Project Life 2008

(I am pictured in the top left by the sign in the "CZ" shirt)

This past summer I attended a service retreat in Old Mines, Missouri where I experienced a new found trust in God. A couple weeks before Project Life, I went on a retreat at Kenrick-Glennon Seminary where a seminarian gave a talk about truly believing in the Lord and that each Sunday at mass we in fact do eat Jesus’ body and blood. With adoration fast approaching during Project Life, I started to realize that, despite my constant going to youth group, going on retreats, and trying to live out a good Christian life, I didn’t believe in something I did every week.

So I went into adoration looking for this trust I seemed to have been missing for sometime now. I remember adoration being on the third night we were on the retreat. I also remember working hard all day long for three strait days and going into adoration, well, a little tired. So when our music director decided after a couple songs to go into silent adoration, I thought this would be the perfect time to reflect on my dilemma. Unfortunately, due to my lack of sleep the past three days, the comfy pews, and the fact that I could rest my head on the pew in front of me, I fell asleep. I don’t know exactly how long I fell asleep, but I do know that when Karl (our music director) played a song with the lyrics, “And I will come alive…” I woke up. I awoke from my sleep and immediately looked up to see that many people had gone up by the alter for a more intimate experience with God. I wanted to go up there, but I felt that I would have gone up for the wrong reasons. Just because everyone else was doing it. So I silently thought, “If someone around me goes up, then I will go up?” And literally, within thirty seconds, the girl sitting in front of me walked up. I took this a sign from God and proceeded to walk up to the altar where I sat down, and prayed for this trust in God. I prayed and prayed and then all of a sudden, I felt like crying, and instantly I was balling, with a small puddle forming below my face. I remember Karl playing a song that went, “show me your face, show me your face, show me your glory…” and with this I looked up and saw the crucifix. I started crying even harder and then I remember shouting out, praying “for trust and a chance to believe again.” Then adoration was over and I was in the corner wiping up my tears so no one would see that I was crying during adoration. But to my relief, several of my best friends were also brought to tears during one of the most intense adorations I’ve even been in.

The next morning we celebrated mass and I remember walking up to communion, praying a song that goes, “Lord, prepare me, to be a sanctuary, pure and holy…” I was praying that I could be the best person I could be, as I know believed that Jesus was truly entering my body. I started paying closer attention to mass and started going more frequently. I gained a deeper appreciation for what Jesus did for us and I simply, started to believe again. From that adoration experience, I gained a new found trust in the Lord, and let me tell you, my faith life has never been the same.