Unca Cheeks the Toy Wonder's Silver Age Comics Web Site!
... for "HUH -- ?!? "
(Dial "H" for Hero: Part Two)
Mind you, now: some of Robby Reed's super-hero transformations were
really goofy. 
Near the top of any reasonably objective listing of such four-color follies, certainly, would be the rather ingloriously named "Baron Buzz-Saw." [see pictures, accompanying]
Regular artist Jim Mooney outdid himself, surely, with this hot little
number: notice the placement of Our Hero's namesake costume accessories.
Whirrrrrrrring about jagged-toothed on his wrists and ankles like that,
they ought to have caused a shrilly-screaming Robby to assume the name of
"Sergeant Stumpy," instead.
Der Baron had a fairly offbeat "Achilles' Heel," as these things go: the incessant buzzing of his high-speed haute couture kept him in a
perpetual state of drowsiness, so that he was constantly nodding off right
in the midst of pitched super-hero battle. In this regard, at least,
he had something in common with the series' readership.
However: as awkwardly outfitted as he uncontestably was... at least the Baron did possess a genuine offensive capability, of sorts. Which was more than could be said (in all but the veryloosest and most charitable of terms) of later embarrassment "Sphinx Man." [see pictures, accompanying]
As may be observed from the accompanying page reproduction, Sphinx Man possessed what surely must have been one of the most jaw-droppingly useless and inconvenient "super powers" in all of recorded comics history.
Check it out: the only super-ability Old Stone Face could claim for his very own was the ability to recite -- while launching himself about the room, in a desperate attempt to keep from getting his craggy hinder stomped into a pile of Fruity Pebbles -- the following rhyme:
"What creature walks in the morning upon four feet... and at noon upon two feet... and in the evening, upon three feet...?"
In the unlikely event that his foemen of the moment were sufficiently enfeebled
of wit as to be stumped by this simple childhood poser (the answer -- as every
schoolboy knows -- is "man," of course), they suddenly found themselves involuntarily
banished, forevermore, to (it says it right there, on the page) "Never-Never
Land." Where (presumably) they became Tinkerbell's headache, at
that point.
For sheer, unadulterated humiliation quotient, however... it's awfully darned tough to convincingly gainsay "the Disco Kid" [see pictures, accompanying].
Tarted up like a hospital candy-striper out trolling the local bus terminal
for prepubescent runaways, the Disco Kid could super-"Frug," super-"Monkey"
and super-"Twist" his opponents into total submission. Rumor has it
that the Kid -- upon the subsequent cancellation of the "Dial H" series --
later found gainful employment as a back-up singer/dancer for a reconstituted
"KC and the Sunshine Band," where he continues to leave entire dozens of stunned
concert-goers clamouring for encores and enforced euthanasia, in equal measure.
Perhaps the very oddest of all of his numerous transformations, however, was Robby's H-E-R-Oing himself into anactual, pre-existing DC Comics super-hero: the classic 1940's character known as "Plastic Man." [see picture, accompanying]
This was the only instance of Robby assuming the identity of a hero not specifically created for the "Dial H" series, itself; possibly in order to serve as a sort of commercial "testing ground" for the short-lived PLASTIC MAN series revival which was to follow, a few months later. An odd and very unexpected development, whatever its true genesis.
One of the more interesting transformations, however -- and one of the very few instances in which the series actually managed to achieve anything like a legitimate "dramatic moment," really -- was Robby's repeat assumption of the "Giant Boy" identity [see pictures, accompanying].
This was not only notable for the return of the character itself (as a general rule, Robby's "H-Dial" never conjured up the same spandexed super-being twice; the characters were all meant to be "one-shots"), but for the intriguing dilemma in which the returning hero found himself, shortly after launching himself headlong into battle once more. Having inadvertently inhaled several giant-sized lungfulls of "poison gas," Giant Boy staggered over the side of a cliff and into a nearby river, whereupon he set about the tasks of drowning and asphyxiating, simultaneously.
Robby managed to reverse-dial himself back to normal in the licketty-split of time, of course... but (as he was later to ponder)" "... what happens if I dial up Giant Boy in the future? Will I still be dying from the effects of that poisoned gas I inhaled...?" It was a nice (if minor) note, within the larger and more inept coda of the series, overall.
There were several notable instances, as well, of other individuals getting their eager little hands on Robby'smiraculous "H"-Dial... seldom to any benefit of Robby's. The earliest such occurance was when a minor career gunsel by the name of (waaaaaiiiiiit for it) "Daffy" Donovan inadvertently dialed up V-I-L-L-A-I-N on the dingus -- beating odds like that, you'd have to think he might have more profitably engaged himself with bilking Ed McMahon out of some serious "Publisher's Clearinghouse" bucks -- and leading the perplexed super-teen on a merry chase in order to retrieve the talisman. [See pictures, accompanying]
More entertaining still, however, was the signal moment in which the unthinkable (in comic book terms, at any rate) finally happened: Robby's long-time teen paramour, "Suzie," actually stumbled upon the secret of Robby's multiple personae -- take that, Lois Lane! -- and blackmailed him into letting her dial H-E-R-O-I-N-E just once, in order to ensure her keeping the knowledge safely to herself.
(Apparently, such idealistic notions as "loyalty" and "true love" had yet
to enter the larger Littleville consciousness, as a whole, at this point in
the ongoing narrative. Either that, or else Robby just had a weakness
for viragos and shrews. You make the call.)
Assuming the belly-dancer-gone- horribly-wrong identity of "Gem Girl" [see cover, accompanying], the manipulative miss promptly managed to tart her way into a misadventure versus the criminal would-be mastermind known as "the Terrible Toymaster."
(In actual point of fact: the most "terrible" thing about this feeb-on-the-hoof
was his cut-rate thrift shop costume ensemble. Attempting to
strike terror into the hearts of super-heroes everywhere while poncing about
in "Peter Pan" shoes and shortie-shorts certainly does send a "mixed
message," doesn't it...?)
By clever utilization of such awesome weaponry as[see
pictures, accompanying] her "Emeral Ring Walloping Ray" and "Ruby Buzz-Saw
Earrings" (again with the buzz-saws...? What... the writer was
getting kickbacks from the National Association of Appliance Manufacturers,
maybe...?), the Bejeweled Bimbette managed to get herself captured and held
hostage by (*snicker*) the Toymaster in record time, thereby necessitating
Robby's timely (and -- in all likelihood-- exasperated) intervention, in order
to set things aright. Persistent rumors that this was, in fact, a young
Andrea Dworkin's all-time favorite comic book continue, to this very day.
Quite simply put: there has never ever been an ongoing comics series as cheerfully bone-headed and inept as the '60's DIAL "H" FOR HERO. Calling it an embarrassment to the medium is too kind, by half; the writing was borderline imbecilic, and the artwork was sheerest slapdash journeyman junk.
It was also, however -- as I trust this page (and the preceding one) renders adequately apparent -- more fun than any other three comparable series' of the period. The "Dial H" stories are fondly remembered by a considerable segment of comics fandom, to this very day; with various fans grown up to become working comics professionals working in references to the series within their own stories, as a result.
Lame... and yet: loved.
Go figure. )
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