One of the most obvious truths is that everything in life is based upon relationships. Homes, families, nations, friendships, churches are all built upon good relationships with one another. Our salvation is a matter of establishing the right relationship with God. It seems that there is always something trying to enter into those relationships and destroy them. Some are misunderstandings, distrust, self-centeredness, fear, seeking to control others, pride, zealousy, envy, misuse of the tongue, racism, not submitting to one another, disobedience, anger, alcoholism, abuse, failure to communicate, and impatience. The list is long. We could say that there is one item that is absolutely necessary in order to establish good relation-ships. If we do not desire to have a relationship with another person or with God, then it is impossible to have one! All relationships are built upon the desire of two parties to interact with one another. Some are not saved because they do not desire to have a spiritual relationship with the Lord. Relationships are broken invariably due to sin of some kind or disinterest.

1 Corinthians 13. In this extraordinary chapter to the Corinthians, Paul’s effort was to improve relationships in the church at Corinth. He describes the body of Christ as various members of the human body in chapter twelve. He refers to the hands, feet, eyes, ears and nose. His point is that all of these members are very different. What in the world do they have in common? How could they ever work together to accomplish anything? The answer is that they belong to the same body and that the body as a whole needed the various gifts of the members. The church is the same way. We are so different. We have different gifts. But everyone is needed and useful in the Body of Christ.

"Nay, much more those members of the body which seem to be more feeble are necessary." (12:22.) One member should never say to another, I have no need of you.

The spiritual gifts almost divided the church at Corinth. Paul argued that they should not allow differences in the gifts to divide them. God gave different gifts to different people so that the body could function properly. It is the way God wanted it and designed it. Paul then added, "But covet earnestly the best gifts and yet show I unto you a more excellent way." (12:31.) He then described love as being the more excellent way and the greatest gift. "Now abides faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (13:13.) Why is love the greatest? Because love is the one trait that can hold all the diverse members of the body together. Paul was, in effect, saying that it is all about relationships. We tend to forget that. We have often said that love is the greatest because it outlasts the others. But Paul also based the majority of his argument on the qualities of love.

Think about the folly of fellow Christians quarreling over spiritual gifts and trying to exalt themselves over one another. One might say, But I can speak in tongues, but you cannot. Another might say, I can prophesy, but you cannot. Paul added that he could speak in tongues more than all of you. (14:18.) They were allowing something to enter to destroy their relationships with one another. Imagine two Christians arguing over some particular point made in Scripture and getting angry with one another because they disagreed over its meaning. When that happens in the church, we have forgotten that relationships are what life and redemption is all about.

"By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another." (John 13:35.)

The Household Texts. There are several so-called household texts in the New Testament. Some are Ephesians 5:21-6:5 and Colossians 3:18-4:1. The point made in each of these is that relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and slaves, man and God is the really important thing in life. The biblical teaching is to instruct man in each of these relationships. Maintaining good relationships and friendships takes maturity, understanding and practice.

In woodworking there is a good example of things that keep two boards from sticking to one another. Carpenters often want to glue two boards together. The conditions have to be right for the boards to stick. Dust, shavings, dirt, and water will keep the boards from being united. In human relationships, we must be sure that contrary things do not enter to destroy the relationship.

Philemon. Even the little letter of Paul to Philemon is about relationships. Paul met Onesimus at Rome and developed a good relationship with him based upon faith in Jesus Christ. Philemon had failed to do what Paul had done. The letter is an effort to explain to Philemon how it could work for him as well.

Paul wrote, "For perhaps he therefore departed for a season that you should receive him forever. Not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much more to thee, both in the flesh and in the Lord?" (Philemon 15-16.) Paul pleaded with Philemon to receive Onesimus just as if he were receiving Paul. "If you count me therefore a partner, receive him as myself." (verse 17.)

We could study the entire Bible in the light of relationships---with one another and with God. Sin, immaturity, and disinterest seek to destroy them. The desire of God is to establish them. Here are some special areas dealing with relationships.

We are all aware of how dangerous and difficult it is to properly control the sexual drives. These desires are not inherently wrong or immoral. They were, in fact, created by God and are good.

"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you should abstain from fornication; that everyone of you know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the lust of evil desire, even as the Gentiles who know not God." (1 Thess. 4:3-5.)

"Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Heb. 13:4.)

"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband." (1 Cor. 7:3.)

