Calgon's Nautical Dictionary
(So you can impress people without having to carry around a cell phone)
Nautical terminology was once explained to me as, "Port - Left. Starboard - Right. Forward - That way. Aft - That way. Now, pay attention boy, or I'll throw your butt out that little round window in the wall!"
So, if you really want to win that wonderful coffee mug or key chain with the ships' logo at the next trivia contest, the following may be helpful ...
A
Abeam - off the side of the ship, at a right angle to the ship.
Above Board - commonly used expression meaning "Utterly fair - nothing hidden". Things "above board" were on or above the upper deck and so open for all to see.
Abovedeck - upstairs.
Adrift - anyone or anything that cannot be found when it is wanted, floating without power (see Sea-Lawyer).
Afloat - where you are when the ship is not in a port-of-call.
Aft - near or towards the back half of the ship (see astern).
Ahoy - sailor talk for "Hey there Good Buddy!".
Alleyway - a passageway or corridor.
Amidships - halfway between the pointy end and the other end.
Anchor - a big fishhook shaped thing used to wake you up every morning (especially if your room is in the pointy end).
Anchorage - where the Captain parks the ship, not attached to the shore.
Ashore - where you are when the ship is in a port-of-call; also, where landlubbers hang out. Not a nice place.
Astern - backwards, away from the pointy end (see aft).
Athwartships - across the ship, from side to side.
Atoll - one or more low-lying coral islands containing a lagoon.
Avast - means Hold! Enough! Finish! It comes from the Italian word "Basta".
Aye-Aye - sailor talk for "Yessir!", comes from "Yes sir, we see 'eye-to-eye' on that. I understand you completely."
B
Backwash - motion in the water caused by the ship moving in reverse.
Ballast - Weight placed in a ship, to balance her out (so she rides level). Also, a term sometimes used in reference to cruise passengers, especially after the Midnight Buffet.
Bale - to remove water, comes from the old name "boyle" for a bucket. What one used to remove the water with.
Bar - a sandbar, usually caused by currents of tidal conditions.
Barge - all other ships.
Bay - an inlet of the sea, or other body of water, usually smaller than a gulf.
Beam - width of the ship (amidships) at the widest point.
Bearing - compass direction, usually expressed in degrees, from the bridge of the ship to a particular object or destination.
Beaufort Scale - Measures wind speed. Often referred to as, "Force Two", "Force Three", etc. (see below).
0 - less than 1 knot / Calm
1 - 1 - 3 knots / Light Airs
2 - 4 - 6 knots / Light Breeze
3 - 7-10 knots / Gentle Breeze
4 - 11-16 knots / Moderate Breeze
5 - 17-21 knots / Fresh Breeze
6 - 22-27 knots / Strong Breeze
7 - 28-33 knots / Moderate Gale
8 - 34-40 knots / Fresh Gale
9 - 41-47 knots / Strong Gale
10 - 48-55 knots / Whole Gale
11 - 56-63 knots / Storm
12 - above 63 knots / Hurricane
Belay - to make fast or secure, to cease whatever one is doing.
Belowdeck - downstairs.
Bells - audible sounding of the ship's time. One bell for each half hour to a total of eight, commencing at half past the hours of 4:00, 8:00 and 12:00.
1 bell - 4:30, 8:30, 12:30
2 bells - 5:00, 9:00, 1:00
3 bells - 5:30, 9:30, 1:30
4 bells - 6:00, 10:00, 2:00
5 bells - 6:30, 10:30, 2:30
6 bells - 7:00, 11:00, 3:00
7 bells - 7:30, 11:30, 3:30
8 bells - 8:00, 12:00, 4:00
Berth - dock, pier, quay (for a ship); a bed (for people).
Best Cruise - your last cruise and your next cruise.
Better Half - slang name for a wife; she is sometimes referred to as one's "improper fraction"
Bilge - the part of the hull below the waterline, inside the ship.
Binnacle - the housing for the ships compass.
Boat - the tenders and lifeboats. Boats don't carry boats; ships carry boats.
Bow - the pointy end of the ship.
Breeze - Hurricane.
Bridge - the Captain's "office". Where the ship is driven from.
Bluenose - by landlubber standards - a prude. By nautical standards - one who has sailed above the Arctic Circle or below the Antarctic Circle, also anyone from Nova cotia.
Bluejackets - The worker bees of the ship. Deckhands, grease monkeys, and all those who really make the ship get where it's going.
Brass Hat - slang name for the uniform cap worn by officers; hence generically used to refer to such officers themselves.
