Title: Contemplation
Part: 1
Author: Kathryn
Email: Practicallyperfect@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Me no own.
Summary: It's all vague like with Knocking at the Door.
Category: Michael/Maria
Rating: PG
Spoilers: If you are spoiler free do not read. I read the spoilers, I write what might possibly happen. You have been warned.

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I'm sitting here on the couch watching the television. For all that I'm seeing, I might as well be watching a blank screen. I'm hearing the voices in my head, voices telling me that I'm making the biggest mistake of my short life.

She's asleep in the bedroom. Previously my bedroom, now technically it's ours. After she told her parents of her condition, she's been spending a lot more time here. She doesn't want to be around them to much.

With her I feel a sense of belonging. I can't explain it. I've analyzed this from a million different viewpoints. The most logical explanation is that our home planet has a sort of mating system where you are put with one person and linked to them for life.

That's why I feel so attached to her. That's why the dreams happened.

Those damn dreams. How could I do that even in the dream world? Turns out the dream world is more realistic then we thought. She's carrying my child.

It's not that I don't love her. I do. But, not in that way. We feel the biological sense of belonging, but between us it's more like sibling love.

It contains nothing of the passion and love I felt with Maria. She was my light in the darkness, my anchor in this turbulent world. Nothing between us was platonic. But, there's no going back. I've gotten another women pregnant, and I've lost her.

I told her that there could be no us anymore. That I had to uphold my responsibility to my unborn child. I told her that I couldn't feel anything for her but friendship. I saw the pain in her eyes as I walked away and pretended it was all for the best.

I should be happy. I have most of what I wanted. I have a family. I have my twin sister with me. Someone who I didn't even know existed not too long ago. I am going to even have a more extended family with a baby coming. But, I'm not.

I don't have love. She still holds my heart with her.

I check to make sure Isabel is asleep in the next room, and pull out my wallet. I take out the faded picture. It was her school picture. It's now all rumpled and near destroyed from being kept in there.

She smiles back at me. Her beautiful face reminds me of what I've lost, of what I will never have. I have responsibilities, obligations that don't include her. I wonder if she's smiling now. I can't believe she would though. I broke her heart, and at the same time broke mine.

I hear Isabel fidget in the bed, and sigh deeply. She's my life now. She's what has to matter. Her and our child. She's accepted this all faster than I have, but she never found love before finding me.

I can't have Maria, I can't go back to her, even though it's all I wanted to do. She got through to me in a way that Isabel can't. Isabel may be my alien soulmate, but Maria is all I want.

I stand up, careful not to wake her in the next room. I walk over to the kitchen. I see the fridge magnets Maria gave me, hanging on the fridge and I feel a clenching pain in my chest. The scary thing is, is that's all I have left of her. Al other signs of her have been moved from my apartment. They are too painful, not only for Isabel, but for me as well.

I hold her picture in my hand as I turn on the burner to the stove. As it heats up, I stare at the picture, wishing I could make her smile like that again. Wishing I was with her. Wishing above all else that I hadn't become so attached.

I close my eyes and throw her photo onto the burner. It starts to burn instantly, her face melting and dissolving.

I've ruined the picture, just like I ruined our relationship and her life. I turn off the burner, and all that's left is a little pile of ashes. All that's left of her, all that's left of us.

I run my hands through my rumpled hair, and start towards the bedroom. Start towards the woman who now has to be my life. Has to be my life no matter what I want, no matter where my heart is right now.

The End