Later that night

All he wanted to do was to hold her. Hold her and tell her that everything was okay and that he was going to take care of her. That he would never let anyone hurt her. He wanted her to know how much he loved her. But she was alone, in their bedroom at the hotel. She locked the door and wouldn't let him in. He stood with his eyes closed and his head against the door, listening for any movement. Any sign that she would be coming to open the door. But all she said was that she wanted to be alone. That was it. "I just want to be alone." Just like that and she locked him out of comforting her. But who was going to comfort him? He needed her just as much as she needed him. It tore him apart to think about what happened to her tonight. And that had he come back a half hour sooner, maybe it would have never happened. Had he not gone down to the bar, maybe she'd still be okay. Instead, that's where he went after his confrontation with Joey. He went back down to the bar. He had just wanted to be alone too. Process what happened and how he was going to make her alright. When he arrived back at AJ's room she was already gone. AJ said she was in the bathroom for about 45 minutes and then quickly went back to her and Nick's suite. By the time Nick got there, she had already locked herself in the bedroom.

"And now, there he stood. Still unsure what he needed to do to help her. Yet, needing help himself. He slowly backed away from the door. Maybe she was already sleeping. He hoped so. She needed the rest. He looked around the room and realized he was going to be sleeping on the couch. As he lie his head back he remembered that the last time he was on this couch, he was with Danielle. The last time he was on this couch he was in the process of making love to Danielle. But they never got to. And now, he didn't know how they ever would again.

Two weeks later. . . Back in Tampa

Danielle had just finished packing her bag and was in the bathroom making one last check to see if she forgot anything. It seemed as quickly as she got home, she was turning around and heading back out on the road.

She had left the tour the day after the VMAs and went back home to Tampa. She didn't want to see anyone, she didn't want anyone looking at her and she didn't want to have to explain the bruises on her face. So, despite Nick's urging, she left to be alone. She looked in the mirror. Her bruises were now fading, the yellowing now coverable with makeup. But makeup couldn't cover the bruises and scars that were left emotionally. Sometimes she wondered if she dreamed what had happened. She still couldn't understand why Joey would do what he did to her. He was never a violent person. But he changed so much since they broke up. She played it over and over in her head. . . if she could have done anything differently. If she had moved one way instead of another way. If she had turned around instead of going past the ice machine. But it was too late for thoughts. What happened. . . happened. And there was nothing she could do about it.

She didn't tell anyone. Nick, AJ, Sarah and Britney all pleaded with her to go to the police. But she didn't dare tell anyone. She was too ashamed. And she didn't want the whole world to know about it. And that's exactly what would have happened. She didn't want it to go on. She just wanted to forget. But she couldn't forget. When Nick would call, it would all come back. When she looked in the mirror it all came back. When she would close her eyes, it all came back.

Nick. Then there was Nick. She couldn't look Nick in the eyes the morning she left. He begged her to stay. Stay so that he could help her. How could he help her? She needed help when Joey did this and no one was there then. NOW how could he help her? He couldn't help her anymore than she could help herself.

Danielle shook her head from her thoughts while looking in the mirror and went back to checking around the bathroom. She was leery about traveling. She was scared to face Nick. But he was going to be in Minnesota that day, and she was anxious to go there and then go home. She would never tell her Dad or brother what happened to her. She would never be able to face them again if she did. Right now, she just needed to focus on getting through seeing Nick. She didn't know what she would do or say. She just knew there was no turning back at this point.

Nick and the boys arrived at the hotel in Minneapolis from Chicago very early in the morning. He was exhausted but he could hardly sleep knowing that Danielle would be there within hours. He couldn't wait to see her, although he was nervous. She was so distant. He called her often, but she would hardly talk to him. She didn't let him touch her at all when she left New York. She wouldn't talk about that night. He would tell her he loved her to hear silence on the other end. He just didn't know WHAT to do, and the other boys could tell it was driving him crazy.

Nick and AJ had tried to keep what happened under wraps, but finally had to break down and tell Brian, Howie and Kevin with their promise to keep it private. Kevin was worried about Nick. His performances hadn't been the best and he was beginning to drink more and more. The last thing he wanted was to have Nick go down the same road that AJ did. He didn't want to have to see his little brother battle the same demons that haunted AJ. And now, with Danielle coming out for this show, he worried even more about the effect it would have on Nick.

