These messages are based upon the good material by Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995. Most parents are interested in things that pertain to their children. (2 Cor. 12:14.) Christian parents want to provide not only physical things for their children, but especially the spiritual things. It is not easy being a parent. However, I like the following statement by James Dobson:

"I don’t believe that the task of procreation was intended to be so burdensome. Of course it is demanding. But parents in the twentieth century have saddled themselves with unnecessary guilt, fear and self-doubt. That is not the divine plan. Throughout the Scriptures, it is quite clear that the raising of children was viewed as a wonderful blessing from God---a welcome, joyful experience. And today, it remains one of the greatest privileges in living to bring a baby into the world. . . a vulnerable little human being who looks to us for all his needs. What a wonderful opportunity it is to teach these little ones to love God with all their hearts and to serve their fellowman throughout their lives. There is no higher calling than that!" (Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, 1987, 16.)

But how do you, as a parent, "shepherd a child’s heart"? I like that title for Tripp’s book. It says a lot. Other titles use the common words of parenting, raising children, fatherhood and motherhood. But all of that is summed up in the phrase, "shepherding a child’s heart." One difficulty of being a parent is that "a baby comes into the world with no instructions and you pretty much have to assemble them on your own." (Cowards, Dobson, 9.) The Bible, though it has some good information about shepherding a child’s heart, does not tell us a lot of things. It does not tell you how to change a baby’s diaper, how to cut the umbilical cord, how to deliver a baby, what to do when a baby gets sick, how to bring down a child’s fever, etc. A mother in Grand Cayman told Norma and me that one of her sons cried so much after he was born that she was tempted to go and throw it out the window! She didn’t, of course, and finally he stopped crying. Young parents learn much from their parents and from wisdom gained through experience. The emphasis in the Bible is not so much about physical things, as important as they are, but it is about spiritual things. It is about how to shepherd the heart of a child.

Messages and books on child rearing are for parents, not for children. From our parents and older generations, we can learn much about it. We learn spiritual things from God’s Word. Even with all that information, there are no guarantees. You can do everything you know to do and still face many difficulties with some children. One father said that if he had stopped after the second child, he would have felt successful in parenting. Then came the third one! That child was different from the first two. This one wanted to break all the rules and go his way. One writer said that God may have made man out of the dust of the earth, but when he made children he added electricity!

God placed Shepherds in the church to watch for the souls of those under their care. Likewise, God gave parents the responsibility and privilege of shepherding the hearts of their children. What does that mean? I want to cover this morning some of the broad concepts involved in shepherding a child’s heart, as an introduction to this series.

There is so much advice being given to parents. Some of it works; some does not. Older generations disciplined their children firmly and without apology; younger generations are being told that this harms their children. They tend to reason more and spank less. The days of strict authority seem to be gone. Children challenge every one in positions of authority, even the authority of God to tell them what to do. Teachers in school are forbidden by law to physically discipline children. Some parents say that they do not want to teach their children anything about God and religion. They want them to grow up and decide for themselves. Even matters related to morality are being questioned. Should I teach my children what is right and wrong? How do I know what to teach them?

Many parents are simply confused. We need a clearer focus about our role as parents. We need to be confident about what we are teaching our children. If parents do not know the Gospel, they cannot and will not teach it to their children. You cannot teach something that you do not know or believe. The child is looking to you. You should know things that the child does not. You should, if you are a parent, know right from wrong. You should know God’s will and be able to express it in words and in your life.

The parent-child relationship. Tedd Tripp describes that relationship in this way. "If authority best describes the parent’s relationship to the child, the best description of the activity of the parent to the child is shepherding. The parent is the child’s guide." (Shepherding, xix.) Taking the last one first, what is involved in shepherding a child’s heart?

The shepherding process helps a child to understand himself and the world in which he lives. The parent shepherds a child to assess himself and his responses. The child needs to know not only the "what" of his actions, but also the "why." You want your child to understand himself as a creature made by the hand of God. This process is more than just telling your child what to do and think. It is not just a matter of the parents controlling the children for their pleasure. It involves investing your life in your child in open and honest communication that unfolds the meaning and purpose of life. It is not simply direction, but direction in which there is self-disclosure and sharing. Parenting is shepherding the hearts of your children in the ways of God’s wisdom. "He who walks with the wise becomes wise." (Prov. 13:20.)

