9.25.01
jocelynmyoung: reasons to be happy you don't have television #4,765
jocelynmyoung: Love Cruise: The Maiden Voyage
jocelynmyoung: Episode #101.
In a quest for love and prizes, 16 men and women on a cruise ship compete in challenges.
Phineas: I think this is why relationships are so hard. Not enough prizes.
Phineas: People would be more inclined to stick with a marriage if there was a chance to win a car.
9.13.01
the struggle to understand any part of what has happened in the last 48 hours has been difficult, without saying. without expounding upon my range of emotions, i can only share how i set out to process things.
i have always found it difficult - my my own fault entirely - to remain up to date on the foreign policies of the united states. i have varying degrees of personal conviction about the balance of humanitarian intent and economic or strategic motivation. in a perfect world, our government would offer support only in circumstances where basic human rights are being violated, where humanitarian efforts need to be met. it is not a perfect world. it is nearly impossible to balance all interests of all parties. and yes, our government has made many decisions based only on economic or strategic factors.
i set out yesterday to read perspectives on our foreign policies. in Israel, in Afganistan, in Saudi Arabia, in Croatia, etc. i was compelled to do this by the President's statement of no difference between the terrorists and those who harbor them, and the complicated innuendo swirling around Osama bin Laden and Afganistan granting him status as a guest.
i have been aware of the Taliban's grievous mistreatment of women in Afganistan, but i felt i needed to more clearly understand why the Taliban interprets the Koran with the dictates that they do. i wanted to understand the differences in Islamic factions. i wanted to understand why Osama bin Laden used to fight in Saudi Arabia but is now the supreme commander of the military forces of the Taliban regime. i wanted to understand all of the implications of any conflict with any of these regions and, i emphasize this greatly: whether or not i agree with the manner in which the investigation is being handled or the direction in which said investigation migrates. it is my responsibility to be able to answer my son's questions about Osama bin Laden and the Taliban, and it is my responsibility to be able to speak intelligently about the way that people feel about their own religion and culture. not because i would speak with any conviction about who has committed this crime, but because children and adults alike are not impervious to suggestion. it is as foolish to blindly lash out at any party that cannot be assuredly convicted of responsibility as to not understand why accusations are being mounted in a certain direction. this is not racism or jumping to conclusions. it is collecting and processing information.
so. i read this. and this. and this. i search and searched for something from afganistan. i looked for perspective from people who supported the Taliban that could garner perspective to my western mind. what is the primary basis of this opposition to the United States? i will not say anything except that trying to understand any part of this has left me with a visceral reaction and a heavy heart. i am not saying that the Taliban cannot be understood. i am admitting that there is no way that i personally will ever understand it. i will leave it at that.
this in no way should be taken that i feel that military action should be taken on afganistan or any other country, or that i have absolute confidence in or personal conviction who is responsible for this act in any way. what i am sharing is the process i went through in my own discovery process, in an attempt to understand all perspectives and historical implications.
i have come to realize with a deep sense of personal shame of how i have tra-la-la'd in my convenient American bubble of nescience. how i have not made an enough of an effort to understand what was happening in other parts of the world, let alone do anything to support my convictions; whether they align with supporting our government decisions in action or inaction or oppose our policies based on empathy, information and preservation of human rights. now i am scrambling to understand and to carefully weigh, filter, and process the copious amount of information i take in to compensate for my lassitude. i have lived through a generation of no war or concept of war, but rather military actions with little impact on me, personally.
yes, i feel it is important to concentrate on healing; to give blood and prayers and funds and every matter of support for the ways that this has affected us all. i applaud the media for informing the public not only on events, developments and investigations, but the balance of the human element not only in the eyes of the victims, survivors and their families, but also the unintentional victims of our communities who are presumed guilty by presumed ethnic association. it is the first time that i have seen a specific effort on behalf of the Islamic community to help us understand what Islam is and is not.
in a conversation with an Islamic friend of mine this morning about the efforts of the media to curb prejudice and thwart problems people in these communities may suffer i realized this: so much that i am angered by the stupidity of people in our own country who would lash out at members of a community for which they have no understanding, it is equally frustrating for members of these Islamic communities to be associated with radical extremists. i should not be ashamed of being an American because there are reactionary bigots that are Americans, anymore than Muslim Americans should bear association with terrorist factions from radical extremist groups justifying violence by their own interpretations.
i wish i could offer a solution that hasn't been offered. i wish the line every mother reminds her children could ring out, that violence solves nothing. i felt for a long time that i couldn't say anything because it wouldn't do anything. perhaps it will not do anything. i don't want to tell people what is or isn't right, what to and not to believe. but violence is wrong, and i feel so sullied and immersed in violence, a thing i have worked harder than anything in my life to escape from, that to say nothing would be just like letting myself take another stout strike across my brow.