Bright Work - Polished metal fittings in a ship.
Bulkhead - the wall.
Bulwark - side of the ship at, or near, the main deck.
C
C-Mail - E-Mail sent to landlubbers, by cruisers, from on-board cyber-cafes. Usually conveying messages along the lines of, "Nyah, nyah, nyah. We're eating lobster and you're eating leftovers (again)!" (see Sea-Mail and Sail-Mail).
Cabin - your room. Outside Cabins have a window has a square or rectangular panel of glass with light coming through. If the glass is round, it is a Porthole. If you fling the curtains open and find yourself facing a blank wall, you have an Inside Cabin.
Cable - one-tenth of a sea mile - 608 ft. The length of a ship's hemp anchor cable was formerly 101 fathoms. 100 fathoms = 1 cable / 10 cables = 1 nautical mile (very nearly) (kinda? sorta?)
Caboodle - your belongings (what you pack in your kit).
Calgon - An obsessive/compulsive list maker and all around strange duck. Can often be found lurking in travel chat rooms and bulletin boards. Holds a special fascination for cruise travel. E-Mail: Calgon1@Yahoo.Com
Captain - the king/queen bee. THE BOSS.
Card Room - the refuge of avid bridge players whose conversation beyond bids is limited to port of call observations such as, "It's only Hong Kong, shut up and deal." Only a masochist should let himself be roped into being a fourth for bridge after lunch.
Cargo - baggage (what you will feel like after breakfast in bed, continental breakfast on your balcony, three main meals, two buffets, morning pastries, afternoon tea, a couple BBQs, 24 hour room service and a few snacks per day for a week).
Casino - where optimists arrive and pessimists depart.
Cat - Catamaran or Cat O' Nine Tails
Cat Is Out Of The Bag - meaning "The secret is out and it's too late to do anything about it". From the practice of keeping the cat o' nine tails in a red baize bag and not removing it until the offender was secured to the gratings and there was no possibility of a reprieve. To quote Private Pile, "Surprise, surprise, surprise!"
Children's Pool - can be identified by a distinct lack of children; most prefer the hot tub.
Crew - everyone who helps sail the ship ... except the Captain.
D
Davy Jones' Locker - one story is that DAVY is a corruption of DUFFY, which means a ghost, and the JONES is a corruption of JONAH: thus Davy Jones means the Ghost of Jonah.
Deck - the floor.
Dining Room Tables - rarely come with only two chairs but most often in fours, sixes, eights or even tens. Couples who worry about being bored (or boring) are safer at tables of six or more. After dining together throughout the cruise, passengers always wind up sending Christmas cards to each other.
Disco - the place to meet junior officers in white uniforms late at night. On party ships, they flash with neon and rock videos and throb with sound. Never, ever book a cabin over, under or beside the disco.
Dispensary - medical clinic, where medications are "dispensed" from (see Infirmary).
Dock - a pier or jetty, attached to the shore, where the Captain "parks" the ship.
Draft - how much of the hull is below the waterline.
Duty-Free Shops - the places to buy Lladro porcelain, Rolex watches, sequined garments and other useless items. Essentials such as toothpaste, aspirin and sunblock are harder to find since the profit margin is considerably smaller.
E
Elevators - should be avoided at all costs, since the exercise of going up and down stairs is a major defense against weight gain. Elevators should only be used in an emergency except, of course, they do not operate during emergencies. (see Punch-Button)
Emerald Flash - an intense burst of green light, which appears for a split second when the morning sun breaks the horizon and the evening sun, sets! The explination has something to do with the physics of light being bent by the Earth's gravitational field ... but that's way beyond my ability to understand ..
F
Fathom - A measurement of six feet; it was the distance between the tips of middle fingers when the arms are outstretched sideways to their fullest extent (the word >comes from the Danish "favn", meaning "arms extended"). 100 fathoms = 1 cable; 10 cables = 1 mile; 3 miles = 1 league.
Feeding Frenzy - What happens when a keel-hauled sea-lawyer is thrown overboard. Also, the first midnight buffet!
Flare - The upward and outward curve of a ship's sides at the pointy end.
Flotsam - floating cargo etc., freed from a wreck or thrown overboard to lighten the ship. (see Jetsam)
Fish Bait - passengers who reserve deck chairs and don't use them (see overboard)
Foghorn - a signaling device used to warn others of danger or extreme distress. Also, what your spouse sounds like asleep, what you sound like when the galley runs out of lobster, and what you both sound like when the Purser presents you with your final super-charge bill at the end of the cruise!!!
