Saturday, September 25, 2004 @ 3:39pm
I have updated my wish list in case any still checks this website.

Saturday, March 27, 2004 @ 11:43pm
Wow, has it been a long time since I've written in here. That's okay, no one really checks this site out anyway. Gosh, so much has happened since I last wrote. I got my license finally. I'm 80% sure that I want to become a medical technologist. I've gone out of my way to look for a research opportunity. Ran into a few bumps with my friendships, but we're making it through. I went on my first one on one date with a guy who knew it wasn't going to workout but went out w/ me anyway. I'm getting more involved with my Viet roots. I'm starting to realize the person I am and where I fit amongst this chaos. As much as I like to blend in, I like to stand out. It's an odd fit. Like I want someone to notice me in the middle of the crowd. I'm trying my best to do well in my classes now. I have the thought, just not the motivation. I feel so vague. It probably won't any sense to me later. Heh.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 @ 4:59pm
I feel unmotivated. Correction, I feel like a robot. It feels like someone created me for the soul purpose to do these certain tasks in my life. And I do them, sometimes with uncertainty but I do them anyway. I keep on doing them and they have no meaning for me. Even helping out other people. It seems like a redundant process that I have been trying to get out of by join different things and making myself try new things. It's just not working.

I don't feel like I'm the friend my friends need. I don't know how to respond the way they need to be motivated, have their spirits lifted, or whatever. I just feel blah.

Thursday, September 18, 2003 @ 1:03am
"Here Without You"
Three Doors Down
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me

I got promoted to a desk job at the library. It's pretty sweet. I'm not the best at it right now, but I'm learning everyday. Plus, there's more interaction with people. On good days, I like people. I also miss them when all I do is put away journals and books. I still do a little of that, but not as much as before.

Fridays, I volunteer at Fairview MS Achievement Center. I spend the day with someone as they go through his/her schedule. It's pretty cool getting to know him/her one on one and helping others out. It was tough the first couple of times, but now I'm starting to enjoy my time there more.

It looks like Linda and Jeremy are finally getting together! It's so cute. I'm very happy for them. I didn't get that lucky. I found someone who feels the same I do about him, but he doesn't want the same thing as I do right now. I'm trying to look at it from a positive pov.

In other news, there's a cute guy in my chem lecture and he didn't wear his hat yesterday. It made him look yummier. He looks better w/o it. And I saw Hung yesterday near Johnston. The reason I'm mentioning just seeing him is b/c I thought it was him and he turned around to verify that it was and he just took my breath away. I think it was mostly b/c of shock that I was right. Little things like that make me feel good to be alive. I know that I'm really confused about life, but I wouldn't want it any other way. For once, I really do feel alive and something in my life is happening even though it's not for the better, at least not now. I need to look at some classes tomorrow and see if we have toxicology at the U. I think I want to do that now.. though I've been starting on creating my own major. BLAH!

We had our poster presentation in lab. It turned out REAL well considering that we put it together this morning before and a little into lecture. Lynda is really artistic. Okay, compared to me she's Van Gogh. What can I say? I can only draw lines, crooked lines. I didn't feel like hanging out w/ anyone, so I had lunch by myself and went to work. Then Mom picked us up early and went to our ortho appt. Went to Costco for pizza and shopped around a bit and now I'm really tired. I haven't slept in awhile. And I need to call the guy about my job at the state fair. I'm trying to be more organized, but I get so lazy it's hard to. Oh yea, walking out of lab the Asian guy in lab started talking to me and I should've conversed w/ him more b/c he seems really cool but I didn't. I think he's viet too... *shrug* Something in me just lacked the courage to do it. But later my ovaries reappeared. Crazyness.

Thursday, July 10, 2003 @ 5:01pm
I'm tired. I'm physically exhausted. I have been getting around 6 hours of sleep, if I'm lucky, all week. And I hate the way I'm feeling. I hate the predicament I'm in. I keep wondering what Toua is thinking.. doing.. what he will do. If he still feels the same or if he just let it go when I said he should. I hate it. I want to move on. I just don't know if I can. I want to go reach out to other people's lives and make them feel alive like he has done w/ me. I can't help the way I feel though. I don't want people to make me feel better. I want time to do that. I just wish it was sooner.

It's like Fate keeping us apart. We weren't meant to be together at this time, but we've already met. And at the beginning of July Fate forgot about us and gave us a chance. Maybe a little insight of what's to come or what could've came. I wish we had won the lottery so I could fly down there and see him for the weekend. I want to talk to him soon, but I think it'd be best if I didn't for awhile. I need sometime to collect myself.

