THE

'S

THE PUMAMAN

(1979) a.k.a. "L'UOMO PUMA"  Director: Alberto de Martino Starring:  Walter George Alton, Donald Pleasence, Miguel Angel Fuentes

Now, it's no big secret that I have a wealth of useless knowledge, especially when it comes to the field of superheroics.  I'd thought I'd seen the lowest of the low, cinematic-wise, being a big fan of such tripe as "Supersonic Man" and "Rat Phink a BooBoo", and...um..."Batman and Robin". >sob<....I...I...can't believe...I...I..just admitted to that.  Excuse me a moment...

(Leaves room, bawls like a baby, contemplates ending it all before the evil that is Schumacher consumes him completely...) Sorry about that...on with the show. I'd heard about how absolutely stupid this film was before viewing it, but being a glutton for punishment (aren't all fans of these types of films?) I couldn't pass it up.  That...and the pre-viewed VHS of it I bought only cost me about a buck- seventy-five. The Plot:  Tony, a mild mannered palentologist, beings experiencing flashes of "Spider-Sense"...um, I mean, "Puma Sense"....er... Actually, I don't know what the hell it is.  maybe it's just some bad tabs of "Windowpane" LSD...who knows?  Well, certainly not Tony.  After a contrived openning involving a series of murders (death by gettin' thrown outta a high window) of a couple of guys named "Tony" (coincidence?....or, MYSTERY OF THE UNKNOWN?!?!?!...you decide.), a mysterious Aztec guy (looking very much like Ted Cassidy) approaches Tony with the knowledge that he's the latest descendent of a long line of "Pumamen", protectors of the Aztecs, and that the weaselly scientist must assume this mantle, or some gods will come to Earth and destroy it, or some such nonsense. Bestowed by birthright the powers of teleportation, strange telepathic abilities, and flight by pouncing like his jungle cat namesake (Do not allow naysayers of this film fool you.  The flight sequences in this movie are not that bad...actually, they're better than....um...well...better than those of the flick "Supersonic Man".  That's not saying much, is it?)  With these astounding abilities, he takes on world conqueror Donald Pleasance. Big deal.  THE END.

Jeez...as a longtime comic book collector, I thought that Peter Parker cornered the market on whininess.  Well, I thought wrong.  This "Tony" guy is the personification of the term "reluctant hero".  Whine and complain....hands down this guy is the Luke Skywalker of cheesy Italian superhero rip-off flicks. Standard superhero flick with laughable special effects.  View at yer own risk.....

GO-GO PUMAMAN!