Forward (Ford) - toward the pointy end.
Freeboard - the part of the hull or weatherdeck that is above the waterline.
G
Galley - the kitchen (and one of the most amazing examples of creativity, choreography, and time management you will ever experience).
Ganja - 3 to 5 in The Big House.
Gangway - a stairwell on the ship, or a ramp leading into/out of the ship. A prime location for the ship's photographers to hang out and create traffic jams. Also what is often heard shouted in the passageways when the buffet is served!
Gangplank - the ramp you use to get on and off the ship.
Garbage Scow - see Barge.
Gourmand - a noun; an epicure, bon vivant, gastronome, gastronomer, gastronomist; one who is a connoisseur of eating and drinking.
Gourmet - an adjective; applied to food or beverage of extremely high quality; but more commonly used as a noun to identify one who lives on Burger Queen, Dairy King, and Pizza Prince, for 50 weeks of the year, and, immediately upon embarkation, suddenly becomes the world's foremost authority on Haute Cuisine. Can usually be found loudly arguing the merits of sparkling wines over Dom Pérignon, all the while sending his steak tartar back because it wasn't "well done"!
Grog - a mixture of one-eighth of a pint (1 gill) of rum with two pints of water (i.e., 1 part rum, 2 parts water).
Guest - you, at the start of the cruise (see Passenger).
Gulf - a part of an ocean or sea, extending into the land.
Gull - see Seagull.
Gunwale (Gun-L) - the rail or upper edge of the deck where it meets the hull.
H
Hatch - a door (may be vertical or horizontal).
Hatchway - the frame a hatch fits into (think of a doorway).
Hawser - a really big rope, used to tie the ship to the shore (or other ships). Usually a number of ropes, braided and about four inches or more diameter.
Head - a bathroom.
Hold - a really big room with the main hatch (door) set in the ceiling (overhead). Used for storing cargo.
Hot-Tub - where you go to relax at the end of a long hard day of vacationing only to find a dozen children yelling, splashing, with diapers and other pool toys
clogging the filters.
Hull - the outer shell of the ship.
I
Infirmary - medical clinic where the "infirm" are. (see Dispensary.).
J
Jetsam - sunken cargo etc. which has been thrown overboard from a ship to lighten the ship (see Flotsam).
Jogging Track - found on many of the newer ships. Never book a cabin under the jogging track.
K
Keelhauling - a particularly nasty form of discipline at sea. Usually reserved for those who insult the Captain, or use cell phones while on vacation! This barbarous punishment consisted of a rope being rove beneath the ship's bottom, the unfortunate wretch under punishment being, by this means, dragged under the ship, from side to side.
Kid's Club - a refuge for children seeking escape from bingo or dance lessons. On many ships, adults are "restricted" from access while the young folks have their own nightclub serving "mock"tails, MTV and video games.
Kit - your luggage.
Knot - One sea mile per hour. The word comes from the knots marking the log line, the speed being worked out from the number of knots that run out during the time measured by a sand-glass. A knot is a spend, not a distance - thus to refer to "so many knots an hour" is wrong. The log line referred to is, of course, the original log-line, i.e., a piece of rope whose length was marked by knots in the rope, to the end of which was attached some form of sea-anchor (e.g. bucket) which would keep the end of the line stationary, relative to the ship and so enable the distance run during the time of the sand glass to be computed by counting the knots. Getting confused? It gets worse later on.
L
Lagoon - an area of water enclosed, or nearly enclosed, by a reef or atoll.
Landlubber - Any poor, unfortunate soul who is not cruising.
Leeward (Lou-word) - away from the wind.
Library - the place to find books to read. They are also populated by competitive trivia quiz aficionados looking up answers in order to win still another bookmark or key chain. You can tell how much your cruise line trusts you by noting whether the glass cases are locked or unlocked.
Lifeboat - those things that hang outside your cabin window blocking your view and what the RMS Titanic didn't have enough of.
Life Jackets - somewhere within the closet or under the bed, appear humorous at first glance but are extremely important should there be a problem at sea. Always attend the lifeboat drill and never leave without learning to don the jacket properly, check for the whistle and light, and find which lifeboat is yours. DO NOT blow the whistle (which has already been in 10,000 mouths)!
Life Raft - collapsible lifeboat (usually stored in oval shaped, white containers on the deck).
Line - rope.
Locker - a closet designed to remind you that you should have left behind half the clothes you brought.
Love Boat, The - Your ship.
