The anticipation of the holiday and the festivities of holidays can be stressful. It is really no wonder that people who expect to have the perfect holiday are set up for feeling stressed out over the holidays. A person will get very disappointed if he or she expects to get along with the entire family when historically, it never happened before, just because it is the holiday season. Pegging the holidays as a magical time for curing all past problems is not being realistic and will get you into trouble.

1. How can you deal with continuing family problems during the holidays?

   Being realistic is the first step. If you have bad feelings about someone, try and avoid him or her and not make an issue of it but don't pretend that all is well. This will enable you to feel true to yourself and less stressed out.

2. Do financial pressures stress people to the point of ruining the holiday spirit?

   Knowing your spending limit is also a way to relieve holiday stress ... People believe that they have to go out and buy all these gifts just because it's the holidays ... regardless of their real financial ability to do this ... Not only is it stressful to feel that you have to buy everyone an expensive gift, but you'll be stressed for the rest of the year trying to pay off your bills.

   Avoid having an idealized version of what one should be doing and what one should be spending. Don't listen to the hype of "if you really love your wife, your going to give her that diamond necklace" ... when you can barely cover your mortgage or car payment. Recognize it as what it is, hype (foolishness), and that it's necessary advertising that stores have to do to stay in business and not necessarily about the holiday. You can always show love and caring by getting something that you know is meaningful and personal for that person which doesn't have to cost a lot.

3. How do time pressures affect people around the holidays?

   It's known that people should not have to put their lives on pause or totally rearrange their schedules because of the holidays - We have to remember that we are all individuals and have our own way of doing things ... You'll have to tune out all the hype, all the idealized images of what home should be like, especially as seen in old movies ... Hollywood can really do a job on you.

4. How does a person deal with the holidays when he or she is chronically sick?

   Whatever the holiday is, be careful about someone who is chronically ill, that person might still feel "under the weather." And it is harder if the family is putting pressure on that person to be jovial or is in denial about the person's illness. It is helpful if the ill person can let family members know that holiday time doesn't cure the illness and that he or she is not a party pooper for not feeling well.

5. How does a person deal with the holidays when he or she has just experienced a recent tragedy, death or romantic break-up?

   All right, if someone is feeling really out of sorts because of any chronic or current stressors, like a death or recent romantic break-up, avoid pushing that person into the festivities. Why? Because the festivities might be so out of sync with how that person is feeling And if you are in this situation, try and articulate what you need from those around you -- since they may not know how to help you ... and ask for their understanding if you decline to engage in any activity.

6. Is it harder or easier over the holidays when your family is local or if they live in another area?

   Living in the same city with your family can be positive and negative ... If they live in the same city, then at least you can go home. If you have to travel, that can be stressful if you end up staying with family that you don't get along with. If you do get along, holidays can be fine because then you are not seeing this as an obligation but as an opportunity to spend time with them.

7. What are some good coping strategies?

   There comes a point during the holiday season when you can't stand to hear one more holiday song. People can handle this better by not having unrealistic expectations, by tuning out the idealistic version of the holiday, by turning off the radio and not watching every holiday special on TV. And you don't have to accept every party invitation either ... use discretion, it's your life, your time.

8. How do you cope with kids who want everything and have no sense of what things cost?

   Parents need to tell their children to be realistic. It is all right to say to your child that a certain toy is too expensive ... and that everyone has limited funds (and sometimes unlimited wants), and that everyone has to make choices as to what is important to have as opposed to what one wants (needs versus wants). It's not easy, but that's elementary economics. Where presents are involved, the child should know that the parent will make the best choice. Children have to learn that their wish is not someone's command and to curb their desires for instant gratification.

9. What can you tell someone who is dreading the holidays?

   Most people dread the holidays because their inner experience is so different from what is being hyped ... You have to trust your own instincts, and never try to be what you are not ... Just keep up your normal routine, and know that this day will pass too. I heard it said, for commercial/economic reasons alone, for the ecomomy to survive, if certain holidays didn't exist, they would have to be invented ... shhhh, enough said, zip, zip, zip, I said nothing, my mouth is sealed.

If, however, you are unable to shake what you think are "holiday blues" your feelings may not be about the holidays, but about other things in your life. If you need help in sorting out or dealing with this issue, there is a psychologist, some person with the training to help you do this. Call 1-800-964-2000 to be connected with the state psychological association referral network that's in your area. But be very careful, the wrong one can do a number on you, or your family. Don't say Brighton Beach Buddy didn't warn you, he's warning you now.