September 18, 2005

Cawson St. Church of Christ

Hopewell, Virginia

Mural Worthey

 

Hold Your Family Together

 

Introduction:  Eph. 5:21-6:1-9, Col. 3:18-4:1, Proverbs 31:1-31

 

   There are several household texts in Paul’s letters to the churches.  They say significant things to all members of the household: parents, children, husbands, wives, servants and masters.  These members may have more than one role in the family.  A father of a young family may also be a son to his parents.  One may have a superior role in one relationship and an inferior role in another.  Many good things may be learned from inspiration about our homes and families from these household texts.  But my point of concern and emphasis for today is “Holding Your Family Together.”  How can we hold our family together?  Families are weak and destroyed due to a lack of strength and guidance to hold them together.  I believe that most members of families want their families to succeed.  There is comfort, happiness, and strength that come from having a strong family.

 

Who Is Responsible?

 

   But whose responsibility is to hold the family together?  God placed the man as head of the family.  Therefore, he is ultimately responsible for the direction of his household.  The patriarchal system is still God’s plan for the home.  Paul addressed the fathers directly in Ephesians 6:4—“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”  He wrote in Ephesians 5:23—“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and he is the Savior of the body.”  The Lord said concerning Abraham, “For I know him that he will command his children and his household after him; and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment, that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.”  (Gen. 18:19.)

 

   The wife and mother also bears responsibility for holding the family together.  The home can be held together only by following God’s will for the home.  All it takes is one member of the family to destroy and cause havoc for the whole family.  One child or adult can destroy what all the others seek to hold together.  King Lemuel taught him a prophecy about the capable woman.  (Proverbs 31:1, 10-31.)  This woman is industrious and capable.  Virtuous in the KJV does not adequately describe this woman.  Note the conclusion—“She looks well to the ways of her household and eats not the bread of idleness.  Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also and he praises her.

 

   Solomon warns about the foolish woman.  He wrote, “Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish plucks it down with her hands.”  (Prov. 14:1.)  The foolish woman is described as clamorous, simple and knowing nothing.  (Prov. 9:13.)  Wisdom is personified: “Wisdom hath builded her house; she hath hewn out seven pillars.  She hath killed her beasts; she hath mingle wine; she hath also furnished her table.”  (Prov. 9:1-2.)  The wife and mother has a lot to do with the success of a family.  In fact, just as the husband and father is indispensable; so also is the mother.

 

   The children are responsible for holding the family together.  Notice Paul’s admonition to them: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise).”  (Eph. 6:1-2.)  “Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord.”  (Col. 3:20.)  “A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the heaviness of the mother.”  (Prov. 10:1.)

 

We Face Different Challenges

 

   All families are not alike, obviously.  We face different challenges in holding our families together.  Do not compare your circumstances to another family.  All families and individuals are not created equal.  We must work with what is ours.  Wishing for another set of circumstances is not helpful.

 

   Abraham Lincoln had a very difficult life.  His father was an alcoholic and he had a very immature wife, Mary Todd.  He had to leave her behind when he was elected President because she was at home pouting.  Lincoln rode into Washington on one train and the security guard brought her later on another train.  She was pouting over some appointments that the President had made to his cabinet.  She disagreed with him.  At the end of the Civil War, she was tired of being confined to the White House, so she urged the President to go to the theater with her.  He went and was shot to death in Ford’s Theater.  The Lincolns had three sons that lived past infancy and only one of them lived to be an adult.  Yes, he was President of the United States, but he faced many obstacles in holding his family together.

 

   The Apostle Paul’s life was very different from Peter’s life.  Peter was married and had children.  He served both as an elder and apostle in the Church.  Paul never married, but struggled to hold churches together.  Paul was resisted and persecuted by his own countrymen.  False brethren tried to discredit him as an apostle.  Everyone’s life is different.  We face different challenges.  We must seek to hold our own family together.

