I must admit that I have always enjoyed books of quotes. But look at what's out there. Quotes on Inspiration, Quotes on Love and Romance and other gross things. Quotes on Leadership. What a waste of Paper! For these reasons I have decided to create my own book of Quotes. Well at first I thought of making up my own, realized that was going no where so instead I just took all of the Happy Quotes I have put up over this year and compiled them into this easy to read form.

Okay here's how it works. First you get these letters, see they form words, and these words can form sentences which help to lead to concepts. Isn't life grand.

Anywho, each quote is divided up into it's own personal section. First you find the quote, and then a little side note after each of them from me. Typically it's a response to the best time and area to use this certain quote.
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Duhitude
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This could be my all time favorite category of quotes. Here we have those simple little statements which seem to just hail out of duhitude!

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
--A very good quote for me in that it not only covers dogs but also books. A fairly well known quote but still a little fresh.

"He who throws dirt loses ground."
--Just whip this one out of left field and it will leave your friends reeling. This is my Second favorite quote.

"Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and go well with ketchup."
--The first quote from our that Ring Master J.R.R. Tolkien. Good for those fantasy people.

"Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon."
--One of those good Weekend quotes.

"There aren't enough days in the weekend."
--And here's another, Not really funny, but oh so true.

"Never play leapfrog with a unicorn."
--Now this one comes out of Right Field. The trick, of course, would be trying to find the unicorn.

"One head is always better than none."
--Say it with me now. NO DUH!

"A day without sunshine is night."
--This one comes out of center field, if said with a little pizazz. A favorite for people who live on third floors of buildings.

"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite."
--If only this worked in real life. People wouldn't think I'm such an imbecile.

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."
--Or deep, well you know where I'm going with this.

"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
--Which would really, really suck!

"If you don't do anything wrong, you can't make mistakes"
--I know, I know; No DUH!

"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."
--It is also the art that can bite you, so look out.

You can see a lot by observing.
--So open those eyes and look around! So help me!

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
--Or my right hand to be left handed, oh wait I am already.

"For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like."
--Yeah yeah, No DUH!

"The biggest way to loose marks in finals is to get the wrong answer"
--Trust me, no matter how much you argue you cannot get teachers to change their minds on this fact.

"I'd just like to say that of all the people I've ever known, you are one of them."
--And of all the people I've ever known, you are one the many I have forgotten.

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad."
--Except that I am.

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Music
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Right now, this category is a little lax, probably because no one likes music as much as I do, but . . .

"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
--Good old fashioned Bagpipe bashing. Would I sink that low. Oh yeah.

"All music if folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song."
--This comes from the legendary Louis Armstrong (Beautiful World Guy). Typical trumpet outlook.

"Never try and teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."
--This is one of those quotes that I consider to be good advice all around.
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Proverbs
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Ah those good old Maxims, offering wisdom to young whippersnappers. Well here are some adages that are a little tweaked.

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
--One of my favorite proverbs. The kind that just warms your heart.

"If it ain't broke, you're not trying."
--A sweet Red Green quote.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape!"
--While I did not take this directly from Red Green, it just sounds like one.

"You know it's bedtime when you start reading with your face."
--A nice quote during final week to remind everyone that sleep is important, even necessary.

"Nothing is lost until you begin to look for it."
--Just repeat this to yourself when you can't find your keys and are already late for work (school).

"Where there is no patrol car, there is no speed limit."
--Only applies if you happen to OWN a car.

"Change is Constant"
--Here is a quote that you should say while looking off vaguely as if you have discovered the answers to the universe.

"There's a light at the end of every tunnel.. just pray it's not a train."
--Or nowadays a man driving a land rover while talking on a cell phone.

"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
--I just like it.

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
--Or four or five, however many you want 'til the cops show up.

"Life is tough, but it beats the alternative."
--See my string joke.

"Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it's just the fire alarm."
--This is the only quote I made up. Every college student ever waken by the fire alarm understands.

"There's fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot."
--A line that I have crossed numerous times.

"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?"
--You'd think God would have more things to do, but, well.

"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."
--But be careful, if not a little serious you will find yourself in a nice white coat.

"Contrary to popular belief, "Damn It" is not God's last name."
--I think this quote speaks for itself.

"Going the speed of light is bad for your age."
--Ha I just love this one. Einstein rocks!

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
--But you can be there to yell at all the late people.

"College: $100 for a book, $300 to prove you read it."
--Only a 100 for the book? Ha!

"To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer."
--Oh no ¬¥¥**ƒ*©!/

"He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead."
--Kind of dark, but still true.

"One should love animals. They are so tasty."
--Especially large ruminents and flightless birds!

"A bargain is something you don't want at a price you can't refuse."
--This is why the devil created garage sales!

"Age only matters if you're cheese."
--Or a good wine.

"The most powerful force in the universe is gossip."
--Sorry, I don't have anything good right now, try me later.

