I couldn`t have a website without having a laugh somewhere along the line, so here it is, in all it`s glory!
Most of the jokes and "bumper stickers" can be found on a joke site that i will name a little later on down the page, so if you want more laughs after this little assortment, click on the appropriate logo and have a good time!
The Story of Jack Schitt.
Many people are at a loss for words when someone says"You know Jack Schitt!."Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O.Schitt.Awe Schitt,the fertilizer magnate,married O.Schitt,the owner of Needeep N.Schitt Inc.They had one son Jack, who in turn, married Noe Schitt, and they had 6 children:Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.Against her parents wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out.However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name, she was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son with a nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.The two other children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.The newspaper announcement read; The Schitt-Happens wedding.The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Hoarse Schitt. Meanwhile, Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, who left home to tour the world, had recently returned home from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Family History Recorded By Crock O. Schitt.
So now when someone says "You know Jack Schitt," you can correct them!
A hacked off wife, was complaining about her husband spending all his free time at the pub. So one night he took her along with him. "What`ll you have?" he asked his wife. "Oh, i don`t know, the same as you i suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniels and threw his down his neck in one go. His wife watched carefully, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuk!, that`s TERRIBLE!," she spluttered, "I don`t know how you can drink that stuff!". "Well, there you go then," cried the husband, "And you think i`m out enjoying myself every night!".
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walks into his local pub and orders a pint. The landlord thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.
"I`m scared out of my mind," the stud replied, "Some peed off husband wrote to me and said he`d kill me if i didn`t stop sleeping with his wife."
"So stop," says the landlord. "I can`t," replies the stud. "The jerk didn`t sign his name!."
A man walks into a pub and asks the landlord for a 12 year old Scotch, "And don`t try to fool me cos i know the difference,"The landlord is skeptical and decides to trick the man with a 5 year Scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says "Oi,this is 5 year Scotch, take this rubbish away and get me a 12 year Scotch, like i told you". The landlord decides to fool him once more with an 8 year Scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says "This is 8 year old filth, give me a 12 year Scotch!".
Impressed, the landlord gets the 12 year old Scotch and gives a glass to the man. "Ah...now that`s the real thing." he says. All the time this has been happening, a disgusting, filthy, crusty drunk has been watching with great interest. He stumbles over to the man at the bar and says, "Hey, i think that`s great what you can do, why don`t you try this one?".
The man takes a sip and immediately spits it out and cries, "Yechhh!This tastes like pee!,". The drunk replies, "Yeah, so how old am i?."
Now for some amusing "bumper stickers"that i`ve found.I hope they amuse you too!
Kids in the back seat cause accidents...Accidents in the back seat cause kids!
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot!
One tequilla, Two tequilla, Three tequilla, FLOOR!
If a man is talking in the woods, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Be nice to your kids...they chose your nursing home!
Lead me not into temptation...I can find the way myself!
He who hesitates...is probably right.
A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
I souport publik edekashun.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
If at first you don`t succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried!
Experience is something you don`t get until just after you need it!
The links below should give you and your mates lots of laughs! These are tried and tested, cos i`ve done them myself!Have some fun,Play a trick on your mates!
Camera Shy?
Official Indecency Letter
Cards for all Occasions,send them to your friends!
Blue Mountain Cards
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