Nick was just getting out of the shower when he heard a knock at his door. His heart jumped, Danielle wasn't supposed to be there for another hour or so, but maybe she got in early. He raced to the door to find Kevin on the other side. "Oh," his face dropped. "It's just you."

"Well, good morning to you too," Kevin replied stepping in to the room. "When is she supposed to arrive?"

Nick looked at the clock, "About an hour."

Kevin looked at the clock and walked over to the couch and sat down. Nick pulled his pants on and threw a shirt over his still damp head. "So what's up? What brings you here?"

"I just wanted to have a little talk with you before Danielle got here," he looked up at Nick. "Are you okay?"

Nick took a deep breath and looked back at Kevin. "I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm worried. I've been trying to think of what I'm going to say to her, and what she is going to say to me."

"Nick, the most important thing here is that you don't rush her. She's very fragile right now. Has she gone to a doctor, seen anyone at all?" Kevin asked.

"No. She won't see anyone. I've tried to get her to talk to someone if she won't talk to me and she just doesn't want to talk about it at all. Just wants to forget it," Nick walked over and sat down across from Kevin. "Thing is, I just want to forget it too. But, I don't think I can do that, until we talk about it. I feel like until do, things will be weird. There's a huge wall in between us now."

"You can't push her to talk though Nick. She will when she's ready." Kevin told him.

"I just worry that by then, it will be too late," Nick whispered. "I'm afraid she's coming here to tell me goodbye."

"Really?" Kevin asked. "I doubt that. She loves you."

"I don't know anymore," Nick said quietly. "I tell her I love her, she says nothing. I tell her how much I miss her, she says nothing."

"Nick, she's had a terrible shock to her life, she's entitled to a little silence."

"No," Nick shook his head, standing up. "It's more than that. Ya know, what I feel like? I feel like he did this to her, and now that son of a bitch has won. He got what he wanted! HE DID THIS TO HER, and now she is going to leave ME!"

"Calm down, calm down," Kevin stood up. "Just wait and see what happens when she gets here. Don't push her. Just be yourself and be there for her if she's ready to talk. Don't go into this with that attitude or those thoughts. Forget about Joey, and focus on HER."

Kevin headed for the door. "Don't worry about her coming to the show tonight, if she doesn't want to come. Don't make her do anything she's not comfortable with. Just give me a call later before we leave and let me know how she's doing."

"I will," Nick said walking him to the door. "And thanks."

"No problem, little brother," Kevin replied with a quick handshake and hug to Nick before leaving.

Danielle arrived at the hotel and went to the front desk to get her key. She hadn't talked to Nick since yesterday when she told him what time her flight was landing. She didn't know if he was at the hotel or doing something with the band and she just wanted to get into the room as fast as possible and away from the fans without being noticed.

She went right up to the suite and went right in. It was empty. She saw Nick's bag with all of his clothes strewn about and she smiled to herself. Just seeing his bag gave her a warm feeling. She set her bag next to his and walked over to the window. She pulled back the curtains and looked at the view of the city.

Nick had been in the bedroom when he thought he heard someone come in. He walked out into the main area and saw her standing at the window. His heart jumped and his hands began to shake just seeing her. She really was here.

"Hey," he said quietly.

She quickly turned around and saw Nick standing in the doorway. Her heart began pounding as he began to walk closer to her. With each step he took she wanted to run to him, but her legs wouldn't move. When he got to her, he stood there cautiously, waiting to see a cue from her, but all he saw were tears forming in her eyes. He reached his hand out and gently touched a falling tear with his finger. She closed her eyes and he could still see the faint hue of a bruise around her eye in the light of the window. His heart felt as though it were breaking as she instinctively cradled her cheek into his hand. She was afraid to open her eyes. Afraid to see the look on his face. The look of pity. The look of disappointment. But she couldn't keep them closed forever. As she opened them she looked up at him and just saw her Nick.

Her Nick. She knew he would never hurt her. He would always be there for her, just like he always had been. What happened wasn't his fault. And now, looking into his eyes for the first time in two weeks, she didn't see pity or disappointment. She saw his concern and love. His touch didn't scare her, but for the first time she felt a hint of comfort. Before she knew it, the tears started falling from her eyes and all she could do was wrap her arms around him.

"God, Nick!" she cried. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!" She sobbed into his shirt.