M
Meal Seatings - the arbitrary times the cruise line has decided its passengers will eat. First (Main) Seating offers breakfast at 7 a.m., lunch at noon and dinner at 6 or 6:30 p.m.; but, Second (Late) Seating passengers dine fashionably at 8 or 8:30 a.m., breakfast at a comfortable 8:30 or 9 a.m. in the morning, but can't have lunch until 1:30 p.m. This is why three-hour deck buffet breakfasts and lunches were invented.
Midnight Buffet - Held on most cruise ships between 11:30 PM and Midnight each evening. Considered by many to be a great photo-opportunity, but viewed by most as, "I paid for it, and by God, I'm going to eat it!" (see Feeding Frenzy and Cargo).
Mist - fog.
Monkey's Fist - a spherical or oblong knot at the end of a line. When a ship is making fast (getting tied up to) the shore, a sailor will throw a Monkey's Fist to the line handlers on the dock. They will use that smaller line to bring the hawswer ashore.
N
Nautical Mile - the international nautical mile is 6076.1 feet; the British nautical mile is 6080 British imperial feet (6 feet = 1 Fathom, 100 fathoms = 1 cable, 10
cables = 1 mile, 3 miles = 1 league); the US nautical mile is 6080.2 US feet; the French nautical mile is 1852 meters. Confused now? Welcome to Calgon's World!
Neptune - Norse god of the sea.
Nipper - the sailor whose job it was to 'nip' a sailing ship's anchor cable to the endless belt activated by the capstan when the anchor was being weighed were always the smallest and youngest men on board. Hence the word 'nipper' has come to mean a youngster.
Northern Lights - The Aurora Borealis.
Notices - The papers that arrive under the cabin door are not junk mail. Each has some message to impart, whether it is the full schedule of activities for the next day with the suggested dress code for the evening or a 20 percent discount on perfume or gold chains in the gift shop. Read all papers shoved under the door, no matter how boring they appear. One might be an invitation to dine at the Captain's table.
O
Ocean - one of six great bodies of salt water, of the first rank. Usually separating continents.
Officers - the "bumble (grumble) bees", supervisors, managers, department heads and directors (junior bosses).
Overboard - oops!
Overhead - the ceiling.
P
Passageway - a hallway
Passenger - you, at the start of the cruise (see Guest).
Photo Galleries - where the ship's photographers display all those pictures of passengers they've snapped at odd moments throughout the cruise. Always crowded with people buying photos they want to keep and others buying photos they don't want anyone else to see.
Pitch - the up and down motion of the ship (teeter-totter).
Pollywog - a poor unfortunate who has never had the privilege of having crossed the Equator by ship.
Pool - may be mistaken for a birdbath or fountain. Fancy pools have swim-up bars and waterfalls. One word of warning: most cruise ship swimming pools are SALT WATER.
Port - the left side (remember "port" - 4 letters / "left" - 4 letters).
Portal - an opening.
Ports-of-call - the places the ship visits.
Portholes - those little round windows in the wall.
Posh - that which is superior, is said to come from the P. & O. Steam Navigation Company's abbreviation for the phrase "Port Outward, Starboard Homeward", which cabins are the cooler in the Red Sea and so the more attractive to passengers.
Prairie Oyster - a hangover remedy composed of port wine, Worcester (what's-this-here?) sauce, red pepper, mustard and the unbroken yolk of an egg.
Promenade - the (usually) outside walking deck that goes around the ship. Beware of high winds up toward the pointy end.
Punch-Button - a game children play on the elevators (see Overboard).
Punt - name given to the raft used by the side party for work about the ship's water line. Also serves as a floating dock for passengers using tenders to shuttle to/from shore.
Purser - the chief accountant on the ship (see Foghorn).
Purser's Desk - usually located in the lobby. It's the desk with the long line of people waiting to register a complaint, break a $100 bill into singles or buy postage stamps.
Q
R
Radio Room - where you arrange to pay $15 a minute to send a fax to your office or make a call home to your answering machine and find out bad news that ruins your vacation.
Rain - liquid sunshine.
Rat Guard - a big Frisbee sort of thing, placed on the hawsers securing the ship to the shore. Used to keep rats from climbing the hawsers and thereby gaining unauthorized entry to the ship. I suppose that if they want authorized entry, they have to go through a Travel Agent just like we did.
Roll - the sideways tip of the ship from left to right to left to right to left to right to left to .......
Room to Swing A Cat - meaning the space required for any particular job. This does not refer to the domestic animal, but to the cat-o'-nine' tails.