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Advice
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Good old fashioned advice that will keep you safe. Not liable for any injuries, whether physical or mental. Not worth suing, just a poor college student.

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
--I have a long line of things you should due to avoid limiting yourself to answering.

"When in doubt, mumble."
--Another one

"Just smile and nod"
--Not only another one, but my favorite.

"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."
--This is a quote that you should only say if you don't know how string works.

"The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
--A good quote for pilots everywhere.

"Never go to a doctor whose office plant has died."
--I stand by this, and feel that a Veterinarian should be included.

"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."
--Sos how your love by taking your roast out for dinner and dancing!

"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."
--Or a dinosaur for that matter.

"Sacred cows make the best hamburger."
--McDonals has just gotta love India.

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
--Not the advice you need on the autobahn.

"Never moon a werewolf."
--Also try to refrain from biting Dracula

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
--From the great Mark Twain, very Midwestern approach to life.

"When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried."
--Really don't try this on the autobahn.

"A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all."
--*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Throw* *Crash* *Beeee*

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
--Ah, read the autobhan thing again.

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
--or a tree, or a post, or a car, or well just don't stand between a dog and anything.

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
--Or else you have the cushiost job ever!

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
--I is a tryin' it nows!

"A bath is something you take when you find yourself in hot water."
--But it's a good thing after you just got out of deep shit.

"Trust everyone. It's not like you have any really important secrets."
--And if you do, I really do not want to hear them.

"Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that's REALLY BAD for you."
--Trust me, I took a meats course to learn this.

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Sabrina
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Here are the quotes that best describe and explain my personality and mental state or lack there of. In other words, be afraid!

"Oh, My God, I have notes that I can understand!"
--Being left handed is really annoying. The side of your hand turns black, permanently.

"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."
--You have to be careful or you can't find your way back.

"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
--That is true of every crazy person I've met.

"My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely."
--That's why I put a label on it with my address.

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
--See, this is page (whatever)

"Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours."
--In fact that's what I'm doing right

"I haven't lost my mind, I have it backed up somewhere on tape."
--Too bad nothing recognizes tape anymore

"You're never alone with schizophrenia."
--Oh such sage advice, I would have put it there but one of my voices told me not to.

"When having my portrait painted I don't want justice, I want mercy."
--Or just take a poloroid and call it good

"I'm out of my mind just now, but please leave a message."
--Beep

"I have four brain cells left, and at the moment, they seem to be arguing."
--This is true for crazy people and alocoholics.

"I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."
--There hidden with my mind on tape.

"So little time and so little to do"
--I call it the weekend.

"I smile... because I have no idea what is going on."
--My answer to Valentine's day.

"I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough."
--How many of you dreamed about dogs turning into cookies. I thought so.

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
--Bring him to the professional

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."
--Yeah, all you go geters are you hearing this?

"You are here to do a set amount of things. Right now I am so far behind I will never die."
--But I really shouldn't take it to seriously.

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot."
--I think it has something to do with a talking dog, though.

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.  I think I've forgotten this before."
--I think.

"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
--So I'm doing reasearch most of the time.

"They can send me to college, but they can't make me think."
--Come on, just try and make me learn something, I dare you!

"My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done."
--I know not this meaning of homeowrk.

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
--Duh, i's jussa learnin stuff all 'e' tim.

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
--So very very true!

"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."
--See, insanity works people!

"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."
--Um, uh, well, Long live the fools!

"Some people have a way with words, others not have way."
--See that me is too.

"Get thee down, be thou funky!"
--My all time favorite quote. I just love this booger.

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Donated Quotes
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These are the two quotes that someone decided to give to me for unknown reasons. Ironically no one else ever gave me another quote ever again.

"I'm not lost, I just don't know where I am."
--Donated to me by my neighbors father. Works great.

"Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you."
--Boy did this one get me into a lot of trouble. Be careful using it.

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Pissy Quotes
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These are the quotes that have some how or anther pissed off some one enough that he (she) complained on my board. That's why I love 'em.

'If I promise to miss you, will you go away?'
--Or do I have to lob Grenades at you?

"You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun."
--This one got rid of my roommate.

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
--Ain't I right people.

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent."
--So get my gun.

'I hate negative people!'
--Think about it

"Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?"
--He he, I do try.

"People who think they know everything really annoy those of us that do."
--Use carefully. I don't recomend to use it around your professors.

"Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."
--It's how they catch you off guard.

"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
--Oh god, don't even get me started.

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
--Sounds like something from W.C. Fields.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die."
--Good old Klingon knowhow. They know how to piss people off.

"If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is going on."
--Very true of most middle management people

"Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year."
--Especially your relatives

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
--Of course it was real good at breaking my foot though

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
--10,001 no wait 10,002

"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
--The perfect way to end a bad date

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
--Yeah, so stop complaining about the war head flying towards us

"Explosives can solve almost any personal problem."
--he he he he.