It caught Nick off guard that she grabbed onto him and it took him a moment to catch his wits and know that it was okay to hold her back. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close. He laid the side of his face on the top of her head and closed his eyes. He wanted to soak away her pain, soak away her tears. When he heard her apologizing, still holding her close, he opened his eyes to listen.

"Danielle, baby, you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing," he whispered and hugged her tighter and as she clutched onto him. Her crying was uncontrollable now. Nick didn't even know what to say. She just kept crying and holding onto him, and so he just quietly stood there, stroking her head and holding her.

He felt as though it were déjà vu. He held her while she cried the night that her and Joey broke up. How ironic is it, that Joey had broken her heart then. . . and broke her soul now.

"Danielle, baby," he whispered into her hair closing his eyes tight. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

The words just making her cry harder. But he continued.

"Baby, I just want to help you. God, Dani, I love you so much. I just love you," he said.

I love you too, Nick, she thought. She did, she really did. But why couldn't she tell him? Why couldn't she just tell him every thought and feeling she had been going through? She wanted to. But telling him would relive what happened. And she just wanted to forget.

He waited for a response from her, but she just kept crying. He didn't know what to do. "Baby? Do you want some tea or something? Want to sit down and we can talk?"

She shook her head into his chest. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want Nick to hear about that night. But then it was like he was reading her mind.

"We don't have to talk about that, we can just talk. I've missed you so much, and I want to tell you about the tour so far," he said changing the subject.

She began to regain control of her breathing and capture her tears in her throat. She pulled gently away from him and looked up at his face.

"Come on, I've got some hot water all ready, we'll have some tea, my throat is killing me," he smiled.

She nodded her head and he walked her to the couch and sat her down then went to get some tea. He looked over his shoulder and started making some small talk, "So, your flight was good?"

She glanced at him, and nodded, "yeah, just fine. I slept most of the way."

"Good," he said placing the tea bags in the hot water and bouncing them up and down. "Want some honey in yours?"

"Sure," she answered.

He brought the cups over to the couch and sat down next to her, one leg on the floor the other curled up under him and he faced her.

He couldn't think of anything to say. He wanted to ask her all sorts of questions about how she was doing, what had she been doing. He didn't know what he could talk about that was safe. So he just took some sips of his tea as she held onto her cup waiting for hers to cool down.

Well, this is certainly awkward, she thought. We have nothing to talk about. Nothing to catch up on, because there's only been one thing going on. Normally, we would have already made love by now. But here we sit. Now what? She could feel his eyes on her and she glanced up at him.

"Nick," she began. "What are we doing?"

Oh no, he thought. This is it. "We're having tea?" he stammered.

"No, Nick. This. What are we doing? Here we are, and we have nothing to talk about," she began. "This just isn't. . ."

"Just stop!" he interrupted her. "This IS going to work. I'm not going to let this ruin US. WE are fine. I still love you. And I know you still love me."

"But we're NOT fine, Nick," she said. "I'M not fine. How can WE be fine, if I'M not?"

"You will be okay, baby. I know you will. That's why I'm here. I'm here to help you," he pleaded.

"No," she said rapidly shaking her head. "No one can help me."

"Dani, come here," he told her opening his arm. "Baby, please. Just come here, you know I'm not going to hurt you."

She did know that. But she was afraid to let him comfort her.

"Please, baby," he pleaded again.

She looked at his arms and slowly scooted herself closer to him and leaned into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Now, you don't have to say anything," he said. "I'll talk and if you want to you can. Just listen, because you are the only one that I can share my feelings with." He hoped he wasn't making a mistake, but he had to talk about it. And maybe she would open up if he did.

He held her close and rested his body against the couch so they were curled up together on the couch. "That night," he began. "God, how do I even begin?"

She didn't say a word, just held onto him and listened.

"That night, after I left AJ's room and you were taking a shower. I went and found him. I had no idea what had actually happened yet. I laid a few good shots into him," he chuckled nervously. "But when he told me what happened, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, he didn't SAY what really happened. He told me his version of it."

He could feel his shirt getting wet again and could hear her breathing become irregular and he knew that she was crying again. But she was still listening.

