Why Ex-Files?
Especially for those who are "Ex-members"
If you were disfellowshipped, excommunicated, shunned or dis-membered from some group, corporate church or cult, or if you simply 'woke-up' and walked away, you are not alone. There are many others with the same experiences and who have experienced all the same feelings of disappointment, anger, distrust, skepticism, cynicism, loss, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, frustration, betrayal, desire for revenge, and desire to warn others.
Based on our personal experiences and that of hundreds of others including personal friends and relatives in numerous groups, sub-groups, divisions and splits, we offer the following.
1. Sometimes it helps to find others who had the same or similar experiences. This helps us to realize that it wasn't all our fault or that we weren't necessarily the ones who are 'wrong'. This can also be an opportunity for you to help someone else who needs encouragement.
"Bear you one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Gal. 6:2
"These things I command you, that you love one another." Jn.15:17
2. Sometimes it helps to occasionally or completely avoid others who had the same or similar experiences. The last thing anyone needs is a mutual discouragement society. Don't try to fill the void with a historical (hysterical?) association dedicated to the perpetual rehashing and rebashing of your former fellowship. Publishing your memoirs for the information of others can be helpful for yourself and for others. Dedicating your life to hatred and revenge destroys yourself and turns off anyone looking for a constructive life.
"He that walks with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." Pro.13:20 "Fools" here may include your former fellowship as well as some angry, fellow expatriates.
"Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man you shall not go: lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul." Pro. 22:23-25
". . .do not avenge yourselves, but (avoid) wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay says the Lord." Rom. 12:19.
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor [Gk., outcry, or crying], and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:" Eph. 4:31.
[See also "Is An Angry Christian, An 'Oxymoron'?"]
3. Rejoice. It's a commandment (associated with God's Holy Days or 'Sabbaths'. Lev. 23:1-44). And it's also in the New Testament.
"Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say Rejoice. (Gk. be cheerful)"
"Rejoice evermore." (Gk. at all times, always), (1 Ths. 5:16).
Your experience was probably disappointing and may have left you embarrassed for your involvement. You may not be able to avoid feelings of anger or of loss. But to get from there to "rejoicing" will be easier if you look at the whole experience as a positive one. Instead of feeling rejected (by former so-called "friends"), consider yourself to have "escaped". Like Joseph fleeing the adultery-minded wife of his boss, Potiphar (Gen. 39). Or like the "young man" who fled naked at Christ's arrest (Mk. 14:46-52). Or like the Israelites who fled Egypt with Moses (Ex.1-15). Or even like Lot, fleeing Sodom (Gen. 19).
Lighten up.Man was created in "God's image". That "image" includes a sense of humor. The same God who created mankind, gave us commandments and declared curses for the disobedient, created in us a sense of humor and commanded us to rejoice. Yet none of the world's religions have a "humor" doctrine. On the contrary, they all seem to have a "somber" doctrine that says, "Thou shalt not rejoice. Anyone caught rejoicing shall be dealt with severely. Thou mayest poke fun at any and all other "false" religions, but at the religion of thy (pastor, priest, or grand pumbah) thou shalt not giggle lest the (deacons, ushers, security forces) fall upon you and smite you."
Your Father says to "rejoice at all times". "Religious" organizations (churches) have a culture that says, if you don't look and act like your best friend just died, you are irreverent and disrespectful. Have you ever considered that perhaps out of all these "religious" organizations, which have histories of human origin and doctrinal tinkering, and which all disagree over "truth", perhaps none of them actually represent God, except for occasional, coincidental details?
"For many shall come in my name, saying I am Christ; and shall deceive many." (Mat. 24:4).
"And many false prophets shall arise and deceive many." (Mat. 24:11).
". . .work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which works in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." (Phil. 2:12a-13).
". . . I will rejoice in your salvation." (Psa. 9:14b).
"The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the (homes) of the righteous." (Psa. 118:15a).
"A merry heart does good, like medicine but a broken spirit drys the bones." (Pro. 17:22).
". . . for the Lord will again rejoice over you for good, as he rejoiced over your fathers:" (Deu. 30:9, 1-20).
When God created the earth, all the beings in heaven partied, "When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?" (Job.38:7, 4-7).
"Shouting" and "singing" sounds like a lot more celebrating than just a brief "hallelujah" from the back row.
So imitate your Father and celebrate! Rejoice!
And consider this. Part of your sense of loss may be a feeling that you are no longer confident in obtaining salvation since you are now separated from your former system of belief. We are all more comfortable when those around us share our beliefs. It's peer acceptance and we take it as confirmation that we are right. Yet we are told in scripture that the more widely accepted a belief system is, the more likely it is to be wrong.
"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." (Mat. 7:13-14).
"If the world hates you, you know that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love his own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." (Jn. 15;18-19).
So, if you feel persecuted, you're in good company and God will make it up to you later.
If you thought you had "spiritual truth" and discovered it wasn't, you haven't really lost anything of value.
If your former friends have rejected you, then they weren't really your friends. You were simply part of their system of self-confirmation.
If you miss the social life, look for new friends who share your understanding. Develop a social life with your Father. Pray. Study. Meditate on what scripture actually says versus what others read into it. The prophet Elijah thought he was spiritually alone, until God told him there were 7,000 others who were faithful (1 K. 19:14,18). That's not many true believers in a nation of probably more than 8 million (2 Sam. 24:9), but it was better than being in the majority and being wrong. Elijah's example shows that just because you think you are alone, doesn't prove that you are wrong. There were 850 'religious leaders' who opposed Elijah (1 K.18:17-22) and every one of them were wrong.
It's not uncommon to feel that "religion" has failed us and to consider rejecting religion altogether. That would be just as big a mistake as participating in a false religion. Don't reject God because of the failings of man's religions. Remember, any similarity between man's religions and the Bible seem to be rare and purely coincidental.
We didn't write the Book. We just point out the obvious.
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