I didn't get the internship. It would've been cool, but time consuming. I barely have enough time as it is. *sigh* We had a test today in chem. I think I did okay for not understanding most of Ch. 6. I had lunch w/ Mai, Joanie, Mom, and Aunt Ngoc at Emily's. It was good. I got City Pages there too. I should've gotten myself a shirt they had there. Oh well, maybe next time I'll have money.

Friday, July 4, 2003 @ 8:09pm
It's the 4th, and so much has happened I don't know where to start and how much I'm ready to share. It's making me nervous as I type. To say the least I haven't been quite myself and I don't know what's wrong as a hundred million things keep happening to me so I don't know what to think of it. All I really know right now is that I'm enjoying every single minute I get to spend with Toua and when I'm not with him I hate the fact that this could be it. That this is the only chance that I get to see him single and that we didn't even get a chance to explore that. He's single for the weekend and I don't know if I should take advantage of that or not. I know I'm going to wonder if I don't. I don't know. I just know it felt good to hug him, have this arm wrapped around me, and give him pity pats. :) All of it is coming back to me, it's like the last chance I have, but I don't want it to be the last... I want it to be the first of many. I wanted to spend all day with him, but my parents want me home, but Mom said I could do whatever I wanted. Hopefully, that means hanging out w/ him. He's so understanding too. Especially about the fact that I need to study and my parents. I know it bothers him that I couldn't go with him. Just having him here is the best and worse thing right now. Everything else SEEMS minor.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003 @ 11:41pm
I feel all growED up and a feeble child. Is that possible? It has to be since it's the way I am. I went over to the Mayo Building to get tested for TB and got blood drawn at Phillip Wangsteen to check if I have had chicken pox yet. It was scary to say the least. I don't like things that enter my body and tend to draw blood away from me.. Oh wait, before I go on HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNY!!! Though, she'd be more likely to get the msg if I gave her the URL again.. Heh. But yes, back to being grown up. I think I am actually going to go through w/ volunteering instead of just saying that I am. It was weird going to the orientation, b/c there were so many people who wanted to be docs. So glad the world isn't going to be full of pharmacists. :D

Right now, I also want to curl up in a ball or have THAT guy be there for you. Yea, I've got friends.. it's just not the same, y'know? Someone who will be there for you, to love you and support you through the beautiful times and ugly. Thinking about it makes me sound like I will be very dependent on that person, which makes me really scared. A person will become very vulnerable that way. *nods*

School has started. I've been busy trying to learn stuff. I can forget sleep. A good nights sleep and waking up when Passions is on will now be very foreign to me. I'm almost finished w/ White Oleander! Huzzah. It takes me forever to read a book back home. I don't know why... I got my stuff I ordered from Amazon. Though I may want to reread Fushugi Yugi before I start the new ones, so I'm going to need 'em back Linda. I let her borrow 'em. I got a cookbook also, so I'm going to try and put that to good use next Friday when I can stay home and cook. Hehe. Gotta pick the menu so I'll get the ingredients. There's stuff that has happened that I can't even mention b/c I said I wouldn't. It's eating me up inside b/c I want advice on what to do, and I know it's killing this person also. Why does life have to overdose on sucking so much?

This place feels like I could write whatever I want in here and no one really reads it b/c no one leaves me a note. That is partly enetation's fault and mine for choosing to stay with it. But alas, I do like my layout, but I want to change it again.. Just to have something to work on. It's fun creating new stuff and writing the html so it fits. I may be a freak like that..

Saturday, June 14, 2003 @ 10:43pm
BOYS SUCK, BOYS SUCK, BOYS SUCK, BOYS SUCK, BOYS SUCK. I could type that a few more times.. and I raise my fist at them again. Hehe, I did that to David and Mike today. So confused. Last night, I talked to Toua. It was nice to hear his voice and be myself on the phone. Not worrying if I act like an idiot or apologizing b/c I don't make any sense. He's a crazy fool for thinking about cheating on his gf after what he's gone through. I understand that he's raging mad inside and he's different now. Still no need for that. Sometimes you have to learn to walk away. I miss the guy a lot. I hope we get to talk again soon and I can't wait to see him. It wasn't fair that we didn't get the chance to see what was really there, but I'm thankful that we still have this.

Then there's Todd. I don't know why I let myself do this. Something that I keep kicking myself for. He came to Mai's grad party after some internal stuff he was dealing w/. After seeing him, I remembered why I liked him. However, sitting here and thinking about it, I know he has to deal with whatever is going on in his head. There's so much more under there that I don't know about.. and I'm sure that we've only gotten a whiff. But he has to deal with it. I told him that. I also said that I like him and would like to be with him, but he has to deal with whatever he's been fighting with. I also told him there are other guys that I'd like to get to know.. and I'll be there if he needs me. All I got was a thanks and things aren't that bad. *grumbles*

I called Byanka the other night. It was cool talking to her. I'm thinking about getting some old co-workers together to come to her house for a little get together b/c we haven't seen each other in a long time and she has a new baby so she can't get out. So I'll bring the "party" to her. Also I'm trying to start a student group up. I need to read the stuff on how to do that and get in contact w/ Xcel Energy or something. I know they want you to have at least 5 people working at an event.

