As Yogi would say--- I read that the former NY Yankee star Yogi Berra said, referring to a NYC night club, "that place is so crowded that no one goes there." This reminded my of my own comment about US education: "Today you need two years of college to have a high school education" Mason Clark offered these observations: "America is so rich you need $20 million dollars to be a millionaire". "With the population explosion, it now 'takes three to tango' " "600 million Frenchmen can't be wrong" and "Three's company, four's crowd. "As a result of inflation, a baker's dozen is now 14." Avital Pilpel: I'm surprised you missed out on the most famous Yogi Berra saying, "It's deja vu all over again". Some famous politician once promised that if he will be elected, "everybody will have an above average income". Or the following two anonymous quotes: "When I was elected, we were at the brink of disaster. Since then, we took a big step forward!" "now, thanks to your help, we have more than 300 orphans in our institution!" jeb again: And I now recall some others. Chicago Mayor Richard Daley set a new standard for this kind of talk. My favorite: (in an address to the Democratic Party) "... and we must rise to higher and higher platitudes!" It was widely reported (but denied by Senator Smathers) that while stumping in rural Florida Smathers said of his opponent: "Are you aware that Claude Pepper is known all over Washington as a shameless extrovert? Not only that, but this man is reliably reported to practice nepotism with his sister-in-law, and has a sister who was once a Thespian in New York. Worst of all, it is a documented fact that Mr. Pepper matriculated while in college, engaged in acts of public mastication, is an active homo sapien, and before his marriage, he is said to have practiced celibacy!" And a few more, sent in by admiring fans: From Steve Conover,Sr. scsr@airmail.net "I wish I had an answer to that, because I'm getting tired of answering that question." --Yogi Berra "I didn't really say everything I said." --Yogi Berra "Son, we'd love to keep you with the team this season, but we're gonna try to win a pennant." --Casey Stengel "If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?" --unknown And some others: "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian"--(same?) unknown "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." -- Senator Dan Quayle, US News and World Report (10/10/88) Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Q: Do you think sex is "dirty". A: It is if you do it right.---Woody Allen Q: What time is it? A: You mean, like, right NOW?" ---- Yogi Berra The future ain't what is used to be.---Yogi Berra Even the past isn't what it used to be---Jim Blair There are over a BILLION people in China. Do you know what that means? It means that even if you are a "one in a million kind of guy", there are a thousand others just like you! --- A. Whitney Brown Great Quotes From History: Let's make the Republican Party the majority party of each and every American-----Jack Kemp Crime in Washington DC is not really so bad. Especially if you don't count the murders---DC Mayor Marion Barry "THE PRESIDENT HAS KEPT ALL OF THE PROMISES HE INTENDED TO KEEP." * Clinton aide George Stephanopolous "THE POLICE ARE NOT HERE TO CREATE DISORDER, THEY'RE HERE TO PRESERVE IT" * Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention "TRADITIONALLY, MOST OF AUSTRALIA'S IMPORTS COME FROM OVERSEAS" * Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery "THE INTERNET IS A GREAT WAY TO GET ON THE NET" * Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole "IT IS BAD LUCK TO BE SUPERSTITIOUS" * Andrew Mathis "HE WAS A MAN OF GREAT STATUE" * Boston mayor Thomas Menino on former mayor John Collins "IT'S LIKE AN ALCATRAZ AROUND MY NECK" * Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces "THEY'RE MULTIPURPOSE. NOT ONLY DO THEY PUT THE CLIPS ON, BUT THEY TAKE THEM OFF. *Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers. "WE'RE GOING TO TURN THIS TEAM AROUND 360 DEGREES." * Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks "I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SOME REPORTERS PAWING THROUGH OUR PAPERS. WE ARE THE PRESIDENT." * Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents "WHEN MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE THROWN OUT OF WORK, UNEMPLOYMENT RESULTS." * Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge "CHINA IS A BIG COUNTRY, INHABITED BY MANY CHINESE" * Former French President Charles De Gaulle "THAT LOWDOWN SCOUNDREL DESERVES TO BE KICKED TO DEATH BY A JACKASS, AND I'M JUST THE ONE TO DO IT." * A congressional candidate in Texas "IT IS NECESSARY FOR ME TO ESTABLISH A WINNER IMAGE. THEREFORE, I HAVE TO BEAT SOMEBODY." * Richard M. Nixon "THINGS ARE MORE LIKE THEY ARE NOW THAN THEY EVER WERE BEFORE." * Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower "HALF THIS GAME IS NINETY PERCENT MENTAL." * Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark "WITHOUT CENSORSHIP, THINGS CAN GET TERRIBLY CONFUSED IN THE PUBLIC MIND." * General William Westmoreland "IF YOU LET THAT SORT OF THING GO ON, YOUR BREAD AND BUTTER WILL BE CUT RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER YOUR FEET." * Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin And these from former U.S. Vice- President Dan Quayle: "WE ARE READY FOR AN UNFORESEEN EVENT THAT MAY OR MAY NOT OCCUR." "I WAS RECENTLY ON A TOUR OF LATIN AMERICA, AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE WAS THAT I DIDN'T STUDY LATIN HARDER IN SCHOOL SO I COULD CONVERSE WITH THOSE PEOPLE" "IT ISN'T POLLUTION THAT'S HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT. IT'S THE IMPURITIES IN OUR AIR AND WATER THAT ARE DOING IT." "I LOVE CALIFORNIA. I PRACTICALLY GREW UP IN PHOENIX." "THE LOSS OF LIFE WILL BE IRREPLACEABLE." (on the San Francisco earthquake) "WHAT A WASTE IT IS TO LOSE ONE'S MIND. OR NOT TO HAVE A MIND IS BEING VERY WASTEFUL. HOW TRUE THAT IS." (at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste") (with all these quotes from Quayle, all I can figure is that Gore's never said anything worth remembering) And Some From D. Kieth Mano, mostly created by his wife Laurie: "You just made that up out of blue air" "..the greatest thing since chopped bread" "I work like a troubadour" "Don't get my gander up!" "Don't incringe on my space" "Don't let them bite your goat" "Don't turn Redcoat" "Don't get my shackles up!" "Don't cloud the muddied water!" (on the subject of birth control), she favors "tubal litigation". Jewish men are "circumscribed", and a priest puts on his "hassock before celebrating Mass". Insecure people have "kinks in their armor". The actor "looked good behind the camera" The crockodile had a "gaping yaw" The cop put "cufflinks on the mugger". He got the short end of the shaft. Great minds run in the same gutter. Well another milestone around my neck. Do YOU have any such tangled insights? If so email them to me and I will select the best to include in a file in the "Politically Incorrect Zone" of my web page ,,,,,,, _______________ooo___( O O )___ooo_______________ (_) jim blair (jeblair@facstaff.wisc.edu) For a good time call http://www.geocities.com/capitolhill/4834