 

   I believe that it is helpful to realize that there are no perfect families.  Just as we are flawed individually, our families are also flawed.  Adam and Eve had a difficult time holding their family together.  First of all the parents disobeyed God and were driven from the Garden of Eden.  They suffered pain and heartache from that moment onward.  They had two sons at first. Then one (Cain) killed the other (Abel).  Adam and Eve lost two sons that day.  One by death and the other was driven out to be a vagabond.  They had other sons and daughters.  David, the great king of Israel, had several wives and many children.  One son raped his half sister and another son killed him.  One son tried to overthrow his father and take over as king.  He was killed in battle.  David cried, “O, Absalom, my son, my son, I would to God that I had died in thy stead.”

 

   Many of the heartaches that we face in life could be avoided if each would obey God and follow his will.  Sin always brings forth pain, heartache and death.  It is not possible to have a perfect family.  If you think that you have such, you ought to ask the opinion of others.  You are simply deceived.  The goal to have a family without any problems is not realistic.  But the effort to hold our families together is noble and worthwhile.  Strong families have a center where someone in the family impresses the other members with the value of keeping the family together.   

 

What Ingredients Hold Families Together?

 

   Love.  In the household texts, did you notice that love was mentioned repeatedly?  “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.”  (Eph. 5:25.)  “Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them.”  (Col. 3:19.)  “The aged women . . . may teach the younger women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”  (Titus 2:3-5.)  Paul wrote, “And now abides faith, hope and love; these three, but the greatest of these is love.”  (1 Cor. 13:13.)  Love holds a family together because love is patient, kind, envies not, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil (keeps no record of wrongdoing), rejoices in truth, bears, believes, hopes and endures all things.  Love never ends.

 

   Families who do not practice love (agape) will soon decay and destroy themselves.  Why does a father have children, then leave them?  Why does a mother do that?  In most cases, it is self-centeredness or selfishness.  One trait of love is that it does not seek its own.  (1 Cor. 13:5.)  Love looks outward to the needs of others in the family.  Children should love their parents and honor them.

 

   Love is greater than knowledge.  “Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.”  (1 Cor. 8:1.)  Love builds one another up.  It gives security and confidence.

 

   God is the Center.  First of all, these household texts were written to churches and to Christians.  These were people who believed in God and honored Jesus as Lord.  The husband and wife were taught how to respond to one another based on the spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church.  (Eph. 5:32.)  Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.  Just as the church is subject to Christ, so must the wives be to their own husbands.  Masters were told to remember that they had a Master in heaven.  (Col. 4:1.)  “Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”  (Prov. 31:30)

 

   The only way to hold your family together successfully is by faith in God.  The way a family functions and relates to one another should be according to God’s plan.  Bigamy or polygamy should not be practiced.  Serial marriages is not God’s plan.  Same sex marriages is not God’s plan.  One way to destroy a home and family is by ignoring God’s will for your family.

 

   By Providing for Your Family.  The capable woman described by Lemuel’s mother is an industrious woman providing for the needs of her family.  She makes fine linen and sells it.  (31:24.)  She is not afraid of the snow because her household are clothed with scarlet.  (31:21.)  She stretches out her hand to the poor and needy.  (31:20.)  She looks well to the ways of her household and eats not the bread of idleness.  (31:27.)  A wife can make or break a family financially.  Feeding and clothing a family is no small task.

 

   The New Testament says, “If any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own household, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel.”  (1 Tim. 5:8.)  “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if would not work, neither should he eat.  For we hear that there some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.  Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work and eat their own bread.”  (2 Thess. 3:10-12.)

 

   Many American families are not holding their families together financially because we all covet too many shiny things.  Jesus said, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for a man’s life consists not in the abundance of the things that he possesses.”  (Luke 12:15.)  We are such a rich and abundant nation, but we always want more.  That desire is good for the nation’s economy, but not so good for the family’s economy.  The solution to many of our economic problems is contentment.  Hear these words:

 

1)     “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”  (1 Timothy 6:6.)

2)     “Having food and raiment, let us be therewith content.”  (1 Tim. 6:8)

3)     “Let your manner of life be without covetousness, and be content with such things as you have.  For he has said, I will never leave you or forsake you.”  (Heb. 13:5.)

4)     John the Baptist told some soldiers once, “Do violence to no man, neither accuse any falsely, and be content with your wages.”  (Luke 3:14.)

5)     “For I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.  I know how to be full and be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.  I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.”  (Phil. 4:11-13.)