Here on this page is supposed to be written something profound and wise. I have left this page to be finished last for a reason. Wisdom is elusive, and sometimes when you think you have a hold of a grain of it, it slips through your fingers and you realize that everything you know is wrong.

I have found wisdom in a bottle of soap bubbles, a dissertation on the shape of a bubble, a sphere, and the many, many, many things in our lives that are circular and spherically shaped. This dissertation was just inserted into my head as I was blowing bubbles one day. It’s around somewhere; I shall dig it up and post it someday.

Wisdom.

As I write this, Meatloaf’s song “I’ll Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” is playing through my head. It’s about doing anything for the one you love, and not cheating on them. It’s a good song. I think this page shall end up being my typical ramblings, or perhaps just where I have found wisdom.

I have found wisdom in a song by Weird Al Yankovic. He sings parody songs. The song is called “Everything You Know Is Wrong.” And it is. Everything we know is wrong. Everything we have ever thought we knew, with perhaps one exception allotted to each person is wrong. So which truth, which thing that you know, would you wish with all your heart to be your Truth? To be the one thing in your life that is truly real.
I know what mine is. I know that my husband and I love each other. Everything else is debatable. I know… no.. I Know, that within a half hour, the person I have spent, and will spend the rest of my lives with will walk in the door behind me, and smile at me and kiss me. And I will know that he loves me. This is the only thing in my entire life that I truly Know, and if someday, I stand before some jealous god, and he tells me “Why did you not believe in my dogma? Why did you not go to my churches and pray to save your soul from the pits of hell? You knew it was going to happen!” then I shall respond. “There is only one thing I Know, and that is not it. I do not proclaim to know the wills of gods. And if I be condemned to an eternity in fire because of it, then you should think less highly of the creatures you have created, for we are not gods to know what a god wishes, or thinks, or believes. Cast me down to the lake of fire if you wish, but I shall dance in the flames.” I do not believe I shall be asked to answer that question.

I have found wisdom in a little pink book entitled “The Principia Discordia” by Malaclypse the Younger. I have a whole shelf of religious books. A whole host of Wiccan and Pagan books lies on it, the Bible, the Tibetan book of the Dead, and the Bhagavad-Gita. There are books on many of the great religions of the world. And in that little pink book, that little book of a religion disguised as a joke. (or a joke disguised as a religion which describes the worship of many people I have known, though they have less of a sense of humor about it.) That little pink book holds not one, but two Great Truths. (as opposed to small truths) This book proves to me that the universe has a sense of humor.

There are fragments of wisdom in the book “The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy”, by Douglas Adams. Adams learned one thing about wisdom. It is sometimes so closely entwined with irony that it is hard to understand the difference. Douglas Adams died this spring. We raise our towels in remembrance, and boldly forge ahead, knowing that somewhere, something is waiting for us to discover it. It’s a great secret, and the more I see, the more I believe it is true. The Universe is abso-freaking-lutly NUTS. Ahh, but then again, too much wisdom can bring on madness. I believe here I shall only smile the smile that would send sane men scampering for the trees. *winks*

What about me, what about my wisdom, what about all the things I think I know (as opposed to that I Know I know.) Well, that’s a bit harder to define. Perhaps a bit of my usual ramblings shall suffice. I am a dancer. Not professionally, not anywhere truly but in my head, and in my living room when no one is watching. But I dance. That is how I live and view my life. I dance in the darkness, and it burns me, and drives me slightly mad. But in the darkness is where the one I love resides, and I dance there to be with him. I am, and have always been a creature of the light. But strangely, not of the sunlight, of the moonlight. I remember once, the moon was full, and shining down upon my husband and I, years ago, and we were near some trees, walking home. I walked ahead of him, and danced ahead a few steps. Then I turned back, and waited for him. He stepped to the very edge of the darkness under the trees, just before the moonlight could shine on him, and I stood in front of him, with the moonlight shining upon me, looking up at him, and without words we understood that he was a creature of the darkness, and I was a creature of the light. Then he held out his arms, and we stood there together, half in light, half in shadow.

Perhaps you caught where that all was going.

Yes, I am slightly mad. Nuts, insane, loony, crazy, batty, loopy. Certifiably, I have a card, got it from Spencer’s Gifts. Says “Certifiably Insane” on it in big colorful letters. And I always wonder if those in insane institutions are truly as nuts as they seem. Go watch Patch Adams and stop bothering me.

Wisdom.