A parent who shepherds must teach God’s will for man in life. There is no way around it. Either we will teach our children these truths or we will teach them something else. If as parents we are not sure, we should quickly find out. Parents should know what life is about before having children. If not, it may be too late to shepherd the children in the right way.

"Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Eph. 6:4.) The NIV says, Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

We should not let society confuse us. Being a parent is not a hopeless enterprise. You can teach and train your children in the right way---the way of the Lord. The only safe guide is the Bible, God’s Word. It has not changed. It is the revelation of God who has infinite knowledge and that gives absolute truth. It gives us, as Peter wrote, "all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue." (2 Peter 1:3.) The Proverbs are a gold mine of information about divine wisdom, what to teach your children, warnings to children to listen and obey, the consequences of disobedience, and godly living.

God’s way of parenting has not failed. His way has often just not been tried. Parents must become the people that they should be so that they can teach their children what God expects of them. Even if our children reject the training, we still must be clear about what we must do as parents.

Children must learn obedience. The role of the parents is that of a shepherd guiding a child’s heart in the way discussed above. The role of the child is to learn obedience. This is one of the most difficult lessons for anyone, young or old, to learn. It runs cross-grain to our nature. We want to do our own thing. We resist obedience and authority of any kind. But God has called us all to live under authority.

God is the One who has all authority, and He has chosen to invest authority in others. He has given all authority over the Kingdom to His Son. (Matt. 28:18.) He has also placed certain power in the hands of the state. Peter wrote, "Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake; whether it is to the king, as supreme, or unto governors, as unto them sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well." (1 Peter. 2:13-14.)

God has placed authority in the hands of parents. Paul wrote, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." (Eph. 6:1-3.) Solomon wrote, "My son, hear the instruction of thy father and forsake not the law of thy mother. For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head and chains about thy neck." (Prov. 1:8-9.) Parents must learn to exercise authority over their children without being embarrassed or apologetic about it. God gave you that authority and responsibility. You must exercise it properly. If not, you are not obedient to God as a parent. The use of parental authority does not mean that you are abusive and have the right to say or do anything to your children. It means that you must teach your children proper respect for all authority. If they do not learn to respect and obey you, they most likely will not obey God.

I like the story about a family who lived by a railroad. The tracks ran very close to the back of their house. The children often played on the railroad tracks. One day while several children were playing on the track, a train approached. Usually, all the children heard the train coming and ran off the tracks in plenty of time. One day a little boy was so involved in his play that he did not know that the other children ran off the tracks and left him there. His father walked out of the house just in time to see the train heading toward his son. He did not have time to run and pull him to safety. Instead, he had to yell and tell his son what to do. The father got his attention with a loud voice telling him to lie down immediately. Without questioning his father, the young boy fell face down between the tracks and the train passed safely over him. Think of the terrible end if the child had learned to ignore his parents instead of obeying them. What if the parents had not trained the child to obey them explicitly. Even though a train may not be heading toward our children on a railroad track, things just as dangerous and detrimental are waiting to destroy our children if we do not teach them obedience.

Obedience to God’s authority involves several things. It means that we do what we are commanded to do. Jesus commanded the apostles and all of us to go into all the world and teach the Gospel to every creature. This is what we must do. If we do something else, we are not obedient to the command of Christ. We must do it when we are commanded. If we allow our children to disregard our words until it pleases them to do it, they are not obedient and we are not teaching them obedience. What if the child on the railroad track did not obey what the father said and when he said to do it? Lot lingered instead of obeying the command to flee the city of Sodom. What if Noah waited a few years before starting to build the ark? The five foolish virgins waited and the door was shut. (Matt. 25:10.) A third crucial element in obedience is to learn to obey from the heart. If we go about doing it murmuring and complaining, we are not obedient. Paul wrote that we "obey from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered unto us." (Rom. 6:17.) A child who is allowed to speak back and show a disrespectful attitude is not obedient at all.

Shepherding a child’s heart is serious business. Parents must not laugh at the disobedience of their little children as if it is cute. Those same loveable little children will grow up one day to become the heaviness of your womb! They will bring you down to your grave with gray hairs and a broken heart.

"A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother." (Prov. 10:1.)