Unca Cheeks the Toy Wonder's Silver Age Comics Web Site!
CHEEKS'CHOICE: "IF I RAN
THE JUSTICE LEAGUE..."
(PART ONE)
Pay a quick, cursory visit to darned near any comics-oriented message board or discussion group, online... and, invariably, you'll be forced to the inevitable conclusion: everybody and his (or her) uncle knows -- just knows, darn it! -- that they, and they alone, hold the secret to the ultimate, perfect JUSTICE LEAGUE roster.
There's only one thing wrong with the logic behind this particular folles du many:
I -- and I alone -- hold the secret to the ultimate, perfect
JUSTICE LEAGUE roster. 
No, no... tempt me not, foul ones. I have sworn a blood oath
to wield this awesome power only in the cause of righteousness.
Okay. Here's the rundown on the unimaginably arbitrary (and grossly self-serving) baseline "rules" I imposed upon myself, for this little exercise:
1.) No more than an even dozen members. Tops. Otherwise -- in my humble opinion -- we're swerving perilously close to Legion of Super-Heroes territory.
2.) At least half the final, graven-in-marble line-up had to
consist of present or former members. Otherwise, we might as well simply
change the group's name to FREEDOM FIGHTERS... or SCARE TACTICS.
The JLA -- more than any other super-team within the checkered confines of the
DCU -- has a history and heritage behind it.
3.) No penciling in Bea Arthur for a membership slot. No matter
how waycool and spooky she'd look standing alongside the
Batman.
Other than that: the entirety of the DCU's spandexed game preserve was
open for business.
Without further preamble or ado, then --
1.) SUPERMAN -- a stone "lock," obviously.
The Justice League is supposed to be -- and has always been designed and intended to be, from Day One -- "Earth's Greatest Super- Heroes." And while a definition such as that allows for some leeway, by way of personal preference... it also mandates a "grandfather clause," of sorts, with respect to the verifiable, for real, no foolin' icons of the DC universe.
That means: Superman.
Obviously.
(I suppose I'd better get this bit out of the way now, before I end up cruelly dashing any particularly tender hopes out there. So far as I'm concerned -- and its a view I share, apparently, with former JUSTICE LEAGUE scrivener emeritus Steve Englehart -- it's The Big Blue who's actually "the heart and soul of the Justice League"... NOT the Martian Manhunter, as has been opined [on numerous occasions] within the pages of the book itself.
(That being the case -- and without a tearing, demonstrable need for TWO "heart and soul of the League"-types within the selfsame line-up -- I'm afraid that J'onn ["Krypton Lite"] J'onzz didn't make the final "cut," membership-wise. Sorry, all you H. G. Wells fans out there.]
WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: What are you... nuts? He's
SUPERMAN, f'cryinoutloud -- !!
2.) THE BATMAN -- The other "must-have" membership lock.
I've heard a great many foolish rationales -- more so than for any other Leaguer, in fact; past or present -- as to Why the Batman Should Not Be In the Justice League of America.
Being as how these are, in cold fact, bone-headed
in the extreme... I feel adequately licensed to make cruel mockery of them.
Right here; right now.
a.) The Batman is a "loner," by nature: ridiculous on its very face. The Dark Knight was a charter member of the Silver Age (i.e., the real) Justice League of America, way back when fossil fuels roamed the earth on their hind legs. He teamed up with everyone from Kamandi to the Legion of Super-Heroes to Scalphunter and back again during an especially lengthy tenure as costumed "host" of DC's extant THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD. He formed (and led) the initial incarnation of The Outsiders. And, of course, there's the little matter of his having recruited no fewer than three "Boy Wonders" over the decades.
Oh, yeah. The original Mister "I-Vant-To-Be-Alone," here.
b.) The Batman is an "urban legend" within the DCU; no one even knows he exists: equally ludicrous. The League "knows that he exists." I mean... gimme a break, here, willya? :-)
Additionally: the man thunders and hurtles along the streets of Gotham
City in a hugely visible, out-sized, and bat-insignia'd battlewagon;
in response to an even more difficult-to-ignore bat-signal; and
has personally rescued (at one time or another) practically every known
resident of the city from the daemonic clutches of the Joker, Two-Face, the
Scarecrow, etc. He's been scoped out by more Gothamites than have actually
seen the movie TITANIC, f'chrissakes.
I reserve the God-given right to publicly mock and revile anyone attempting
to pawn off these feeble arguments as "logical" rationale for DC's single all-time
greatest hero (in my humble opinion, I mean) to be excluded from its keystone
super-team. Today; tomorrow; and forever.
WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: The most mind-bogglingly razor-keen intellect on the planet... period.
The one Leaguer you'd most want watching your backside, come the Apocalypse.
The absolute last one to fall, ninety-nine times out of every hundred.
3.) GREEN LANTERN -- by whom I mean, of course, the real
Green Lantern: the one, the only
Hal Jordan.
DC's single, most ham-fisted and inept editorial blunder
-- i.e., replacing one of their most potent and enduring Silver Age icons with
some wan, waffling, Image- Comics-character- in-training -- has already been
sliced; diced; and flambe'd to a crispy charcoal turn throughout the
online comics environs (by such comics- savvy pros as John Broome; Kurt
Busiek; John Byrne; Steve Englehart; Tony Isabella;
Roger Stern; Mark Waid... well. Let's just say it's quite
the little list, and leave it at that, shall we...?)(Certainly, a more
impressive comics pedigree than that possessed by the "creative" team busily
clunking up the book now, at any rate.)
"But... but... but Mistah Jordan... he be daid," I hear one or two of you out there protest, feebly.
Oh, yeah. "Death" in the mainstream super-hero genre. That's
always irreversible.
Incidentally: have you heard the one about Superman, and this big goombah
by the name of "Doomsday"...?
WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: Classic, timeless Silver Age style. A potent evocation of everything that was so bloody right about that most glorious of comics eras.
4.) THE FLASH -- mind, now: I'm not, y'know, a fanatic about these things.
I don't want the deceased Barry Allen -- the Silver Age Flash -- to arise from the dead, wheezing, with mottled claw extended for a helping hand back up into the fabled ranks of the Justice League, proper.
I want the really old geezer -- Golden Age Flash "Jay Garrick"
-- to get the nod.
Personally, I think it'd be immensely cool for
the League to include within its assemblage a member of its own organizational
precursor -- the Golden Age Justice Society of America -- chiefly for
the incredible wealth of knowledge and experience a greying, more experienced
veteran could bring to the super-team table. Imagine having someone in
the League who could actually offer sound, practical advice to the likes of
Superman and the Batman -- !
Additionally: it would lend a warm, gratifying flow of "generations" to the DC universe; a seamless historical bridging of the then to the NOW. (Why should all super-heroes be [more or less] of the same single generation, at any one time?)
Besides: Jay Garrick has always been "cool" personified. Always.
WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: Class, children.
5.) WONDER WOMAN -- as towering in her totemic primacy as Superman or (dare I say it...?) the Batman, even.
When handled by a writer with the requisite craft and intelligence -- and, admittedly, this has not always been the case in recent years -- the Amazing Amazon is as vital and enthralling a character as any to be found in mainstream American comics. She is the single most enduring and eternal super- heroine within the history of the genre. Period.
Wonder Woman has been to the Justice League, throughout its long and justly fabled history, what the electric bass has been to rock'n'roll: take her out of the creative "mix"... and, immediately, you can just feel that something essential is missing.
Yeah, yeah... I mean besides THOSE. Smartass.
WHAT SHE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: A wholly unique and irreplaceable admixture of glamour and raw power.
6.) AQUAMAN -- Three-quarters of the surface of the planet Earth is under the dominion of the oceans.
"Arthur Curry" (real name: Orin), a.k.a. Aquaman... is the undisputed monarch of the world's oceans.
You. Can. NOT. refer to your team as "The World's Greatest
Heroes" if you simply cede primacy over three-fourths of said planet.
There is -- and has always been, really --- a minor (but noisy) faction within JUSTICE LEAGUE fandom which holds that Aquaman is a "weak sister" within the League's ranks; an ineffectual (you should only pardon the expression, please) "water boy" for a team boasting of (among others) The Last Son of Krypton; The World's Greatest Detective; The Fastest Man Alive; etcetera, etcetera, and yadda yadda yadda.
He rules over THREE-FOURTHS of the entire freaking PLANET.
This site is presently selling "clues" for five dollars a pop.
WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: Three-quarters of the entire freaking
PLANET -- !!
Okay. So.
Those are the Big Money players; the team franchise. The absolutely essential "core" members of any successful JLA team roster.
Which still leaves me a grand total of six characters with whom to plug up any conceptual or characterization "holes" (if any).
Up until now -- at this juncture -- I haven't strayed far from the established Justice League "baseline," in my recruiting.
That's about to change.
Meet me over at Page Two of this entry...
... and: be prepared for anything.
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