My only wisdom oriented quote of my own making. “Its always wise to go through life just a little bit unhinged. Then when someone slams your door, you don’t break and fall off, just flap a while in the wind.” I do a lot of flapping in the wind. Dancing I call it. I dance dances of madness, of joy, of love, of hate, I dance with the wind, and someday I shall be shriven of this mortal body and be able to dance on the wind. If someone were to make a list of the top ten things I am NOT, grounded would be number one on the list. I live in a whirlwind of emotions and dances. And I survive. I survive because I know when to stop the dance, when to stop twirling madly and put both of my feet down and look whatever is causing the trouble in the eye and do something about it.
This causes my husband no end of confusion. Ever heard the song “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks? I’m not really a bitch, at least not to him. But I have spent my whole life forming myself into not a square peg, or a round peg, but into a marble. A rainbow colored one. One of those flattened fish tank decoration ones. I have had more than one person tell me, some within seconds of meeting me, and some within weeks, that I was completely unlike anyone they had ever known before. And I take that as a high compliment. It means I have succeeded at whatever I have worked at most my life.

Willpower. One of the most important things in magick. Willpower determines your magickal strength. It also determines who you can look in the eye. Well, perhaps not. Willpower, stubbornness, and the amount of shame you carry determines who you can look in the eye. I have looked down beings that I cannot even begin to comprehend. Along with a few humans who were just really good at reading people. I believe one should never do anything they shall regret, and should strive to live their lives so that no matter who calls you to answer to your actions in this life, you can lift your head up, look them straight in the eye, and let their gaze search ever corner of your soul and not be ashamed of anything they may find there.

Well, it is nearly 8:00 in the morning. Not an impressive time, except I have sat up all night. Perhaps this page shall be amended, perhaps not. I leave you these words, my little fragmented grain of wisdom. One more note. Wisdom is not the same for everyone. Go find your own wisdom.

And blow some bubbles.

...

The First Amendment.

Not the constitutional one, the amendment to this page that was mentioned above. As usual, its rather early in the morning. 2:57 to be exact. Maybe thats just a pagan thing, wisdom, or inspiration striking you at three in the morning when you REALLY should be sleeping because you have to get up tomorrow and then you have to call some guy you've never met and try and explain to him your reason for calling BEFORE he hangs up, and you've got to go hang with your girlfriend whom you see about once a month, and you've got to dig though your closet and find your summer clothes because this is Minnesota, and when winter ends, its over. We don't have spring, or fall here. One week, 30 degrees. The next 65 degrees, and there we all are, in shorts and tank tops, hanging out our car windows like sweaty dogs. And in September? Well, one week, 65, the next? Snow.

Tonight my music of choice is Tori Amos. Tori's got wisdom. And she sounds like someone I could get along with. "But threads that are golden, don't break easily...." Her new CD, Strange Little Girls. They should have gotten me to go on the cover. I'm the poster girl for strange little girls. I'm 5'3" and weigh a grand total of 120 lbs. I'm married to a man who is 6'4" I'm little. *sighs* And as for the strange part, well, read the above, and if you aren't convinced by that, go read everything else I have stuck around in various corners of the internet. Where was I going with this? Ah yes...

I doubt this is going to be an amendment of wisdom. I was reading this page over (yes, at 3:00 in the morning, what else was there to do?) and I thought "Jezu, who wrote this? I'm not this wise? Hell, I'm a naiive young twit who can hardly keep her own life together, much less attempt to advise anyone else on where to find wisdom." The things I have learned astound even me. Although, I have my own reasons for knowing what I do, but those memories have faded into the long term past. No longer do I lie awake, afraid of small noises in the dark, for I have seen some... shall we say rather odd things happen in my life. Let's just say when the Trickster god Loki decides to have a disembodied hand crawl its way from the bathroom to the closet in a cheap motel somewhere in Montana, and make scratching noises when you are sitting on the bed next to a man who is not your husband, but rather someone who died a year or more before you ever met him, well, you'd better learn something, and learn it fast. Told you I belonged on the Strange Little Girls album. But my point was, all the really odd things have faded into the background, and I find I can't remember details of some of it. I had the foresight to write a good chunk of it down, however, so I suppose I won't forget it completely. Hah, no one could forget that completely. I wonder if wisdom is something that one has to continually work at, or it fades. I believe so. Mine is certainly faded. But I suppose that is merely because I haven't thought about the idea of wisdom in a while. I am still a naiive young twit. I suppose I will probably always be, though I know I will lose the young part eventually, and if I am lucky, the twit part as well. But I think I am probably destined to be naiive for most of my existence. How on earth can one be naiive and wise at the same time? Perhaps I do not give myself enough credit. Or perhaps I am not naiive in the same areas in which I am wise. Just more things to ponder until early morning. I wonder if I even CAN sleep. I suppose I shall try, and spare ye all from my further ramblings. Perhaps I should have one of those online diary things? Think anyone would read it? Nah, I doubted it too.

I may keep this on, I may not. I will probably rewrite it again at some other three o'clock in the morning to make it say what I was really trying to say. But then again, I am notoriously lazy.

Back