I went out w/ Linda last night also. We just grabbed some grub (well for me it was litterally) at Famous Dave's and had a few laughs. It was fun. Though I need some guy stories to share w/ her. The grad party today for Mai was okay. She didn't really entertain her other guest like she did w/ her school friends. Pissed me off a bit. Why invite them if you're gonna have 'em do nothing? But Kim and I got paid $10 for cutting cake. I think I might take the money as Hanh's bday present since Kim did most of the cutting. Oh yea, if Hanh you're reading this I have your grad gift. I think it'll prove a little useful for dorm life.

Friday, June 13, 2003 @ 1:17am
Whoa, it's Friday the 13th.. Heh, how about that? Well, I just finished updating my blog and I figured I should probably have a new entry for it also. I like this new layout. Pink is fun, and grey goes well with it. It looks like I stole the colors from my cousin's blog.. but I didn't. I swear I didn't. Just a really odd coincident. I like the 'theme' also. Love the Goo Goo Dolls, and it's one of my favorite songs of all time.

Yesterday, I hung out w/ Linda and my brother for a bit. We went to the billards place over by My Le Hoa to meet up with Kim, Jeremy, and David. Linda didn't want to go in so we headed to B&N. We didn't get a chance to hangout with Kim, Jeremy, and David. Maybe another time. So, Linda, my brother and I hung out in her a car for awhile. I saw the Big Dipper. It was pretty sweet. The only constellation that I could point out. I can't believe we're able to see it in the city too. I wish we could see more stars though. Toua said where he lives, as Barb says, "In the middle of bum f*ck Egypt," he can see a lot. Speaking of him, I do miss him a lot. He'll be coming back this Fourth of July, I'm really excited to see him. We have a phone date this Sunday. :)

I've been going to school to work and take some computer classes. I took an HTML class that was a waste of my time. I did pick up a few tidbits here and there, but not enough to compensate for the time I lost from my life. I also took a Photoshop class, that was more helpful. I know where the paint bucket is now. I couldn't find it for the life of me... I'm just blind. That's all. I also got info on the NSE program, registered my bro for summer classes, and went to the Asian American Women's Group meeting.

I started a list of things to do this week. I should probably go look at it and see if I can complete some more before it's over. Tomorrow I'll be helping out w/ pre-cooking of my sister's Grad party and Saturday is the party. Sunday's is Linda's and also Father's Day. I got my dad a gift certificate w/ Baldy (my bro's new nickname though his hair is slowly growing back.. It's alright though we can always buzz it again :D). We went to Target and I got people presents and some stuff for school that I don't know if I need or not. I will use it since I bought it.. But as to the extent it'll prove useful, we shall see. I promised myself I wouldn't shop till August.. but this doesn't really count.. Right? Well, I've been sitting here for a few hours, I think it's time for me to go. I've been sitting in front of this computer or the tv a lot this summer. I do have new tv shows I like though. I'm getting into Felicity, Two Guys and a Girl, and That 70's Show. I wish my life was more of a comedy than drama. *sigh* Oh yea, I may find somewhere else to write where my note thingy will work more consistently.

Friday, June 6, 2003 @ 9:28 pm
So, it's been two weeks since I've gotten back from Houston and I have done absolutely nothing that has made me believe that this summer will be different than any other summer. I'm glad that I don't have school yet so I can just do absolutely nothing. But I've been applying for jobs and no one wants to hire me. I wish I could open up my availibility more, but seeing as that I don't drive it's hard to. So I'm thinking about getting a job on campus, perhaps at a coffee shop. I think that would be fun. Otherwise, my dad said the Wells Fargo where he works is hiring. And maybe, just maybe they want someone for Friday and Saturday.

I have been working at least twice a week at the library. I don't really like books, but it pays more so it's nice. I'm going through the stacks and making sure everything is in "order." It's a pain in the butt, but it makes the time go by faster. I saw Ryan when I got back from Houston. I talked to him for a bit. He said he'd probably get his haircut. I'm scared... I like his hair. Nyeh... Guy wise, things are up in the air. I know that I should talk w/ Todd about stuff (vague, huh? Tell me about that's what I feel like most of the time.), my ovaries decided they would rather not. It's hard to communicate w/ someone when you haven't really been communicating. And up to this point, I have been pretty good about telling him what I was feeling. *sigh*