Chapter Six
"My funeral?"
'Yes, your funeral. You will see the grief on each person's face as they enter the church. You will hear the grief in each person's voice.'
"My funeral?"
'Yes, Nick. Take notice of all the people there. You are very loved on this earth. You do not want to leave it, you can't bring yourself to leaving it. Just look at your brother. He is the reason you stayed.'
"He is. Oh god, what did I do?"
'Nickolas, don't. Just pay attention to what you shall see before you. I'll hold in my heart you will see what you could've done.'
"Brian, I'd like to ask you something. Jane and I discussed this last night, and we know it's very short notice, but we would like for you to give the eulogy at the mass for Nick."
"I can't... I don't believe he's gone. He can't be gone. They didn't find his body yet."
"Brian," Bob was starting to get emotional, "please don't torture yourself. You know what they did find. His shirt, his sneaker, his wallet. They said finding his body is not practical, the tide was swift that evening."
"I know Bob, I heard it all. I was there, I just don't want to believe it. Every time I think I'm not gonna see him again, reality hits and I get this sharp pain right below my heart."
"Brian, it will be okay. Just keep trying to tell yourself that. Keep his memory alive inside of you, don't let that fade."
"I won't. I'll say his eulogy."
"Thank you Brian. It certainly means a lot to Jane and I for you to take this on."
'Shall I continue, Nickolas?'
"Brian is gonna say my eulogy? People are already there?"
'Yes, to both questions.'
Brian scanned the crowd throughout the church, seeing the sad expressions on each of the mourner's faces. His eyes rested on Aaron. The ache inside Brian grew stronger, knowing Aaron witnessed it, knowing he'd witness it for the rest of his life. Sighing, Brian began, "Nick is my best friend..." he paused, knowing he made a mistake already. "Nick was my best friend. I remember the first time we were all in a room together. He was twelve, I was seventeen. He sat in the room quietly, waiting for someone to come in and approach him. AJ and Howie sat together talking, Kevin came in and read a magazine, ignoring Nick. I came in and saw him sitting alone. I went to him and after a few minutes, we clicked. He let me see a humorous side of him, he saw mine. Despite the age difference, I knew we bonded. He is my best friend.
"He is the most sincere person I have ever met. Not too many people know the personal side of Nick, but I do. The side that would hand over his last ten dollars so you could get something to eat. He once stopped a game of basketball to walk home a 12 year old who hurt herself in the park we were at. Granted it took him over an hour to get back because we all know about Nick and directions." Everyone chuckled slightly.
"The thing that made Nick so lovable, besides his looks, was his personality. He could have you rolling on the floor for hours on end telling one joke after another. He'd do anything for his friends and family. Anything..." Emotions began to overwhelm him, but he stayed strong. "Last week he told me how much he enjoyed being Aaron's manager, showing him the ropes of the business..." His voice trailed off seeing the expression on Aaron's face when he said that. "I'm so sorry, I can't..." He lowered himself to the floor, rocking himself, consoling himself. Repeating over and over, he said, "Nick... Nick..."
Kevin was the first to reach his cousin, wrapping his arms around him. "Bri, come on, come back to pew and sit with us." Kevin helped Brian stand, holding up his weight and walking back to the pew. Once they were seated, Brian buried his head in his own lap, not caring about the thoughts of others.
After the priest finished his comments, Jane, Bob, Aaron, BJ, Leslie and Angel crowded into a limousine. The funeral procession consisted of the Carter's limousine, a limousine holding Kevin and Brian, followed be a limousine carrying AJ and Howie. Other family members and friends followed behind the three limousines in their cars.
They arrived at the beach, the beach that claimed Nick's life. In each their hands they held a rock. One by one, down the line, they tossed their rock in the ocean, leaving Aaron for last. He couldn't find the strength to throw his rock. Bob bent down, trying to get his boy to open up, but he wouldn't. Brian saw this, walked over to him, and whispered, "Sometimes doing something you don't want to do helps. I know you don't want to throw that, I didn't want to throw mine either, but I did. Do it for Nick."
Aaron looked at Brian and threw it. "Lets get back up to the house." Bob led everyone back, Leslie sticking to either him or Jane. AJ and BJ walked back to the small park, everyone, besides Brian and Aaron, went back towards to the house.
'Brian is overwhelmed with grief Nickolas. Did you see that?'
Hiding his on coming tears, he nodded. "I saw. There is nothing I can do about it, but I saw."
'You would normally comfort him when he was upset, wouldn't you? You'd be the one next to him telling him things will work out, things will be all right, weren't you?'
"Yes, I was. He always did the same for me."
'I know.' The wind picked up slightly. "How do you know, Lessa? How do you know so much about me?"
'I just know. It's my job to know about you.'
"Why did my brother and Brian stay behind?"
'You want to know?' He nodded.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing, Bri. I'm just scared for Nick. I don't know where he is, if he's still out there, if everyone hates me for not stopping him."
"I told you the other night I don't hate you. No one hates you. I don't think anyone could've stopped him."
"Even you?"
Brian thought for a moment. Replaying the scene Aaron described to him in his mind, he pictured himself stopping Nick, being able to bring him back to safety. "Brian, even you couldn't stop him?"
Sighing, Brian couldn't let Aaron down. "Even me, A. If he had it in his mind to go through with it, then no one could have stopped him."
"I love you Brian. Your not gonna leave me, are you? I see how you're looking at the water and it scares me."
"Aaron, no, I'd never leave you. I love you too."
"Brian, I'm scared."
"Scared of what? As long as I'm here, there's nothing to be afraid of. I'll protect you from anything."
"Can you protect me from anyone else leaving me the way Nick left?" Looking down at Aaron, Brian kissed his head, but didn't answer. He didn't want to assure him of something he was so unsure about.
'Your brother's mind is frightened.'
"He thinks someone else is gonna die? Kill themselves?" Nick shifted Aaron's position in his arms, resting his head on his shoulder.
'That's precisely what he's thinking.'
"Will he be okay?"
'Would you like to peer into the future? See how Aaron will be when he is 16?'
"Can we go into the future?"
'Yes, Nickolas, we can. We can do anything you'd like.'
"I'd like to see Aaron in the future." He knew he was going to get what he wanted when the wind started whipping around him.
Chapter 7
Chapter 5
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