I'm totally lost right now, let me explain what the situation is: I've been a Hanson fan for 3 years, I've never stopped listening to their music, trying to know what they were up to even when there were almost no updates. I've never stopped liking them, my feelings for them just kept arousing. I've left my country (France) on my own to live in the US for more than 10 months now because I wanted to have a greater chance to meet them. I've met them a few times but it was not enough for me, we've never had a real conversation. I'm not "in love" with any of them, I'm not worshipping them, I just have this feeling that we're bound to meet and to be together.
Here is what has changed: I'm 20 years old, I spend about 6 hours online daily because it's like I have to know what's going on with them, because I want to keep my website updated, because I want to talk to my cyber Hanson fans friends, because there's always a Hanson site or club I haven't visited, a guestbook I haven't signed, because I get about 100 Hanson-related emails every day.
Too often my friends come to visit me and I'm stuck on my computer doing my Hanson stuff, and when I finally get off, the almost only thing I talk about is Hanson. Within almost a year I've only seen my mother for one week (she lives in France), she called me a few weeks ago asking me how I was doing, and I said I was so depressed because the album "This Time Around" isn't selling enough copies!
I'm going back to Paris in September, I have to find a college, a job, an appartment, it's only a few weeks away and I haven't searched for anything yet because my priority is to help Hanson, promote them, make people buy and listen to their album, vote for them on TRL and so on...
It's been 2 years since I haven't had one week off, I've been working as much as I could, I've been doing this so that I could get enough money to buy every Hanson-related thing. I could have toured the whole world with that money, or I could have given it to poor people so that they could have something to eat. Or I could just have saved a lot of this time to share with my family and my friends.
I realize that there's basically only Hanson in my life, and that's not what I call a real life. I'm now at the point where I realize that in fact I'm living in somebody else's dream, and that's not what I want! I want to realize my dreams, I want to help people, to make them happy and by this way make me happy. I don't want my mood to depend on them anymore. They've been inspiring me a lot more than you all can think, they've helped me grow, get maturity, and know things about how people are, about life, and for that I'm forever thankful to them.
Hanson's music has been helping me a lot, especially when I lost friends, when I feel alone, it's just great to listen to at any time and I will never stop it, but instead of reading fan stories, about who's the hottest Hanson, who's dating who, I want to read real things about what's happening in the world, how I could make it better.
This situation is pretty hard to handle, it kinda feels like when you just get out of a love relationship, I'm totally lost and confused right now. But I know at least one thing: I want to live my life! I've always been the first one to say: "Come on, you only live once, you have to enjoy your life and to follow your dreams!", so now I guess it's time for me to listen to what I say.
I'm not gonna stop liking Hanson, I'm still going to buy their records, go to their concerts, in a way they're still gonna be # 1 in my heart... I still think we're bound to be together and I know we'll cross paths very soon! But now I'm gonna go slowlier and try to stop the crazy, pointless things I'm too used to do. It's gonna be hard, now I feel like I'm writing my will, well I guess a part of me that shouldn't be that present is fading away.
That's about all I wanted to say. I hope you understand what I'm trying to explain, and that by this letter I might help some of you. Remember what I said a few lines before: you only live once, you have to enjoy your life and to follow your dreams!



Here are a few quotes from some  songs I've been listening to tonight:

"It's my life, it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever" - Bon Jovi - "It's My Life"

"One love, we've got to share it
It'll lose you baby if you don't care for it [...]
One love, you've got to do what you should" - U2 - "One"

"I'm dying to be alive, not trying to just survive
Let's not go through our lives without just dying to be alive [...]
But the thing that's strange is you only live once [...]
In the days to come you'll say why did I wait
You can't just live your life up to fate
You got to turn it around before it's too late" - Hanson - "Dying To Be Alive"


They totally illustrate what I'm feeling right now.

I'm now gonna let you go, thanks for reading this until the end...

                                               :o)

As time will go by, I'll delete myself from newsletters, clubs, etc... But I'll add a link to all of them in my clubs/websites pages...

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