"Baby, never ONCE. Never once did I think you went there willingly. I don't want you to think that I blame you at all, because NONE of this was your fault. God, I could have killed him, Danielle. If Billy and them hadn't been there, I probably would have killed him. And now, to see how this has turned you into a different person, what it has done to us. I just don't know what to say to you, Danielle. Other than, I love you. I still love you and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again," he spoke to her softly and he now had tears in his eyes as his emotion began to pour out of him.

"Dani? Baby are you okay?" he asked.

She was crying harder and pulled away from him and sat up shaking her head. "No, Nick. I'm not. I'm NOT okay. I don't know if I ever will be again. I don't know how to comfort you right now, Nick," she cried softly.

"You don't have to comfort me," he said surprised. "I just want you to know you can talk to me about this. I LOVE YOU. If there is anyone you can turn to for comfort, it's me."

"I can't tell YOU about any of this!" she said her pitch rising as she got up from the couch. She turned sharply at Nick, "How do you think this makes me feel? Huh? How do you think I feel right now? You have no idea what I am going through. A man, who I still trusted on some level, totally destroyed my faith in trust and destroyed a part of me that I will never get back! So, now what, Nick? Am I supposed to mope around for awhile and forget about it?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" he erupted standing up. "Why are you yelling at ME? I'm not the enemy here, Danielle. I'm not here to give you all the answers you need. But I can't help you until you fucking TALK to me!"

He began to pace. He didn't want this to escalate like this. An argument could drive her away for good. But he HAD to get through to her. He HAD to break through.

"It's only been two weeks, Dani. This is still so fresh, and it feels like this all just happened yesterday. But, Danielle, it's NOT going to get any easier on you, or me, or us, until WE can talk about this together. I've sat back and let you push me away and push me away, and now you're here ready to push me away for good? I don't believe that, Danielle. Don't let HIM win! Don't you see? This is what he wanted all along! He wanted you to leave me! He wanted you to go back to him! And in his warped, fucked up mind, he still thinks you love him!"

Danielle stood there shocked by everything Nick was saying. She just took it all in as she continued to cry. He was right. He was right about everything, but this didn't make her feel better, and she didn't know how it was going to help them get through this.

"Danielle, I swear to God, I've been beating myself up every second. If only I had gotten back to the hotel faster or not gone down to the bar, I just feel like this is all my fault. And I could kill myself for what this has done to you. Baby, God, you have to know that you are my world!" he told her moving closer to her.

He took her hands in his and continued, "This wasn't your fault. And I'm not going to let you give up on me. I love you. I loved you before all of this, and I love you now. He may have destroyed a part of you, but he didn't destroy the woman that I love. And I know you still love me, baby. He didn't destroy that either."

She held onto his hands and looked into his tear-filled eyes. "Sometimes, I think he did."

"Don't say that, babygirl," Nick whispered.

"How do I move on from here? How do we go back to how we were? I have these nightmares. I question myself and how I could have let this happen? I mean, what was I thinking? I keep thinking I should have fought harder, screamed louder, did SOMETHING. But I was so shocked by everything that was happening, I couldn't do anything," she told him.

Nick stood there and listened as she continued.

"Let's sit down, Nick. I need to tell you what happened. Maybe then you can understand," she said and led him back to the couch.

And for the next hour she told him everything. About the confrontation in the hallway, about being hit, about how she screamed for Nick and how Justin got her out of there. She could see the pain on Nick's face as she told him what happened. She hated seeing him so upset. At times he would tense up so much and look away from her, like he wanted to do something, but couldn't. She finally saw how this was just as hard on him as it was on her. And in a way, she could see that by telling him what happened, it destroyed a part of him too. She hated that. She hated hurting him. But now he understood. When she finished talking they were both crying. But when she finished he knew that he broke through. That he was getting her back.

"And Nicky?" she said tearfully. "Baby, I love you. I love you. I love you. . ." she just kept repeating it as she held onto him and cried harder. She did love Nick. And he loved her. And not even what Joey did could ever change that. She then remembered what she said to Joey that night. That no matter what he did to her, she would always love Nick. And she did.

After the show, Nick decided to go with her to visit her dad and brother, since he had a couple days off. It was a very good retreat for Danielle. To go back home and feel comfortable in her surroundings. He was glad he went with her because it allowed them to become comfortable with each other again. And instead of going back to Tampa, Danielle decided to stay with Nick for the next month till the end of the tour. Where then, they went back to Tampa together.

Chapter 23
Chapter 21
Table of Contents
Hosted Stories