It is true, of course, that parents have a responsibility to their children. Most parents feel that keenly. The love of parents for their children drives them to work tirelessly to provide for their needs. Paul wrote these words to the Corinthians:

"For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children." (2 Cor. 12:14.)

The great apostle is referring to the Corinthians as his spiritual children. He said that he did not want what belonged to them, but he wanted them. "I seek not yours, but you." Paul understood his responsibility to them, as a parent for a child. The spiritual relationship is based upon the physical one between parents and children.

But it is also true that children, of all ages, have obligations to their parents, of all ages. In fact, a home succeeds only when both parents and children are seeking to fulfill their responsibilities to one another. Instead of dealing with both sides in one presentation, I have chosen to present some responsibilities of children to their parents.

It seems to me that the basic obligation that we have toward our parents is gratitude. They have given to us the gift of life and sustained us during the most vulnerable years of our lives. Parents have a responsibility of caring for their children. But when parents have fulfilled that role lovingly and sacrificially to us, we at the very least ought to be grateful to them.

"In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." (1 Thess. 5:18.)

"Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God." (Phil. 4:6.) "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also you are called in one body, and be ye thankful." (Col. 3:15.)

David asked, "What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me?" (Psalm 116:12.) A good beginning point is gratitude to God. What shall we render to our parents for all their benefits toward us? If our parents, in addition to caring for our physical needs, taught us God’s way, introduced us to the Lord of life, how grateful we should be. What more could they have done on our behalf?

Paul wrote, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor thy father and mother which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." (Eph. 6:1-3.) This is a direct quotation from the Ten Commandments. (Exodus 20:12.) "Living long on the earth" refers to living long in the land of promise. If they did not obey their parents and follow God’s will, they would be driven from off the land. A sad note which history confirms occurred. Paul interchanged the words, obey and honor. This means that the way children honor their parents is by obeying them.

The Bible emphasizes that children should obey their parents. There is no direct command to love your parents. Children are commanded to obey their parents. It is probably because love is assumed and understood. Jesus did say, "He that loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me." (Matt. 10:37.) Children who are loved by their parents will respond to that love, especially in the younger years. The problem occurs most often as the children began to mature and become more independent. This is the time when honor and obedience is critical.

The eastern culture has a rich history in the use of the word, honor. There are many biblical words in Hebrew expressing this richness and diversity. In practice, the Jews have distorted honor into something that was never intended. Honor without love becomes something more like pride. The west, especially in America, has a tremendous void when trying to understand honor. We have promoted individual rights so much that our country permits children the right to dishonor their parents. We emphasize love so much that our love is spineless. Love without honor is mushy and soft. We do not see disobedience and dishonor from children as a sinful rebellious act as the Jews did under the Law of Moses. In fact, the Law allowed for rebellious children to be stoned to death.

"If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them. Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him and bring him out unto the elders of his city and unto the gates of his place. They shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice. He is a glutton and a drunkard. All the men of his city shall stone him with stones that he die. So shalt thou put evil away from among you and all Israel shall hear and fear." (Deut. 21:18-21.)

I am not advocating that we stone our children today if they are rebellious. But I am saying that dishonoring parents was a serious offense against both parents and God. That is how God regarded it. Also this sin will carry serious consequences under both covenants. Young children should be soberly warned and disciplined for dishonoring and disobeying parents. Both parents need to be united in this effort. Children should not be allowed to say disrespectful things to their parents. They should not be permitted to dishonor their parents in the eyes of the community. Parents have a good opportunity early on to impress young children with the need to obey them. If the children do not obey, they should know that serious consequences would result.

The younger son who demanded his inheritance and went away from home greatly dishonored his father in the eyes of the community. The father’s respect and position in the community was greatly diminished by his son’s actions. The story does not focus upon an offended father, but rather upon a repentant son who came back home to a father who graciously forgave him. We have dishonored God, but he is willing to receive us back when we come to ourselves and come home.

