Scene Eight


It is nightfall on a street along the Appian Way. FIVE PROSTITUTES of various sizes and ages, all dressed in the wigs and togas demanded by the Roman government, stroll back and forth searching for customers.
 
 
FIRST PROSTITUTE
All of us come out to play
As soon as it is night;


SECOND PROSTITUTE

                    Here we are on the Appian Way

THIRD PROSTITUTE

                    Dispensing sweetness and light.

FOURTH PROSTITUTE

                    A Roman girl has got it made

FIFTH PROSTITUTE

                    Once she learns the truth about her chosen trade.

ALL

                    We may be liars And we may be cold,
We may wheel and deal,
We may be tough as steel,
But we’ve hearts of gold.

We’ve hearts of gold
Cause we’ve heard it from the sages;
We’ve hearts of gold
And it echoes down the ages.

He may get taken,
And he may get rolled;
We may lay a trap
And he may get the clap,
But we’ve hearts of gold.

We’ve hearts of gold
Or so the poets tell us;
We’ve hearts of gold
That’s why wives are always jealous!

We may bamboozle
And we may withhold,
We may coo and purr
While we prefer a "her",
But we’ve hearts of gold.

We’ve hearts of gold,
We’ve a lovely reputation;
We’ve hearts of gold
And it lingers through the nation.
And as the eras pass,
You can bet your ass,
We’ll still have hearts of gold!
 

(CATALUNI wanders on, confused and worried. PROSTITUTES spot him and ALL FIVE immediately go on the make.)
FIRST PROSTITUTE
What do we have here?

SECOND PROSTITUTE

What a magnificent brute!

THIRD PROSTITUTE

Is it true what they say about the size of a citizen’s feet?

FOURTH PROSTITUTE

Let me be the first to find out.

FIFTH PROSTITUTE

No, let me! (THEY begin a dance of invitation and sensuality, displaying each of their specialties. When it is over, they ALL have grabbed a section of him.)
CATALUNI
Sorry, girls. My pockets are empty.

                                    (Instantly THEY remove their hands.)

FIRST PROSTITUTE

You weren’t thinking of getting it for free, were you?

FIFTH PROSTITUTE

He ain’t so magnificent when you look close. He got a zit on his forehead.

THIRD PROSTITUTE

You’d better get going. You’ll put our customers off.

FOURTH PROSTITUTE

There’s one comin’ now.

SECOND PROSTITUTE

My God, it looks like Helvidius.

FIRST PROSTITUTE

He pays in solid silver. So what if he farts when he cums?

THIRD PROSTITUTE

He can afford it.

FOURTH PROSTITUTE

You mean the silver or the farting?

THIRD PROSTITUTE

He’s a Senator, for the love of Juno!
 
  (HELVIDIUS enters from the right. HE is short, fat and fortyish. GIRLS assume their sexiest poses. HE glances from one to the other as if trying to decide. Suddenly, HE points to Cataluni. Cataluni is shocked. But then HE shrugs and allows HELVIDIUS to link his arm in his and lead him offstage left. PROSTITUTES are furious. The music of "Hearts of Gold" builds.)
LIGHTS DIM


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