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
--off a short pier whit a bunch of sharks underneath

"Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again."
--This is the sign you will see all over Nebraska

"Resistance is Futile. You will be assimilated. Have a nice day."
--The Borg on a good day

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Uh?
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This is the category that will leave your brain reeling as you question yourself what the hell were these people thinking?

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on"
--Makes sense to me.

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
--I hear it's in the genetics.

"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
--This is the person who lead to Dune.

"Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"
--That would explain Mid Morning talk show hosts.

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
--I still love that one.

"bius tagline. This is a mobius tagline. This is a mo"
--Another killer, but only if you know what Mobius is.

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
--I really don't feel like explaining electricity to this guy.

"I can handle criticism so long as it isn't about me."
--I think every writer has to agree with that.

"I think that will take much longer than I think it will."
--I think.

"Solutions are not the answer."
--Then what is?

"Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off."
--I hear it's worse than smoking.

"I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue."
-- Richard Nixon. Really, he said it. I am not lying. Ah shut up.

"I have an inferiority complex, it's just not a very good one."
--Of course.

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
--I wonder why drive in ATM's have brail.

"Be alert... this world needs more lerts!"
--Not really much to say about this.

"All generalizations are false."
--Think about it, won't you.

"I don't get even, I get odder."
--So be on the lookout for me with my triple barrel rifle.

"The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance."
--Yeah. Statistics teachers, are you listening!

"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure."
--I think I was but I keep forgetting.

"Procrastinate now!"
--Okay, by

"It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future."
--But easier with the past.

"English is the language up with which I will not put"
--Me love this one much!

"The future ain't what it used to be."
--Then again neither is the past

"What's the speed of dark?"
--I hear it's something divided by something else

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
--Even if it take ten no twenty years!

"Heck was created for those who refuse to believe in Gosh."
--I have no idea.

"This is not an optical illusion, it only looks like one."
--Just like this only looks like reality

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
--Which is why I didn't commit a crime.

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
--Yeah I think it's the back bone of the whole industry.

"The future will be better tomorrow."
--As opposed to the past being worse yesterday

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."
--But don't Xerox him

"Danger? I laugh in the face of danger - then I hide until it goes away."
--Although danger could at least look into getting a breath mint

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
--But then again we were all young at some time

"Entropy isn't what it used to be."
--Unless we all go through a big black hole

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Happiness/Success
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These are the quotes that can actually help you with your miserable day to day lives. Uh, I'd use good judgment before I'd follow them though.

"All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power."
--But who doesn't. The unlimited power I mean.

"Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad."
--I personally am the latter.

"Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day."
--Unless you eat two toads for once and then I can't help you.

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."
--The first quote in the infamous "Suceed" Caption Enjoy.

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your thing."
--The second

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that proves you tried."
--The third.

"If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished!!!"
--The last one, I swear!

"No job is so simple that it can't be done wrong."
--Reality Television execs I am talking to you.

"It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere."
--College student, 'nuff said.

"No guts, no glory. No brain, same story."
--I promise very few of these will rhyme

"The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity."
--Although it is starting to get a little close.

"There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning!"
--Amen!

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Other
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This would be the category of Quotes that do not seem to fit into any category. Yeah, I know that what I just said made no sense. Shut up.

"Differently clued."
--I am so sure!

"We're not lost. We're locationaly challenged."
--Just remember that when you're locationally challeneged in the Northwest Territories!

"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
--Yeah, people you are completely skipping over an important category here.

"Two types of people: Those who finish what they start and"
--those who are too lazy to

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
--Especially during finals week.

"This is not a book that should be tossed lightly aside. It should be hurled violently across the room."
--This includes anybook with "thee" in the title.

"Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car."
--Or the person on the sidewalk.

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
--Sadly, my only Christmas quote. I swear I'll find another one. Maybe.

"Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture."
--Who cares if it's half a foot thick.

"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
--Just as any connection between my website and your browser is highly unlucky.

"Can you imagine the silence if everyone said only what he knew?"
--Observing a millenia of silence

"I don't have any solutions, but I certainly admire the problem."
--True of most math story problems

"Madness takes it's toll, please have exact change."
--I am taking up a collection to keep me away from pointy things

"Everybody talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it."
--Get out there and move a cloud!

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
--See this is where entropy works

"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction."
--So we are reversing. Bye Napoleon!

"I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add."
--I think it's something wet.

To err is human, to moo bovine."
--I know what a bad pun, oh well.

"It's a small world, unless you have to clean it."
--I don't have to worry about that.

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
--Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.

"For the Xenophobe, a phoneless chord."
--I want one of those for my birthday!

"Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture."
--Cheese! Now the Russians have a picture of me!

"Shoot for the stars, otherwise gravity gets in your way."
--Although why annoy one wants to hit the sun is beyond me.

"Confucious say: 'Man who runs in front  of car will soon get tired.'"
--Aw man that's almost as bad as the cow one, sorry!

"What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?"
--I think potatoes. Anyone else?

"When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty."
--And happy.

"Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get."
--I wanna live 'til I die but I wanna smell like chemicals