S
Saint Elmo's Fire - an electrical phenomenon which appears on the trucks (ends) of the masts and at the yard-arms in the form of faint glowing balls of light during an electric storm.
Salon - where all the women on board gather between 5 and 7 p.m. on formal nights. Evil hairdressers direct them back to their cabins via the deck, where the wind destroys the comb-out and everything has to be done all over.
Sail-Mail - see C-Mail and Sea-Mail.
Scupper - a hole in the gunwale, which allows water to run off the deck.
Sea - a great body of salt water, of the second rank. Usually landlocked, or nearly so.
Seagull - a rat with wings.
Sea-Lawyer - a "problem passenger or crew member" (see Overboard)(see Keelhauling).
Sea-Mail - see C-Mail and Sail-Mail.
Shore Excursion Desk - where you go to buy overpriced bus tours of minor Mexican cities which always stop at the cathedral, the cliff-divers and then an hour-long shopping opportunity at the gift shop of the guide's cousin.
Shellback - one who has crossed the equator on a ship.
Snail-Mail - regular mail, sent from address to address, using postage.
Spa - where "the little lady" will go for "treatment". The purpose of these "treatments" are to, A) gracefully inform her that she has a terminal skin disease, hair beyond redemption, corns, calluses, bunions, and nails (toe and finger) which closely resemble those of The Missing Link, but B) "just happen" to be curable, with immediate application of the proper combination of, C) lotions, oils, ointments, massages, wraps, aromatherapy, seaweed, mud, peels, sauna, and a dozen other things, which D) they "just happen" to have in stock in sufficient quantities to bankrupt a small nation, but which "just happen" to be on a special reduction sale for only ... how much credit is left on your card?
SOLAS - Safety Of Life At Sea. A set of international rules and laws to protect people, ships, companies, countries and the environment.
Southern Lights - The Aurora Australia.
Squall - brief rain shower.
Stack - the chimney thing where the cruise line displays its logo/emblem. Never sit in a deck chair downwind of the stack without checking first wiping it with a
towel!
Staff - the folks who handle the passenger service and survive on your tips.
Starboard - the other (right) side . In the earliest ships there was no rudder and the ship was steered by a Steerboard" (large oar or sweep) sited over the right-hand side of the stern; hence that side of the ship came to be known as the Starboard side.
Stabilizers - wing like things that extend out from the hull and significantly reduce roll.
Stern - the part farthest from the pointy end.
Stow - put stuff away.
Suite - everyone else's room.
SunFlower Star - Calgon's long suffering best half. Often observed surveying the aftermath of a Calgon feeding frenzy (see Midnight Buffet), shaking her head and wishing she could quietly, safely and unobtrusively abandon ship! E-Mail: SunFlower_Star@Yahoo.Com
T
Tender - a lifeboat that serves double duty by ferrying passengers ashore at ports-of-call.
Tonnage -
- Long Ton / the English ton of 2240 lbs; 2240 lbs was the average weight of a tun (a BIG barrel) of wine whose capacity was fixed by law in 1434 as 252 gallons.
- Short Ton / the American ton of 2000 lbs.
- Metric Ton / one thousand killograms (2204.6 lbs).
- Register Ton - unit of internal capacity of a ship = 100 cu ft.
- Displacement Ton / unit approximately equal to the volume of a long ton weight of sea water (35 cu ft), used in reckoning the displacement of ships.
Thrusters - fan like things, under the waterline, that move the ship sideways.
Two Digit Midget - Anyone who is departing on a cruise in less than 100 days ("99 days" - two digits - get it?)
U
Underway - moving.
V
Vacuum Toilet - flushes with a loud "whoooosh," along with a tub or shower and wash basin are found in each cabin's private bathroom. DO NOT flush while sitting! The best toilets have the flushing device situated where it cannot be activated until the toilet lid is closed, an essential safety feature for absent-minded passengers.
W
Wake - the disturbed part of the water behind the ship's path.
Waterline - the part of the hull where the water stops.
Weather - a storm.
Weatherdeck - outer deck (or hull) exposed to the weather.
White Hats - junior bosses, foremen (forewomen), and supervisors of the Blue Jackets (see Officers).
Windward - toward the wind.
X-Y-Z
Yaw - the swing of the ship from left to right, horizontally.
Again, we hope you have a fantastic cruise, the galley has a never ending supply of lobster, the sun always shines, the moon is always full, the seas are calm and it
only rains when you are asleep. Write and let us know how things went.
BON VOYAGE!!!!!
Calgon and SunFlower Star
( Calgon1@Yahoo.Com )
You are visitor number
since May 30th, 2000