Ted Knight, a minister from Conway, Arkansas, wrote the following.

"We frequently hear and read of the horrible accounts of child abuse that brings great sorrow to the people of our nation and world. Thousands of our children are being murdered before they are born. Others are abandoned or even murdered after birth and still multitudes of others are victims of sexual abuse, emotional trauma, and other means of heaping misery upon them. Professional people in almost every field are deeply concerned and rightly so. I believe that every measure that can be used profitably must be employed to stem the tide of child abuse across our land.

"But, there is another form of abuse that concerns me as well. It is the abuse of parents by their children. The hearts of hundreds of thousands of parents are being torn apart by their children’s rejection of what is right. They have been taught the truth of God’s Word. Their parents certainly are not perfect, but they did the best that they could to bring these children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and now they live with great heaviness of heart because their children have turned away from the Lord. Some have even gone into denominationalism. Often the children make false accusations against their Christian parents. They feel that they have somewhat superior knowledge and are deceiving themselves because they want to enjoy themselves more than they want to serve the Lord faithfully.

"I also want to address the children who have left the Lord and are breaking the hearts of your parents. Wake up! Do what you know is right! Put the Lord’s will before your own! Strive to save yourself and use your influence and efforts to save others rather than to lead them astray. We are praying for your return to the Lord. We love you and anxiously await your coming home."

It is alarming how many grown children have abandoned their elderly parents. This is not a new trend. Jesus addressed it in his day among the Jews.

"Why do you also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded, saying, Honor your father and mother. He that curses father or mother let him die the death. But you say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me. And honor not his father or mother, he shall be free. Thus have you made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition." (Matt. 15:3-6.)

The Jews devised a devilish plan by which they sought to be relieved of the responsibility of caring for their elderly parents. They made a vow to God to give their inheritance to God. The gift was called Corban in the Hebrew. Since the vow obligated them to God, they said it relieved them from supporting their parents. The higher obligation according the law-making Pharisees was to God. Even if needy parents appealed to their children for support, the children could turn them away saying that their property was "Corban." Some pagans have done likewise calling their property and possessions "tabooed."

There are multitudes of elderly parents in every community who are emotionally abused because their children do not visit them and care for their needs. The director of the Hopewell Convalescent Center told me that many of the elderly under their care were admitted by area preachers. Their grown children had abandoned them.

The Bible refers to widows who are in need. The church should have a list of the widows among that are "widows indeed." But if they have family members to take care of them, then the church should be charged with their care.

"But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to show piety at home and requite their parents, for that is good and acceptable before God." (1 Tim. 5:4.) He then speaks to those who have abandoned their needy parents. "But if any provide not for his own and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel." (1 Tim. 5:8.) That is strong language---"worse than an infidel and denied the faith."

There is a story told about a Chinese family who was struggling to care for their aged parents. Every day the grown son would go out in the fields and labor for the support of his family. In addition to his own wife and children, he had to support his aged father. One day he looked up from his labors in the field to see his own father sitting on the porch. The old man hardly knew where he was. The young man thought within himself why he had to labor for such a useless old man. He left the field and went toward the barn. He built a wooden box with the precious few pieces of lumber that he could had. He put the wooden box in a wheelbarrow and rolled it around to the front porch. He told his father to get off the porch and into the box. The son rolled his father up a hill behind the house. When they reached the top, the father said to the son, I know why you have brought up to the top of the cliff. But before you push me off, take me out of the box and save the lumber. You can just push me off in the wheelbarrow. Your sons will need the lumber to make a box for you when you get old!

In our modern society, we would not think about pushing our aged parents over a cliff in a wooden box. But our modern world has devised something just as devilish and sinful. We hid the harshness under the Greek word, euthanasia. It means good death. We put them to sleep gently.

We owe our parents something better than this.

As children we owe our parents love, gratitude, honor, physical and emotional care. Children with Christian parents are without excuse before God.