Family Values and the Bible

United States politicians are still ranting about family values, as if there were disagreement about the subject. Remember that the cry was started by fundamentalist religious leaders, implying that the Bible actually supports strong families. Christians (and Jews, too) might be surprised to learn that the Bible is, on balance, not in favor of what we usually think of as family values.

The two pro-family preachments "Honor thy father and thy mother" (Exodus 20:12), and "What G-d has joined together, let no man put asunder" (Matt. 19:6, Mark 10:9) become just empty slogans when considered alongside the many specific and direct ANTI-family statements and examples in the Bible:

• Right from the beginning, the bearing of children is made a punishment. In sorrow shalt thou bring forth children (Genesis 3:16); and later, "Woe unto them that are with child and to them that give suck in those days "(Matt. 24:19, Mark 13:17, Luke 21:23. See also Luke 23:29). Not encouraging words for a young religious couple about to start a family. I thought that family values meant for children to be a blessing, rather than a curse.

• Abraham actually started to kill his young son, because G-d told him to, and that's presented as a virtue (Genesis 22:1-12, James 2:21). It's an example of blind obedience, but NOT of parental devotion and protectiveness! Even today we sometimes have people told by G-d to kill their children, and they do it; it happened right here in Lincoln, Nebraska some years ago. And it's not uncommon to read of parents refusing medical care for their deathly-ill child because of some biblical passage.

• Jephthah did kill his own daughter, because of an ill-considered vow he made (Judges 11:30-39). Even though the killing didn't occur for two months, G-d did not see fit to release Jephthah from his vow. (The Bible seems to imply that the main tragedy was that she died a virgin.)

• Abraham's wife Hagar and their child Ishmael got booted out into the wilderness, for no reason except that his other wife, Sarah, was jealous (Genesis 21:14). The Bible shows no criticism, and Abraham and Sarah continued to prosper.

• Most of us would say that incest is against the interests of the family. Yet Lot, whom the Bible considers to be a very good man, had sex with his two daughters (Genesis 19:33-36); and there was no punishment for either Lot or the daughters. Indeed, it might well be argued that Lot must have had divine help in this, since he was able to perform sexually despite being both very old and very drunk. In defense of the girls, it must be noted that they had no mother to guide them, because some time earlier G-d got peeved and killed her (Genesis 19:26), and apparently also the two men who were engaged to marry the girls (Genesis 19:14).

• In order to gain favor with a king, Abraham said that his wife was his sister, and offered her to the king for sex. This happened twice (Genesis 12:11 and Genesis 20:2). Isaac did a similar thing (Genesis 26:6-10). And Lot (Genesis 19:8) once offered his virgin daughters to be used by a mob at Sodom. (St. Peter called Lot a "righteous man", 2 Peter 2:8)

• Jacob tricked his own brother Esau of his inheritance (Genesis 25:31-33). Then he lied to his dying father about it (Genesis 27:19). And G-d loved Jacob and hated Esau, the victim (Malachi 1:3, Romans 9:13).

• The last of the plagues brought upon the Egyptians was the death of all their first-born children, because "The L-rd hardened the heart of Pharaoh" (Exodus 9:12, 10:1, 10:20, 10:27, 11:10). Couldn't he have SOFTENED Pharaoh's heart and spared all those innocent children? Maybe Egyptian families don't matter.

• Jesus ridiculed his own mother in public: "Woman, what have I to do with thee?" (John 2:4) This, of course, was a direct violation of the commandment about honoring one's parents, which Jesus said he agreed with (Matt. 15:4 and several other places). On another occasion he refused to see his mother and brothers, answering their request with a wisecrack (Matt. 12:46-50). And when someone praised Mary, Jesus disagreed (Luke 11:27-8).

• Many families include children who were conceived out of wedlock. Deuteronomy 23:2 tells us to discriminate against such children and their descendants: "A bastard may not enter into the congregation of the L-rd; even unto the tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the L-rd."

• Although half of a family consists of women, the Old and New Testaments have enough approved-of degradation of women to make a small book on that subject. (Woe to the Women - The Bible Tells Me So, by Annie Laurie Gaylor, 1981)

• Jesus promised his followers great rewards if they would desert their wives and children (Matt. 19:29). And in the old testament too, "it was good for men to put away their wives" (Ezra 10:19).

• Jesus says very clearly that anyone who wants to be his disciple must hate his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters (Luke 14:26).

• And then there is: "For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household" (Matt. 10:35-36). Does it indicate a pro- family attitude of Jesus, when such things are the result of, if not the reason for, his coming? Is this a sample of the good news some evangelists keep proclaiming?

Believers might wiggle and twist, and do apologetics on every one of these examples. But it remains a fact that they are all against what we generally consider to be "family values".