"This Time Around"
By: gb
Chapter 34
Gillian looked around her and Ryan's bedroom and smiled with satisfaction at her work.
She had received special permission from Edmund and had done a little redecorating.
Their large four poster bed now had full size mosquito net over it that hung from a large ring from the ceiling. Safari style pictures and artwork were lightly and carefully sprinkled around the room and some of the furniture had been swapped with new stuff. She had taken what had been in here and had it put into another room since it had been valuable and she didn't want to be tossed out. She couldn't wait for Ryan to get a look at what she had done, but he wouldn't see it for awhile, she thought sadly. She left the room now that she was done and went in search of something else to occupy her time...
Gillian was feeling so depressed that she literally had spent the afternoon around Wildwind in a daze after a very restless and lonely night which had ended in her spending the early morning hours being sick to her stomach again. Having already redone her room, she now sat with a fashion magazine across her lap and was flipping channels on the TV and not paying attention to either item with much enthusiasm. She missed Ryan- really missed him. He was out of town for a few days trying to book a hot new band for SOS and had gone to meet with them. Gillian had been proud of herself that she had not become hysterical and created a scene when he'd left, but now she wanted to cry her eyes out that they were going to be apart these days! How shocking that she'd gotten so used to being with him again so soon that she had trouble even being without him for a few days! She felt like a part of her was missing somehow...
Chalking her tiredness to being bored and miserable(it happened to be her day off from work as well), she was about to look for another magazine when Alexandra Marrick entered the living room.
"Alex, you're back!" Gillian exclaimed happily, getting up and forgetting all about the TV and magazines.
"Hello, Gilian." Alex spoke in her distinct English accent. She smiled warmly and the two hugged.
Alex was an older, but equally stunning version of Gillian with the same long, dark hair and long limbed frame.
Gillian held onto her hand and the two sat down on the couch. They had gotten quite close since Alex had joined the family.
"Well, you're wearing a happy smile," Alex told her. "What changes have happened or should I just say 'Ryan' and let that speak for itself?"
"We're both living here now." Gillian grinned.
"Edmund told me," said Alex. "He also said that a reunion of some sorts was in the works..."
Alex wore a teasing look and Gillian's smile grew wider.
"I hope so." she said, happiness in her voice.
"I'm happy for you, Gillian. I know it's what you've always wanted. So where is your
true love?"
Gillian now frowned. "He's out of town on a business trip for SOS."
"And of course you miss him." Alex said knowingly.
"More than I ever thought I would!" lamented Gillian. "Alex, how did I EVER think I could live without him?!"
Gillian looked down and then at Alex.
"I slept in the chair in our room last night," she confessed candidly. "I hate sleeping in our bed without him again!"
"Oh, Gillian!"
"It's true. I spent all this time redecorating it and then I abandoned it! I am SO weak, Alex, and I feel like an idiot!"
"Dimitri...is the same way for me." she said, remembering.
Gillian reached for Alex's hand again in understanding.
Alex tried to advise the younger girl.
"You didn't live without him, Gillian. You just existed. I watched you and felt so bad. But look at you now. It's just like someone's breathed life into you. You were unconscious and now you're awake- that's how real love is."
Alex was usually a person of few words- this was more than she usually said.
"Ryan will be back soon, so you just hang on." she told Gillian as one of the housekkeepers brought in some tea.
"I can't wait for you both to meet!" Gillian said with excitement. "I think you'll like him. I told you he doesn't find it easy to bond with people, but how could he not like you?!
Your name even sounded familliar to hm the other day when I mentioned it to him."
Alex shrugged. "He loves you, so how bad could he be? I'm sure we'll get along fine."
For some reason, an uneasiness came over Alex, but she pushed the thought completely out of her mind.
Instead, she focused on Gillian. Looking at her, she wrinkled her brows.
"Gillian, you're looking really tired. Are you sure you're alright?"
"May I?" she moved over and when Gillian nodded, she felt her forehead.
"Well, you don't have a fever..."
"I've just been stuck inside here all day." said Gillian.
"Well, I'm going up to the hunting lodge," Alex announced. "Why don't you come along for awhile and I'll see if I can cheer you up."
"Great!" Gillian said. "I want to hear all about your trip, but before we go,I want to show you what I've done to our room!"
As the two women walked out together, Alex looked at Gillian and acknowledgement came over her and she hoped the young girl couldn't see her tears that glassed her eyes as some other understanding came to her as well...
In his nice,comfortable hotel room, Ryan poured himself half-heartedly over the contracts he'd managed to get a popular up and coming band to sign. He had convinced them to make an stop at SOS for a few dates on their upcoming club tour.
Ryan loved his job and he usually didn't mind the travel and activity that went with it. In fact, during his separation from Gillian, it had been a distraction he craved almost like an obsession- a way to get through the day until exhaustion alone would force him to stop and rest.
But now, this nice room was not even an afterthought. His mind was just not willing to be cut off from his princess. He had called her last night just to say goodnight and it had turned into a talk that went well past an hour. He hadn't been able to help it- just to hear her voice made his day! He put his papers down and went to his overnight bag and fished through it and pulled out the framed photo of him and Gillian that he took everywhere now. Smiling, he fingered Gillian's laughing face until he felt he ws actually touching her smooth, silky skin. Reluctantly, he put the picture back. Having already showered, he was already in his pajamas, so he decided he may as well sleep.
Sighing, he climbed on the bed and tried to get interested in one of the late night talk shows on TV.
He grabbed the pillow next to him and hugged it to him as he curled up on the bed.
Late in the night as the minutes past, he confessed to his himself that he couldn't get past missing Gillian even for a little while. He knew his feelings for her bordered on a childlike innocence about what true love was and all that went with it. His whole life, he had scoffed at it and tried his best not to have anything to do with it, but when it came down to it, it had been the only thing he really had always wanted.
Those months without her had had such a bad affect on him because he'd given in and dared to want and believe in their love and then had had it taken away and he hadn't wanted to deal with it- deal with the fact that he had pushed Gillian away and sent to her another man who wanted to have Ryan's dream for himself! He had wanted to believe that his parents had been right- he was a loser and didn't deserve the happiness he had finally found with Gillian at his side. So, he had to get rid of that happiness before he had lost it and gave it and her to Jake thinking that people like Jake Martin could give Gillian so much more and he should love her enough to let her go and not keep her in his selfish need to have her love for himself.
The idea would have been nice if he had been as noble and selfless and honorable as he had wanted himself to be, but the sweet memories that he and Gilli had gathered up and saved during their brief time together had continued to live in his heart even though she wasn't with him and while they had torchured him continually, they also gave the life's blood his heart needed to survive now that it was alive and kicking!
So, sometimes at the most unexpected moments in his life, he had allowed himself some time to relive in his mind those times when he had been happiest- his time with Gillian.
Even though the pain from not having it anymore sometimes would beat him senseless, he would take that for even a brief memory of her smile, her laughter...or her seductive, accent rich voice which even now caressed him to sleep as hugged his pillow tighter...
end of part 34
(To be continued...)
Next time: Ryan's back home to Gillan and Alex watches their happy renunion from a distance and makes contact with an old friend on her suspisions...