9.12.01
nothing to say. i am afraid for all children, everywhere.
9.7.01
<rant
i
doubt i will be the first to complain about this today, but not longer
can i endure in silence.
again with the Anne
Heche
as bryan* said
today, "Celestia, indeed."
i think if any part of this expose on her personal turmoil were being shared to help other people find coping mechanisms to survive abuse i could deal with it. but historically she has positioned herself in high profile circumstances to get attention.
what i find even more annoying is the fascination with her sexuality du jour. sex sells, and this woman knows it. she puts her money maker where the money is to be made: her relationship with ellen degeneres afforded her exposure and trappings she would never warrant on her own talent as an actress, so she put on her lesbian cape. now she has on her married woman having a baby cape, but she will have to keep switching between that and the victim of sexual abuse cape.
i have known women who suffered sexual abuse as children. fortunately, i personally have never had to endure that hell. unfortunately, a common issue women deal with from becoming sexualized at a young age is to perpetuate that cycle upon themselves throughout their lives. girls who suffer sexual abuse - especially at the will of a trusted family member - experience a deep level of shame about the secret they carry. to reclaim power over their sexuality, often become promiscuous or use their sexuality for profit, becoming a prostitute or exotic dancer. in my head, buying anne heches book is the same thing as stuffing a dollar in her panties. she is taking money for exploiting herself based on her sexuality. this woman thinks she is healing, that because she is embracing her relationships and exploring her sexuality that it is part of the healing process, when really it is simply a continuance of the behavior on a grand scale. it is her thing. that and some movie with harrison ford.
i wish i could say why this woman is more offensive to me than the monica lewinskis or any other head case on parade. maybe it is because this woman fancies herself an artist. perhaps it is the attitude she eminated this morning on the news while i was getting ready for work, when in effect she stated "i know I wrote this in my book so everyone would read it but i don't know why everyone keeps asking me about it. god." i think what i think bothers me most is that the real tragedy of abuse has become almost chic.
i have been writing a side project for several years about what happens to victims of physical abuse. how it happens. how one can let it happen. how one can keep other people from knowing about it happening (not that that is the right thing to do, but it is the most common thing that happens.) what happens to children living with it. and i sat at my computer last night, and listened to this lunatic talk about all her stuff...
one step forward towards sensationalistic journalism for profit, two steps back for anyone really getting it. ever.
/rant>
* it is interesting to note that bryan claims he has never heard the song "Bad Bad Leroy Brown". please feel free to share your mp3s.
9.4.01
i am always mindful how
lucky i am to have fantastically creative people that i correspond with,
people who i call friend or ghost.
i have a friend, his name is robert dereza. in an email i read this
morning were 2 haikus, and here is one:
god. my friend is lost.
and my love is wandering
for years without me.
robert dereza writes poems the way poems should be written, to make your heart do all of the things. don't believe me? then take this:
One hundred daisies.
that’s as far as I got. I just liked the sound of it. I sat there all
made up like a writer.
one hundred daisies.
I thought I would write about the golden daisies in a steel bucket carried across the dew laden meadow. or picked still ripe and dripping it’s thick water to the earth; the leaves strong and full; their petals the touch of saints. their scent being sapped by the minute as it’s blood ran sticky to the mud.
uhmmm..as you can see it always turns sour. let’s try again.
one hundred daisies
yep, that’s all there is. maybe it is perfect. a picture says a thousand words…maybe a few words can have a thousand pictures. like waka or haiku. hmmmm… again.
one hundred daisies
turned gentle into the pail
and carried with soft steps
to a lover’s fingers.
delivered with a smile
as slight as the petals
still warm from the loving sun.
arranged delicately in cool water
and watched in silence.
the two lovers waited
as if the daisies would let go
the secret of god.
what do you think.
is the end a bit much? I do get carried away one way or another. such a romantic. such a sap I am.
….let go
it’s promise of life.
..as if the daisies would keep their fire in dying
a tear of dew in passing.
a breath of beauty
when homesick.
Ah . home sick.
now that I know. I ride around on my bike. I read the same things. I listen to similar things all pretending I am not here…but there……… there ………..there.
my diasies
one hundred in count
I bless you.
you will never fail
to catch me in love.
- Robert DeReza
9.1.01
them's fightin' words
biggerhand reminded me of the things my girlfriend and i have argued about link, a personal favorite of mine i first found through mighty girl. so i took an informal poll today about things you can say that leave people stammering mad, or things that have that effect on you.
andre - "You can't understand." also: "I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet a few weeks ago. I forgot to tell you."
soren had several, including "You're being defensive." and "Promise not to get mad."
also submitted : "just kidding" and "whatever."
but the man takes all with "Whatever's right, dear." that's right. run faster dear.
what pops your top? yanks your chain? makes yer blood boil? give ya the rub? dish it up, baby