laughed as he carried her out of the room piggyback downstairs to the large TV room.
They laughed as they were caught up in their own world and passed Peggy in the hallway.
"Nice to see you're back, Ryan," she said. "Gillian can smile again."
Embarrassed, Ryan put Gillian down and she straightened out her robe.
"Hi,Peggy. We were just...we weren't doing anything." he said quickly.
"No!" added Gillian. "Just going to watch some TV."
"Go right ahead. I'll get out of your way. Don't mind me..."
Peggy kept walking.
The two looked at each other and decided some discretion was a good idea.
Peggy looked back at them and smiled to herself...
"What happened to the cat?" Gillian asked as they sat in front of the big screen TV on the large leather sofa.
"What cat?" Ryan asked, confused.
"You know, the one that you said dragged something inside- what happened to it?"
Ryan tried hard not laugh at her confusion at another of american slangs. Actually, he found it very special to him and touched something in his heart.
Wearing a very plain face, he stated very clearly, "He ran away."
"Oh," she said seriously. "Maybe he might come back. I'll look out for him."
"That's good- you do that..." he told her, the smile still playing at his lips.
Gillian sat indian style on the couch in her bare feet and Ryan had his head in her lap while they watched TV. She carelessly stroked his hair while he caressed her leg sleepily.
He found it hard to focus on the show. He was hoping for a comedy or an action drama, but Gillian found a tragic romance and was glued to it.
"Isn't it sad, Ryan- they love each other so much!" she gushed.
"Mmmm..." he said absently.
Ryan found the whole thing silly- they were kept apart for a stupid reason and the story wasn't making sense- too much melodrama soap opera for him! He turned his head instead so he could look up at Gillian...and daydream.
"Princess, isn't there anything on that makes more sense? This is getting way too much!" he complained after some time.
"I love this!" she insisted. "They remind me of us in a way."
"No way!" he stated. "We are way more real than them! All she does is change her clothes and whine and he's just so not getting any of it!"
He watched her- the light from the room making the soft highlights of her hair stand out. He reached up and stroked her cheek- his favorite place. She looked down at him grinned.
"We're both such needy people, Gilli," he said quietly. "So alike. How did we survive for so long without us?"
She shrugged, not having an answer for him.
"Do you really anto to see the rest of this show?" he asked, almost in a whisper.
"What show?" she responded as he got up and gently pulled her to her feet.
She hugged him then- a simple gesture as their skins touched, the feeling so comfortable and easy for them.
She closed her eyes and inhaled his scent, a mixture of him and his favorite soap that he had used for his shower. She was cradled as it soothed her and she knew it would be imprinted in her memory forever!
"Is it later yet, Baby?" she asked, wrapped in his arms.
"Mmm..." he told her, turning of the TV.
"Then how about I take you upstairs and make love to you for a little while?" she spoke to him sensuously.
"Will you tuck me in later?" he asked her lazily, his beautiful blue eyes dreamy like now.
"I think I can manage...later..." she assured him softly.
They walked back up to their room and when they reached the corridor in the hallway upstairs, Ryan turned to her and asked, "I really want to know...did you miss me a little,
Princess?"
There was always such an innocence about his emotions that it continually tugged and tore at Gillian's heart.
"Yes, Ryan, I missed you...a little."
She looked into his sweet, loving eyes and there was a catch in her voice.
"Loving you is so simple."
He swallowed and reached for her hand and kissed it slowly, the gesture saying what he couldn't manage since his feelings were all jumbled up all of the sudden.
Finally, he found his voice.
"You're such a gift to me. Thank you for saving me from myself."
He gave her the softest, most gentle brush across her lips. She couldn't be sure he had actually done anything but still her heart fluttered like a butterfy. He had his back to the open end of the hallway and she was at an angle so neither one saw Alex who happened to be on her way downstairs. she had wanted to search their room on a hunch, but stopped short when she saw that they had come back. Looking at the tall young man with Gillian, she couldn't see his face so she wasn't sure, but an alarm button was screaming in her ears! She turned and left before they saw her and thought about giving Sean a call soon...
Their room was now bathed only by moonlight coming in through the window as he closed the door behind them. He helped her out of her nightclothes as she laughed charmingly at his impatience, his eagerness making her feel all the more beautiful!
His love fed strength into her and she told him so while he began to kiss the base of her throat. He found her pulse beating wildly there and pressed his lips to it over and over for the longest time as she sqirmed against him in excitement...
Sometime late in the night, Ryan climbed under the bedcovers and gathered her to him.
She tucked the bedlinen around him as snug as she could and kissed him goodnight on the head as she watched over him for awhile as a secret, sweet thrill washed over her and his even breathing filled the room...
end of part 35
(To be continued...)
Next time: Alex meets Ryan...again?!