There is a proper relationship in which sexual needs are satisfied and relationships between husband and wife are enriched. But again, there is something at work to destroy those good relationships. One of the reasons that some movies, fantasies, pornography is wrong is that they are not based upon the right kind of relationships and appeal to just the baser, fleshly motives. Having good friends and allowing those friendships to develop into closer more intimate relationships in marriage should be encouraged. One of the reasons that divorce is so harmful and wrong is that relationships once built upon trust and commitment have been broken. It is a matter of the right kind of relationships with one another.

The noted authors, Carl Brecheen and Paul Faulkner, wrote, "Too many marriages today are based primarily on sexual attraction. What used to be a search for a marriage partner is more and more a search for a sexual partner. But Paul is telling us (1 Thess. 4:3-5) that a partner is more than that. This prospective partner is a complete human being with a full range of potential. There is more to look for in a relationship than the sexual part. Focusing too heavily on the sexual aspects of the relationship risks ignoring the larger potential of a full partnership." (What Every Family Needs, 1979, 112.)

They continued to describe this relationship in marriage by saying, "Marriage is a sensitive human relationship. It is a complex mixture of feelings, attitudes, intellects, and values. A marriage takes time and commitment to a common goal to develop relationship-in-depth. Mature love comes through negotiation, acceptance, forgiveness, self-discipline, and good faith. Nothing worthwhile comes easy." (IBID, 87.)

They named one central enemy to this important relationship. They said, "Selfishness is the greatest single enemy of a happy marriage. Selfishness is the root of all other sins. . . . Selfishness is a natural sin. It comes easy." (IBID, 5.)

Women crave this kind of in-depth-relationship more than men do. Men struggle to understand the concept of relationship and how it works. Women more naturally emphasize the emotions and feelings in marriage. They know how to nurture and foster the bonds that hold a family together. In the home, it is all about relationships.

There is another kind of relationship that is very different than human ones. It is the one that involves man and God. This one is different for many reasons, but chiefly because it is between a mortal man and his Creator. It is a human-divine relationship. This relationship is not easy to grasp, nor is it easy to build and maintain. Redemption could be described as lost man being brought into the proper relationship with his God. It is all about relationship.

"Wherefore come out from among them and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing and I will receive you. And I will be a Father unto you and you shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." (2 Cor. 6:17-18.)

Jesus taught his disciples to pray, "Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name." (Matt. 6:9.)

"As he saith in Hosea, I will call them my people, which were not my people, and her beloved, which was not beloved. It shall come to pass, that in the place where it was said unto them, You are not my people, there they shall be called the children of the living God." (Rom. 9:25-26.)

"Like a father pities his children, so the Lord pities them that fear him." (Psalm 103:13.)

"If you then, being evil know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matt. 7:11.)

These passages could be greatly multiplied. We should note that the kind of relationship described is like the one between a father and his children. A father provides for and loves his children. Children are dependent upon the father. The father, because he loves his children, disciplines them. Children should be obedient.

The story of the elder brother and the prodigal in Luke 15 says much about the right kind of relationship between man and God. Both sons were struggling in this area. The story tells us two important things about the relationship between God and man. The two sons had two very different relationships. The older son had a superficial relationship with his Father. The Father still loved him, but the son had some problems that kept him from really enjoying being at home with his father. He was technically, legally obedient. He claimed that he had never at any time transgressed the commandments of his father. (verse 29.) But yet he still did not have a good relationship with his father. He could have enjoyed so much more, but he missed it. We are so much like the elder brother who represented the Pharisees. They emphasized the legal aspects of the Law. They were experts in the Law, but they were not experts in relationships. They did not understand it. Legalists never do.

The younger son also failed in his relationship with his father. The son wanted to leave home and do something else. Note that the father did not command or force the son to stay. In fact, he gave him what he wanted and let him leave. The good thing about the younger son was that he at last learned the lesson of relationships. He said, I have sinned against heaven and against thee. He returned humble instead of self-centered and proud. The father compassionately received him back. The elder brother stayed outside the house while a party was going on inside. He never understood. How sad.

Perhaps, a third lesson in relationships with God is that there is no fault on God’s part if the relationship fails. God desires to have the right kind of relationship with his children. He will not force us to do so. He will kindly and patiently entreat us. God does nothing to break the relationship.

A fourth lesson we should learn is that law is not the principle ingredient of the relationship between man and God in regard to redemption. Law works against relationship. It tends to emphasize the sufficiency of the one keeping the law and even boasting. Love, grace, humility and submission on the part of man shows that man understands his dependency upon God.

Have you struggled with your relationship with God? We all have. Do you need to draw nearer to God based upon love and submission?